I’m retarded, missed all the red flags

[dk1990S111]

My life is a shell of what it was before this woman came into it. I knew the things that should have stopped me from getting involved with her but ended up getting with her anyways and ended up having a kid.

She has gotten mad at me for needing to go to the bathroom before helping her build something.

Got mad at me for “just wanting to be on my phone” during a mini vacation even though I had proof I wasn’t. Showing her that my buddy’s fb messenger chat was unopened for 1.5 hours and it took me 30 min to get a text back to a customer. But still told I was on the phone the whole time not appreciating that she paid for the trip.

Now tonight, I get a call from my mom. I don’t want to be on the phone because I know the woman is gunna use it it to start something so I’m clearly uncomfortable and want to get off the call. As soon as I’m off the phone it’s “what was that all about?” When I try to explain that I don’t ask her what her calls are about, she just deflects and says that she’s just a caring partner. Naw, she’s manipulative and controlling and treats me like her child.

Don’t ignore the red flags guys. Living in hell because I ignored them. Thankfully not married but I need to get her out of my house

 

[Michael Chief]

I, too, have been in toxic relationships with sh!tty people. Took me way to long to accept how sh!tty they were because the sex was so good or they were so hot. Experience is a good teacher. It helps to review the list of narcissism symptoms every now and again.

Hope you get out of this a better man, bro.

 

[Aurora Demon]

Not just girls, even guys can be toxic. Make a list of red flags and behaviors you won't tolerate.
But ALSO, make a list of behaviors and ways you WANT the girl to treat you. Then reference back to it.
Red flags are infinite, your red flags might not be mine. Vice versa.
I've ignored some really stupid red flags.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

Women are only going to be brought to heel when our societal systems no longer subsidise their financial ability to be independent. When men can legally be hired preferentially, when welfare is no more, when divorce courts go from white-knight to black-knight and when slvts get ostracized from society, women will fall in line with no shackles and beatings required.

A few around here seem to be stuck on the notion that women are heartless b*tches that both crave and deserve abuse and misery. Game, properly executed, should result in a loyal, loving woman.
My personal feeling is that many woman can only find happiness with a dominating, dictatorial male. Cruel to be kind. Yes.

 

[soulforge]

Had my share of experience recently with a toxic female & yes it's often her good looks and charm that blindsides us from her true personality.

I know how you feel about being treated like a child OP.

In my situation, while at her house, I left my mobile phone playing YouTube, while I ran to the bathroom. I was gone for maybe 5 minutes.

In that time she went through my mobile phone. My pictures, my contacts & my chat conversations with girls from months & months ago before I had even met her.

Long story short.. From that point onwards, she began demanding I hand my phone over to her, so she can look through it, whenever she tells me.

I recall being sat in her kitchen, and she pretty much ordered me to hand my phone over, like a mother speaks to her unruly child.

I obviously refused.. she began getting angry & claiming I had something to hide.

I let her know, I'm a grown azz adult, never talk to me in that way.. never think you can simply demand me to hand my phone over.

Obviously she is an ex now, because things didn't get better haha.

 

[soulforge]

Women are only going to be brought to heel when our societal systems no longer subsidise their financial ability to be independent. When men can legally be hired preferentially, when welfare is no more, when divorce courts go from white-knight to black-knight and when slvts get ostracized from society, women will fall in line with no shackles and beatings required.

A few around here seem to be stuck on the notion that women are heartless b*tches that both crave and deserve abuse and misery. Game, properly executed, should result in a loyal, loving woman.
My personal feeling is that many woman can only find happiness with a dominating, dictatorial male. Cruel to be kind. Yes.

If from the offset, you rule with an Iron fist, you don't allow her any passes for bad behaviour & you demonstrate that you will walk away, if she steps too far out of line, then yes, it's possible to keep these modern women in line.

However this dominant dictatorial male cannot work miracles. Even the most dominant man will struggle with a female who is broken, damaged, BPD, Narcassisct, Traumatized, Ran Through.

Reality is... Most of them now are Broken with some type of mental disorder.

 

[soulforge]

This is exactly why I’m not married and stopped spinning plates. It’s the same stories.

Whatever relationship you have with this woman is a wrap. Even if she does “change”, it’s only going to be followed with passive-aggression. Having a kid doesn’t make matters easier but, I’d still end things with the chick and just co-parent. It’s the woman’s job to maintain the relationship, not the man’s. Men have more important tasks to tend to like leading a country, training military, protecting the community, hunting, building, etc.

The last thing a man should have to worry about is a woman making his life hell (at home at that).

In current times, it's often the man who is desperately trying to hold the relationship together, while she sabotages the relationship on a consistent basis.

Not only does a man have to fight the world, lead countries, protect the community, build infrastructure, he also has to use every trick and method in the book, to Keep his relationship together.

 

[manfrombelow]

OP, we all have been there, that's why we are here, to learn & unlearn everything about life, women, and relationships.

I, too, have been in toxic relationships with sh!tty people. Took me way to long to accept how sh!tty they were because the sex was so good or they were so hot.

I'm sure by now you've long realized no women's intimacy (sex), no matter how eye-rolling, is worth your mental wellbeing. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than co-habiting with a woman that makes my life hell.

 

[manfrombelow]

Had my share of experience recently with a toxic female & yes it's often her good looks and charm that blindsides us from her true personality.

I know how you feel about being treated like a child OP.

In my situation, while at her house, I left my mobile phone playing YouTube, while I ran to the bathroom. I was gone for maybe 5 minutes.

In that time she went through my mobile phone. My pictures, my contacts & my chat conversations with girls from months & months ago before I had even met her.

Long story short.. From that point onwards, she began demanding I hand my phone over to her, so she can look through it, whenever she tells me.

I recall being sat in her kitchen, and she pretty much ordered me to hand my phone over, like a mother speaks to her unruly child.

I obviously refused.. she began getting angry & claiming I had something to hide.

I let her know, I'm a grown azz adult, never talk to me in that way.. never think you can simply demand me to hand my phone over.

Obviously she is an ex now, because things didn't get better haha.

I feel you, man.

The moment a woman demands you to hand over your phone, that's the critical moment you either walk to let her know you're not her b!tch, or you stay to become her b!tch.

I have a very close friend, whose life pretty much is the same thing: His wife would demand him hand over his phone so she can scroll and search for everything, and if he "dared" to refuse, hell would break lose.

He told me there's "nothing" he could do about it now because he didn't set the boundary right from the beginning, and especially now that they've had a kid together.

But he's just rationalizing himself. He still have a CHOICE to refuse to hand over his phone to her the next time she asks, and if hell would break lose, he can just walk. But the guy's too pvssied to do it.

 

[Michael Chief]

I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than co-habiting with a woman that makes my life hell.

Good thing there are plenty of sweet and kind women who can make your life heaven

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You choose to continue dealing with it, you can just as easily choose to stop.

You are not "the victim" in all of this, you are complicit. If this was a bank robbery, you would be the one sitting outside in the getaway car then when you get caught trying to tell the police you didn't hold the gun up at anyone or rob anyone, you just sat in the car.

Stop making excuses for her, grab your nutsack back from her purse and walk away.

It's never too late to start having respect for yourself. At the end of the day you teach people how to treat you. Over time you've taught her it's OK to treat you in this way.

You deserve better than that, but at the end of the day you need to believe that and then do something about it.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

My life is a shell of what it was before this woman came into it. I knew the things that should have stopped me from getting involved with her but ended up getting with her anyways and ended up having a kid.

No, your life wasn't that great to begin with, otherwise you wouldn't have allowed this woman to take control.

In my situation, while at her house, I left my mobile phone playing YouTube, while I ran to the bathroom. I was gone for maybe 5 minutes.
In that time she went through my mobile phone. My pictures, my contacts & my chat conversations with girls from months & months ago before I had even met her.

For security reasons, I always lock my phone / iPad / laptop before I step away from them. Not because I'm suspicious of women rooting through my phone, but it's private. I urge you to never leave any private computer unattended, and smartphones are like your PC now, they are computers that contain sensitive information. Lock it down when not actively using it.

I have a very close friend, whose life pretty much is the same thing: His wife would demand him hand over his phone so she can scroll and search for everything, and if he "dared" to refuse, hell would break lose.
He told me there's "nothing" he could do about it now because he didn't set the boundary right from the beginning, and especially now that they've had a kid together.

That's why it's important to assert your boundaries right at the beginning.
As to handing over your phone to have it checked by the wife for something she can object to? Don't be an idiot. Don't allow a woman to take control of your privacy. She has no rights to do that, and if she thinks she does, ditch her and be glad you dodged a bullet.

 

[Barrister]

Guys even in horrible marriages have hope. Stop whining, open the checkbook, and write whatever amount of $$$ it costs to make her go away and leave your life (relatively speaking - if you have kids, well, you get to deal with her on a limited basis - but still huge improvement). Even if you have kids. Your kids will THANK you for it when they become adults and realize the sh1tstorm of a childhood you saved them by leaving their horrible mother.

There is no cell with bars here guys. Will you pay handsomely for your mistake? Yes. Can it be made back and make even more on top of it? Yes. Will you be happier getting rid of her when all is said and done? Fvck yes. It will be some of the best years of your life following a bad marriage. Do it NOW and stop lamenting about how bad your life is.

 

[CBear]

Guys even in horrible marriages have hope. Stop whining, open the checkbook, and write whatever amount of $$$ it costs to make her go away and leave your life (relatively speaking - if you have kids, well, you get to deal with her on a limited basis - but still huge improvement). Even if you have kids. Your kids will THANK you for it when they become adults and realize the sh1tstorm of a childhood you saved them by leaving their horrible mother.

There is no cell with bars here guys. Will you pay handsomely for your mistake? Yes. Can it be made back and make even more on top of it? Yes. Will you be happier getting rid of her when all is said and done? Fvck yes. It will be some of the best years of your life following a bad marriage. Do it NOW and stop lamenting about how bad your life is.

100%. It's better to be in a relationship for a year or a couple and get out when realizing that you won't be happy vs staying another 20 years and being miserable. It'll completely suck at the moment but it'll have good effects long term. Gotta stick to the decision though.

 

[soulforge]

Biggest mistake a man can ever make, is getting a Troublesome woman pregnant..

She has you by your balls & will make your life misery.. No escaping either.. You will be tied to her in some form or another for atleast 16-18 years.

Guys gotta be super careful whom you impregnate. Some crazy hoes outhere.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

If from the offset, you rule with an Iron fist, you don't allow her any passes for bad behaviour & you demonstrate that you will walk away, if she steps too far out of line, then yes, it's possible to keep these modern women in line.

However this dominant dictatorial male cannot work miracles. Even the most dominant man will struggle with a female who is broken, damaged, BPD, Narcassisct, Traumatized, Ran Through.

Reality is... Most of them now are Broken with some type of mental disorder.

had to run it back for that one time to keep one foot grounded in the basics, partner.

All women have the capacity to be whatever their environment molds them into. Never think any women is above being a pin cushion.


“While all women are indeed impressionable, they are not playdough.

Anyone who is an adult has already had all of their formative years spent being raised by certain people in certain environments with certain influences.

You can't make every chick like you and treat you how you want by being "alpha" and "controlling frame." Don't expect to change women. What you can do is weed out the ones that don't fit your tastes.

Some girls are just disrespectful, crass, selfish, and unappreciative.

Some girls are not feminine ladylike or graceful.

Some girls have poor ethics and morals.
Etc.
It's not your task to try and "change" them. You just make it clear what you want and see if they follow suit or not. If you're not enjoying a woman then drop her and find others.Throttle your options.

Chicks are the first to fall in love
First to want to be exclusive
And first to want to be out

Hallowed is the player who gets into something and ends it. The player m.o. is to avoid the tie down in the first place, because breaking up a relationship is too mentally and emotionally taxing”

 

[dk1990S111]

Biggest mistake a man can ever make, is getting a Troublesome woman pregnant..

She has you by your balls & will make your life misery.. No escaping either.. You will be tied to her in some form or another for atleast 16-18 years.

Guys gotta be super careful whom you impregnate. Some crazy hoes outhere.

100% man. I know this is me being dumb as fvck but she told me it took her at least a year of trying to get pregnant with her ex husband. I was also at the point where I was/am ready for a family. So just figured it would take some time. Nope she probably got pregnant the first time I nutted in her based on the timing.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

Good thing there are plenty of sweet and kind women who can make your life heaven

“Give a woman heaven, and she'l complain of the view, give her hell, and she'l offer to pay rent.”

 

[dk1990S111]

You choose to continue dealing with it, you can just as easily choose to stop.

You are not "the victim" in all of this, you are complicit. If this was a bank robbery, you would be the one sitting outside in the getaway car then when you get caught trying to tell the police you didn't hold the gun up at anyone or rob anyone, you just sat in the car.

Stop making excuses for her, grab your nutsack back from her purse and walk away.

It's never too late to start having respect for yourself. At the end of the day you teach people how to treat you. Over time you've taught her it's OK to treat you in this way.

You deserve better than that, but at the end of the day you need to believe that and then do something about it.

I agree I’m just as much to blame but what I can say is that working with the info I had I thought I was making the right choice. Then once I knew who she really was it’s too late. Wore the mask for a few months then started showing who she really was. Just glad I never married her. Never let her name be put on the house I bought at the beginning of the relationship so I’m not 100% retarded

 

[soulforge]

had to run it back for that one time to keep one foot grounded in the basics, partner.

All women have the capacity to be whatever their environment molds them into. Never think any women is above being a pin cushion.


“While all women are indeed impressionable, they are not playdough.

Anyone who is an adult has already had all of their formative years spent being raised by certain people in certain environments with certain influences.

You can't make every chick like you and treat you how you want by being "alpha" and "controlling frame." Don't expect to change women. What you can do is weed out the ones that don't fit your tastes.

Some girls are just disrespectful, crass, selfish, and unappreciative.

Some girls are not feminine ladylike or graceful.

Some girls have poor ethics and morals.
Etc.
It's not your task to try and "change" them. You just make it clear what you want and see if they follow suit or not. If you're not enjoying a woman then drop her and find others.Throttle your options.

Chicks are the first to fall in love
First to want to be exclusive
And first to want to be out

Hallowed is the player who gets into something and ends it. The player m.o. is to avoid the tie down in the first place, because breaking up a relationship is too mentally and emotionally taxing”

Some great points here.

Yeh I learned this the hard way over my dating years.

Setting boundaries in order to try change a low quality girl, into a more desirable girl for a relationship is literally a futile act.

You have to take them for what they are, and if they don't meet your reasonable standards, then avoid or drop them, sooner than later.