This all just really p*sses me off. I'm really disapointed in myself for the way I handled all of this, especially becuase I feel like I should have known better. 5String, this desire of mine to have sex is so strong I think I'm started to cut off my nose to spite my face, so to speak. I'm getting wreckless. For all this talk about what a DJ is, a DJ is definitely a patient and composed individual, and I am not either of thos right now.
I do feel like I started off right. I think I was doing everything, at least pretty well, until the day after we had sex. And then I screwed up. It had never come that easily for me before and I assumed that I could let me guard down since she had taken her pants down. Not true. I can identify exactly what I did wrong and why things ended up the way they did. I lost my spine. And I can blame that on being too tired or whatever I want to, but the bottom line is that men who win don't make excuses. They win. And this time I lost.
Sometimes I think victories are more about how you perform at your worst than at your best. And especially doing all you can to minimize all factors that will bring your level of performance down, like lack of sleep. It was BS that I spent so many nights last week up sending sexual messages back to her. For the sex we did have on Tuesday, the rest of the week wasn't worth the BS. And a sexual text message does not equal sex. BTW. Texts are words. Sex is an action. I don't trust words.
