I am the dumper...now I want him back!

[mango]

Thanks to everyone who responded. I don't think I'm a bad person, it's just that based on past love experiences I've been hurt pretty badly and I try to protect my feelings. Its sort of like you keep trying, trying with the hopes that you will not get hurt and then bam you're hurt. I honestly couldn't go through another hurt again, honestly couldn't. I know I have to take risks and give someone a chance but I look very closely for little signs. I keep going over in my head why I should just let sleeping dogs lie, and still it haunts me. I used harsh words with him but it wasn't cuss words...it was just basically along the lines that I regret ever having known him or coming across him and I don't want any sort of response from him at all but to just leave me alone. I didn't call him names, but his self esteem wasn't really as strong as it could be so he puts up this don't care front. Someone advised him that he should just not care and so he has taken that stance in life. I want him to care and show me he cares, and that's why I got upset, plus I felt he just really only wanted one thing from me.

Thing is all the friends we both have would go back and tell him I was enquiring about him so I haven't asked any of them. I realized I missed him the 1st week after I told him off but felt I would get over it and I would be able to move on...now its really haunting me.

I'm guilty of hurting his feelings and not giving him a chance to respond. Isn't that sufficient for forgiveness? I'm willing to admit to him that I was wrong and too harsh and basically apologize. From that I want to see how he feels about me and if there is a chance we can start over.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by mango
I guess I do want him back. I don't very well in relationships...I run whenever I feel I'm about to be hurt. Its a reflex, I just end things hastily without just backing off assessing how I feel then coming back to it. Its a trait I'm trying to work on. I said some things that I think would really hurt his feelings that having met him was the biggest mistake of my life and I cannot believe I actually got with him at all. He is a sort of sensitive guy and I knew that so I knew that saying something like that would hurt him. I knew he would never call me and at the time that is how I felt, really angry and hurt. I don't know if he has moved on, he may have that's why I just want to make some sort of gesture to see how he feels or if he'll push me away. I don't want to be hurt and feel that I messed up a good thing by being stupid.

mango, you're twisted. you went out of your way to intentionally hurt this guy so that he would be out of your life for good--never call or email you again.

that's what you wanted. that's what you got.

]Originally posted by mango
I'm guilty of hurting his feelings and not giving him a chance to respond. Isn't that sufficient for forgiveness? I'm willing to admit to him that I was wrong and too harsh and basically apologize. From that I want to see how he feels about me and if there is a chance we can start over.

you feeling guilty is sufficient grounds for forgiveness? nope!

women are wholly incapable of dealing with guilt. they will go to the ends of the earth to avoid it or get rid of it. if i was this guy, i would listen to your apology and i'd politely tell you to "pound sand".

]Originally posted by mango
I now want to email him and apologize for how harsh I was, and for the mean things I said, although also to say that I'm not sorry for all I said.

so, you're NOT sorry about all the mean things you said to intentionally hurt this guy and get him out of your life forever. gee, that'll go over really well. you want HIM to accept your apology?

]Originally posted by mango
I dumped him because he wasn't showing me the kind of attention I wanted.

and what sort of "attention" might that be? and what makes you think you deserve said "attention"? especially in light of what you did to this guy?

you are so AFC it's funny. this guy did exactly what you requested and got lost. now, as they say, you are the "returning fox".

why don't you post the unedited email (or convo) you sent him? we'd all love to see it, i'm sure.

 

[mango]

Well, this is the email I was going to send, but now I've decided against it because of what all the guys here think...I'll just let sleeping dogs lie...


I AM SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID TO YOU…IT WAS VERY MEAN & NOT VERY NICE TO SAY LET US JUST GO BACK TO NOT KNOWING WHO THE OTHER IS & NO IT WASN'T THE WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE…I CAN THINK OF MUCH WORSE. I WAS VERY ANGRY AND UPSET AT THE TIME & REALIZE THAT IT WAS NOT THE WAY I SHOULD HAVE HANDLED IT. I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT TALKING ABOUT THINGS…THEY TEND TO COME OUT MUCH HARSHER THAN I MEAN. IN FACT IT REALLY WAS A BIT DRAMATIC (HENCE THIS EMAIL…SPEAKING DIRECTLY WILL PROBABLY END UP NOT GOOD). NOT THAT THE THINGS I WROTE WEREN'T WHAT I FELT. & I'M NOT SORRY FOR ALL OF IT. I'M USUALLY THE SORT OF PERSON THAT ACTS ON IMPULSE WITHOUT REALIZING HOW WHAT I SAY MAY AFFECT ANOTHER'S FEELINGS, BUT I ALWAYS TRY TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS IF NOT SOONER THEN LATER. I GUESS A LOT OF WHAT HAPPENED WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING…I WANT ONE THING AND ONE THING IN PARTICULAR & YOU PERHAPS WANT SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT. I CANNOT FAULT YOU FOR THAT. WE WANT WHAT WE WANT. IT IS MY DECISION TO ACCEPT OR REFUSE WHAT I DON'T WANT.


SO WITH ALL THAT SAID, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF & I REALLY HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR YOU & YOU FIND WHAT IT IS YOU’RE LOOKING FOR. I THINK YOU HAVE A LOT TO OFFER.

 

[dillin]

mango, whats the update on the situation?

Also you missed my question so please reply I really am curious.


I'm curious when was it that you realized that you miss him?

 

[jakethasnake]

Originally posted by mango
Well, this is the email I was going to send, but now I've decided against it because of what all the guys here think...I'll just let sleeping dogs lie...


I AM SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID TO YOU…IT WAS VERY MEAN & NOT VERY NICE TO SAY LET US JUST GO BACK TO NOT KNOWING WHO THE OTHER IS & NO IT WASN'T THE WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE…I CAN THINK OF MUCH WORSE. I WAS VERY ANGRY AND UPSET AT THE TIME & REALIZE THAT IT WAS NOT THE WAY I SHOULD HAVE HANDLED IT. I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT TALKING ABOUT THINGS…THEY TEND TO COME OUT MUCH HARSHER THAN I MEAN. IN FACT IT REALLY WAS A BIT DRAMATIC (HENCE THIS EMAIL…SPEAKING DIRECTLY WILL PROBABLY END UP NOT GOOD). NOT THAT THE THINGS I WROTE WEREN'T WHAT I FELT. & I'M NOT SORRY FOR ALL OF IT. I'M USUALLY THE SORT OF PERSON THAT ACTS ON IMPULSE WITHOUT REALIZING HOW WHAT I SAY MAY AFFECT ANOTHER'S FEELINGS, BUT I ALWAYS TRY TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS IF NOT SOONER THEN LATER. I GUESS A LOT OF WHAT HAPPENED WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING…I WANT ONE THING AND ONE THING IN PARTICULAR & YOU PERHAPS WANT SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT. I CANNOT FAULT YOU FOR THAT. WE WANT WHAT WE WANT. IT IS MY DECISION TO ACCEPT OR REFUSE WHAT I DON'T WANT.


SO WITH ALL THAT SAID, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF & I REALLY HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR YOU & YOU FIND WHAT IT IS YOU’RE LOOKING FOR. I THINK YOU HAVE A LOT TO OFFER.

I think apologizing with the intent of really sharing your remorse isn't such a bad thing. Just don't be a selfish brat and try to convince him that this thing between you and him even has a chance. I just don't think it's worth it - especially for him. So go ahead and send that e-mail if it will make you feel any better -- just don't expect - or persue - anything with/from him.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Do not send the e-mail if the purpose of it is to get him back, rather send it if it is a truly heartfelt apology from one human being to another!

Apologies should not have hidden motives!

State exactly what and why you are apologizing...don't write "I'm not apologizing for everything I said" -- this statement adds nothing to the apology but only takes away from the impact of the apology!!! It is not needed.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Do not send the e-mail if the purpose of it is to get him back, rather send it if it is a truly heartfelt apology from one human being to another!

Apologies should not have hidden motives!

State exactly what and why you are apologizing...don't write "I'm not apologizing for everything I said" -- this statement adds nothing to the apology but only takes away from the impact of the apology!!! It is not needed.

you stole my words, PRL. go ahead and send it to him. be as specific in the "apology" and explaination as you were with the original dissing. i think you should be a little more contrite however. learn from it, get on with your life, and don't look back with regret.

definitely DO NOT send this sort of email with the intent of getting back with him. if you want to give it another try with him, just tell him flat out, knowing that he may very well reject the idea.

 

[00Kevin]

Everyone deserves a second chance. so you did the right thing by sending him that email.

I did the same thing to my last girl friend. I told her right off in an email and that basicaly ended the relationship. I have said to myself a number of times that if she was to come back to me and be a woman for once I would accept her. I would forgive her.

Perhaps your guy will feel that way. You have given him the power to reject you and hurt you again. You have taken a leap in a good direction. If he wants you back then be happy and give him everything.

 

[DrBeard]

You can have me instead!!

(but there's one condition - read my "tiger game" post)

 

[iqqi]

i think the email is totally selfish and self serving. she just wants to feel like she did the right thing, and get his interest again. she apologized, yes, but she did it in a very cloudy way.

she does not want to swallow her pride and lay all of her cards on the table.

lets look at what she is really saying.

Originally posted by mango
I AM SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID TO YOU…IT WAS VERY MEAN & NOT VERY NICE TO SAY LET US JUST GO BACK TO NOT KNOWING WHO THE OTHER IS & NO IT WASN'T THE WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE…I CAN THINK OF MUCH WORSE.

this half assed no fault apology, how insincere and confusing?

Originally posted by mango
I WAS VERY ANGRY AND UPSET AT THE TIME & REALIZE THAT IT WAS NOT THE WAY I SHOULD HAVE HANDLED IT. I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT TALKING ABOUT THINGS…THEY TEND TO COME OUT MUCH HARSHER THAN I MEAN. IN FACT IT REALLY WAS A BIT DRAMATIC (HENCE THIS EMAIL…SPEAKING DIRECTLY WILL PROBABLY END UP NOT GOOD).

so why are you wastin his time?

Originally posted by mango
NOT THAT THE THINGS I WROTE WEREN'T WHAT I FELT. & I'M NOT SORRY FOR ALL OF IT.

oooook....what the fcuk are you saying?

Originally posted by mango
I'M USUALLY THE SORT OF PERSON THAT ACTS ON IMPULSE WITHOUT REALIZING HOW WHAT I SAY MAY AFFECT ANOTHER'S FEELINGS, BUT I ALWAYS TRY TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS IF NOT SOONER THEN LATER.

excuses and rationalizations.

Originally posted by mango
I GUESS A LOT OF WHAT HAPPENED WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING…I WANT ONE THING AND ONE THING IN PARTICULAR & YOU PERHAPS WANT SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT. I CANNOT FAULT YOU FOR THAT. WE WANT WHAT WE WANT. IT IS MY DECISION TO ACCEPT OR REFUSE WHAT I DON'T WANT

another excuse followed by more hidden meanings and agendas. we want what we want? B!tch! give the guy a break! he knows that! and then you insult him by telling him "it is my decision" b!tch, he knows what your "decision" was, and he made his, so get over it!

Originally posted by mango
SO WITH ALL THAT SAID, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF & I REALLY HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR YOU & YOU FIND WHAT IT IS YOU’RE LOOKING FOR. I THINK YOU HAVE A LOT TO OFFER.

nobody needs your pretenses.

you are sheisty. i hope he knows better. grow up. first you tell us you want him back, but then you say you don't you just want to apologize. figure out what you want, because he doesn't need your drama anymore. if you just want to say sorry, strip your apology down to "i was wrong for__________ and i am sorry."

and then if you are brave enough, just say "and i'd like another chance". without all the beating around the bush. lay your cards on the table, or keep your hand to yourself.

 

[00Kevin]

iqqi is correct. that was a lame email.

 

[mango]

you know you guys are a total bunch of idiots and its amazing you get any women at all...and for all those who think I should go to cosmo...tough!! I'm here deal with it?

My email is sheisty? Yea whatever!!! Iqqi you should be a psychic because you could obviously read minds. I can only say what I'm feeling, now if you think I'm being shady...well too bad. I want to apologize for how I sounded...the tone....I'm not sorry for the substance of what I was saying. He knew that was wrong of him. I just didn't need to turn around and hurt his feelings in turn to do it. THAT is what I want to apologize for. I did not give him a chance to explain why he did what he did. At the time I just didn't want to hear what he had to say. I was upset. Instead of hearing him out, I hurt his feelings in turn and ran. What I am sorry for is the way I hurt his feelings in telling him that he hurt mine. I could have gone about it another way. I could have simply said...you hurt my feelings and I'd like you to explain to me why or something close.

So Iqqi...you're full of crap!!
I admit I'm scared because its been a long time, and I know that by hurting his feelings he will not be the one to make the first move. My motives are pure. I admit I miss him. I would like a second chance, but if its not to be then its not to be, but I would like to apologize without being hurt in the process. I'm simply scared, and chicken to do so. I admit it, so what Iqqi?

Kevin...first I thought my email is okay...now its lame? You make up your mind. I don't see why you guys have all this hostility toward women. What's up with that?

 

[00Kevin]

I repsect the fact that you sent him an email and all I said still stands.

I would however, have to agree with iqqi. Your email was basically a half assed appology. I should of read your email a little more before making that post.

Looking at it logically,

It is good that you didn't apologize much with the first email. You obviously feel very strongly about how you felt. So don't change your stance on that. Make sure you are truely sorry for how you feel and that you don't still think that way. Sending a half assed apology is what I might have done if I was in your shoes. if you get a bite back with that email consider giving him an apology in person.

 

[mango]

It may seem like a half assed apology, but I can't represent like I'm sorry for being upset that he hurt my feellings. I'm not sorry for calling him out on that....that is, that he hurt my feelings and what he did to me was not nice. I don't think that is half-assed. I'm not sorry for that and I'm not going to apologize for that. I'm sorry for hurting his feelings because he hurt mine, and I probably hurt his feelings worse than he hurt mine. I'm sorry for hurting his feelings full stop. In the email where I dumped him, I hurt his feelings with harsh words. This email is the apology email.

I haven't send the apology email yet...I'm torn as to whether I should or not or just leave it be. That's what I wanted advice for. If he wants contact again then I would gladly love to have him back. That's what I want I admit.

 

[00Kevin]

don't send it.

why don't you try being a Don Jaunita?

If you really want to send an email. Then send a nice email and make it short. A few lines max. don't put your appology in it at all.


"
hey, remember me? yeah yeah I know what you are thinking...

I was just wondering how you are? I was just thinking about ya? maybe we could chat sometime.


and that is it.


you have to take a peek before you dive into this.

 

[mango]

And then Kevin, he would probably hurt my feelings by not giving me a chance to apologize by probably saying stupid...and the cycle will go on and on. I've modified the letter...and I'm gonna send it as soon as I've had a few drinks. Yea email is for the weak...but I am weak. I'll apologize for what I feel I should apologize for, and if he does nothing then that's the end of it and I'll have to live with it. But atleast I would have tried.

 

[AFK Protector]

I HAVE A HUGE FVCKING SUGGESTION. LAY OFF THE CAPS PLEASE. I CANNOT BECAUSE MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS LOCKED DOWN. SORRY. ITS JUST REALLY FVCKING ANNOYING. THANKS. OTHERWISE YOUR E-MAIL IS FINE. SEND EITHER ONE. JUST LAY OFF THE GODDAAAAMMMMMNNNN CAPS. THANKS.

 

[mango]

Is this better afk? thanks anyway...i'll ensure there are no caps in my email...is that a pet peeve or something?

 

[TooColdUlrick]

mango, that email was okay in general, just make it more to the point and don't dance around your apology. just send it and be done with it--for your own sake.

PS: CAPS IS EQUIVALENT TO SHOUTING!!! I WAS GOING TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT, BUT SOMEONE ELSE GOT TO IT FIRST

 

[mango]

Thanks all...I modified it...made it more to the point, changed to lower case and I clicked the send button before I changed my mind. Just did it 2 minutes ago. Wish me luck that it is well received. Thanks.