I have been seeing this girl for about three weeks now. She has bombarded me with text messages and phone calls. She called me all the time. Asked me to do stuff with her non-stop. I did see her a lot this week. I would say one or two hours each day for six days. But I had time on my hands and wanted to get to know her better. It was never me asking, I was just agreeing to her asking me out. So today, I get the "I think we should slow things down, I need my space." talk. She told me that it wasn't me, it was her and that I was acting like I was too comfortable or something around her. I think she was referring to maybe public affection? We have been making out a lot but once again, she was starting them just as much as I was. She keeps saying she wants space, so I'm going to give it to her. I deleted her number. My last words were "I don't quite understand or know what happened today but if you want to hang out or something just give me a call. Take care". Then I deleted her number. Just 12 hours ago she was asking me why I didn't go to a party with her friends since all her friends had a boyfriend there with them. 18 hours ago we were making out. I never referenced her or acted like she was my gf. I have no idea what transpired today. So what do I do? Is this one gone? I guess I should have rejected her wanting to hang out? I am disappointed and all since I liked her, but the only choice I have is I guess to move on. Can I recover from this? Or is this one gone?
I am just confused and speechless right now
- Thread starter Falcon25
- Start date
I would next her.
What you didn't do is control the frame but let her control it. You ended up seeing her way too often (6 times a week)when ever she wanted (not when ever you wanted) thus making yourself too available and thus anti-challenge. When you become anti-challenge, girls see you as being predictable and thus boring.
Also public display of affections should be used sparingly or even not at all.
What you didn't do is control the frame but let her control it. You ended up seeing her way too often (6 times a week)when ever she wanted (not when ever you wanted) thus making yourself too available and thus anti-challenge. When you become anti-challenge, girls see you as being predictable and thus boring.
Also public display of affections should be used sparingly or even not at all.
Doc Freezy
Don Juan
Tell her you love her and stalk her.
girls go wild for that ****
girls go wild for that ****
thecurtainfalls
Senior Don Juan
I've had this happen to me before, girl hooks up with me eagerly and has 10/10 interest level, then I'm too available and completely drop my "game" (although recently I've internalized my frame a hell of a lot better) and lo and behold, the attraction flies out the window.
Is this girl considered attractive and have a bunch of friends by any chance? She may have attention wh0re tendencies and the whole immature mindset that comes with that.
I would basically do what DJDamage describes.
Is this girl considered attractive and have a bunch of friends by any chance? She may have attention wh0re tendencies and the whole immature mindset that comes with that.
I would basically do what DJDamage describes.
Thanks guys,
I could see how I could have been too available but I had a couple weeks off so I thought maybe seeing her an hour or so here and there wouldn't hurt. She was practically begging me to see her. Also, is there any recovery from this? I am going No Contact and letting her contact me only. I am stopping all PDA and any other conversation about relationships (if I hear from her). I am also going to make sure I only see her sometimes. Can I get the attraction back by giving her space? Or is she just too independent and this interest is far too gone?
I could see how I could have been too available but I had a couple weeks off so I thought maybe seeing her an hour or so here and there wouldn't hurt. She was practically begging me to see her. Also, is there any recovery from this? I am going No Contact and letting her contact me only. I am stopping all PDA and any other conversation about relationships (if I hear from her). I am also going to make sure I only see her sometimes. Can I get the attraction back by giving her space? Or is she just too independent and this interest is far too gone?
thecurtainfalls
Senior Don Juan
You're not dead in the water by any means but you need to really have a drastic shift in the balance of power in this interaction, and quickly, to hope to salvage it. There might need to be a significant cooling off period.
Nexus Polaris
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2007
- Messages
- 452
- Reaction score
- 13
Two hours a day for six days straight should have been enough for you to need a little space from her. Did you even sleep with this girl during this week?
I also agree with DJDamage that you let her control the frame too much. That probably turned her off.
You're not completely blown out yet, I don't think. But I guess I don't really see why you're wasting your time worrying about whether or not she's still into you. Sure, she was cool. But why is she the only girl you're talking to right now? If you aren't in a relationship with her, there's no reason to worry about where you stand with her. You should be busy enjoying your life with whatever women you choose. You're a single man. She should be wondering where she stands with you.
I also agree with DJDamage that you let her control the frame too much. That probably turned her off.
You're not completely blown out yet, I don't think. But I guess I don't really see why you're wasting your time worrying about whether or not she's still into you. Sure, she was cool. But why is she the only girl you're talking to right now? If you aren't in a relationship with her, there's no reason to worry about where you stand with her. You should be busy enjoying your life with whatever women you choose. You're a single man. She should be wondering where she stands with you.
Kailex
Master Don Juan
Falcon25 said:
The bold part, means you answered your own question.
And when she says it's NOT YOU, it means it IS you, women just won't come outright and say stuff bluntly like that.
Next time you have time on your hands, make sure you fill that time with other women or activities to keep you busy. I know it's hard to say NO to someone from the opposite sex, but you basically validated her belief that you have absolutely nothing else going on in your life.
Yes, she was asking YOU out, but YOU should have said NO quite a few times.
I think you still have somewhat of a chance, but how you react initially will make or break you.
Hey fellas,
I am beginning to think she is bipolar. She calls me at like 7 am this morning, I don't answer. She texts me twice during the day and I finally answer one time, then she calls me three times tonight. I answer the last call and she asks if I want to go to lunch with her tomorrow. I told her I can't and was busy. I have no idea what's going on. But I'm going to start ignoring some calls and texts and only see her once or twice a week. Either she will be attracted or she will stop calling and think I'm ignoring her and lose interest in me. I have no idea what the hell is wrong with this girl. So I'm taking your advice and saying NO at least sixty percent now. I don't think she will chase after me though. I have also stopped all calls and texts to her, I just react to her contacting me now. I'm very turned off by what happened last night.
I am beginning to think she is bipolar. She calls me at like 7 am this morning, I don't answer. She texts me twice during the day and I finally answer one time, then she calls me three times tonight. I answer the last call and she asks if I want to go to lunch with her tomorrow. I told her I can't and was busy. I have no idea what's going on. But I'm going to start ignoring some calls and texts and only see her once or twice a week. Either she will be attracted or she will stop calling and think I'm ignoring her and lose interest in me. I have no idea what the hell is wrong with this girl. So I'm taking your advice and saying NO at least sixty percent now. I don't think she will chase after me though. I have also stopped all calls and texts to her, I just react to her contacting me now. I'm very turned off by what happened last night.
I must admit that I'm a bit confused when things like this happen. One thing that I've learned to do (and I got this from David DeAngelo awhile back) is to treat situations like this as you would LMR before sex. That is, if a girl rejects you for sex, completely pull back and stop everything physical (kissing, hugging, whatever). Be cool about it and act like you don't care. Basically, change the subject completely.Falcon25 said:
So, maybe you should consider it like this girl is giving you LMR. Don't completely ignore her, just act like you don't care.
She has already shown her hand by saying that "she wanted space" which is womenese for wanting space away from you so she can hop on the carousel c0ck that is out there. Now she is just a bit in a panic mode because you took her suggestion of space to heart and ignoring her ass.Falcon25 said:
Do you honestly think that just because you are ignoring her a bit that she will come crawling back after she requested space?! don't bank on this chick to turn it around, make sure you are spinning other plates.
iliketennis
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2009
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- 300
- Reaction score
- 8
are you sure she isn't just really pissed about you not going to the party with her, and the 'needing space' thing wasn't just a test?
Igetit!
Moderator
Well Kailex basically covered everything pretty well,but since you asked for my 2 cents,I'll give you my perspective.
"Even though it was her idea?" Yes,even though it was her idea and her suggestion,it was a bad thing to do.
The thing is this.....YOU are the MAN here. It's YOUR JOB to lead and be in control.
"More" isn't always better. Like Kailex said,by you spending so much time with her,you unknowingly showed her that you don't have a life of your own.
I mean if you're this man who's busy with things to do,places to go,and people to see,then what are you doing seeing her 6 days out of a week?
And you went along with it.
It's like eating and eating and eating until you get full. Once you're full,you don't want anymore.
She wanted to see you,you hung out,she wanted to see you,you hung out,she want see to see you,and you hung out,up until she had her fill of you,then she broke out the "I think we need space" line.
You should have known that if you kept "feeding her" with time and attention,that eventually,she'd get full....EVEN THOUGH IT WAS HER IDEA.
Kaliex had it right. When a girl says it's not you,ohhh...it's YOU.
She asked for space. You gave it to her. But you overwhelmed her with space.
She asked for space,but you backed off so much and for so long that now,she no longer has anything (or anyone) to need space from.
You went from giving her too much attention to creating a void in her.
You need to find somewhat of a middle ground.
I say it's ok to go out with her again,but THIS TIME,YOU be in control.
Don't just go along with whatever she wants. If you two go out on Wednesday and have a blast of a time together,then she asks to see you the next day,decline her offer.
You don't want to "feed" her until she gets full of you again.
This is where you being a MAN comes into play. I know you'd probably want to see her the next day as well,but for the good of the RELATIONSHIP,sometimes you need to deny YOURSELF.
Don't treat her as a "sexual" buffet where you're with her all the time,and don't let her treat you as an "emotional/attention" buffet where she can come and see you,talk to you,hang out with you,as much as she wants,whenever she feels like it.
Stand up and be a MAN. Don't let your desire for her control you.
Stop following her. She's following her emotions,which are erradict and unpredictable. That's why you found yourself in this erradict and unpredictable situation.
YOU lead,REGUARDLESS of her emotions.
If she gets mad,YOU lead.
If she wants to see you,YOU lead.
If she throws a fit,YOU lead.
If she threatens to walk off,then let her walk off,but YOU lead.
You can get back in touch with her,but you CAN'T be the same way you were before the "I need space" remark.
Well like one of the other members has already said,this seeing each other 6 days in a row....bad move man.Falcon25 said:
"Even though it was her idea?" Yes,even though it was her idea and her suggestion,it was a bad thing to do.
The thing is this.....YOU are the MAN here. It's YOUR JOB to lead and be in control.
"More" isn't always better. Like Kailex said,by you spending so much time with her,you unknowingly showed her that you don't have a life of your own.
I mean if you're this man who's busy with things to do,places to go,and people to see,then what are you doing seeing her 6 days out of a week?
This is why you should be in control. You allowed her to control the relationship based on her emotions,based on how she felt.Falcon25 said:
And you went along with it.
It's like eating and eating and eating until you get full. Once you're full,you don't want anymore.
She wanted to see you,you hung out,she wanted to see you,you hung out,she want see to see you,and you hung out,up until she had her fill of you,then she broke out the "I think we need space" line.
You should have known that if you kept "feeding her" with time and attention,that eventually,she'd get full....EVEN THOUGH IT WAS HER IDEA.
Bullspit.Falcon25 said:
Kaliex had it right. When a girl says it's not you,ohhh...it's YOU.
Well since she started bombarding you with texts amd phonecalls,you do understand what's happened here,don't you?Falcon25 said:
She asked for space. You gave it to her. But you overwhelmed her with space.
She asked for space,but you backed off so much and for so long that now,she no longer has anything (or anyone) to need space from.
You went from giving her too much attention to creating a void in her.
You need to find somewhat of a middle ground.
Well it's possible to recover the relationship. She does seem to be in a state of wanting to see you,but the problem is if you do re-establish the dates and going out again,and YOU go right back to your original "seeing her 6 days a week" behavior,in two or three weeks she'll go right back to needing space again.Falcon25 said:
I say it's ok to go out with her again,but THIS TIME,YOU be in control.
Don't just go along with whatever she wants. If you two go out on Wednesday and have a blast of a time together,then she asks to see you the next day,decline her offer.
You don't want to "feed" her until she gets full of you again.
This is where you being a MAN comes into play. I know you'd probably want to see her the next day as well,but for the good of the RELATIONSHIP,sometimes you need to deny YOURSELF.
Don't treat her as a "sexual" buffet where you're with her all the time,and don't let her treat you as an "emotional/attention" buffet where she can come and see you,talk to you,hang out with you,as much as she wants,whenever she feels like it.
Stand up and be a MAN. Don't let your desire for her control you.
Stop following her. She's following her emotions,which are erradict and unpredictable. That's why you found yourself in this erradict and unpredictable situation.
YOU lead,REGUARDLESS of her emotions.
If she gets mad,YOU lead.
If she wants to see you,YOU lead.
If she throws a fit,YOU lead.
If she threatens to walk off,then let her walk off,but YOU lead.
You can get back in touch with her,but you CAN'T be the same way you were before the "I need space" remark.
thecurtainfalls
Senior Don Juan
Man, Igetit!, not to be on your nuts constantly but that is a great post and I never thought about it that way before.
Women are so ruled by their emotions that they will willingly walk you into a situation where you can detonate the relationship if you allow yourself. It's almost like an unconscious sh!t test on their part. They don't know what they truly want, and it's up to us to remain vigilant and not "bite" too hard at the first sign of success.
Women are so ruled by their emotions that they will willingly walk you into a situation where you can detonate the relationship if you allow yourself. It's almost like an unconscious sh!t test on their part. They don't know what they truly want, and it's up to us to remain vigilant and not "bite" too hard at the first sign of success.
So I guess it's okay to take her calls, not contact her, text her back very rarely. Make sure if she asks to hang out, not to hang out for a while after, and keep the relationship casual. She kept saying she doesn't know what she wants and it seemed like she felt trapped in a relationship already. I am trying to keep it casual as possible. Gonna stop the heavy making out stuff unless she initiates and try to find another girl. I don't think she is ready for anything. She got very freaked out and I have to pull back. No more relationship actions. Gonna see how far this goes.