i am so ****ing confused. is this ***** crazy?

[the third eye]

okay, so im dropping out of college for a minimum of one year to pursue my dreams in los angeles. ive recently secured an internship at a cinematic arts school that is opening up shortly, while also working 40 hours a week bussing tables at a world famous restaurant with only 1 location. i average about $10-15 an hour there and have saved about $1800 of the planned $5-6000 that i will need to make the move in anywhere from 6-8 months after i finish my internship. i got arrested about a month and a half ago for marijuana and alcohol and also on tuesday for something i allegedly did at the same time a month and a half ago that i was being investigated for. ive only been arrested these two times and since the first time, i have quit smoking weed and drinking alcohol. im dropping out of college because i am not motivated to go because it feels like im being forced to go and also i cannot stay in this current location because it is a party tourist island where all kids who stay here end up doing food an beverage for the rest of their lives.

anyways, so my mom comes up to me knowing i am saving 90% of the money i make currently and starts ranting about how "you need to start paying bills so you know what its like when you move out! youve never payed a ****ing bill in your life!"

while she kept interrupting me and overpowering me with her screaming and yelling i finally was able to get in a single question asking "how am i supposed to pay my bills when i move out, when you want me to spend all my money im trying to save on bills now?" and she had no answer. she then started going off on some tangent about how im a sociopath and anti-social. which i think is funny because i can hang out with any number of friends any day that i want to and she is the one that sits at home in the dark all day when she isnt at her salon.

i just do not understand this. this doesnt seem like the behavior of a mother who loves her son. i love my mom but the way she is so willing to turn on her family at the drop of a pin is very unsettling.

just the other week when my dad found out i was moving out he called my mom and told her to "not forget your legal obligation to your other son" (he lives with my dad, implyign child support) and she starts freaking out about how my dad doesnt give a **** about me because she wanted my mom to pay child support and the "twangy voice he said it in." she reminded me of a single father who doesnt want to support his bastard child.

all of her concerns revolve around money and how much she is using on me. when she talks about all the things she does for me, rather than love and caring being shown there is an intense anger and hatred while she is yelling about all the things she does for me. also i should put that i never yell or get angry, she does it enough for the both of us. i always sits there and try to calmly talk while she is yelling. i honestly just want to stand up and punch her right in the face alot of times.

 

[TonyBaloney]

Hey Third Eye,

I have been awaiting a progress report; yet havent seen your journal updated.

So you must have been dealing with all of this s hit....nevermind, when i was in your shoes many years ago, i figured out that its the "time to fly the nest syndrome" happens to all creatures when they are old enough to fly the nest. Bickering occurs with parent, and eventually child heads off..... Hope it puts things into perspective....

Keep me posted on the journal.......

 

[the third eye]

Hey Third Eye,

I have been awaiting a progress report; yet havent seen your journal updated.

So you must have been dealing with all of this s hit....nevermind, when i was in your shoes many years ago, i figured out that its the "time to fly the nest syndrome" happens to all creatures when they are old enough to fly the nest. Bickering occurs with parent, and eventually child heads off..... Hope it puts things into perspective....

Keep me posted on the journal.......

yeah ive wanted to update my journal but i kind of lost the motivation for it. here are my list of excuses: ive been working 40 hours a week and im about to start an internship at a cinematic arts school totaling about 60 hours, along with several criminal charges im am dealing with currently. ive pretty much lost motivation for pursuing females currently, i realized that most women end up with men like their fathers and men end up with women like their mothers. my mom is a ****ing crazy narcissist (im a bit narcissistic as well) and i am literally afraid to get involved with any woman because she will probably end up being like my mom. i know none of these excuses are a good reason not to continue my pursuit of women. hey i have a little more motivation now that ive realized that but i still have some serious flaws that i could really use some input on.

i am a boring person and dont have much to say most of the time, the only thing i have going for me is my looks and body, which does not help me past the initial point of attraction. i just do not know how to escelate things past that first point. girls get very bored with me or i act like a total ******* to them and they stay interested for a bit longer. its ****ing crazy. im going to the doctor soon to get my testosterone tested. i had an injury to my testicles a while back and i have what feels like a small third testicle, but may just be a ton of bunched up veins. i got it checked out a while ago and the doctor said it will be fine but may hurt the function of my testicles. anywho i think they may be inhibiting my testosterone production. what do you guys think about testosterone therapy?

 

[ezio]

best testosterone therapy is sex lol..but back to your mommy issues. seeing you've decided to move out of home to persue your dreams i'd advise you don't let your mom's attitude phase you. I know **** like that can throw you off your game, its better you deal with most of your personal stuff before getting back into the game.
Forget all that bull**** about ending up with a girl like your mom! i don't know where you got all that crap from. maintain a posting frame, screen the girl you date and you should be fine plus the change of environment would help you immensely. cheers! all the best to you

 

[the third eye]

best testosterone therapy is sex lol..but back to your mommy issues. seeing you've decided to move out of home to persue your dreams i'd advise you don't let your mom's attitude phase you. I know **** like that can throw you off your game, its better you deal with most of your personal stuff before getting back into the game.
Forget all that bull**** about ending up with a girl like your mom! i don't know where you got all that crap from. maintain a posting frame, screen the girl you date and you should be fine plus the change of environment would help you immensely. cheers! all the best to you

i dont really date girls. like i said, i cant get past the initial stage of attraction. if i took a girl on a date i would have no idea what to say or where to go. this is the way it is even around my friends.