Humiliated field report! 1st date left early

[member160292]

Well, I took her to this beer bar where they served great food and beer, and where they had these parallel seats that are perfect for a SS member's first date (instead of the opposite seats), and this is the venue where I brought at least 5 chicks to and eventually had sex with on 1st dates in past occasions.

In my experience, parallel seats on the first date isn't ideal unless there is no other option or she is already giving you the green light when you first meet each other. Most of the time she is not comfortable with you yet and body language can't be guaged.

I had a first date last night where I picked her up. The vibe just wasn't there, I found myself carrying the conversation. I could only do so much and toward the end, she didn't even give me a hug when she got out of the car. Thankfully, she unmatched with me this morning.

OP, when a chick says she is tired or leaves the date early - it's done. An interested woman will follow through with whatever you propose and stick around until you decide to end it.

 

[manfrombelow]

In my experience, parallel seats on the first date isn't ideal unless there is no other option or she is already giving you the green light when you first meet each other. Most of the time she is not comfortable with you yet and body language can't be guaged.

I had a first date last night where I picked her up. The vibe just wasn't there, I found myself carrying the conversation. I could only do so much and toward the end, she didn't even give me a hug when she got out of the car. Thankfully, she unmatched with me this morning.

OP, when a chick says she is tired or leaves the date early - it's done. An interested woman will follow through with whatever you propose and stick around until you decide to end it.

Thank you.

I agree 100%.

A person walking out in the middle of the date is purely and absolutely a sign of low interest level. No more no less. Any attempt to try to hope for anything otherwise is just a sign of self-delusion.

I need a few days to reflect long and hard on everything that happened in my date, to find the errors and mistakes that I, for now, haven't been able to remember or even admit.

I will not try to initiate asking her out ever again. Of course if there's a slim chance that she initiates another date herself, I'll take it, but I will not cross my fingers for it.

This is a lost case. I feel defeated and sad. But everything will go away with time.

Thank you, and everyone else, for your/their input.

 

[manfrombelow]

Hey @manfrombelow , and ouch! Sorry to hear what happened.

So reading the above quote, a bit of a different take.

Do you think she may have felt more of a friendship vibe from you (since you're co-workers which can blurry things sometimes) and SHE was disappointed?

Like perhaps she thought you weren't interested?

The cinema invite was more in line with what a friend would ask versus a man attracted to me and hoping to escalate things.

I couid be wrong, but a possibility?

Thanks @catsmeow2. You might be correct, but as I just stated right below your post, I will not initiate asking her out again. That's the choice I have taken for this one.

 

[manfrombelow]

As a man, it svcks to fail a first date with a girl you really dig. But I'm taking it with grace (I HAVE TO). After all, feelings are temporary.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Thanks @catsmeow2. I will not initiate asking her out again. That's the choice I have taken for this one.

That´s fair. Maybe you should act accordingly and stop thinking about her and talking about her. At least that´s what I would do

 

[EyeBRollin]

Thanks @catsmeow2. You might be correct, but as I just stated right below your post, I will not initiate asking her out again. That's the choice I have taken for this one.

OP, I think you are doing this to protect your ego. This isn’t outcome independence. The opposite. Not a good look.

 

[manfrombelow]

OP, I think you are doing this to protect your ego. This isn’t outcome independence. The opposite. Not a good look.

What do you mean man?

 

[Gamisch]

@Gamisch :

View attachment 9419

That's a great setting IF you already established some kinda spark with her. So kets say you take a walk , there's a spark , next thing you suggest having a drink in such a place. Like someone mentioned before; it's a bit too intimate , ESPECIALLY when it's a co worker.

You said the vibe was rather platonic. Makes sense when that the same vibe at work. And ofcourse at work you'll have to be platonic because its a professional environment.

I personally would put her in the friendzone. No hard feelings, I would take my L in silence and with stride but wouldn't let her know. This little silly girl went to have a drink and a snack with you , and that's it. Always remember, you finish how you start.

 

[manfrombelow]

Nk hard feelings, I take my L in silence and worh stride but wont let her know.

English ain't my first language. What does this sentence mean?

 

[Gamisch]

As a man, it svcks to fail a first date with a girl you really dig. But I'm taking it with grace (I HAVE TO). After all, feelings are temporary.

It's not a failure bro. Oke, your endgoal was to feck her. But before you get there you'll have to go through different stages. One , or maybe multiple stages were all about getting her on the date. That alone tells me you must have done something right in the process. Like I always say; when a woman goes on a date she will shave her v-g "just in case".

Like I said you finish how you start. Sometimes I "failed " with women due being too passive on the actual date. So let's say you flirt with her a downlow at work, meet up with her and now you start acting like a good boy instead of a badboy. Could obviously also work the other way around.

Every experience we get with woman today, is something we might benefit from tomorrow IF we are willing and open to learn. I would friendzone her while keeping the door open just a little bit.

My personal law says don't poop wher you eat, so I might've changed the feeling of failure into relief or indifference because I'll see her everyday anyway. Change your vision on the whole situation and there's no reason to feel like a failure. Its partly a success actually; you learned a lot plus it's a confirmation you can pull women. Now you just need some fine tuning regarding the execution.

 

[Gamisch]

English ain't my first language. What does this sentence mean?

Sorry my keyboard "corrects" words after I typed them . Also not a native English speaker so it will mix up all kinds of languages haha. I will edit the post and spell correctly.

What I mean is I would take my loss like a man. No need to feel down because of this situation. You cant be heartbroken because of a failed date. You are the CEO, and she MIGHT'VE gotten the position you offered. Not the other way around. You being down means you lost a opportunity ,like you went to a job interview and got rejected. Change that mentality.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She wanted split the bill because she is not interested in you.

How long was the date before she wanted to leave?

Most likely. I have even had woman insist on paying on first dates and that is usually the kiss of death because they don't want to feel guilty for "taking advantage" of a situation where they have no intention of ever seeing the guy again.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Hi brothers and sisters of SS,

So I just got home from a date, in which she initiated to leave early. She asked if I wanted to eat anything more because she wanted to leave because she was "tired".

During our short date, I didn't get to kino or touch or escalate physically, simply because I had no chance, and I didn't feel the vibe was "right". When she said she wanted to leave, I proposed we go to the cinema, which she declined. I also proposed to take her home, which she declined and said she wanted to leave on her own.

The only "hope" (sounds desperate I know) I got, was when she wanted to split the bill which I said this was on me, she said "OK next time's my treat".

Tl; dr version: 1st date left early, and I didn't get anything even just a kiss.

PS: This chick is my co-worker.

I feel kind of humiliated and defeated. Please give me something, anything. Thank you guys!

How many first dates have you been on in the past month?

 

[manfrombelow]

Dinner or daytime dates are a bad idea. Better for drinks in the evening.

Come on man, don't give me this sh!t, it's not dinner, it's beer and side dishes like chips, hotwings, Ceasar salad, and more beer.

 

[Divorced w 3]

OP, I think you are doing this to protect your ego. This isn’t outcome independence. The opposite. Not a good look.

Respectfully, I strongly disagree.

This is an actual example of where an awareness of workplace policy and culture need to be considered.

The lady left and the last *written* communication was that the next one is ‘on her’.

Let her initiate - and following the decorum will probably do for you what may seem hard anyway, which is to be cordial when necessary but otherwise stay away and if any tension is to be built, it will by doing so.

OP- I really appreciate your candor in this thread. This one hits close for some reason. Hang in there.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Thank you.

I agree 100%.

A person walking out in the middle of the date is purely and absolutely a sign of low interest level. No more no less. Any attempt to try to hope for anything otherwise is just a sign of self-delusion.

I need a few days to reflect long and hard on everything that happened in my date, to find the errors and mistakes that I, for now, haven't been able to remember or even admit.

I will not try to initiate asking her out ever again. Of course if there's a slim chance that she initiates another date herself, I'll take it, but I will not cross my fingers for it.

This is a lost case. I feel defeated and sad. But everything will go away with time.

Thank you, and everyone else, for your/their input.

The reason why I asked how many first dates you have been on in the last month is because it sounds like this is the only one.

Honestly, I have been in plenty of first date situations like this. It doesn't even register as a blip on the radar because I have other women in the pipeline and just set up more dates to go on.

The reason why you feel defeated is because you've built this up to be some monumental succeed or fail moment with this random chick you work with, when all it should be is a chance to add another plate to your rotation at this time. Likely this is because you lack any other options.

I don't understand the mindset of many posters on this forum. Dating is a volume game, plain and simple. If you can't get past one date going badly and it is going to really bother you to the point you feel "defeated", I am not sure how you can ever really to become successful at this.

You simply haven't been rejected enough and/or had enough dates go bad to the point where this doesn't even phase you anymore.

You don't become successful through lack of dating failure, you become successful BECAUSE of dating failures. Cannot stress this enough.

People who think they can become successful with women and dating and do so by avoiding having to be rejected and having many failures are only fooling themselves. Dating doesn't work like this and nothing else in life does either.

 

[EyeBRollin]

What do you mean man?

Because you are beating yourself up over the date and I can tell that is weighing on you.

 

[manfrombelow]

The reason why I asked how many first dates you have been on in the last month is because it sounds like this is the only one.

I'm going to be completely honest with you: NONE.

Dig into my old posts, and you'll find I had a plate a few months ago, but the last 2-3 months have been dry.

And yes, you might be correct about me seeing this girl as "The One" due to me being so limited in other options.

 

[manfrombelow]

OP- I really appreciate your candor in this thread.

Thank you brother for the kind words.

Being candid/honest is the least I could do to show my appreciation for your input. I mean think about it, we go online, we ask for input to solve our problems, other posters spend their time and energy, and brain matter to give you what you want, so being candid and honest, to me, is the least we could do to build and maintain a healthy community online.

I think it should be common sense.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Thank you brother for the kind words.

Being candid/honest is the least I could do to show my appreciation for your input. I mean think about it, we go online, we ask for input to solve our problems, other posters spend their time and energy, and brain matter to give you what you want, so being candid and honest, to me, is the least we could do to build and maintain a healthy community online.

I think it should be common sense.

Love it. Keep grinding and keep us posted. Merry Christmas.