I braved POF...

[Zunder]

...and have met a girl.
fvkced her a half dozen times already.
Was going well.
New Years eve not so good...I chose a hotel which wasn't so good and she had PMT.
Now - being a sneaky booger, I created a dud profile to see if she has cancelled her account. I mean its been close to a month now we been seeing each other.
Her account after not being active for 30 days has now been active the last two days.
This has got to be a big red flag, yes?
Im an brand new to the online dating shyte - but if this chick was 100% in to me then why keep your account active?

 

[Jitterbug]

It's only been a month. Let a woman have her options.

 

[Zunder]

It's only been a month. Let a woman have her options.

Sure understand that. I was thinking perhaps this is the "norm" for online dating. But it still does annoy me a bit to see she is still actively "looking".

 

[st_99]

well, perhaps she is the 'adventurous' type.

can't really blame a girl if all she wants to do is go out, have fun
and bang a variety of guys off POF, i mean, its a free world.

 

[Zunder]

well, perhaps she is the 'adventurous' type.

can't really blame a girl if all she wants to do is go out, have fun
and bang a variety of guys off POF, i mean, its a free world.

Fair enough. Although her profile does say "relationship long term" and she has told me "I'm a one man woman".
the old "actions" not "words" scenario I guess.

 

[Jitterbug]

I think it's more of a New Year effect, like that mental silliness which causes NY resolution peeps to make changes to their lives, like joining the gym in the NY (then quit after 2 weeks). Or maybe she's expecting the relationship talk from you and simply keeping her options open just in case, since you haven't said anything yet. It's pretty normal even for offline dating anyway, you just don't have the active profile as a proof.

We do have a mate guarding instinct, so naturally we find this rather annoying.

 

[st_99]

Fair enough. Although her profile does say "relationship long term" and she has told me "I'm a one man woman".
the old "actions" not "words" scenario I guess.

yeah, hopefully your radar has been on and so you should have
a sense of if this girl is a total fraud or not.

You should probably have
a good idea if this girl is wild child or is really looking for something
deeper.

 

[Zunder]

yeah, hopefully your radar has been on and so you should have
a sense of if this girl is a total fraud or not.

You should probably have
a good idea if this girl is wild child or is really looking for something
deeper.

She's 41. She is looking for deeper. I would not normally consider a woman of my age, but she has incredible skin more akin to a 25 year old, is in good shape, and has a good personality. Not a wild child, but not a social retard either...

Ok truth - my radar says this to me: She likes me definitely, but at her age she is looking for someone she feels will be dependable and always there for her - and I think she has a feeling that I may not be that type.

I guess in the end it is up to me: Do I finally commit or do I continue to be who I want to be. The latter for me...if she wants to come along for the ride and go sailing the seven seas with me (my dream...which she knows about) then all good - if she wants the white picket fence then I see problems in the future. Her initial talks were me were that she likes men that follow their dreams - but I think the reality that I may not be the white picket fence type has sunk in and hence the re-start of her POF activity after a month.

I am seeing her this saturday - we are going 10 pin bowling....it will be interesting.

I admit initially I was like "what the fuvk" when I saw her recent activity on POF, but thinking about it only annoys me a little. We will see how this pans out.

 

[Nutz]

It's a validation/attention wh0re source, much like facebook. It'd be surprised if any woman turns that off after only dating a few weeks. My advice, pump & dump or Spin That Plate, because if she's still going back to the validation well of online dating/facebook, then she's clearly not relationship material. It's really surprising just how few quality women are around these days.

 

[Iceberg]

What you're experiencing is the norm for internet dating. When you have 500 options available to you, why should she (or you) commit so soon?

I've been dating 2 chicks I met via online for about 4 weeks now. I still browse. They might still browse too (I haven't cared enough to check their accounts). It's just something you live with....and quite frankly, I'm happy to have a woman who doesn't want to commit to me so soon. It tells me that they're more interested in finding the right relationship, instead of just sinking their desperate claws into the first man that comes along.

I guess in the end it is up to me: Do I finally commit or do I continue to be who I want to be. The latter for me...if she wants to come along for the ride and go sailing the seven seas with me (my dream...which she knows about) then all good - if she wants the white picket fence then I see problems in the future. Her initial talks were me were that she likes men that follow their dreams - but I think the reality that I may not be the white picket fence type has sunk in and hence the re-start of her POF activity after a month.

I suppose my issue with your issues is this:

It has only been a month. Or actually, according to your first post, CLOSE to a month (so not even a full month).

So...why worry about these things? Why worry about her dreams of white picket fences. Why worry about her POF account. Why worry about whether she wants a LTR or a F-buddy.

It just seems like a lot of thought is being put into a short-term prospect. Hell, I've had f**k buddies that have lasted for half a year. So, i couldnt imagine freaking out, trying to define my relationship with a girl after less than a month.

I am seeing her this saturday - we are going 10 pin bowling....it will be interesting.

I admit initially I was like "what the fuvk" when I saw her recent activity on POF, but thinking about it only annoys me a little. We will see how this pans out.

Sex. Entertainment. And good companionship. That is her role in your life. That long term stuff (if you're THAT interested in it) will figure itself out. Enjoy what you have...and let her screw it up, or step it up, on her own.

 

[mrRuckus]

She's 41.

Did a single person here even consider a person older than like 29 when he said he met a girl?

I sure didn't. Who calls 40+ women girls? I understand it doesn't apply only just to pre-pubescent women, but over 40?? It'd sound just as awkward for a woman to say she met a "boy" rather than a man or guy or whatever when he's over 40.

 

[mrRuckus]

I've logged into these sites just for the hell of it despite having no interest in pursuing women while currently "with" one already. No ulterior motive other than something to do, just like clicking on my facebook bookmark with no clear goal of what i'm going to do.

 

[Zunder]

Hey guys its just the ego blow thing and I will get over it. She was on three times yesterday.
In a way this brings me back to ground because I really started to like this woman but it has confirmed my belief that she probably is just a good bang until either one of us loses interest.
And being on a dating site three times in one day indicates to me for whatever reason she has started to lose interest.
Still it will be interesting to see how this one pans out.

 

[Findog]

I think that until you have agreed to be exclusive, then seeing other people is fair game. I see nothing wrong with her actions unless she agreed to date you exclusively. Then at that point it is reasonable to expect her to delete her dating profiles, etc.

 

[scrouds]

Stalk much Zunder?

 

[Zunder]

Stalk much Zunder?

Yeah I hear you scrouds. Perhaps what I dont see wont affect me.

 

[scrouds]

Yeah I hear you scrouds. Perhaps what I dont see wont affect me.

Its more then that. Part of being an uncaring assshole ala roissy is having a better use for your time.

 

[Pair A Dice]

It's only been a month. Do you want to wife this chick? Have you been spinning other plates as well during the same span? If the answer to my second question is 'Yes,' then why is not OK for her to do the same?

 

[Black Widow Void]

Zunder, I had a similar situation. It can sort of drive you nuts because you want to remain cool, yet are hearing contradictions. I've learned a few things since that event.

Remain cool. If you must confront her, then do so in a non-intrusive way. If you are the least bit confrontational, she'll reverse the sh*t and say that you are stalking or something another. Instead, in a casual way, you could say that your friend (one that she's met) noticed her profile. If she says something to the effect of "I haven't been on in ages". you could casually act confused... "Hmm, not that it matters or anything, but he pointed out to me that you were at the top of the "last on line." You could then laugh in a ****y way and say "it's not like we have an agreement or anything." Then say "Anyway... and change the subject!

My story was a while back, but quite similar to yours. In retrospect, I now see why I was taken back and disappointed. She did the "take away" affect. This increased my interest. If you act casual about it all and unaffected, you'll reverse the situation.

 

[Zunder]

Zunder, I had a similar situation. It can sort of drive you nuts because you want to remain cool, yet are hearing contradictions. I've learned a few things since that event.

Remain cool. If you must confront her, then do so in a non-intrusive way. If you are the least bit confrontational, she'll reverse the sh*t and say that you are stalking or something another. Instead, in a casual way, you could say that your friend (one that she's met) noticed her profile. If she says something to the effect of "I haven't been on in ages". you could casually act confused... "Hmm, not that it matters or anything, but he pointed out to me that you were at the top of the "last on line." You could then laugh in a ****y way and say "it's not like we have an agreement or anything." Then say "Anyway... and change the subject!

My story was a while back, but quite similar to yours. In retrospect, I now see why I was taken back and disappointed. She did the "take away" affect. This increased my interest. If you act casual about it all and unaffected, you'll reverse the situation.

Mate I'd like to hear your situation what happened.
Call me a stalker whatever but she has been on FIVE times today while I been at work.
FIVE times!
And this is after she responded to a text earlier today as we are going out Saturday and Sunday...she texts me things like "babe" and "xx". Then goes back on to POF.
Yep I know the Roissy thing to do is be an "uncaring *******" - but I would be lying to you guys if I didn't say this is now starting to bug me.