Hurtin from ex BPD memories today...

[Johnny Alias]

I triggered myself... hard yesterday. Went for drinks with a mutual friend and she brought up my ex BPD gf who I haven't seen in 6 months and is with another dude.

Rather than shut her up and say I don't want to hear about it... I let her go. She said the ex has been asking about me... then she said she looks like **** because of some fillers she got put in her face (shes 43 i'm 38). That made me happy to hear until the ex apparently said "I dont care if I'm pretty I just want my face to be fvckable."

I looked the mutual in the face and lost it. "WHY WOULD I WANT TO HEAR THAT???? YOU KNOW I'M NOT WITH HER!"

God. Still kinda reeling from it today. Rationally I know she's a mess. This sucks lately. Lost two excellent plates and my well is drying up. Losing a little confidence that I did the right thing breaking it off with that train wreck.

Leaving town this weekend to go ski and have a break from it all. Best I could come up with. God that mutual friend is an idiot. Right before V Day she has to mention something like that and trigger that image in my mind. Ugh.

Anyway... advice? I'm in therapy, working out, dating,... i just need time with no triggers I think...

 

[Johnny Alias]

Lol. Cheers. Yeah that pissed me right off. Dont think we'll be hanging out again anytime soon.

Wish I could speed up time. 6 months. No fricking worries. She'd be a distant goddamned memory.

 

[slikkmeister]

I think pairs response went over your head...
Anyway, next time just ignore the friend. She was trying to get some type of reaction out of you, to see who still had the power. You gave her a jealous blow-up to go back and report to your ex... Not good bro!
My ex-BPD is 28 we broke up when she was 26. I ran her back to her ex jerk bf with my extreme b!tch a$$ beta f@g behavior... Took me 6 months to get over her after she LJBF'd me.. When ppl ask me why, I give them as little info as possible. Like I usually say "who?" like I barely remember the girl... Or I'll say oh yea I kinda remember her we dated for like 2 minutes a long time ago...lol
Works every time too... Word gets back to her, here and there, and I know it bothers her because she'll try to email me, or send me a FB pm within a few days of me running into one of her friends... I went NC and stuck with it though...

 

[Johnny Alias]

Eh... you're probably right about the sarcastic remark. Thanks Pairs!

He and you are right though. I was pissed and didn't keep it together.

In the grand scheme of things I don't want her contacting me. That women is like succulent crack and I'd have a HARD time saying no to her. Even a one night stand would twist me up BAD. I'm only at 75 days NC. It'll get better. Just takes time.

 

[slikkmeister]

You don't want her contacting you?
I actually enjoy when my ex tries to reach out to me now. Let's her and me know who has the power in the mental toughness game! I've gotten probably 20-30 text messages from her and dozens of emails that I refuse to respond to. I use my memories of her every time I go to the gym on deadlift day. It reminds of who I am now, as opposed to what I was before. Use it! And give nothing back! You have to stick with NC and realize it's to your advantage when she tries to contact you, and you send nothing back! It means you're winning! At 75 days I was still having a hard time too, it gets better as time goes on... I know that sounds cliche, but it's the truth. Just keep improving yourself and never look back.

 

[GotED?]

You can't get over her because YOU THINK she's the hottest woman you've ever had and you can't do better no more.

This is all SELF-LIMITING belief system in your head.

Get over it and start finding OPTIONS and BETTERING yourself. When you have options and many women, it only takes one that is hotter than your BPD to erase her out of history. Most men get hung on up EX-BPD's because she was the best they can do in terms of physical and raw sexual attraction. BPD's do TEND to date DOWN because of their fuccked up mental state of being and strategy to control lesser attractive men. So most men got WAY better looking women than they would typically get.


Just make sure you don't invest emotionally as much anymore, or else I have to copy and paste this posting all over again for you in 6 months.

Exodus

 

[Willard]

Johnny Alias,

I was in a long distance relationship with a BPD. She dumped me recently. I was really bummed out for a while. I was hoping to get her back. I finally realized that what I had with her wasn't real. It was all fake. I read for hours about the BPD personality disorder and found out that it would never work out, all it could do is cause me misery.

I started taking Kung Fu, Its a real confidence booster. I found a new friend to hang out with, and started hitting the gym even harder than I was before.

Last night I was out with my new friend, I met a girl who is really pretty, successful, nice body, lives close. Anyway, I got her number, she seems very interested, and whether or not this one works out, It got me completely over the BPD woman.

This wasn't my first dealing with a BPD woman, the first time put me through hell. Nine months later she came knocking on my door. A few days later she came by me place. I was having sex with her, in the middle of it she says this isn't love this is just sex and she got up put her clothes on and walked out. I didn't even care, I was indifferent. She texted me later and wanted to start over and we planned another date.. I ended up blowing her off because the nonsense I would have to put up with made the sex not worth it.

The reason your hung up on the ex is all in your mind, you had a relationship with an illusion, it wasn't real. You will meet someone real sometime. Then you will realize how happy a genuine nice person can make you, with out all the lies and nonsense a psychotic woman puts you through.

 

[Married Buried]

Should have banged the friend and let it get back to the BPD ex. That would be pimp. Is the friend hot?

 

[Polish Rifle]

I like how slikkmeister put it. Use everything you're hearing, and give nothing back. I was with a BPD, and I hated hearing about all the guys she was hooking up with. It really floored me one day. Remember, you're better than them.

Live your life separate from her. Go out and dominate the world. It'll get back to her naturally, and know that as you're having fun and satisfaction, she'll never be able to even get a degree of that in her own life. She won't be punished for her sins, she'll be punished by them.

 

[abe0]

Reading this just reminds me how intoxicating and powerful women with BPD are.....if you allow yourself to be charmed by them. It is so hard to keep in control with diseased animals like that.....Abe

 

[Married Buried]

Reading this just reminds me how intoxicating and powerful women with BPD are.....if you allow yourself to be charmed by them. It is so hard to keep in control with diseased animals like that.....Abe

So you had no interest at all in gaming the friend?

 

[Johnny Alias]

Thanks for these guys. Was having a crap day. Better now. Got some irons in the fire... but more importantly have finally come to a rational state of mind. She hasn't crossed my mind for much of today.

Might still bang the friend though... even though she's a kook. It'd make for some good comedy. She aint hard on the eyes. Actually had a bit of heavy petting going on this weekend, but another friend in the room woke up and cut us off from going any further.

More trouble than its worth? Who gives a sh1t?

 

[Married Buried]

Thanks for these guys. Was having a crap day. Better now. Got some irons in the fire... but more importantly have finally come to a rational state of mind. She hasn't crossed my mind for much of today.

Might still bang the friend though... even though she's a kook. It'd make for some good comedy. She aint hard on the eyes. Actually had a bit of heavy petting going on this weekend, but another friend in the room woke up and cut us off from going any further.

More trouble than its worth? Who gives a sh1t?

It's no trouble at all. Bang the friend, it will bring nothing but good vibes your way. Just don't get feelings for her or anything like that. Post up a FR in this thread when you complete the mission.

Tally ho!

 

[Muffin Man]

That made me happy to hear until the ex apparently said "I dont care if I'm pretty I just want my face to be fvckable."

Holy shizz, that's like an elbow to the gut, and reminds me of some similar experiences I had hearing news about 2 different LTR exes months after it ended. One of those times, long ago, I permanently quit talking to my best friend who had shared the "update" with me. He was a good dude, I wish I hadn't done that.

In my mind I am working on a theory about this kind of situation: We want to be thick-skinned and be men, but the truth is sometimes we are coiled ready to snap emotionally at triggers like these. What has helped me a lot is finding lightning rods to release all that latent emotional BS I wish I wasn't affected by -- things like sad movies, books, TV series that make me release all that pent up "trigger" emotional BS; I'm talking a full on tidal wave release, ideally making me weep like a little girl into my pillow... that way I am getting suckerpunched emotionally by MY own choice instead of by her actions. Good luck, man.

 

[slikkmeister]

Instead of trying to find an emotional outlet for your emotions and crying into a pillow... Try this instead.
Get a Heavy bag, some good hand wraps(long ones), cheap boxing gloves...
Think about your ex as you pummel the bag with your fists!
Or
Get a gym membership or buy a cheap home weight set and lift til you puke.
Watch manly movies like Die Hard or The Expendables or something like that!
Don't let your emotions ever get the best of you.
I'm believe in the old school mantra of men don't cry. Not that I haven't cried in my life. But, it would take a hell of a lot more than one woman, one out of billions, to get me that emotional. I think you do need an outlet, just one that's constructive towards self-improvement and self realization.

 

[Muffin Man]

I'm believe in the old school mantra of men don't cry.

Truth. But sometimes a man is not a man, despite his best efforts. In those circumstances, I'm skeptical that simply imitating Real Men can affect the root of the problem. So if the hard truth is that you find yourself reacting like a child, take full control of the situation and work through some of those reactions yourself in the privacy of your own home, instead of allowing a woman force you to react again and again, picking at the scab. Do this and you're on your way to being a man again. And that's when you go boxing.

 

[Willard]

Today is day 13 of no contact, I'm not sure if she really is BPD or not. It sure seems like she is. She hinted at getting married on our Bahamas vacation, i thought it was to soon. During our breakup call, I found out she would have married me then, we were together for 3 weeks at the time. Plus the extreme jealousy, we had 2 major arguments because I didn't show her affection while we were having brunch with her girlfriend.

I'm not thinking about her all the time. She is still on my Facebook. last weekend I posted pics of me with the girl i'm seeing now on Facebook along with one of my friends, tonight I'm taking a painting class with the new girl, I'm going to post a pic of that.

I still want her as a FWB when she visits Florida. I know she will be in touch someday. The last BPD I was with knocked on my door after 9 months of no contact, I had sex with her one last time, and I didn't care about her at all.

The crazy girl I was dating before the last NPD just messaged me on Okcupid, saying she was sorry I was back on the site because of my breakup. I had her blocked too, i don't know what disorder she had but she is nuts.

This video helped me a lot.

http://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a102.htm

 

[Married Buried]

The EX has already sucked numerous c0cks since you broke up. Who cares what the friend says? You should be numb to it by now. Get over it man she is a HO who let's random men bang her face. I have been through it too by dating these women and I have felt the pain. She is disgusting actually. The only reason you care is because you have no other women. You need to fix that immediately. Once you get other women the pain goes away and you gain the power because these psycho women can smell the p/ssy juice emanating from your confidence. That's when they come crawling back, and you kick them in the face. Go hit on every woman you see, that is what it takes. Rejection feels much better trust me, but you will hit the jackpot eventually.

How is the bang the friend mission going?