I broke up with my GF. Good Choice?

[Desdinova]

So I have a bit of an update...

She wanted to come over to discuss the whole thing. She seemed to make it clear that she wanted to make it work. So I let her come over. I might as well have had a conversation with the radio. All she did was stand her ground that she was doing nothing wrong, and that I was too quick to pull the trigger from her just asking a question. She also stated that she can't change who she is, and that people have to accept every part of her personality.

A relationship requires both parties to better themselves in order to compromise and make the relationship work. This woman just wants to have her cake and eat it too. After this experience, I'm 100% confident that I made the right choice. She can have one of the many orbiting AFCs to meet her demands because I won't fvcking do it.

 

[Krueg]

At first I thought she might just be expressing some sort of fantasy, now that I read deeper... I see she engaged in this sort of activity. You are in the right! I'm glad you kicked her to the curb!

 

[In2theGame]

"Have her cake and eat it too"

This is what i was thinking too. She's trying to get you to "accept" her going to this event while she goes and does who know what at this "Ball".

 

[cordoncordon]

I wasn't losing frame, but I was a bit worried about the quality of this woman from early on. She comes from a good family and stuff, so that's what made me keep her around, at least for a while.

It just hit me like a brick. Why on earth would a woman think it was even remotely okay? If we weren't exclusive, it wouldn't have bothered me. But we were official. There's restrictions that come with being exclusive. She kept trying to justify that it was "socializing" and that she "just asked a question". No consideration for how I was feeling about the whole thing.

Low quality woman in a high quality disguise.

Only a low quality woman, or a woman with low IL would want to do something like attending a fetish party with a male "friend" while in a relationship. Either way, you made the right choice.

 

[cordoncordon]

She did invite me, and I told her I wasn't interested in going, mainly because I know my ex-wife attends, but I also have no desire to strut around in something that's intended for only her to see.

So then she asked if I minded if she went with a male friend. I wouldn't have minded if it were a female friend. However, I see it as her intentionally being a c0ck tease.

Even a stripper gets more respect from me. At least she dances naked in front of guys who are NOT her friends, and gets paid to do it.

Bro I think you need a major upgrade in your social circle and the type of girls you are dating. Your ex wife AND this girl are both attending a fetish party? What are the odds of that? I don't think I have ever dated a girl who would attend one and you have two going. I know for 100% fact that my fiance would never attend one even if you paid her good money to go. It is just so far out of her personality and what she does that it would be twilight zone material if she did go.

Upgrade bro. Upgrade.

 

[Desdinova]

Bro I think you need a major upgrade in your social circle and the type of girls you are dating. Your ex wife AND this girl are both attending a fetish party? What are the odds of that?

This wasn't planned nor even suspected. I just found out all this 5hit about this girl starting last Sunday, and we've been together for five months. We went to a sex toy show (her suggestion) where a bunch of vendors get together and sell stuff. I figured it could make our sex life more fun, and I assisted her in choosing some new lingerie. I didn't know it would open the flood gates. After spending some time with her at this thing, I started getting the distinct feeling that this chick had just as many, if not more sex partners than me. As for my ex-wife, she didn't get into this stuff until we were two years into our marriage.

It can take time for the wolf to come out of the sheep's clothing. My last GF would have NEVER even contemplated going to anything of this nature.

 

[zekko]

Cordon has a point. Maybe it's time to stop picking up girls in the bar scene. A friend of mine always says you don't expect to find a rose in an ashtray.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I think a woman should have an emotional knee-jerk reaction when an idea enters her head that could put her relationship in jeopardy. This girl doesn't seem to possess that mechanism. If she doesn't have that, then she's much more likely to destroy the relationship with her bad decisions.

You showed an incredible amount of self control in not moving your own boundaries to keep banging a hot woman.

Very few men possess the self discipline to do that.

Unless she was busily trying to stab you in the eye with an ice pick while you were enjoying her slippery v-jay, there's gonna be parts of her that you miss.

I've even felt remorse after quitting jobs I f-ing HATED. Leaving comfortable situations is simply not something humans are good at.

Most men will NEVER understand what you're going through, because most men will NEVER be in a situation where they CHOOSE to release a woman because she doesn't live up to his standards.

Being able to do that is JUST as crucial, JUST as difficult, if not more so, than seducing her in the first place.

Nicely done, sir.

 

[Die Hard]

I think you made the right decision.

Just curious how you handled the actual break up conversation, you're being kinda vague about it. It sounds like you just said "it's over" directly after she asked the question... Were you really that quick? Did you raise your voice or did you remain calm, and what about her?

Could go you into the details of the conversation for us and explain what was actually being said?

 

[May_Day]

All she did was stand her ground that she was doing nothing wrong, and that I was too quick to pull the trigger from her just asking a question. She also stated that she can't change who she is, and that people have to accept every part of her personality.

It's always a friend that does it. This is exactly how women behave, they do what they want and don't care about your consent. As long as they are doing what they want to do, they feel that is right no matter if it is disrespectful or not. If you go against what they want, then you are at fault. Mostly this happens when the IL drops, she doesn't care about any respect or how you feel about it. She makes her decisions on what she wants and not how you feel. Her going with the other guy at the party demonstrates that. She wanted to go with him and didn't care what you thought. She was forcing you to accept her decision but you did the right thing by breaking up. same thing happened to me with my last ex. Doesn't sound like it was going to last too long after she went to the party. How was she behaving before this happened?

 

[Desdinova]

Cordon has a point. Maybe it's time to stop picking up girls in the bar scene.

I didn't pick her up in a bar. She was an aquaintance's ex.

Just curious how you handled the actual break up conversation, you're being kinda vague about it.

There's been a few things that have raised my eyebrows and made me wonder if she was a good choice. Her justifying that it wasn't disrespectful going to the ball with a single male friend set off sirens in my head that said "Get the fvck out of this!" Maybe I'll post the texts later.

Most men will NEVER understand what you're going through, because most men will NEVER be in a situation where they CHOOSE to release a woman because she doesn't live up to his standards.

I can't be justified in wasting my time with a 5hitty woman. There's too many other ones out there that could potentially be better.

 

[Die Hard]

Yeah man, I just looked at your earlier thread about the Christmas dinner with her and what I commented there

Furthermore, I believe the way she handled this situation is a red flag. It reeks of commitment issues and an inability to form healthy relationships.

But hey, you had five good months with her, right?

Please do post how that break up conversation went. I love reading detailed real life examples of those situations, there is much to be learned from them.

 

[Desdinova]

Unless she was busily trying to stab you in the eye with an ice pick while you were enjoying her slippery v-jay, there's gonna be parts of her that you miss.

Yeah, I'm still feeling kinda crummy over this whole thing. She had a lot of good qualities that I want in a woman. But the qualities she had that I don't want are the ones that messed it up. The last few days brought out a lot of her true personality, and it really turned me off.

 

[SgtSplacker]

You know, I hear about so many of these requests for things people in a relationship really should not be doing/asking for.

My girl used to ask me stuff like this and I simply explained to her that whatever we decide to do it must be equal between us. And that she needs to observe the differences between sexes. Meaning that if she wants to have lunch with some dude that asked her out. Then that means I can ask a women to have lunch with me. If she can accept a drink from a man, then I can buy a drink for a woman if I so choose. Things are different between men and women. Men have different intentions when they do things than woman do and do things differently.

If she wants to attend a fetish party, I can too and I don't have to act like a woman doing it. I can take a woman of my choice to a fetish party too. Maybe I want to make a fetish party in my house. Maybe my fetish is to receive double BJs? Shiit maybe I just want to invite a girl over to roleplay a bit. To me it's the same thing.

My girl never asked me again for anything weird because she knows i'll just use those very same liberties to replace her arse and all while i'm pipeing her on week days (because weekends are now reserved for better women).

Let her go to the party dude, downgrade that slvt to a plate like you should. And start banging her friends or just find an upgrade and phase her silly arse out like old software.

Remember YOU HAVE THE UPPER HAND. All she's doing is wasting her life being a slvt and lowering her value. For you it's the exact opposite. Maybe she ends up knocked up? For sure that gap is going to widen, while you just wipe the pvssy juice off your cawk and keep being the same high value man you always were only happier. Women don't even spend money when they go out like men do, i'd hate to go out in the same way women do. Looking for ladies nights being on a budget, hanging in my friends house all night, dealing with mens advances all night. Screw that man, if my woman wants freedom i'll give her all she wants.

 

[Scormus]

downgrading her

Does downgrading a GF to a plate work all that well?

Won't they not want to see you anymore out of hurt and principle?

 

[SgtSplacker]

Does downgrading a GF to a plate work all that well?

Won't they not want to see you anymore out of hurt and principle?

You must always be ready to walk away from any relationship.

Live it, love it, learn it. You have to live by this rule man. This is the only power you have over this kind of nonsense.

Having to call a woman every day is not real.

Having to spend time with a woman is not real.

Those are things that feed emotional attachment to someone. I don't need these things. What I need is a woman to bear child and absorb nuts from me only. Female companionship is garbage when she's not playing ball with you.

You control the relationship.

You downgrade her silly a$$ and do what makes you happy. Keep her around to please you and that's it. Her feelings and opinions do not matter in your life. Go find someone better who is going to be fair with you.

You must train yourself to be indifferent to a womans opinions and ideals. Women are made to tailor themselves after their mans wants and desires. Their will must be made to bend for yours, if not she will see you as weak and not respect you. Women are not like men, they can live this way just fine.

The most fvcked up thing about what I write here is that it will massively turn her ON. Treat a woman like this and she'll go nuts over you. You may be at a point where you don't care about her anymore. But i'm willing to bet that if done right she wont walk away from you. You have to know how to talk to a woman about this stuff. And it must be done before she loses respect for you, not after it's all lost. YOU MUST BE READY TO WALK AWAY FROM A PERFECTLY GOOD RELATIONSHIP. And at all times!

 

[G_Govan]

Not much to add outside of what's already been stated.

I will reiterate that you've shown strong character and mental strength in letting her go. Our sexual drive causes us to make decisions that aren't always in our own best interests and I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir when I say it can be hard as f-ck to resist the urge to throw logic to the wayside when you're with an attractive woman.

Spinning plates will always lessen this burden. Women do it naturally, even the ones you think are "committed".

 

[pdx1138]

I will reiterate that you've shown strong character and mental strength in letting her go. Our sexual drive causes us to make decisions that aren't always in our own best interests and I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir when I say it can be hard as f-ck to resist the urge to throw logic to the wayside when you're with an attractive woman.

My sentiments as well.

She's clearly a selfish person/waste of time.

I had a situation similar to this some years back. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do was calling it off.
At least I had an inkling of dignity left to do it. But damn that was a tough time.

 

[wait_out]

Des man, I've been to an event like this, some are tamer than you think. Wanting to go to an event like this mostly from curiosity to see what it's about doesn't necessarily make your GF low-quality. I wonder about scenesters though.

Whatever your feelings on the fetish angle, it's still a bad situation because she's trying to bully you into giving permission against your judgement and override your reservations. You're obviously not comfortable and she's seeing getting her way as the priority, not trying to make it work for both of you. That is a death sentence to a relationship.

People can show up to these events and respect their relationships. It's essentially a bar night with a gimmick except for a very select group of "true believers". If you check it out, it might be surprising -- guys are less aggressive than almost any major club night. But you still have a big issue with your GF trying to get you to squish your feelings as irrational -- it's socializing sometimes, yes, but it's within a highly charged sexual context. That's the entire purpose of the event and suggesting otherwise is a little dishonest, a little naive, and a lot insulting on her part.

If you're sexually conservative about these things, that's fine. There's always ways to make things work and not come off as controlling. But your ex-GF needs to respect you instead of trying to justify away your feelings. Fetish nights are negotiable, respect is not. it's a tricky situation to unpack because people will get hung up on the fetish angle, and it can be spun to make you look like the irrational controlling BF.

But the BLUF : your GF is pushing limits you're not ready for, and she tried to crush your concerns rather than respect them. Not GF behavior and not a good prognosis for a LTR.

I know you are one of the smarter posters here and can do the math from here on, just chipping in as you're not familiar with an event like this. Sorry it had to happen as you liked the girl.

 

[G_Govan]

You could also look at it this way: you're being groomed as a safety net. Make no mistake, this event is about her, even when she invited you, that was just a formality. You had it right, wanting to have her cake and eat it.

I find what many women do is they want you as the man to behave in a more traditional way: assuming more of the financial burden, long term provisioning, limiting your options with other women, less time spent with your friends, chivalry, etc. While at the same time there's barely any if no compromise on their end.

Its a lopsided affair.