I (20M) broke up with my first gf (21F) of 1,5 years.

[SchizopilledSigmaRoider]

I couldn't take it anymore, we were constantly fighting, rarely seeing eachother because of work/studies. (yes it was a ldr, like 1 h car drive). I felt as if I had lost her respect over the past 6 months. I went to her city and we took a walk on the beach last night and I told her I think it's for the best to break up. I will never forget the look on her face. She was devastated, like I had crushed her entire world. We cried and she was begging me to give it another chance, but I had made up my mind. She said she still loved me and blamed herself for fighting with me so much over the last months. I wouldn't ***** out and let her convince me. It was the most emotional night in my entire life, first relationship, first breakup. It was like abandoning a puppy in the woods. But eventually she took it as an adult. I might never see her again. When I went back home I felt empty inside.

I'll probably be sad for a week or so but then just move on. Jesus Christ, I've never experienced something like this before, it was brutal. I hope the image of her sad face begging me to take her back will not come back to haunt me.
How do you cope with something like this bruhs?

 

[Dr.Suave]

Exercise, video games, Movies, Tv, Meeting better girls, and keep reminding yourself this was for the best.

 

[Serenity]

It will pass for both of you. Remind yourself it wasn't working out and it was probably for the best to end it for both of you. Take that week or two to feel whatever you feel, get it out of your system, then look up and forward towards what you want to do next.

You'll probably never forget her sad face, but it doesn't have to haunt you if you accept it for what it is. She was acting on emotion, she'll be fine and get over it too.

In my experience the fastest and healthiest way to cope is to just face the emotions and let it run its course until it runs out of steam. Trying to suppress it and cope by distractions can be problematic in the long run, that's how sh!t keeps coming back to bother you down the road.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Exercise, video games, Movies, Tv, Meeting better girls, and keep reminding yourself this was for the best.

Why not loads of porn, fapping, play mate doll, hookers and a sex robot? Oh yeah.. I almost forgot; add some more fapping?
and keep reminding yourself this was for the best. lmfao...

 

[SchizopilledSigmaRoider]

It will pass for both of you. Remind yourself it wasn't working out and it was probably for the best to end it for both of you. Take that week or two to feel whatever you feel, get it out of your system, then look up and forward towards what you want to do next.

You'll probably never forget her sad face, but it doesn't have to haunt you if you accept it for what it is. She was acting on emotion, she'll be fine and get over it too.

In my experience the fastest and healthiest way to cope is to just face the emotions and let it run its course until it runs out of steam. Trying to suppress it and cope by distractions can be problematic in the long run, that's how sh!t keeps coming back to bother you down the road.

thank you

 

[Black Widow Void]

Breakups can be similar to knowing someone that passes away.
What I mean is... someone could have passed away that we didn't completely care for, but in time, we forget the bad and only remember the good. Also, if we believe that we contributed any negativity in their lives... we can suddenly feel this over exaggerated impact.

As much as you might want to nurture her during this process, it's nearly impossible to console, while also breaking away. The best gift you can offer her is distance and time to heal.

As to your healing process, my advice is to write down (seriously... write it down) any and all reasons that prompted you to do the breaking up. As mentioned above, time and our brain can sometimes play 'tricks' on us. By writing your reasons down on paper, you'll maintain more of a balanced view and the healing process will be quicker.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

I couldn't take it anymore, we were constantly fighting, rarely seeing eachother because of work/studies. (yes it was a ldr, like 1 h car drive). I felt as if I had lost her respect over the past 6 months. I went to her city and we took a walk on the beach last night and I told her I think it's for the best to break up. I will never forget the look on her face. She was devastated, like I had crushed her entire world. We cried and she was begging me to give it another chance, but I had made up my mind. She said she still loved me and blamed herself for fighting with me so much over the last months. I wouldn't ***** out and let her convince me. It was the most emotional night in my entire life, first relationship, first breakup. It was like abandoning a puppy in the woods. But eventually she took it as an adult. I might never see her again. When I went back home I felt empty inside.

I'll probably be sad for a week or so but then just move on. Jesus Christ, I've never experienced something like this before, it was brutal. I hope the image of her sad face begging me to take her back will not come back to haunt me.
How do you cope with something like this bruhs?

Well seriously it will pass.
Actually the best thing you can ever do is to bang a new chick as fast as possible and you will forget about it quicker than counting to 1,2,3. It always works. While it is a an emotional experience, the good thing is that we guys aren't that emotional creatures instead we born to smash.

So the remedy is to smash new chicks, the faster you set up a rotation of babes, the faster you will recover.

 

[FinallyAlpha]

OP, my man!

Well done. You have aced an important test on the never-ending journey of becoming a Man.

From the information you provided in these two threads, this was absolutely the correct decision. And you have shown very strong backbone in how it went down. Honestly, take a moment to acknowledge that. Not a lot of men, let alone 20 year old men, have the balls to face up to reality the way you did.

So, what now? My thoughts:

1. Manage stressors. Be unusually kind to yourself. Some people manage these moments by throwing themselves into work or the gym. But I would say, take the opportunity to perhaps reduce the intensity of work / school projects and other obligations and allow your body and mind to process these challenging post-breakup conditions. This, IMO, will be more beneficial to short-term and long-term health and will give you space to fully realize some of the immensely useful insights that are coming your way from this experience.
2. Proactively seek out things you enjoy. Enjoyment is the key here. Not purely pleasure-seeking. Not chasing dopamine spurts. But, sit for a moment and ask what you enjoy doing. Playing football? Watching football? Dinner with friends? Cooking alone? Make time for these things; this will further enrich this process of allowing learning and insight to land. Again, not blindly chasing pleasure from fast food, sex, drugs or booze, as these can be counter-productive in these moments.
3. Embrace the clarity of pain. These are incredible moments of clarity - and, trust me, they are rare. If you are so inclined, journal; you will be amazed by what you might write. Also, what have you been procrastinating on? What did the comfort of this relationship dull out in your life? Following my most-recent breakup (a painful one), I immediately booked my first ever solitary retreat in the mountains. This was something that I had known for years was important to me and that I would do 'one day'. The clarity from the pain will dissolve procrastination. What are your true priorities? Go do that!

Again, well done.

You'll probably never forget her sad face

Yes, he will.

 

[SchizopilledSigmaRoider]

OP, my man!

Well done. You have aced an important test on the never-ending journey of becoming a Man.

From the information you provided in these two threads, this was absolutely the correct decision. And you have shown very strong backbone in how it went down. Honestly, take a moment to acknowledge that. Not a lot of men, let alone 20 year old men, have the balls to face up to reality the way you did.

So, what now? My thoughts:

1. Manage stressors. Be unusually kind to yourself. Some people manage these moments by throwing themselves into work or the gym. But I would say, take the opportunity to perhaps reduce the intensity of work / school projects and other obligations and allow your body and mind to process these challenging post-breakup conditions. This, IMO, will be more beneficial to short-term and long-term health and will give you space to fully realize some of the immensely useful insights that are coming your way from this experience.
2. Proactively seek out things you enjoy. Enjoyment is the key here. Not purely pleasure-seeking. Not chasing dopamine spurts. But, sit for a moment and ask what you enjoy doing. Playing football? Watching football? Dinner with friends? Cooking alone? Make time for these things; this will further enrich this process of allowing learning and insight to land. Again, not blindly chasing pleasure from fast food, sex, drugs or booze, as these can be counter-productive in these moments.
3. Embrace the clarity of pain. These are incredible moments of clarity - and, trust me, they are rare. If you are so inclined, journal; you will be amazed by what you might write. Also, what have you been procrastinating on? What did the comfort of this relationship dull out in your life? Following my most-recent breakup (a painful one), I immediately booked my first ever solitary retreat in the mountains. This was something that I had known for years was important to me and that I would do 'one day'. The clarity from the pain will dissolve procrastination. What are your true priorities? Go do that!

Again, well done.



Yes, he will.

Thank you for this. You brought me to tears

 

[Serenity]

Yes, he will.

Let me clarify, he probably won't forget the image, but it will stop mattering. The emotion of it will disappear.

 

[SchizopilledSigmaRoider]

Let me say this guys. I have made threads on here about my relationship since I created my account (however I have deleted all but one of them). The problems really started ∼ 6 months into the relationship. Relationships were completely new to me and in hindsight I was a bluepilled AFC, so naturally there were conflicts. It got to the point where I suspected she would breakup with me. Luckily I came across The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi. I slowly but surely started unplugging and made changes. This temporarily saved the relationship. However, there were wounds that could not be healed and I had already broken several of Tomassi's "Iron rules".

Later on these problems would resurface combined with new challenges to our relationship, constantly arguing, prioritizing work/studies, and her hinting about marriage (despite both of us being very young). I could not see a future with her. So rationally the decision was simple, break up. But emotionally this was hell, as I stated earlier, but I'm glad I could see through it. I want to thank all you guys on this site for all the advice you have given me. And make sure you read that book!

 

[s74rk]

Tough break man, reminds me of my first one around your age. You did great though!

As others have said, take some time to yourself. Take time off of 'the game' and enjoy the more holistic things in life. Spend time with friends, it's good to be around others during times like this. And of course with more free time you can focus on all the great self-improvement aspects even more so. Looks like you might be a lifter, that's a fantastic habit to have in your early 20s.

Let me provide some longer-term perspective here, especially assuming you live in the West - North America, Western Europe, Australia/NZ, these kind of modern and more liberal/feminist countries.

Going forward you probably will not have good long-term relationships in your 20s, and I'd follow the advice of guys like Rollo and Rich Cooper etc who recommend not to date seriously in your 20s.

It's not a negative judgement on you, it's something I've observed in the vast majority of guys, myself included. The environment is really not conducive for forming and maintaining bonds. Every social force and influence pushes the genders apart and encourages hedonism and social fluidity. Furthermore, in your 20s, while you may develop your physique, have good looks, be ambitious, etc, you probably won't have the status and financial resources to really keep a strong serious relationship. You need to be such a full and complete package to be a woman's top and only option, when they are exposed to so much.

More importantly, even if you read everything under the sun, you won't have the experience of female nature internalized until you deal with it for a long time. You'll also get to take the time to learn what you like and value in a potential partner. All these reasons are why more experienced guys suggest to stay mostly single and play the field in your 20s.

I've definitely had a few LTRs in my 20s, obviously all of them ended some way or the other. I don't necessarily 'regret' them, as in they were all negative and terrible experiences, but I definitely understand the opportunity cost, and if I could go back with my present knowledge, I would screen harder and not have started most of those relationships. You get to points where you're spending a lot of time together building a bond, only for that to end - what a bad investment, and it's caused by fairly obvious things you see in hindsight. There's a small financial cost maybe, but the emotional and time costs are bigger. In your 20s, the probability of a LTR failing is very high.

Especially if you're a guy who found these kinds of forums, you're probably better suited to playing the field, having a few flings here or there. Then if/when you do get into something more serious, you can do so out of a position of abundance (and this takes time, won't be in your early 20s) and after having studied and experienced lots of red flags and screening techniques and built up your value as a man.

Anyways, enjoy your new found free time, chill out with the bros, and have some fun

 

[SchizopilledSigmaRoider]

Tough break man, reminds me of my first one around your age. You did great though!

As others have said, take some time to yourself. Take time off of 'the game' and enjoy the more holistic things in life. Spend time with friends, it's good to be around others during times like this. And of course with more free time you can focus on all the great self-improvement aspects even more so. Looks like you might be a lifter, that's a fantastic habit to have in your early 20s.

Let me provide some longer-term perspective here, especially assuming you live in the West - North America, Western Europe, Australia/NZ, these kind of modern and more liberal/feminist countries.

Going forward you probably will not have good long-term relationships in your 20s, and I'd follow the advice of guys like Rollo and Rich Cooper etc who recommend not to date seriously in your 20s.

It's not a negative judgement on you, it's something I've observed in the vast majority of guys, myself included. The environment is really not conducive for forming and maintaining bonds. Every social force and influence pushes the genders apart and encourages hedonism and social fluidity. Furthermore, in your 20s, while you may develop your physique, have good looks, be ambitious, etc, you probably won't have the status and financial resources to really keep a strong serious relationship. You need to be such a full and complete package to be a woman's top and only option, when they are exposed to so much.

More importantly, even if you read everything under the sun, you won't have the experience of female nature internalized until you deal with it for a long time. You'll also get to take the time to learn what you like and value in a potential partner. All these reasons are why more experienced guys suggest to stay mostly single and play the field in your 20s.

I've definitely had a few LTRs in my 20s, obviously all of them ended some way or the other. I don't necessarily 'regret' them, as in they were all negative and terrible experiences, but I definitely understand the opportunity cost, and if I could go back with my present knowledge, I would screen harder and not have started most of those relationships. You get to points where you're spending a lot of time together building a bond, only for that to end - what a bad investment, and it's caused by fairly obvious things you see in hindsight. There's a small financial cost maybe, but the emotional and time costs are bigger. In your 20s, the probability of a LTR failing is very high.

Especially if you're a guy who found these kinds of forums, you're probably better suited to playing the field, having a few flings here or there. Then if/when you do get into something more serious, you can do so out of a position of abundance (and this takes time, won't be in your early 20s) and after having studied and experienced lots of red flags and screening techniques and built up your value as a man.

Anyways, enjoy your new found free time, chill out with the bros, and have some fun

Thank you. Yes, my plan is to not get into a LTR until after my 20's and when I want to start a family maybe

 

[Barrister]

OP - let me say that breakups at your age are the hardest of all in my experience. I broke up with a LTR from high school when I was 20 and it was the hardest thing I have ever done as far as ending a relationship - harder than even my divorce.

LDRs are a waste of time and you are right to move on. Also, if she had lost respect for you make no mistake that her breaking up with you was only a matter of time. Her visible grief is partly due to you beating her to punch and ending it on your own terms rather than on hers.

Don't worry about rushing to see other women until you are ready - with one caveat. You will crave your ex if you are not seeing other women. So the best way to resist this will be to begin seeing other women.

 

[Murk]

Congrats! These breakups (that you instigate) get easier but they are always hard, good practice for the future. Much easier than being dumped but carry their own (different) kind of pain. You just need time.