I’m watching marriages blow up left and right. It’s depressing.

[expos]

See the title of this thread. Got to hang out with a bunch of old friends this past weekend after relocating to a different town and not seeing them much in the past year. I got a good run down of all the divorces that have happened since I left and it’s gotten me a little depressed. What really is unsettling is going back and looking at some their wedding photos on Facebook and seeing how incredibly big and wonderful these events were and how happy everyone looked. I think about the father of the brides, how much money they spent on that big day, and how it all went to waste a few years down the road. Some of these marriages were really really short…I found all of it incredibly depressing.

My marriage lasted just under three years. We had a big wedding, around 400 people in a CHURCH. It’s been nearly two years since my divorce is finalized and it’s so strange to think that I’ll never speak or see my ex-wife or her family again. We didn’t have kids, so there is no reason for contact. These people were in my life for several years, their daughter had my last name, we had this really nice house….it’s really hard to comprehend all of it. What’s worse? My ex-wife is about to get remarried this October to the guy she hooked up with when we were married.

I just shake my head at the absurdity. I still have my ring. Sometimes I still look at it and wonder what it means. Sometimes I have the urge to mail it back to her. Just an envelope with the ring in it and nothing else. (yeah, not a good idea I know and I’m not going to do this.)

It made me wonder what the point is, if at all. I’m watching all kinds of scenarios unfold before my eyes. A rich guy marrying his high-maitenence girlfriend after knocking her up and then divorcing when the kid is two, A poor couple with two kids separating after eight years. A friend who had dated his girlfriend since college for about 10 years, then they divorce after two years of marriage. A former friend who is girl who called it after eight months (seriously). A guy who has a 20 year kid, marries a girl he recently knocked up, and they split after a year (disaster). A couple who had only been dating a year before getting engaged is also calling it quits after three years (this was her second marriage, no surprise there).

The divorce rate is nearing 60%…yes…it’s that bad.

What they heck is wrong with people? Is it really that hard for two people to tough it out and make it work? Are the vows just empty from the beginning? Sorry it’s late and my mind is drifting.

 

[Dreesy]

Times have changed, and marriage no longer plays the same role it once did in society. We see evidence of this every day.

Marriage doesn't seem to be taken as seriously anymore, and since divorce is so commonplace, people don't feel as threatened to walk away after a few struggles.

Of course you also have things like marketing (sexual brainwashing), status quo, feminism, and others - to push people towards the 'common path' (marriage, family, cookie-cutter career), and in the end it's just another excuse for people to stop thinking for themselves.

Ask these people why they got married in the first place. I'm sure most of them wouldn't even be able to tell you.

 

[expos]

women generally ruin and leave their marriages out of sheer boredom.

Pathetic....and true.

 

[foreverAFC]

marriage is for suckers

 

[Zarky]

marriage is about as relevant today as the horse and buggy. I firmly believe that any dude who gets married -- unless it's to a girl from an insanely rich family -- has been brainwashed by society.

 

[Stagger Lee]

What happened to marriage? Feminism. This also applies to what happened to dating and just about anything dealing with women too. Feminism and the sexual revolution was primarily about facilitating most every average female to socially and economically sloot it up with a minority of top tier (as females see it) males, while the majority of males are on a never ending treadmill..

Females aren't capable of making sound decisions that benefit everyone involved or even themselves. Do you think it was by accident or sheer stupidity that for thousands of years maybe 100s of thousands, most of human history, that females were not given the power to make all their own decisions unilaterally and were considered the property of their fathers and then their husbands?

Some things change, technology changes, but human and female nature and the proper order of things never changed.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Regardless of status quo or feminism or whatever consequences marriage faces right now. IMHO marriage should of never of existed regardless, its unnatural and down right creepy, not to forget to mention childish. Its was a social construct, people need to get over that fact marriage is slowly eroding away.....THANK GOD

 

[ArcBound]

What happened to marriage? Feminism. This also applies to what happened to dating and just about anything dealing with women too. Feminism and the sexual revolution was primarily about facilitating most every average female to socially and economically sloot it up with a minority of top tier (as females see it) males, while the majority of males are on a never ending treadmill..

Females aren't capable of making sound decisions that benefit everyone involved or even themselves. Do you think it was by accident or sheer stupidity that for thousands of years maybe 100s of thousands, most of human history, that females were not given the power to make all their own decisions unilaterally and were considered the property of their fathers and then their husbands?

Some things change, technology changes, but human and female nature and the proper order of things never changed.

I'd say feminism is a part of it, significant though.

The West is a culture that for quite some time has been about individuality. Which led to great advances but also great pitfalls. When society glorifies individuality, it is easy to break and corrupt people.

If you break the individual, the relationships they form will also be broken. If their relationships are broken, that will extend to their families. All the while you see age old institutions breaking in parallel.

Raising Kids? Put them in a day care 5 days a week. That's healthy.
Marriage? Nothing more than a glorified LTR.
Neighborly Love? Replaced by general distrust of others.

A society and civilization is built by a collective (no I don't mean in the Marxist sense though that is one example) When you encourage individuality as a goalpost, see collective values as boring, you deride social cohesion. In simpler terms, Me, Me, Me.

Either we end up with a new culture that encourages values of stability or we continue down this road.

 

[Stagger Lee]

Regardless of status quo or feminism or whatever consequences marriage faces right now. IMHO marriage should of never of existed regardless, its unnatural and down right creepy, not to forget to mention childish. Its was a social construct, people need to get over that fact marriage is slowly eroding away.....THANK GOD

That's the stupidest thing I ever read. All laws and rules are a social construct. Should we do away criminalizing theft, murder, pedophilia, rape etc? Everything but anarchy is a social construct. Feminism and a cad society is a social construct. What social constructs benefit you as a man that's not top 5%?

 

[ArcBound]

Regardless of status quo or feminism or whatever consequences marriage faces right now. IMHO marriage should of never of existed regardless, its unnatural and down right creepy, not to forget to mention childish. Its was a social construct, people need to get over that fact marriage is slowly eroding away.....THANK GOD

Yes monogamy is a construct and people of the past knew this.

http://marriedmansexlife.com/2014/06/is-monogamy-making-you-unhaaaaappy/

This guy makes an argument that monogamy is unnatural yet it has its uses that was known throughout the ages.

 

[Stagger Lee]

I'd say feminism is a part of it, significant though.

The West is a culture that for quite some time has been about individuality. Which led to great advances but also great pitfalls. When society glorifies individuality, it is easy to break and corrupt people.

If you break the individual, the relationships they form will also be broken. If their relationships are broken, that will extend to their families. All the while you see age old institutions breaking in parallel.

Raising Kids? Put them in a day care 5 days a week. That's healthy.
Marriage? Nothing more than a glorified LTR.
Neighborly Love? Replaced by general distrust of others.

A society and civilization is built by a collective (no I don't mean in the Marxist sense though that is one example) When you encourage individuality as a goalpost, see collective values as boring, you deride social cohesion. In simpler terms, Me, Me, Me.

Either we end up with a new culture that encourages values of stability or we continue down this road.

I still see that as part and parcel of feminism. Men were individual with their woman/wife and kids and were collective with other men. Feminism divided men against each other and women against men, while women are united front to dictate to each and every male as a powerless individual. Society is/was built by collective of men. Women were just cheerleaders/caregivers in the background.

 

[rascal99v]

Marriage is a joke nowadays. Women treat marriages like relationships. When they get bored of it, they either separate or get divorced knowing they will get the dude's shi1t plus getting some c0ck from another guy. How can they go wrong with that?

Most women who get married aren't really in love as they think, they also don't want to work through any problems that can be fixed. With the internet that includes social media there are so many new ways for married women to cheat. Back in the old days a woman had to go out to meet men. Now they can sit just on their ass in front of the computer and get hit up by any number of dudes.

The messaging begins, numbers exchange, the texting starts to where it is all hidden from the husband. Then a meet up and then the affair. Then some of these anti texting guys have the nerve to say "Texting Kills Relationships". Actually it technically did, because the texting killed the fvcking marriage when the woman cheated. But yeah, texting does work to get laid and to cheat as well.

Today's society has changed and more older women are trying to act like their daughters. The last 4 girls I went out with all had divorced mothers. Then you know why those chicks are fvcked up too. It's a cycle that keeps repeating and recycling with each new generation. Sad but it's true.

I have a couple of friends who were dumb enough to get married right out of High School. They both joined the Marines and had the pleasure of coming back home to cheating wives where one was charged with an assault charge after she tried to hit him. All he did was try to block her hand after he confronted her on her cheating. He had to go through a program just to see his kids under supervision. It really sucked and there are more men out there today going through it.

It might be none of my business Expos, but I don't think you should reflect over your divorce like this. It happened, so move on and don't think about not seeing your ex wife. When you start thinking like that it, affects your mind set and inner game which is the most important part you need to succeed with women.

 

[Kailex]

I'm pretty much done with the idea of marriage. It doesn't help that my parents are divorced and most of my aunts and uncles are as well, and that's the generation where it all began.

Both my grandparents lasted until death parted them.

My sister is set to get wed next year but she has been with the guy for over 5 years and he pretty much is a regular DJ from what I've seen. Who knows what'll happen there though.

My best friend got engaged after a month of being with his girlfriend. A year later, they got married (April 2013). He now lives on his own and is divorced and enjoying the single life.

It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I'll probably never marry and I have numerous threads about me completely being on the side of never having kids. Things just aren't the same anymore. Too many people settle now and even the relationships that I know that are "still together", are pretty much unhappy. Why subject myself to that? Specially at such a young age of 33. Yes, there might be a day where I decide to actually marry someone, but why? Why take away all of my freedoms for 1 person? Maybe that'll change when I am 40 or 45 or who knows... but for the time being, I gain NOTHING from being married.

All I ever hear is how I will die lonely. Not really, I plan on getting a dog.
Some people say I will live longer. I'd rather die 5 years earlier and live happy than live 5 years longer and live miserably.

There is just absolutely no advantage right now for an American man to get married other than a tax break.

 

[Tictac]

Many women love the idea of getting married - all the hoopla.

Being married is quite another story.

 

[expos]

It might be none of my business Expos, but I don't think you should reflect over your divorce like this. It happened, so move on and don't think about not seeing your ex wife. When you start thinking like that it, affects your mind set and inner game which is the most important part you need to succeed with women.

Great post. No problem man. I have had a girlfriend for nearly 10 months now, so I don't do much ruminating like I did a year ago. Every once in awhile those feelings appear and I process them and move forward. I will not see my ex-wife again, unless it's through facebook, as I we live over 2 hours apart now. She'll most likely get divorced again anyways. She's that bad.

My new girlfriend wants to get married. But 10-12 months is way too quick of an engagement so I'm giving it a few years to really make sure we are right for each other. I see no hurry in this at all, in fact, I want to extend what we have now (trips, hot sex, late nights, etc) for as long as I can because it's very happy period for us. Thanks.

 

[dasein]

OP, man you are free. Stop worrying about the past and what other people are dealing with. You...are... free.

Unless a man definitely, certainly wants children, there is no reason to ever marry. For men today, marriage has the equivalent risk profile of taking up heroin, crack or meth.

 

[Kailex]

And BTW I think getting rid of the ring back is a GOOD idea. But I wouldn't send it to your ex-wife. I would toss it into the ocean.

Pawn it. Might as well get a few dollars out of it.

 

[El Payaso]

Marriage is fvcked up in America. It is still great in countries where the white knights in politics and the court system haven't handed all the power to the feminists. Which is why I'll never, ever raise a family in this country.

 

[expos]

OP, man you are free. Stop worrying about the past and what other people are dealing with. You...are... free.

Unless a man definitely, certainly wants children, there is no reason to ever marry. For men today, marriage has the equivalent risk profile of taking up heroin, crack or meth.

It's just natural for me to worry about the people who matter to me. I don’t think it delays my healing - I’m just offering support if they want it. Unfortunately, a lot of males aren’t open to discussing feelings and I understand that. I vented pretty heavy here when I was going through my issues and I do credit this site for getting me to a better place, getting a good woman, dumping bad women, setting boundaries and working to improve myself. I'm glad I found this place, because I would've probably continued on my path of passive, "nice guy" behavior.

I don’t think a lot of people are willing to do the work to become a better person after something traumatic. Especially women when it comes to relationships They just jump to the next person and repeat the same problems. They suffer no consequences for their behavior, because there is no shortage of beta orbiters to enable them.

 

[Albatross953]

I actually asked for my ex to give me back her rings. And while I think we all reflect on Wtf happened at some point it made me feel better that I had taken something back.

I don't really mourn my marriage anymore, but I do wonder about all the guys who don't have to deal with this crap. All the beta dudes who get a free pass. And I wonder how low society can sink.

And then I think, maybe I should pawn the rings and buy a supercharger for my truck..