It's time to let go of your invisible friend.
Brother, you have so much wrong going on in this It's hard to know where to start. You're looking at this pseudo-relationship you've digitally fabricated over the past 2.5 years as if the source of all this psychodrama is originating with this fantasy single mommy. It's not. It's you who's concocting all this for yourself. Manufactured indignation is preferable to no indignation. You enjoy all this; you love the "rush", the chemical, endorphin / dopamine /adrenaline fueled high that accompanies the jealousy, the uncertainty, the suspicion, and the reconfirmation of suspicions you already knew. You got off on this just by typing your OP.
You love it, because without all of this, what else would you be doing in Montana? Playing World of Warcraft with single mommies, before you beat off to porn and then to bed? You didn't fly to Florida or Iowa or even drive to Colorado all those times, because then it would all end. All the CSI private investigator crap that gets you high would be forced to confront the reality that it's all bullsh!t and you've wasted almost 3 year playing online pseudo-boyfriend. You'd be forced to confront that you're an AFC in his late 30's who could be trapped by his own childish idealizations and saddled with social skills that never matured past his adolescence. You'd like us to be sympathetic here, reaffirming what a callous b!tch she is - she's not, she just saw you for what you are and played her role perfectly. Is she jacked in the head? For sure, but you were an easy mark for someone like her.
I'm not trying to flame you, or berate you, or ridicule you with all this - I want you to open your ƒucking eyes and unplug from the Matrix.
It's time to let go of your invisible friend.
There is no such thing as an LDR, because you have no relationship. An LDR simply does not meet the criteria necessary for it to be considered a relationship. There is no reciprocity of anything more than words passing over a phone line or an IM text. Understand me here – you have no relationship. What you have is self-assumed accountability, self-assumed liability, and internalized responsibilities to be loyal to this person. You have fidelity to an idealization, and in spite what anyone outside of your LDR will regularly tell you is insanity, this is becomes personal attack on this most insidious form of ONEitis.
LDRs are the most easily identifiable form of ONEitis and it would be laughable if it weren't so damaging to a guy's life and maturity progression. An LDR man will sacrifice years of his life in this pitiable effort to pursue his 'soulmate' across the planet or even a hundred miles away. In fact the very thought of refuting the idea that an LDR could work is equal to telling him his ONEitis isn't his soulmate. It’s easy to criticize an LDR in the terms of either party's earnestness and fidelity in entertaining an LDR, and unfortunately this is usually the tact that most people giving advice on LDRs follow. One or both parties are or will 'cheat' on the fantasized relationship over the course of time. Its true, but LDRs are far more telling of a ONEitis mentality that results in much more damaging consequences as a result of deeply conditioned self-expectations and fears.
I can't begin to list the number of otherwise intelligent and ambitious men I’ve known who've drastically altered the course of their lives to follow their ONE - their fantasy idealization. Men who've changed their majors in college, who've selected or switched universities, men who've applied for jobs in states they would never have considered, accepted jobs that are sub-standard to their ambitions or qualifications, men who've renounced former religions and men who've moved across the planet all in an effort to better accommodate an idealized woman with whom they've played pseudo-boyfriend for over the course of an LDR, only to find that she wasn't the person they thought she was and became depressive over the gravity that their decisions played in their lives.
An LDR is akin to a LJBF, but writ large and festering longer with greater impact in a man's life. You play surrogate boyfriend, voluntarily accepting and internalizing all of the responsibilities and accountabilities of being a woman's exclusive, monogamous partner with no expectation of reciprocating intimacy or sexuality. It is the ideal situation for a woman in the same manner a Booty Call is for a man - all sex with no expectations of monogamy or commitment. However an LDR is worse than a LJBF arrangement since it perversely locks a man into a success or failure mentality with regards to the "relationship" actually being legitimate. Afterall, she's agreed to be his girlfriend (from miles away) and if he's the one to falter it's his lack of perseverance in this silly ONEitis ego-investment that dooms them. Once the LDR inevitably ends he's the one left with the self-doubt, he's the one beating himself up over wasting time, money and effort and he's the one feeling guilty whether he or she is the 'cheater'.
An LDR is like having an invisible friend with whom you're constantly considering the course of your actions with. Consider the personal, romantic, familial, educational, ambition-wise, business-wise, personally maturity and growth opportunities that you've limited yourself from or never had a chance to experience because of this invisible friend. When you finally divorce yourself from this invisible friend, will it have all been worth it? Guys cling to LDRs because they've yet to learn, in POOK's inimitable words, that Rejection is better than Regret. AFCs will nurse along an LDR for years because it seems the better option when compared with actually going out and meeting new women who are potential rejection. They think its better to stick with the 'sure thing' than risk possible rejection, but it's the long term regret that is the inevitable result of an LDR that is life damaging. Nothing reeks of desperation or verifies a lack of confidence more than a guy who self-righteously proclaims he's in an LDR. Women see you coming a mile off, because you are a guy without options. In fact the only reason a man entertains an LDR is due to a lack of options. If you had more plates spinning an LDR would never look like a good idea. And finally, I'm sure I'll see the "not in my case" defense posted here about how you actually DO see your invisible friend once every 4 or six months. To this I'll say again, what opportunities are you censoring yourself from experiencing by playing house with a woman you only see this often? Do you honestly think you're the exception to the rule? Of course you do.
