recovering
Don Juan
This thread will be my archive. I will not post to any other forum. I will not ask advice. I will not give any. Check back for updates as things progress in my life.
So yesterday, I sat here and typed out this informative post and when I clicked submit, it asked me to log in. After logging in, my post had disappeared and I was heartbroken. My story still needs to be told though, so I'm back here again. This time I will not forget to cut and paste.
So basically my story is this. I am pretty much just your average looking guy. I think the only thing that makes me stand out at the moment is the fact that I have braces.
Here's a little background on myself. I have been a member of this site for a while now. My other alter-ego, isn't really alter, but more like the person I actually am. What I mean by that is, I used the same name that I used for my email address. So, if people were to google my email address, they'd see Don Juan Discussion forum come up. I know cause I did it. From there they could see all of my won and lost battles and this is just not good. I wish there was a way I could delete every post I created, but it's there and I've moved on.
Now, I've always been ok with women. I'm by no means a PUA and the girls I've had have been average. A solid average though. Basically, I have no problem with talking to them. Conversation flows from my mouth pretty naturally. Could possibly be just because I talk about absolutely random things, but I digress.
At one point, I was the ultimate bachelor and lived with a good friend of mine who was also the ultimate bachelor. We lived in the ultimate bachelor pad. A brand new apt complex literally a stones throw away from a very high profile college. This complex had all things a bachelor would need. Gym, movie room, lounge area with flat screens and pool table, internet room, movie theatre, heated pool/hot tub and a kitchen with dining table for 8.
How could I ever give up this wonderful life. I'll give you one guess.... A woman.
I was dating about 5 women at this time. 2 who lived in my apt complex. How they never came to meet each other, I have no idea. 1 lived about an hour away and understood where she stood with me. The 4th was an asian girl who actually wanted a serious relationship and the 5th also asian just happened to be my ex girlfriend who came back into my life the summer of that year.
Things went downhill when my friend slept with one of the girls I was dating. It wasn't just him sleeping with her too, they had a 4 some with another couple. I couldn't believe it because if I had stayed, it would have been me! Anyway, our lease was up a couple months later, and I moved in with my ex. 3 months later we were married. 2 months after that divorce papers had been filed.
The next 6 months of my life would be a roller coaster I will never forget. I had to deal with her having a miscarriage, more women, lawyer fees, and plenty of therepy. I was a mess. My life had gone from the highest of highs, to the lowest of lows.
At the end of that 6 month period, I decided that things would officially be done between us. There was no fixing what had happened. I continued to see other women and once I felt they wanted more than what they were getting, I'd cut them loose without even a thought. "I'm going through a divorce right now, I don't have time to think about a serious relationship". The ones that would stick around after that line, I'd eventually get bored with and cut them also.
Eventually time healed my wounds, and I was ready to be in a serious relationship. I would meet girls and have them in my bed within a week. There was one difference now. I actually wanted to be with them. After a month, I would stop getting calls from them. We would stop hanging out. My calls stopped being returned and I realised that now I was the one being let go. I didn't go through any dry spells. I just couldn't get a woman to commit. It sucked ass!!
One day my friend who has absolutely no problems with women tells me about a book he's reading - The Game by Neil Strauss. He starts describing it and uses these words and acronyms - sarging, PUA, HB etc. I tell him that I'd never read the book, but there is a site that uses those same terms. I pretty much blow him off. He comes back a week later and is still talking about this book and how funny it is. So one day at the book store, I decide to pick it up.
This book literally sat around my house for a good 2-3 weeks before I even took it out the bag. During this time, I had attracted women, but could not get them to follow through with our plans on meeting up and hanging out. I really could not figure it out. Was I letting off some type of scent that they could pick up on? It was driving me crazy!! I decided to break the spine of this book open.
This book wasn't really all about how to pick up women. I mean, one could take some of the tidbits from the book and put everything together I guess, but overall it was about the life of a pickup artist shown through the eyes of Neil Strauss who becomes known as Style. (It's a good read, but don't think you're gonna become PUA by reading it)
The thirst came back. I started downloading and printing like crazy. I created my own books. I would briefly look through these books and read a few things . Some things would stick, others wouldn't. I didn't really take it seriously until yesterday.
There is an older lady I work with. Because of the place I work and the dorks I work with, her status is higher than it should be. She was probably a 9 when she was younger, but now she's a 6.5-7 at best. Well, working for a computer company you're bound to have a bunch of horny geeks. Unfortunately for her, they're all older geeks too. I've been the youngest guy at my company for the past 4 years.
Anyway, she's going through a divorce and has been a mess. My friend's office is next to her and she would confide in him. When she'd come in and start pouring her heart out, I'd excuse myself with "I don't wanna be drawn into this." Basically, I didn't want her to think of me as a shoulder to cry on.
Eventually she got better and the guys here would start flocking to her office. Like she was a dog in heat releasing these pheramones- but I digress again.
Yesterday, I'm down in my friends office and she comes strolling in. She talks about her leaving to take another position and the conversation goes like this.
HB: Recovering, we're gonna stay friends after I leave right
Me: I don't think we'd make good friends, I'm too high maintnence
(Without even thinking the words just poured out of my mouth and I didn't realise what I'd said until....)
HB: You're not high maintnence. What? You don't wanna be my friend?
The gears clicked in my head and I figured I'd put some things to the test.
Me: (to my friend) Dude is she always this needy?
HB: Fine... I don't wanna be your friend either.
Me: Wow, you're so sensitive.
HB: I'm a girl, I can be sensitive sometimes.
Me: You're absolutely right, but there isn't a need to be right now.
HB: So, are we still gonna be friends when I leave?
During this conversation she was eating ice cream on a stick and a little got on her nose.
Me: You're a messy eater too huh?
HB: Why, I got some on my face huh?
Me: Yeah.. A little on your nose. It's kinda cute though. Reminds me of my roommates little sister this weekend.
And with that, I left the room.
In that short amount of time, I went from thirsty, to completely starving. I copied and pasted, and printed more material and built another book and immediately started highlighting and changing the wording and concepts to better fit my personality and image.
I got home and started studying. I created routines and started memorizing . I looked through my phone and started deleting number. It's so sad. Everything I had built was nothing now. I was starting from scratch. It hurt, but was something that needed to be done.
Now I'm Recovering....
So yesterday, I sat here and typed out this informative post and when I clicked submit, it asked me to log in. After logging in, my post had disappeared and I was heartbroken. My story still needs to be told though, so I'm back here again. This time I will not forget to cut and paste.
So basically my story is this. I am pretty much just your average looking guy. I think the only thing that makes me stand out at the moment is the fact that I have braces.
Here's a little background on myself. I have been a member of this site for a while now. My other alter-ego, isn't really alter, but more like the person I actually am. What I mean by that is, I used the same name that I used for my email address. So, if people were to google my email address, they'd see Don Juan Discussion forum come up. I know cause I did it. From there they could see all of my won and lost battles and this is just not good. I wish there was a way I could delete every post I created, but it's there and I've moved on.
Now, I've always been ok with women. I'm by no means a PUA and the girls I've had have been average. A solid average though. Basically, I have no problem with talking to them. Conversation flows from my mouth pretty naturally. Could possibly be just because I talk about absolutely random things, but I digress.
At one point, I was the ultimate bachelor and lived with a good friend of mine who was also the ultimate bachelor. We lived in the ultimate bachelor pad. A brand new apt complex literally a stones throw away from a very high profile college. This complex had all things a bachelor would need. Gym, movie room, lounge area with flat screens and pool table, internet room, movie theatre, heated pool/hot tub and a kitchen with dining table for 8.
How could I ever give up this wonderful life. I'll give you one guess.... A woman.
I was dating about 5 women at this time. 2 who lived in my apt complex. How they never came to meet each other, I have no idea. 1 lived about an hour away and understood where she stood with me. The 4th was an asian girl who actually wanted a serious relationship and the 5th also asian just happened to be my ex girlfriend who came back into my life the summer of that year.
Things went downhill when my friend slept with one of the girls I was dating. It wasn't just him sleeping with her too, they had a 4 some with another couple. I couldn't believe it because if I had stayed, it would have been me! Anyway, our lease was up a couple months later, and I moved in with my ex. 3 months later we were married. 2 months after that divorce papers had been filed.
The next 6 months of my life would be a roller coaster I will never forget. I had to deal with her having a miscarriage, more women, lawyer fees, and plenty of therepy. I was a mess. My life had gone from the highest of highs, to the lowest of lows.
At the end of that 6 month period, I decided that things would officially be done between us. There was no fixing what had happened. I continued to see other women and once I felt they wanted more than what they were getting, I'd cut them loose without even a thought. "I'm going through a divorce right now, I don't have time to think about a serious relationship". The ones that would stick around after that line, I'd eventually get bored with and cut them also.
Eventually time healed my wounds, and I was ready to be in a serious relationship. I would meet girls and have them in my bed within a week. There was one difference now. I actually wanted to be with them. After a month, I would stop getting calls from them. We would stop hanging out. My calls stopped being returned and I realised that now I was the one being let go. I didn't go through any dry spells. I just couldn't get a woman to commit. It sucked ass!!
One day my friend who has absolutely no problems with women tells me about a book he's reading - The Game by Neil Strauss. He starts describing it and uses these words and acronyms - sarging, PUA, HB etc. I tell him that I'd never read the book, but there is a site that uses those same terms. I pretty much blow him off. He comes back a week later and is still talking about this book and how funny it is. So one day at the book store, I decide to pick it up.
This book literally sat around my house for a good 2-3 weeks before I even took it out the bag. During this time, I had attracted women, but could not get them to follow through with our plans on meeting up and hanging out. I really could not figure it out. Was I letting off some type of scent that they could pick up on? It was driving me crazy!! I decided to break the spine of this book open.
This book wasn't really all about how to pick up women. I mean, one could take some of the tidbits from the book and put everything together I guess, but overall it was about the life of a pickup artist shown through the eyes of Neil Strauss who becomes known as Style. (It's a good read, but don't think you're gonna become PUA by reading it)
The thirst came back. I started downloading and printing like crazy. I created my own books. I would briefly look through these books and read a few things . Some things would stick, others wouldn't. I didn't really take it seriously until yesterday.
There is an older lady I work with. Because of the place I work and the dorks I work with, her status is higher than it should be. She was probably a 9 when she was younger, but now she's a 6.5-7 at best. Well, working for a computer company you're bound to have a bunch of horny geeks. Unfortunately for her, they're all older geeks too. I've been the youngest guy at my company for the past 4 years.
Anyway, she's going through a divorce and has been a mess. My friend's office is next to her and she would confide in him. When she'd come in and start pouring her heart out, I'd excuse myself with "I don't wanna be drawn into this." Basically, I didn't want her to think of me as a shoulder to cry on.
Eventually she got better and the guys here would start flocking to her office. Like she was a dog in heat releasing these pheramones- but I digress again.
Yesterday, I'm down in my friends office and she comes strolling in. She talks about her leaving to take another position and the conversation goes like this.
HB: Recovering, we're gonna stay friends after I leave right
Me: I don't think we'd make good friends, I'm too high maintnence
(Without even thinking the words just poured out of my mouth and I didn't realise what I'd said until....)
HB: You're not high maintnence. What? You don't wanna be my friend?
The gears clicked in my head and I figured I'd put some things to the test.
Me: (to my friend) Dude is she always this needy?
HB: Fine... I don't wanna be your friend either.
Me: Wow, you're so sensitive.
HB: I'm a girl, I can be sensitive sometimes.
Me: You're absolutely right, but there isn't a need to be right now.
HB: So, are we still gonna be friends when I leave?
During this conversation she was eating ice cream on a stick and a little got on her nose.
Me: You're a messy eater too huh?
HB: Why, I got some on my face huh?
Me: Yeah.. A little on your nose. It's kinda cute though. Reminds me of my roommates little sister this weekend.
And with that, I left the room.
In that short amount of time, I went from thirsty, to completely starving. I copied and pasted, and printed more material and built another book and immediately started highlighting and changing the wording and concepts to better fit my personality and image.
I got home and started studying. I created routines and started memorizing . I looked through my phone and started deleting number. It's so sad. Everything I had built was nothing now. I was starting from scratch. It hurt, but was something that needed to be done.
Now I'm Recovering....
