I am in a pathetic state

[JayAce]

I know how sad this post will sound, but it's been weighing on me for a long time and I feel like I'm on the brink. I'm tired of feeling this way

I was in a LTR from 2013-end of 2015. Started arguing more and more over petty things and she split up from me and moved in with a new guy a couple weeks later (who she stayed with and later married last year).

I took that breakup relatively hard from Dec 2015 (when the split happened) - till about Feb of 2016. I decided to download Tinder just to see what was out there.

Of course, I come across the usual findings of what you typically find on OLD before a woman caught my eye. We end up swiping right on each other. At least a 9 in my eyes. We send a few msgs before switching to text and we eventually meet up a few days later.

Best date I've ever had with a woman was that first date. We laughed all night and made out. And I met her off Tinder of all things. We sleep together following the second date. This was February of 2016 as mentioned.

She was 25 at the time and was planning to go back to school a few months later in June. 3 hrs away. I told myself (no problem. this is just a fling anyways)

I fell hard for this chick. We went out for only 3 months (I know, I know). Great sex, lots of adventures in those 3 months. She kept telling me we would work it out when the time came when she'd go back to school.

She treated me like a king for 2 months and 2 weeks. The last couple weeks she became increasingly distant. She eventually texted me after I asked if she was alright and said she would "rather focus on herself while away and didn't want to date". I had never seen her so cold though the last time I saw her. It was like talking to a stranger. The polar opposite of who she was during the first couple months. I acted more beta than I would have liked in hind sight after that moment. Sent her txts saying I would still be there for her while she was away. I should've just said "okay".

This was June 2016. She moved away that month and literally got into a relationship with a guy over there in July or August. A guy who went to school over there as well.

Fast forward to the end of 2016 and apparently things didn't work between them and she decides to move back home.

The extreme beta in me was like "maybe she'll contact me since she's back home now. we had fun when we were together". Of course nothing though.

I do not believe she's been in a relationship since moving back, but she hasn't reached out since literally June 2016. Yet I'm typing this in February 2018 still having the slim hope that maybe she'll remember the good times we had. Like I said, pathetic.

I've slept with women over the last year and a half. Had one openly pursue a relationship with me, but I declined. I liked her as a plate, but my interest just wasn't there.

It took me 2 months to not feel bad about a 3 year relationship ending, but here I am a year and a half later still mourning a 3 month relationship with a woman who obviously doesn't want any part of me. I don't know why my brain still tells me otherwise though. I had never experienced as great of sex before like I did with her and I did sincerly enjoy my time with her when we were together.

I doubt it matters, but she didn't know her Dad at all.

I guess I'm just posting this to get a brutal reality check and to tell me I'm indeed crazy

I'm usually a lurker and appreciate these forums.

 

[marmel75]

Another post the same answer. You have no options. The reason you think of these things is because you have nothing better to think about.

If you did you wouldn't have even wasted the time to think about this let alone type out this novella.

Get some options. Until you do expect the same thing.

 

[Milano]

Relate, bro! When you meet a woman that genetically is like a 9 to you AND with a seemingly awesome smart funny mind, its gonna be almost impossible not to get feelings. I did the same last autumn and she completely destroyed me in a surprisingly short time.

We also had the best weekends of my life in different hotels etc and I remember her saying she was starting to fall a little bit for me, letting me FOOL myself into letting my guard down and pretty much fall in love.

I also remember that last phonecall where the coldness from her felt like the greatest treachery of all times " Im sorry but Im gonna move in with my ex for a month until I get the new place, and I dont think we should see eachother now that you have feelings for me".

The worst part is that I knew I was a rebound its just that the chemistry felt 100% real to me and fooled my sorry ass. We just cant let ourselves go, unless the woman falls head over heels first but even then try to maintain control.

This too shall pass. Workout like a motherfuker and keep hunting, bro!

 

[Toddz]

As Marmel75 said above get out there and find a better woman. The second you do, this chick will be a long distant memory.

Or do what I do and date multiple women. You like them, but don't fall for any of them. And next time check your feelings at the door. You shouldn't even like a chick in that sense for at least a year all while you are qualifying her. Options are a beautiful thing.

In the end it's all up to you.

 

[btownbuck2012]

I doubt it matters, but she didn't know her Dad at all.

/thread.

Women like this leave a trail of heart broken confused men in their path of destruction. Nothing you could have done to prevent what happened.

I screen hard for this kind of crap these days. Any mention whatsoever of problems with her parents and their relationship or problems with her Dad, I ghost her. I don't even bother trying to bang them at that point. The reason being, and to my detriment, I often tend to catch feelings for women I have sex with and doing so with a woman like the one you describe is dangerous.

That coldness after that high your describe is a brutal gut punch.

 

[JayAce]

Relate, bro! When you meet a woman that genetically is like a 9 to you AND with a seemingly awesome smart funny mind, its gonna be almost impossible not to get feelings. I did the same last autumn and she completely destroyed me in a surprisingly short time.

We also had the best weekends of my life in different hotels etc and I remember her saying she was starting to fall a little bit for me, letting me FOOL myself into letting my guard down and pretty much fall in love

I also remember that last phonecall where the coldness from her felt like the greatest treachery of all times " Im sorry but Im gonna move in with my ex for a month until I get the new place, and I dont think we should see eachother now that you have feelings for me".

The worst part is that I knew I was a rebound its just that the chemistry felt 100% real to me and fooled my sorry ass. We just cant let ourselves go, unless the woman falls head over heels first but even then try to maintain control.

This too shall pass. Workout like a motherfuker and keep hunting, bro!

Sounds like we had pretty much the exact same situation happen then. We knew better than to let our guard down, but we still got suckered in. Mine said she loved me a month in while we were laying in bed lol. I legit believed her. So I did leave my guard down a little. Live and learn I guess.

/thread.

Women like this leave a trail of heart broken confused men in their path of destruction. Nothing you could have done to prevent what happened.

I screen hard for this kind of crap these days. Any mention whatsoever of problems with her parents and their relationship or problems with her Dad, I ghost her. I don't even bother trying to bang them at that point. The reason being, and to my detriment, I often tend to catch feelings for women I have sex with and doing so with a woman like the one you describe is dangerous.

That coldness after that high your describe is a brutal gut punch.

The coldness was probably the worse part. I'm not an expert on women with daddy's issues by any means, but it's like they're a robot with cutting most men off. They just move on like nothing happened while the guy is left thinking "wtf happened" "was that the same person I had been going out with that whole time" "was she ever even genuine?"

I have a question for you guys. At what point do these type of women with no father figure stop doing this? Or do they ever stop? Do you think once they hit the wall they have a "drop from the sky" moment and just settle with a man like a lot of women do or does this always continue? Will they always be this messed up?

 

[Spaz]

From ur post u seem pretty rooted down and matured.

I sincerely belief u know what's going down and just needed confirmation here.

When u spend a certain amount of time with someone you get rooted.

It's like when if u play a guitar or perhaps gotten into the habit of subconsciously juggling a pen between ur fingers for 3 months.
And when it's taken away.
You miss it.
You feel incomplete.
You just feel things r not right anymore.

What do u think u should do ?

 

[RedScorpion]

Will they always be this messed up?

The short answer of it, is yes. It's a behaviour/emotional problem that is ingrained deep within them (mostly due to childhood and parents are particularly influential). Applying broadly to mental issues in general, even people who are incredibly self aware of what the problem is - can take years to resolve or mitigate it, so it doesn't impact all their relationships. That also require steady, consistent effort on their part as well.

However, it is a difficult thing to have that level of self awareness, and the necessary consistent effort to even just offset it. Instead preferring to deny or excuse it, or partially cope otherwise. Outside influence only has a chance of working if they have those two main factors (self awareness and willingness to work on it). That's what I think anyway.

Keeping it short, I've dealt with a girl who also didn't have a dad from an early age... it was a terrible experience. Very sharp flip between 'totally into you, you are so great!' and 'you don't exist'. Not sure if the father was a main factor - but after comparison to multiple stories here, I suspect it was.