I can't figure this girl out, could use some realistic advice

[ReT]

Hi Guys, I forgot my password to my old account, so I went to get my old password but that email is no longer active so I'm unable to retrieve my old account.

Recently I'm having the blues kinda, and I really could use some opinions / help since I'm lost.

I recently got acclimated and got my life back in order, going to work and what not and haven't dated anyone in 2-3years.

I saw this girl in college. She was really nice looking, but she had a boyfriend, so back then I never attempted to socialize with anyone, neither did I try to talk to her. I wish i did.

Well, recently I been visiting myspace.com but I haven't really met anyone that I had real interest in on there, plus most of the girls enjoy playing head games.

Recently I came across the girl in college that I saw back in October, well it said she was single! So I immediatly messaged her, got a responce. I never really took her messages seriously as she didn't logon myspace as frequent as myself. Well, one day I asked her if she had aim, so she gave me her screen name and we chated online for a good 3hrs, I winded up asking her for a her number that night and chated with her on the phone till sunset, about college and stuff.

She mentioned to me I was cute, so I took advantage of that it boosted my Ego I guess you can say that she knew just as much about me as I knew of her. I couldn't believe it. Well I kept talking to her every night, for about 3-4days and I would call her. We would just bs it up, she told me the guy in college she dated in college hurt her bad, and she wasn't really ready to get into a relationship. Well I told her I understood, I asked her on a date to see a movie. She agreed. I wanted to see War of the worlds, but she wanted to see fantastic 4, so I said okay. We went to see this Friday of the past week.

Well one day while I was hanging out with a friend, I called her and she told me she wanted to be upfront and she was seeing someone else. I thought it was over at that point. I Told her ok that's fine and we would still go out friday on this "Friendship date" that she suggested it would be.

Well, Friday we went out. I picked her up at the Mall where I live in NYC. She reconized me right away when we met. So we went browsing in the mall for some clothes for her. I was joking a bit with her, she had a lot of kino while talking. I felt like I knew her forever...

Well we went to the movies after she didn't find anything she liked for clothing in the mall. She wanted to pay both our ways for the movie, but I told her no and bought the tickets. We met a supposed friend of hers that worked at the theater, I was kind of jelious of her talking to him a bit, but I didn't show it, I was loud around him and got my drinks. While watching the movie, we kided around some more, she leaned up against me. She kept asking if I was ok throughout the movie which I felt ok. I put my arm around her a few times, but it seemed she didn't like it as she was kind of fidgity, and moved foward so I took it away. We had eye contact throughout the whole date. We went to wendys after, she offered to pay again, but I insisted and did again. We ate talked a bit, we left. I couldn't figure anything else to do as it was raining hard and was muggy, so I said let's go back to the mall I need something. We went there, winded up finding her a skirt for a bday party she had the next day, which this guy she was seeing was going to be there. We found one, she kept asking me how it looked, I told her it was awesome on her so she bought it. she wanted to buy me these bracelets, but I didn't want anything from her.

After the date was over, I said I had a good time, she said she did as well, i said lies.. you probally hated it lol. She said nooo. So I was just teasing her about that, she asked after a bit of silence that we should go out wednesday, I said I would but I'm busy so I suggested thursday, she said ok. She was going to have her cousin pick her up at the mall because her house was supposidley confusing to get too. I told her it was fine, I insisted I drive her home, well we settled on me dropping her a few feet from her house. I kissed her on the cheak, she left, that was it.

I called her later on that day, told her I had a great time blahblah, and couldn't wait to see her again. Well she had to go or w/e to eat dinner. I never heard from her again online, or on the phone as we would usually chat till like 5am. So I felt out of placed. I called her again Sunday, she picked up, I just said I was at work which I was, and asked her whats up, we had a small convo then i had to go, I asked her if it was still on for thursday, she said yeah. Well I haven't heard from her since then, and I've left a voice message Monday and today. I've been really feeling down about it, I really like her. She didn't seem stuckup at all, she did seem very sweet. Almost like I was dreaming.. I really don't know what to do at this point, not even my damn Battle Field 2 is working lol I just feel like things are going wrong and my relaxation that I had isn't their since I met her.

Sorry for the very long post!

Thanks in advance,
- ReT

 

[aftershock]

Paragraphs please...

 

[ReT]

Sorry about that, I'll fix it

 

[Tazman]

Wow, I hate to burst your bubble but it sounds like she just isn't into you. All her actions say she likes you as a friend and it doesn't look like you'd get anything more out of this. Maybe those long conversations on aim/phone helped get you in the friends zone? Or maybe she had a change of heart after she met up with you in person? Just looks that way from my POV.

 

[ReT]

Yeah same here man, that's how I feel but I'm trying not to accept this denial. Don't ya wish these woman out their could give you a reason for every mistake you make, when it doesn't workout ? I believe I f*cked up this one by not making a move on her. I just felt lost kinda didn't know how to make a move, it was a big challenge for me since I had set in my mind she would say as usual "That she has to get to know me better" I almost felt like calling her and leaving a message saying I screwed up, I won't call you ever again. But I know it's not the thing to do.

Where you said about her having a change of heart, I think that might be it. Most of the guys she told me she dated, sounded like real asshats, that hurt her, but woman lead them self for this then they look for it again, it's like a cycle... I couldn't explain to her, what's the benefits of being with a good guy, who actually is going to be something in this life, and would make a good person for a relationship.

 

[aftershock]

There are many signs there that say that she doesn't think of you in a sexual manner. I won't list them though, I think you can guess them yourself.

In future, save your phone/MSN conversations for when you actually see a girl.

Take heart that you can always learn something when you f**k up!

 

[ReT]

Well Aftershock, the only things I could really find are, she insisted on paying her way, meaning it was like a friendshipd date.. she pays her way, I pay mine sorta thing? Also the whole telling me she has to get to know me better. When she said that geting to her house was confusing, she didn't want me to know where she lived I guess? The whole "I'm seeing someone on and off, and hooking up with him, I just wanted to let you know ahead of time" ???

 

[aftershock]

Originally posted by ReT
Well Aftershock, the only things I could really find are, she insisted on paying her way, meaning it was like a friendshipd date.. she pays her way, I pay mine sorta thing? Also the whole telling me she has to get to know me better. When she said that geting to her house was confusing, she didn't want me to know where she lived I guess? The whole "I'm seeing someone on and off, and hooking up with him, I just wanted to let you know ahead of time" ???

Spot on, yes. It's easier when you realise your own mistakes so you don't repeat them.

Normally I'd say that going halves was a good idea, if not perfect, but she wanted to pay to show that it wasn't a date and for you not to get the wrong idea.

She doesn't want you to see her house means that she doesn't want you to meet her parents or neighbours. She's slightly embarrassed by the whole situation and doesn't want to give off the wrong impression.

And the hooking up thing is obvious, I shouldn't have to explain that one!

This is a case for NEXT! Unless she has hot friends...

 

[themanwithnoname]

Ret, don't worry about it. Getting rejected and learning all your mistakes is part of growing up, you'll do fine.

 

[ReT]

lol, hey guys, thanks for the quick replys. Yeah I guess it's time for the next one.

 

[Dekz]

Dude, I hate to break it to you, but from what I just read, you have a lot to learn. Seriously, throughout that entire story I kept thinking to myself "OMG, that is the complete opposite of what he should do" In fact, the whole time I thought it was a parody thread and there was going to be a punchline at the end. Now don't feel too bad, it reminded me of me a few years ago, not good.

Since I'm stuck at work for hours with nothing to do, I'll go through it and disect it, hopefully we can get some in-depth advice going.

 

[Dekz]

Originally posted by ReT
Recently I came across the girl in college that I saw back in October, well it said she was single! So I immediatly messaged her, got a responce. I never really took her messages seriously as she didn't logon myspace as frequent as myself. Well, one day I asked her if she had aim, so she gave me her screen name and we chated online for a good 3hrs, I winded up asking her for a her number that night and chated with her on the phone till sunset, about college and stuff.

I used to think that having these long, heartfelt, tell eachother your life story, have a lot in common, talk till sunrise conversations were a good thing; now, not so much. There is no mystery to you now, you told her everything, plus you devoted 3+ hours to talking to her, this shows her that you aren't a busy guy, and probably don't have any other girls on the go either. Both not very attractive qualities.

Originally posted by ReT
She mentioned to me I was cute, so I took advantage of that it boosted my Ego I guess you can say that she knew just as much about me as I knew of her. I couldn't believe it. Well I kept talking to her every night, for about 3-4days and I would call her. We would just bs it up, she told me the guy in college she dated in college hurt her bad, and she wasn't really ready to get into a relationship.

This part was where I started to think that this thread was a joke. You called her everynight for four days in a row? No no no no NO; She should be calling YOU, and you should answer at the most every second call.

Originally posted by ReT
Well I told her I understood, I asked her on a date to see a movie. She agreed. I wanted to see War of the worlds, but she wanted to see fantastic 4, so I said okay. We went to see this Friday of the past week.

Well this is probably the best part of the post in that you actually asked her out. Good job.

Originally posted by ReT
Well one day while I was hanging out with a friend, I called her and she told me she wanted to be upfront and she was seeing someone else. I thought it was over at that point. I Told her ok that's fine and we would still go out friday on this "Friendship date" that she suggested it would be.

Ugh; Why would you go on a "friendship date" if you don't want to be friends? Seriously, this chick is just using you as a cuddle *****. She will hang out with you all the time and you will go on "dates" and she will tell you about how much of a jerk her bf is; and 5 minutes after you drop her off, she's gonna **** him.

Originally posted by ReT
Well, Friday we went out. I picked her up at the Mall where I live in NYC. She reconized me right away when we met. So we went browsing in the mall for some clothes for her. I was joking a bit with her, she had a lot of kino while talking. I felt like I knew her forever...

Clothes shopping with her has the potential to be good, but it's tough to play it that way. For the most part this is TOTALLY a "friends" thing. She wants a guy's opinion so she can look good for her bf.

Originally posted by ReT
Well we went to the movies after she didn't find anything she liked for clothing in the mall. She wanted to pay both our ways for the movie, but I told her no and bought the tickets. We met a supposed friend of hers that worked at the theater, I was kind of jelious of her talking to him a bit, but I didn't show it, I was loud around him and got my drinks. While watching the movie, we kided around some more, she leaned up against me. She kept asking if I was ok throughout the movie which I felt ok. I put my arm around her a few times, but it seemed she didn't like it as she was kind of fidgity, and moved foward so I took it away. We had eye contact throughout the whole date. We went to wendys after, she offered to pay again, but I insisted and did again. We ate talked a bit, we left. I couldn't figure anything else to do as it was raining hard and was muggy, so I said let's go back to the mall I need something. We went there, winded up finding her a skirt for a bday party she had the next day, which this guy she was seeing was going to be there. We found one, she kept asking me how it looked, I told her it was awesome on her so she bought it. she wanted to buy me these bracelets, but I didn't want anything from her.

You definately should have let her pay for either the movie or the food, hell, maybe both. She is leading the entire date, made you go to the mall, she picked the movie, made you go to the mall again. And the fact that the ***** had the nerve to make you help pick out a skirt for her to wear for her boyfriend the next day
:cuss: I am insulted, and you should be too. When she asked how the skirt looked on her, you should have teased her playfully, she fished for a compliment and you went hook, line, and sinker.

Originally posted by ReT
After the date was over, I said I had a good time, she said she did as well, i said lies.. you probally hated it lol. She said nooo. So I was just teasing her about that,

HORRIBLE. You didn't tease her, you teased yourself. You put yourself down; Why you would say something like this is beyond my comprehension. She should fell damn lucky to have gone out with you, forget this hated it bs.

Originally posted by ReT
I called her later on that day, told her I had a great time blahblah, and couldn't wait to see her again.

This was another part of the post where I thought to myself "This MUST be a joke" You called her later the SAME day and told her you couldn't wait to see her again? Calling her is bad enough, calling her the next day would be pretty bad, calling her the same day is so horribly wrong that I can't put it into words. I understand that you can't wait to see her again, but damnit man, DON'T TELL HER THAT!

Throughout the entire post, you made everything to easy for her. She made all the decisions, you paid for everything, she fished for a compliment, you gave her one, and throughout it all you kept CONSTANTLY calling her and telling her you can't wait to see her. Look at how much bloody attention you gave her. This isn't a challenge for her at all; You are there for her whenever she wants somebody to talk to and she knows it. When her bf is being a **** and she wants to go shopping, yup, she's gonna call you.

Seriously, NEXT this chick, RIGHT now. Do NOT call her. Find a new chick and keep some of this stuff in mind. Sorry if I come off harsh but this hit me hard because it reminded me so much of the way I used to be, and trust me, the faster you learn how to play the game and move on, the happier you will be. I'm trying to help, honest.

And if some of my fellow DJ's out here disagree with something I said please, point it out, I've got more learning to do as well

 

[Dekz]

double post, won't let me delete for some reason

 

[ReT]

Wow man, thanks for the advice, I really haven't had anyone give me something better. I was just hoping I could get involved with this girl, I'm really not looking for just "anyone" I'm pretty picky, I know I'm good looking. I just need to practice my game, and not obsese too much. Thanks a whole bunch bro for narrowing it down.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Sorry but this is purely a case of AFCdom at its peak!!!!!! Let's look at your mistakes:

-talking to her like her byatch girlfriend for HOURS and HOURS!!!
-showing no spine!! :you told her she was a liar when you asked her if she had a good time or not? Damn bro, have more confidence in yourself!!
-refusing to let her pay!!: Even if I was on a date where I KNEW the girl was interested in me, I wouldn't pay for her both ways!!
-being her byatch girlfriend AGAIN when she was trying on clothes!!
-Prolonging the date!! You went shopping first, then to the movie, then to food, then SHOPPING AGAIN!! Fuvk that's like 3 or 4 dates for me!!


Ok I could go on and on about why you fuvked this up but there's no point, I think you understand that you NEVER had a chance after you started talking to her for hours every night. You put YOURSELF in the friendzone, shiat your the freakin' mayor of the friend zone right now!!

And don't listen to the guy's saying this girl made you her girlfriend, like I said, you did that to yourself!! She was honest with you before you even went out, but you kept on clinging on for hope, BAD MOVE!! Please read the Bible, you said you've been on here before, but I doubt you learned anything about seduction with the performance you just told us about. Don't become a creepy stalker, clueless chump. Leave her alone and practice on new girls. If she calls you in a few weeks, she just misses your ATTENTION she's not interested in you romantically.



PIMP

 

[DreamyChick]

I agree with the guys here. She sees you as a friend and not in a oooh I've got sexual tension kind of way. Talking is a good thing but we girls also like a challenge. Maybe you were too available for her?

 

[ReT]

Yeah, I'm too available I guess. I have absolutely nothing else to do except work, clean my house; help my family and play some bf2 online lol. I know I should be out their clubbing looking to pickup chicks, but most of the clubs where I live are full of druggies, woman who are seriously high maintence. Plus I donot have anyone around my age, that I really hang out with to visit these clubs together.

I felt kind of bad with this chick. I was way too open searching for a friend and companion in her, instead of giving it time taking it slow. I really just felt so good to find out someone who I liked in college, liked me back; but of course I blew it! I can't fix it either, if I attempted too, I guess then I would be labeled an AFC eh?

I should of did this smooth like I did my ex girl friends, but I'm really tierd of the games, I haven't been with anyone in almost 2 years. I lost my game completely. I just want someone to be with in a relationship, **** if It could last forever I wouldn't mind, I don't care for one night stands. Sex isn't my biggest problem gaining an ego screwing woman that I date and get their numbers. I think my mental aspect has a lot to do with it. I've searched for a love that my mother couldn't provide me as a child, since I was told by her she hated me. So I gather I'm searching for a womans love almost like a mother?

 

[seroph]

woah, my goodness. WTF about your mum, man. That's whack. Sorry to hear that. It's been like a week since you posted, but whatever.

you learn from mistakes. that's how life goes. it's all good. listen to what Pimp-sicle said there.. being a friend to a girl is cool. but not when you still like her and feel like you can't have her. that's like a Simple Plan song or Good Charlotte or something. and you don't wanna be listening to that..

Once I had her number I woulda waited a few days.. called her up and asked her out and ended the convo within 10 minutes. I'd go on a date with her, talk, kino, etc.

anyway..pimp-sicle summed it up well.

Key points -- don't call the girl so much. and don't call her after a date. don't call her the day after the date. dont talk to her for 3 hours.

we never stop learning, man. next time u'll be better. i'm sure.

-JP