I am "The Other Guy" and could use advice

[LucianoM]

I can tell this girls is a 6 MAX. Prolly even a 4. Also both of you are betas.

 

[RangerMIke]

Both you and this chick want different things. You can't control her so you just have to move on.

Many women just fvcking love this kind of drama. I'm causally dating three women now, RS (45), SD (32), and a new one that I've only been seeing for a few weeks, EJ (38). I don't know EJ that much, all I know is that she is a yoga instructor, has a little girl, divorced 5 years, and she is hot as fvck. As I get to know her, I will learn more about her life of chaos, point being is that I an EXPECTING red flags. SD, LOL! Jesus what a mess, but she is a lot of fun... never married, no kids, not afraid of anything... but she has this really goofy relationship chaos with an old BF that she is still hung up on, a recent breakup that she is all over the place on... I like her but there is no way I would ever want anything serious with her. RS... this is a good one, she has a BF, LDR, the dude has more money than brains. We just meet up every couple of weeks for sex... I'm guessing that this is similar to what is going on with the OP... only I have not caught feelings for RS, because that isn't happening, it's just fun and sex... period, so as long as it stays there I'm fine.

Oh... Then there is CT (mid 30s I think) old flame that won't go out, she a fvcking mess but is fun, stopped dating her a year ago, but she keeps coming around between BFs. CW (38) epic levels of chaos, known her for 6 years and in that time had 4 relationships, we would hook up between BFs, just got married, still texting me.... that marriage is not going to last. AF (Late 30s) married for 2 years, divorced, engaged again to another dude, still reaches out to me.... etc etc.

The point here is just about EVERY woman you meet has some kind of silly soap opera stuff going on. They love this sh1t! You as the man are just a part of the supporting cast in HER life's play. As long as the part she wants you to play fits with what you want, and doesn't fvck up your purpose, then there isn't a problem.

 

[Atom Smasher]

One of the biggest mysteries in life for me is how a man can f a woman who is f-ing someone else. I mean, the other guy is unloading into her (probably both vaginally and orally) which makes her a receptacle. The idea of sloppy seconds is repulsive to me. How some of you guys can do this is beyond my comprehension. I wouldn’t even be able to get it up knowing this. Am I the only one who thinks this way?

 

[dude99]

One of the biggest mysteries in life for me is how a man can f a woman who is f-ing someone else. I mean, the other guy is unloading into her (probably both vaginally and orally) which makes her a receptacle. The idea of sloppy seconds is repulsive to me. How some of you guys can do this is beyond my comprehension. I wouldn’t even be able to get it up knowing this. Am I the only one who thinks this way?

You are not the only one.

Why reward a piss poor quality excuse for a woman with your time and resources.

C*m dumpster. That is all she is.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Both you and this chick want different things. You can't control her so you just have to move on.

Many women just fvcking love this kind of drama. I'm causally dating three women now, RS (45), SD (32), and a new one that I've only been seeing for a few weeks, EJ (38). I don't know EJ that much, all I know is that she is a yoga instructor, has a little girl, divorced 5 years, and she is hot as fvck. As I get to know her, I will learn more about her life of chaos, point being is that I an EXPECTING red flags. SD, LOL! Jesus what a mess, but she is a lot of fun... never married, no kids, not afraid of anything... but she has this really goofy relationship chaos with an old BF that she is still hung up on, a recent breakup that she is all over the place on... I like her but there is no way I would ever want anything serious with her. RS... this is a good one, she has a BF, LDR, the dude has more money than brains. We just meet up every couple of weeks for sex... I'm guessing that this is similar to what is going on with the OP... only I have not caught feelings for RS, because that isn't happening, it's just fun and sex... period, so as long as it stays there I'm fine.

Oh... Then there is CT (mid 30s I think) old flame that won't go out, she a fvcking mess but is fun, stopped dating her a year ago, but she keeps coming around between BFs. CW (38) epic levels of chaos, known her for 6 years and in that time had 4 relationships, we would hook up between BFs, just got married, still texting me.... that marriage is not going to last. AF (Late 30s) married for 2 years, divorced, engaged again to another dude, still reaches out to me.... etc etc.

The point here is just about EVERY woman you meet has some kind of silly soap opera stuff going on. They love this sh1t! You as the man are just a part of the supporting cast in HER life's play. As long as the part she wants you to play fits with what you want, and doesn't fvck up your purpose, then there isn't a problem.

EJ will likely go back to her ex and ghost you one day

 

[Atom Smasher]

You are not the only one.

Why reward a piss poor quality excuse for a woman with your time and resources.

C*m dumpster. That is all she is.

I’m glad I’m not the only one.

The thought of dipping my d into a pool of other men’s c*m sends me straight to the vomitorium. To each his own I guess, but I’ll never understand this. I’m a broken record, I know. I would love for someone who doesn’t care about other men unloading into a woman to explain it to me.

 

[MtmVaott]

You need to consider high degree of lying to herself and rationalizing as red flags. Also if she values her beauty a lot.
This goes all in the direction of very mild narcassism, but the better term could be entitlement.
It's tricky if she is also very empathetic.

I think it was in Rational Male that I read something like "the most innocent girl is actually the least innocent".
Now transfer this on being true to yourself. The most true girls are those who are 'boring', not the ones with entitlement.
Oh and you need to understand her empathy evolved from the same past as her entitlement. I would be critical about how she makes me feel.

 

[Sleeperhead]

Hello all, this is my first post in any of these PUA/Manosphere type forums, and I've found myself researching this world over the past month or so due to the situation I'm in. I'm curious what the opinions are of some seasoned folks as I'm in a situation I never thought I'd find myself in..

To start, I'm 31 years old and have had I'd say above average success over the past few years when it comes to dating and sex. I hate the term but my body count currently stands at a flat 30 girls, with the majority of those coming over the past few years. I've had 4 girlfriends, each lasting about a year, when I was 21, 23, 25, and 29, and I'd say I'm probably a 7 on the 10 scale in terms of physical appearance (I'm 5'8 and chubby, but I've got some muscle and I'm pretty sociable/comfortable around girls).

About 3 months ago I ended up meeting this girl through a friend who I absolutely fell for. She literally checks all of the boxes I have, and she immediately came on to me. Since I'm trying to remain anon, we'll call her Sara (28). Now right off the bat, Sara told me she'd been dating a guy for about two months but that they hadn't had sex yet.. that he wanted to wait. I asked "are you guys official," to which she said "no, I'm single," which I took as a "yeah I'm down to ****" response, which I went ahead and proceeded with. The guy she's dating is named Ritchie (26).

Sara and I spent the next month ****ing almost every day, sometimes 2 to 3 times a day. And when we weren't ****ing we were spending lots of time with each other, going to restaurants, watching movies, playing video games, etc. We became pretty close, pretty quickly, and we texted quite a bit as well. We made lots of plans for the future, and I even met her friends. All while this was happening, she was still going on romantic yet sexless dates with Ritchie, who knew very little about our relationship. Around week 2, I did tell Sara that I'd personally like to bring our relationship beyond FWBs, despite the fact that I at the time was actively NOT looking to start a relationship, but she told me she was pretty invested in Ritchie, and could not start another romantic relationship at the time. She told me she really liked spending time with me and ****ing me, but she wasn't feeling anything romantic.. which to me I thought.. obviously. We've just been hanging out and ****ing nonstop-- not exactly the beautiful romance Ritichie was giving her, taking her out to fancy dinners and to see the sunset, getting her flowers and chocolate. I'd spend Friday night and Saturday night ****ing this girl.. Sunday morning we'd **** and then she'd be off to go see Ritchie for a romantic afternoon.

Anyway, a few weeks later Sara told me she's taking it to the next level with Ritchie. That he's very sweet and she's never met a guy quite like him, but that she'd like to continue to hang out with me and be friends.. At first, I told her no, that if she's going to be official with the dude, that I'm out. She seemed pretty upset but I thought to myself, "**** this ****, let's see her come back to me.."

A week later, I stopped by her place to pick up my video games I'd left there. While I was there, we ended up catching up a little, and I had a bit of a change of heart.. I know the sage advice is "don't be friends with a girl you want to date," but if I'm being real, part of the reason I liked her so much was that I felt she really had some "dude" in her, her and I became extremely tight. I said I was down to give it a go and try to be friends.

That week, before we could meet up again, she went on a romantic adventure with Ritchie to Europe, where he "made love" to her to the first time. I later found out, that she was HIS FIRST. He'd never had sex before. This was a real romance between the two of them, and he was an ULTRA romantic. When she came back from Europe, her and I met up for some drinks. We hung out Thursday night, then Friday night, then she asked me if I was around Saturday during the day, and we chilled. Then we met up Tuesday, and Wednesday. The texting resumed like it originally had been in that month, as did the flirtation her and I had. I was pretty bewildered.. seemed sorta inappropriate to continue our relationship in this way now that she's "official" with the guy. I asked her, "What does he know?" Her response: He knows we hang alot, but he doesn't know we hooked up.. He also thinks we've been friends for a long time, not that we'd only met a few months ago, AFTER they had already been dating.

At this point, I want to point out, that I am aware that this is a massive RED FLAG. Seeing her lie to her current boyfriend, and take this risk to keep me in her life like this, makes me think, "Well, if her and I were to have been dating.. what's to say she wouldn't have done this to me?" She might have.. I'm not one to ignore red flags, but I've also self-diagnosed myself with what Rollo would describe as "ONEITIS." I'm not ashamed to say it. I'm very into her, and I do enjoy being her friend in a platonic sense.. Her and I get along in a way I've not just not experienced with girls, but also, never experienced with another HUMAN, so leaving her in my mind, really is just out of the question.

A few weeks ago, she got bumped from her flight and put in a hotel nearby. Instead of hitting up Ritchie, she hit me up to drink and spend the night. I did. I asked her if Ritchie knew and she told me he didn't. We didn't ****.. we play fight. I'll touch her a bit, grab her, let her punch me, tease her, but we didn't ****. Even though still, the whole situation was pretty inappropriate to say the least.

A week later I met the dude. I hate some of these terms but it finally dawned on me what was going on. He is what would be considered a beta, who wines and dines her, and stares into her eyes, whereas I'm the Other Guy, who's more masculine, giving her that attention and that sexual interaction I know she craves and is most likely not getting from Ritchie. The next week, her and I got dinner and drinks Wednesday, Thursday, then Friday night and Saturday during the day she spent with Ritchie, then we met up and drank Saturday night, and Sunday night... On Saturday night, she told me she's off from work Christmas through New Years, and wanted to take that time to travel someplace, and asked me if I wanted to go with her. Go on a trip with Sara? Sounds ****ing AWESOME. I told her of course, but at the same time... how the **** would Ritchie feel if his girlfriend went on a weeklong trip with another man? I know I wouldn't be cool with it. She told me she'd ask him what he thinks.

OK, so I know this is a lot. I'm actually seeing her again tonight (Wednesday). I am well aware of the red flags.. I've read the Rational Male and I know the logic would be to just move on from her entirely. I haven't stopped seeing other girls (****ed a Tinder girl last week actually), but I've caught Oneitis for Sara, and honestly I want to date her.. Even if she never dates me, I do want to be her friend in some capacity.. but at the same time, our relationship is pretty weird and my gut feeling is that her and Ritchie will not work out in the long term. I'm curious what people think.. Lay it on me.

I personally am under the impression that it's best to just play this one day by day, continue to have fun spending time with her and getting to know her, and just see what happens.

I also want to point out.. I care about her a lot.. I think she's an awesome person who is a TON of fun to be around.

Thanks all,
Rec

If you think she's going to wake up one day and suddenly decide that you are the one for her, then you are vastly mistaken. She's got her cake and she's eating it. Two guys completely wrapped around her finger. Both needs met. Why would she discard one?

It is very simple. You state what you want and if she don't meet it then walk away. You are basically in a relationship with this girl anyway. You just tell her to bin off this Ritchie fellow, that you aren't sharing her anymore. She has to have no more contact with Ritchie or any other dude and that she's yours now. If she doesn't like it tell her that you're very disappointed because you liked her so much, but can't continue to see her anymore.

Give her a good yank and she'll come along.