I am getting chicks interested, but I keep screwing it up

[Deadly_Assassin]

I have been on this site for a while. Its just lately after reading the bible, I started working on myself and I started really enjoying life. And what do u know? suddenly I started getting a lot of interest from the opposite sex.

Last friday night, i was out with my mates. I wore this shirt I hadn't worn in a long time. I have been training in the gym, so it actually was a bit tight. All my mates commented that I looked good in it.

Anyway, I was standing in the club waiting for a drink. I saw this pretty blonde across the room. She was with other guys and girls. She was looking at me, so I smiled. She smiled back. I think I got distracted by one of my mates, I am not sure, but I got stuck into a conversation with someone else.

After a while, I saw the blonde outside the club. I told my chick mate I was going outside to chat up the blonde. She was trying to hold me back, saying she would find me a better one. I still went anyway.

I approached the group and just started some usual talk with one of the guys. We some how started talking about travelling and I got more interested in the conversation. The group started leaving, but the blonde stayed back and joined me and the other guy. Well, she just came and stood beside us. I don't know wtf I was thinking, but I totally ignored her and I just said I had to go back in, said goodbye to the guy, and I went back inside.

Now, this is my problem. I can approach a chick. Well, most of the time. But lately, they are showing interest in me, which is making me nervous and then I fvck things up. Any tips guys?

Note to Karmasutra, really liked ur blog.

 

[Lishy]

You are screwing it up becuase you have no confidence.

I used to do this, I would see a guy and he would smile, I would find him attractive but I would just look away and not look back. I can only say that I did this as I was scared and not confident, plus I was young

When I felt more confident in myself I would smile back and make it comfortable for the guy to come over. Now I would have no problem attracting and starting converstion with a guy as I am comfortable in my skin - You need to work on this

You ignored her because you felt unsure and insecure and in turn you probably made her feel like you was not one bit interested. This is ok, it is a learning curve and we all need to learn through experience. Mark this down to experience and work on feeling good about you!

She found you attractive and that is why she stood there, mark that as a plus that you must be attractive!

Remember the most ugly of guys seem far more attractive when they have confidence, it brings out your sexuality and makes you far more attractive to the opposite sex. Insecurity can look like aloofness and conceitedness from the outside hon.

I wish you luck!

 

[KarmaSutra]

No. He has confidence. Boatloads. He doesn't have the internal mechanism to know where to direct that confidence.

I had this same problem. I've never been an introvert and have always been the one people turned to for advice. My issue was turning that advice into something I could internalize and make a point of my own reference.

Honing your internal locus will take care of that issue. First, you must confront and acknowledge that which is holding you back. Is it fear of what may happen? Is it fear of expectation? Doubt in your ability to keep your ego in check?

There isn't a shortcut or band aid for coming to terms with our insecurities. We all have them, we all use them as shields against others to save our feelings. Fo what? why hold on to any half assed, redundant modality? Because it's safe. It's comfortable.

Break out of your shell. Do those things against what your conscious mind is screaming for you to do. One act of courage will exponentially add to your confidence, 100% of the time.


Thanks for the comment on my blog. I just added a new Law.

 

[Jitterbug]

You have no approach anxiety but you have sexual anxiety (as in, you're afraid of showing your romantic/sexual interest in a woman), which makes you fvck things up and not able to escalate. Be better prepared next time. Have a few plans, plot out your moves, as such situations tend to repeat a lot. Go with your plans, stick with your moves, and eventually you'll get over it (and won't need plans anymore).

I struggled with that for a long time. Never had problems with approaching before I found the community, but I used to suck at escalating & chicken out many times when I had chances. Keep trying and eventually you'll get over it. The first few times you'll chicken out and walk away, just like you do now. Then you'll start to make some moves but you'll be shaking & nervous & feel stupid. One night you'll move right pass that dead mark and it'll be easy from then on. Good luck.

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

okay, I am going out this weekend again. I will keep u guys posted on the progress.

 

[snowdog]

I'm kinda where you are now. Maybe a little further as I talk with the girl and kino her. I found out that kino is the single most important thing to get the girl interested. Do it from the start and if she doesn't hold you back, keep going further with it. But, I do know what you mean. Try to keep talking, keep the conversation going. Don't ignore her. It's another step you'll need to take. You learned to approach, the next step is also perfectly possible. It's no voodoo or magic, you can do it too!

The problem I have is that I can't isolate and go for the kiss. Almost got there a couple of times, but that last part is f*cking scary, lol. I'm almost there And so are you.

 

[Sexual]

Approach, approach, approach. Learn from your mistakes. Learn to deal with rejection. Soon your confidence will be so high that the tides will turn and you'll find much more interest without much effort. Promise.

 

[Mavrick]

Well, my friend, you are attaching to much to the approach in your mind. Remember, it's all in your mind - every bit of it. You have to see yourself as good or better than the chick you're approaching in order to have any success. When you see yourself as the catch and not her, you stay cool, calm, and collected. It's not what you say, but how you say it along with body language.

You know all those girls that liked you, but you didn't like them in return? Those girls chased you because you didn't attach anything to them. You weren't needy or desperate. You just were, bro. So, just be!

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

Mavrick, cheers for ur post. I guess as soon as I see the chick is interested, it becomes all about her, instead of fun.

Snowdog, I am reading ur self-improvement blog. really loving it.