I am only 21 and I faced huge reality shock... I need help from mature men.

[sodbuster]

ONE thing you need to know about any job...some days suuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Deal with it. As far as not liking nursing? YOU HAVEN"T DONE IT. You are in school,with teachers advising and backing you up. The first tooth I broke a root on and had to cut it out WITHOUT an instructor/advisor around?THEN I was a Dentist.
As an aside,when I went in the office to work; I'm like....great,have to do a filling[then the thought hit me-oh, wait, they are paying me for this....much better than school when I did it for free]

 

[Boilermaker]

some days suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck haha, what a little finesse with words, you made me smile ..

on the eve of a day that's going to suck .. in fact, it's 1AM and it has already started stinking.

good post.

 

[Fuglydude]

I do get what you're saying, but you seem to be a very grounded guy who have a very clear idea about what you want to do and what you have to deal with, whereas he's like a kid who has only been sat down & man-talked to for the first time ever. He's been pretty much in la-la land until his dad sat him down for the talk.

Personally I came from a poor immigrant background (also Asian, like him). I didn't have a luxury of choices when I started out, until now. I got whatever job I could get, and one job would lead me to the next.

All of those jobs you did - at least half of them you did simply to get by, yes? I can't imagine anyone getting excited at being a sorter at a bottle depot. The problem with young guys like him (I've seen so many) is that they never actually get started and just DO something, because they have too many choices and fiddle over which one is the most exciting.

Atm I'm doing a job I really enjoy, and some aspects of it I'm passionate about, but there are plenty of parts that are just work, that's no more exciting than bat sh1t. I'm sure everyone's dream career would be similar.

Ya I get your point, and yes, lots of those jobs were just so I could get by as I was in school. Haha, the bottle depot thing was when I was 14-15! I guess all jobs have parts that are boring as hell... even stripping! For example, if you're doing a revue in a city that's like a 5 hour drive away, the drive can be long and boring. It helps that you're driving with your buddies, but still boring!

 

[moneyisking]

Run for your life from anyone who tells you that the only worth you can achieve is by living for others. You are NOT a sacrificial animal, you owe NOTHING to anyone else, save for the obligation to observe their same rights which you hold self-evident in a society of free men.

Only a slave can work with no right to the product of his effort. No one, by any baseless appeal to your emotions, has the right to put you in chains and then pat you on the back for "doing the right thing." The only right thing you can count on is doing the right thing for yourself; it is to yourself that you must bear supreme allegiance. It is YOUR decisions, YOUR mind, YOUR life; anyone who claims any "moral right" over any of the aforementioned things is a killer, acting on the premise of death but more evil than a murderer, for they wish to end your life as a free man and make you a slave to THEIR incompetence, THEIR weakness, and THEIR rubber code of morality that attempts to champion slavery and malingering while vilifying personal ambition and productive effort.

You are not a bee in a hive, you are an individual, a sovereign end within yourself.

man im confused as it is, and your words make me stand between two sides. both of em are occluded and i can't see which is right... ah what can a clueless guy do. sure it's a path everyone goes through, but alas my confusion and continuous thoughts have deepened. but thanks for bringing your point up.

 

[Jitterbug]

Ya I get your point, and yes, lots of those jobs were just so I could get by as I was in school. Haha, the bottle depot thing was when I was 14-15! I guess all jobs have parts that are boring as hell... even stripping! For example, if you're doing a revue in a city that's like a 5 hour drive away, the drive can be long and boring. It helps that you're driving with your buddies, but still boring!

I used to have a casual job dancing for money, with clothes on. I make between $80 and $150 for a 3 min routine, dancing with a hot girl or three, spending time in the common change room as the only guy surrounded by almost naked babes. We'd party afterwards where I'd sometimes hook up with one of their friends. Even that one has boring or annoying parts that I wish didn't exist. The program manager fvcking around with the schedule close to performance time is one... I could do without that stress.

Your nursing job could be made from good to hell real quick if you have a sh1tty boss and/or grossly incompetent colleagues.

If you have the right grounded attitude and a good sense of humour, even sh1tty jobs can be made exciting. Many of us don't have a choice of what we get to do for a living, but we always have the choice to try making it enjoyable and to make the most out of the time we spend doing it.

This great post by the legendary Mr Fingerz of SS is always on my mind when topics like this come up:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=30513

THE PATH OF THE ARTIST

Now I am not saying you need to go out and become a rockstar or anything. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and I don't expect anyone to conform to my areas of interest. I am just saying that you must elevate whatever you do to an art form! One of the best ways to have natural confidence is to be passionate about what you do, and do it well! I will never forget the summer of '92. I was volunteering with a local church in Mexico, helping to build houses for poverty-stricken families. I met this cool dude named Chuck who was a bit of a veteran of these expeditions. He taught me alot about building houses and just being a generally handy guy. We were starting from scratch, so the first step was to dig out gaping craters in the earth to lay down the foundation. We didn't have a budget for bulldozers so it took like 30 volunteers to get the job done. I have never shoveled so much! After just one day, my hands were covered in blisters and I actually had to stop. I could not help but admire Chuck, who was skinnier and shorter than me, yet barely broke a sweat and managed to shovel out twice as much dirt in half the time. What perplexed me even more than this was the fact that while he was not good-looking at all (bad acne and a BIG hawk-nose), all the girls had crushes on him. Of course I was the guy they confided in because I was "one of the girls" back then (argh!!!) Their attraction baffled me because not only was he not handsome, but he would barely speak more than two words to them! He just exuded a very strong presence. One day I got up the nerve and asked him what his secret was. He stopped what he was doing and looked me in the eye and said, "Mr. Fingers, there is no secret. I just love what I do so much that nothing else matters to me. I am in my own world when I work, time is irrelevant and my mind is free from encumbering thoughts. I am simply happy to be doing this job!"

I was blown away by this attitude and in the following weeks we became great friends. He taught me so many valuable lessons, but most importantly, he made me realize the reason why I wanted to be an artist. It was because art/music was the one thing that put my frantic mind to rest. I could play the guitar for hours and become so totally immersed in what I was DOING that I simply stopped THINKING. It is my sincerest wish that you would learn this lesson for yourself! If you are unsure where your talent lies, try to remember anything that interested you as a child, something you were always naturally good at, or think of someone you admired. Doesn't matter how silly it may seem, just travel deep within yourself and find that one thing (there is probably more than one!) you can do that makes you forget where you are, what time it is, etc. If you truly believe you have no talent, you need to look deeper my friend. It is crazy how many people I know that are so talented and don't even know it! Some are great with numbers, others good at listening and interpreting, others are wizards in the kitchen, but since it doesn't fit the mold of what talent is in their minds, they discredit themselves. They fail to understand that you become an artist when you get in tune with your inner calling and make it a major focus of your life. If you ever think that your talent is worthless or stupid, just think of Chuck, the man who made an art form of digging ditches! Now, a lot of people might think you are nuts to pursue your dreams instead of getting a 9-5 till you retire and die with a whimper like you're supposed to. That's when you need to ask yourself...

In fact, that whole thread contains the answer the OP is seeking, if he can understand it.

 

[Fuglydude]

I used to have a casual job dancing for money, with clothes on. I make between $80 and $150 for a 3 min routine, dancing with a hot girl or three, spending time in the common change room as the only guy surrounded by almost naked babes. We'd party afterwards where I'd sometimes hook up with one of their friends. Even that one has boring or annoying parts that I wish didn't exist. The program manager fvcking around with the schedule close to performance time is one... I could do without that stress.

Your nursing job could be made from good to hell real quick if you have a sh1tty boss and/or grossly incompetent colleagues.

If you have the right grounded attitude and a good sense of humour, even sh1tty jobs can be made exciting. Many of us don't have a choice of what we get to do for a living, but we always have the choice to try making it enjoyable and to make the most out of the time we spend doing it.

...

WTF dude?? 80-150 in 3 minutes!? I didn't even make that much that quickly! The last year I was averaging $250 cash ($150 base + tips) for a stagette, but that's for a 20-30 minute performance. I was good at what I did and it showed up on my tips.

Why did you give up that job? I imagine there would be a fair bit of prep/choreography practice involved and that could get time consuming, but still... comon, that's still a friggin' sweet deal!

You're treated really well as a guy in a female dominated profession. I'm a pretty relaxed easy going guy, so I have no issues getting along with anyone on our unit. My manager is great, and our unit generally has great morale. ICU is an area where you simply CAN'T have incompetence... you can seriously hurt even kill someone quite easily w/ a medication error or airway mismanagement, etc. This is why we have a fairly rigorous training program and constant re-certification/professional development stuff to make sure we're good at what we do.

Oh and great link to that post by Mr. F... I really enjoyed reading it.

Money, I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but I promise you're making a good choice staying in your program and getting your RN. You don't realize it now, but once you're out on your own, you're gonna require a means of sustaining yourself. Nursing is a great career as you'll pretty much always have a job if you're good at what you do and in a specialization that is lacking qualified people (stuff like ICU/anesthesia, etc).

You can do whatever you want with your life, but having a means to make decent cash and have great job security is highly valuable in today's volatile economy. In addition you'll work with lots of women... great place to meet good quality girls or build a sound social network of females, many of whom will have attractive single friends that will wanna do you. I have lots of guy friends who are RNs but run their own financial management businesses on the side, or do other stuff. Hell I was a part time stripper for the first couple of years I was working!!

Get your RN and then figure things out... What year are you in anyways? I have a feeling you'll like it a lot more once you get into higher acuity areas. I'm not sure if you've ever helped/worked at a trauma bay or during an active resuscitation/code situation, but man, they're fantastic as its life and death... There's very few other jobs where you get to have that kind of impact on someone's life.

 

[DanelMadr]

PLEASE HELP ME, I NEED WISDOM
Hello, gentlemen. I am 21 years old Asian guy, going to university for nursing, and even though I am certainly of young age, I have faced a reality shock. You know those very few moments in life that possibly turn the course of life or psychology and mind of human being? It's one of those moments, and I really need your wisdom. I will write as detailed as I can so you can help me.

The whole stuff...world....is much simpler than you think. What makes it difficult are our false hopes and ideas about ourselves and others.

Within just 2 weeks, I had series of things that happened to me that made me to think very hard and serious about life.

1) I started lifting weights very hard with solid goal, and as my body grew, so did my mind.

Solid goals are misleading. You can end up setting goal after goal to achieve....something. The way is important. Focus on the steps you take, enjoy the ride. Goals are fine, muscles building is fine but don't expect to be "happy" after you achieve it.

2) I got major heart-broken from a girl that I really liked.

This hurts. We see it as we are not good enough for that person and that there is something wrong with us. First, there is something wrong with us....we shouldn't need other person's, especially stranger's approval of ourselves. The seek of approval reeks and repels those we want to approve us....paradox. Learn from it and ask yourself, 'Why does it hurt to be rejected?' Hint...She is not your mommy.
Second, shyt happens :]

3) I began to realize that life is really about me, not anything else; and started to realize that women are just part of life. The focus started to lean towards self.

Yes. Taking responsibility for everything (E V E R Y T H I N G) what happens in your life is a big step but it is more liberating in the end, believe me.

4) I seriously thought if nursing was something I really wanted to do. The answer was... NO.

Alright.

5) So I called my father and we had the first serious talk as father to son in life. I usually never bring serious topic to my dad. What he told me got me into reality shock that I am in right now.

Now allow me to go over 1 to 5 in details; thanks for bearing with me.

1) In every man, there is a champion, and I believe that training hard with solid goal brings out that champion mindset. I started thinking very deep and as result, I started thinking about things I never even imagined before. This is the biggest one: ever since I hit 18, I started to become obsessed with success with girls. I had a brother who was very confident, sure of life, and generally satisfied with life, and he got all the girls. As I was growing up, I always had low self-esteem, and I did everything to bring it up. Then I turned to women. At first, I wanted to be successful with girls b/c I thought it would make me happier. Then past these weeks, I thought about this and I realized I wasn't interested in success with girls. I was interested in qualities that made the man bold and sure of himself that attracted girls. Then I thought deeper, and I found out I wasn't interested in that either. I was actually interested in accepting myself and being sure of myself that would manifest as being attractive; which ironically if I became such, I wouldn't even care about girls, and they would be attracted to me. All along I tried to find myself through women, but in the end, I was actually trying to find myself and just accept myself. Remember I told you I had seriously low-self esteem growing up?

You are actually lucky. People keep chasing things to make them fulfilled, happy all their life. You went almost the whole cycle in a few years....girls, money, status, heroic deeds, you name it.
In order to appease parents and others and to stay safe, we develop ego. It is false image of ourselves which gives us sense of who we are. The ego keeps feeding on shallow thoughts, goals, labeling, excuses and FEAR. In the end some people are the Lawyer, Thinker, Appeaser, Guru, Seducer, Father etc. or all together. They seek their purpose in life, sometimes they stick to one thing and defend it like (ego)maniacs. Sometimes they oscillate between several things.

You are human being first. Then a man. Nothing but a dust, actually. Why can't you just be and in "spare time" make the world better place and even get paid for it to support your children? Enjoying the Being not being torn apart by your ego's needs. To achieve that....simple version...on a deep level acknowledge you are an idiot, find your traumas, expose them and forgive and mainly get rid the fears. Fear of rejection, fear of looking bad, fear of looking good, fear of having no ego/"purpose" and even the fear of death.
Be extremely honest with yourself and laugh at your ego trying to butt fvck you in to submission. You can take care of yourself without stupid fears. You know what is good and what is bad. You don't need fears to drive you.

2) Then, I got my heart-broken by a girl that I really liked (mostly b/c of personality, but she's very cute). As you can tell, I am not so experienced with girls, and as she was the first girl I hit second base, I guess my "love" intensified. But she cut contact and I found out yesterday from a friend that she thinks I am not it. This still brings me down, but something I have to get over with. Since this happened, I really started thinking what love and relationship is, and I got confused honestly haha...

Relationship, love IS NOT supposed to making you complete, happy. It is not to be loved unconditionally like your parents should have loved you ;-) Leave that to your children. There is no reason for it to be a struggle. The same with goals...enjoy to ride, just f@cking BE.It does not mean to stay there when the girl makes it hard to enjoy.

3) I began to realize that life was more about me, than anything else, for ex, girls. This point is elaborated in #1. But of course, I am human, so I sometimes see myself divert my focus to women.

Just do not divert all your focus on them, only to divert it somewhere else when you get bored. They are not a Purpose of yours like anything else. Actually living your life from moment to moment, without fears of the future or regret of the past should be the way.

4) I realized that nursing is not for me. First of all, I did it b/c my parents decided it for me (back then, I didn't think, so had no clue what I wanted). I actually want to do a manly job. I want to go into military and achieve high ranks, or work in CIA or FBI. That excites me, but nursing definitely doesn't. It bores me and I really don't care enough about people to care for them.

No problem with that. Just keep in mind that going to military just to prove yourself won't cut it.You end up doing stupid things. If you feel you will enjoy catching bad guys...there you go.

5) So I called my dad and we had talk. This is where I got reality shock. He told me that by the time everyone reaches 30s or 40s, NO ONE IS LIVING HAPPY. He said world is not sunshine rainbow where people goes "ooh lala, I feel great and happy and awesome everyday" and live. He said most people in jobs that "make them happy" actually DRAG themselves to do it, but they get meaning and worth out of the results and that keeps them going. I got so shocked. My goal of life was to become "happy" and joyful in life, that I would feel great to live everyday, but my dad is telling me that normal people don't live happily. They just live on b/c of things that they drag themselves to do sometimes bring meanings and worth that makes you go in later years "ah... I am not happy per say, but I lived my life good... I am not joyful and euphoric about life, but I feel pretty fulfilled". He said it's not happiness, but satisfaction. I almost came to tears when I heard and understood this... So I thought and thought... and came to this conclusion: My dad is a very wise man, but this is my life too. I will listen to him, but think more and live more to see what is up with this thing called life. I think I did grow out of that "Let's make my life happy and live in eternal joy", and I came to believe more into fulfillment, satisfaction from achievements.

Life is certainly not Disneyland ride :] And seeking for happiness is futile. On the other hand, dragging your azz around for brief satisfaction is stupid too. When you can be OK every day, every minute, not just on your kid's graduation day Staying relaxed, cool, OK all day long is much better than being happy 5 minutes every other year.

Gentlemen, at this point, I really don't know why I should live if we are all to live as maggots in the toilet reaching to get out to become a fly, but we keep slipping back to the toilet. Then even if we become a fly, we would be a vermin and dig through garbage and worry about Raid. I am never going to commit suicide, but I do understand the hopelessness of those who do it.

 

[DanelMadr]

Depression coming? F@ck it in the azz. Being just a dust does not mean it is for nothing. Breath deeply, and don't worry. The whole purpose of us being here is to make world better place for those who come after us. Or to achieve enlightenment for all or whatever. Or it has no sense at all. Who cares. World can be beautiful place, why to give it up? Better futile being than nothing at all. What a hell I know :]

To finish, I do want to say that I have been hit by the world so many times emotionally, psychologically, and mentally, that I know it's not how hard I can hit, but how much I can get hit and keep on moving forward. I think I got what it takes to do that, and I am keeping up positive thoughts. I am just afraid I will never be happy and live life in misery; then what the hell did I get up and move on forward for? Thank you, and please give me some advice, since you're wiser men than I am.

Actually you should ask children that, heh. Not old guys with much baggage to drag on ;]
What I know, you do not need to be happy. To be happy is to live for something in the future which is gone before you even know. Even with all health, money, you name it you can't achieve happiness.
What can you do is, you can stop being miserable right now. You don't need to know the Meaning of Life to live, to actually Be.
It does not mean to not care about others or the future. Just no stressing about it. Some people can be "happy" living in a desert. Some people can miserable living in Hollywood.
Learn to know yourself. Accept your true self. Get rid of hurt little boy inside.
Guard yourself to not your ego develop inside. Live.

 

[Jitterbug]

WTF dude?? 80-150 in 3 minutes!? I didn't even make that much that quickly! The last year I was averaging $250 cash ($150 base + tips) for a stagette, but that's for a 20-30 minute performance. I was good at what I did and it showed up on my tips.

Why did you give up that job? I imagine there would be a fair bit of prep/choreography practice involved and that could get time consuming, but still... comon, that's still a friggin' sweet deal!

Prep time isn't a huge amount. My main partner and I would get a call on Monday or Tuesday about a Fri/Sat gig, then we'd get together on Wed/Thu to write a routine or two (unless we can reuse one) and practice them over about 2-3h.

It sounds like a lot of money per minute (the high pay was due to our contacts in the big corporate world and high end swingers clubs), but we didn't get that many gigs. Usually we'd get one per fortnight, two (a Fri/Sat combo) if it's a good one. Take away some cash for cabs and food (drinks were free at the venues, unless we went to other ones afterwards) and there's not much left. I didn't do it for the money. You made less per minute but you got a lot more gigs, I reckon.

At that time, I was getting promoted big at work, so I was making a lot more money there and also getting busier. But the main reason I didn't want to do it anymore was that it's just not the scene for me. Making decent cash from essentially a hobby (I'd do the same gigs for free, and have done so afterwards at times) and partying with hot girls sound great, and I'm sure other guys would fit right in, but it was burning me out fast. The late nights partying, the drinking, the loud music were damaging my health. The girls are attractive & fun, but not long term prospects. The living crazy & fast thing just isn't for me. I'm the type who thinks very long term e.g I want to be doing powerlifting when I'm 80 years old, like a current legend at my club. I did that dance gig work for a while just to know what it's like. I decided to stop one night when sitting down drinking & watching the girls dancing to deafening music, I felt that I was in the wrong place, despite it being so right on appearance. And that was it.

***

moneyisking, listen to Fug about nursing. It's a job that makes good dollars, has high security, gets you around attractive girls all the time and you can move to anywhere in the world and still have a good job. Very few jobs have good security, mobility and pay well.

 

[Jitterbug]

double post.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Run for your life from anyone who tells you that the only worth you can achieve is by living for others.

Suppose you're an entrepreneur. You provide and create goods and services to fill a need that people have. Those people you service give you worth and value (and they give you money too). Without a client base that demands products and services your entire business model and your position is worthless.

Suppose you're a manager in a company (a leadership position). You create an environment of productivity and organize tasks. Your team gives you worth and value. Without a team, a manager is worthless.

 

[moneyisking]

Suppose you're an entrepreneur. You provide and create goods and services to fill a need that people have. Those people you service give you worth and value (and they give you money too). Without a client base that demands products and services your entire business model and your position is worthless.

Suppose you're a manager in a company (a leadership position). You create an environment of productivity and organize tasks. Your team gives you worth and value. Without a team, a manager is worthless.

I guess the main point is... care about people but care about yourself too. It's about balance...hm.

 

[Alle_Gory]

I guess the main point is... care about people but care about yourself too. It's about balance...hm.

It's not about caring, it's about realizing that there's no such thing as complete separation or self sufficiency. We all affect one another in some way and we all depend on one another in some way. We live in a society not in the bush.

 

[ions]

Your dad is right... except that a very small minority do LIVE! It takes great discipline and willingness to risk and lose it all.

What you have realized very few even dare to think about.

 

[vagrant]

moneyisking...are you from the bay area?

 

[r0cky]

Please do yourself a favor and get educated on the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. Look him up on youtube, google, piratebay, etc.
Your dad is half right, people in their 30's+ are not happy, but this is because of a deep flaw in "civilized' society. This is not so in societies we would concider "backward". But there is a way to solve this.

 

[r0cky]

Suppose you're an entrepreneur. You provide and create goods and services to fill a need that people have. Those people you service give you worth and value (and they give you money too). Without a client base that demands products and services your entire business model and your position is worthless.

Suppose you're a manager in a company (a leadership position). You create an environment of productivity and organize tasks. Your team gives you worth and value. Without a team, a manager is worthless.

Thats why value should come from yourself and not from your environment. Suppose you love to sing and your fans love your music, your fans give you worth and value. Now supose your plane crashes on a deserted island, are the songs you sing now rendered worthless? Not if you apreciate them. Unless you were singing to get validation from others (your fans), your new music will still have value as far as you're concerned.

Anything that is created because you value it is more appreciated by the world than something created for the approval of others. Connect this to why needy guys get nowhere and you get 10 points.