Huge Mistake

[Cableguy]

I've decided to share something that has recently happened to me in hopes that it will wake some of you guys up out there who think that "giving a woman time" is a logical thing to do.

I met a smokin hot chick about 6 months ago and we became friends but not so close as to kill any sexual attraction. A couple months ago I put the moves on her and for the following few weeks I was banging this chick's brains out and feeling quite satisfied. Having known this girl for months I knew she was not the type of girl who slept around.

I was able to keep my feelings for her in check for a while but slowly things began to change.

First, the sex stopped. She said she didn't want to rush into anything. She would cuddle with me on the sofa and wanted to spend alot of time with me but I wasn't getting any more poonany. She said felt it wasn't right to sleep with someone she wasn't serious with.

Then she started kissing me for no longer than 5 seconds. No making out any more. She said she wasn't ready for anything serious and didn't feel right just casually dating. This really seemed odd to me. I mean, she doesn't even want to make out? But, I believed her because I knew she was a good girl.

Finally, the kissing stopped all together. Oh, she still called me constantly and loved to shower me with affection, just not the kind of affection I want as a man.

She reiterated that she wasn't ready for a relationship and asked me to give her some time. I didn't really give her an answer one way or another. I just figured I'd let the chips fall where they may.

Enter the loser ex bf who she has been broken up with for 2 years. He blows into town 3 or 4 times a year. Over the Halloween weekend he came into town, called her, and went over her house and fvcked her. The girl who professed to like me and want a future relationship with me but wouldn't even kiss me let her ex bf stick his **** in her,no strings attached.

Man she had me fooled. Women who cut you off or give you the "I need time" are not interested. Now, this has been posted a hundred times on this site but like an idiot I thought my girl was different. Women are all the same. If they aren't giving you the pvssy or they cut you off from the pvssy, you can bet your sweet ass they WILL be giving it to someone else. Just thought I'd share.

Lesson learned.

 

[speed dawg]

Interesting. How did you react when she started pulling these ******** lines on you? Did you withdraw? Did get "get on a plane to South Dakota" like Doc Love says? Or did you keep seeing her as constantly as you were before? It's amazing how chick can rationalize being hoes...

 

[resilient]

A few things:

1. How was the transition like between friends to relationship? Did she give you IOIs like touching, laughing often at your jokes, calling/emailing, never breaking a date?

2. Did you see her more than twice a week and always on the weekend? She would have pursued you if you were more of a challenge and less available.

It seems like she liked the affection and attention from having you temporarly as a b/f, but was looking for a challenge - someone should could not obtain or had to chase.

I think the only reason why she hooked up with that ex is due to low self esteem. From the post I gathered, she's not happy with herself right now. Could be career, family, anything and wants to return to an old feeling she had with the ex.

I highly, in fact guarantee she won't stay long with this returning ex. Either he'll cheat, or she'll get bored again. So she's just taking him back to drop him again for an ego trip. They never respect a returning ex either. If the man had real balls and game he would have kept strict zero contact and had tons of new chicks to see. This ex is a major AFC for lurking in the background.

Women who are sincerely interested won't confuse you. When she was backing off and being less affectionate you should have broken it off then and there.

Also getting dropped is easier when you're spinning plates. When you see her interest waining start up your engine and be ready for the door to new options.

On the bright side you learned something from this and know more about women's interest level and why it's so imporant to watch their behavior and not their words.

 

[Cableguy]

A few things:

1. How was the transition like between friends to relationship? Did she give you IOIs like touching, laughing often at your jokes, calling/emailing, never breaking a date?

2. Did you see her more than twice a week and always on the weekend? She would have pursued you if you were more of a challenge and less available.

It seems like she liked the affection and attention from having you temporarly as a b/f, but was looking for a challenge - someone should could not obtain or had to chase.

I think the only reason why she hooked up with that ex is due to low self esteem. From the post I gathered, she's not happy with herself right now. Could be career, family, anything and wants to return to an old feeling she had with the ex.

I highly, in fact guarantee she won't stay long with this returning ex. Either he'll cheat, or she'll get bored again. So she's just taking him back to drop him again for an ego trip. They never respect a returning ex either. If the man had real balls and game he would have kept strict zero contact and had tons of new chicks to see. This ex is a major AFC for lurking in the background.

Women who are sincerely interested won't confuse you. When she was backing off and being less affectionate you should have broken it off then and there.

Also getting dropped is easier when you're spinning plates. When you see her interest waining start up your engine and be ready for the door to new options.

On the bright side you learned something from this and know more about women's interest level and why it's so imporant to watch their behavior and not their words.

The transition went really smoothly. Even though we were friends the sexual tension between us was so thick you could cut it with a knife. The night we hooked up I knew she was wanting me because she could not keep her hands or her eyes off of me. She always called and never failed to invite me wherever she was going.

We saw each other a couple times a week. I was aware of the whole challenge thing and very rarely would go out with her on weekends except for a few times when she came over to bang on a Saturday night.

I was spinning plates but the plates were boring compared to her. Her and I were close and banging other chicks was beginning to make me feel guilty.

I made this post because like so many guys I made the mistake of thinking my girl was different. I thought I knew her. When we were just friends she told me about her ex and how they'd hook up a few times a year and fvck. Since she was interested in dating anyone seriously and wasn't the type of girl to sleep around, the only **** she felt comfortable getting was his.

I thought her feelings for me would prevent her from seeing him again. He is the biggest AFC in the world but he still got the pvssy!

If she had been some random girl I hardly knew I would've blown her off the minute the intimacy stopped. Where I ran into problems was I knew this girl and really thought she was trustworthy. I never in a million years thought she'd do what she did.

The good part is I've been slapped back into reality and once again realize why it is that I'm single and how much I enjoy casual relationships versus serious relationships.

 

[blueguy]

My friend... she realized she did not have to put out and could keep you as a friend (because of how the relationship started) and sh!t tested your boundaries all the way into the friend zone, leaving her the option to keep your attention while pursuing another boyfriend.

Do you want her? Slowly fade away...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Face it, she just wasn't that into you. None the less, it's good that you gained some more insight from the experience. As long as guys ignore obvious signs, they will keep posting stories of woe

Getting laid does not create a relationship, just like you, she can easily get laid by anyone. The trick being the one that she's most interested in. Unless you can tap her emotionally, someone else can come by and tap her physically.

Keep spinning your plates but be realistic and cognisant and what's going on. Not all plates are china, some are as flimsy and unreliable as paper.

 

[blueguy]

Sorry, I didn't read the whole post. I would say though right when she cut off sex is when you needed to draw your boundaries. Maybe she was into her ex-boyfriend more than you... or maybe she would have been into you more if you had have drawn boundaries and displayed some confidence in those boundaries by standing up for yourself. You just don't know. But when a girl cuts off sex, she is taking control of the relationship which (if allowed) = loss of attraction toward you. Women are attracted to leaders.

 

[edmond]

Don't pay to much attention to all the "EXPERTS", it happens to ALL of us.
Stay Strong. and don't let the hatred change you.

 

[edmond]

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

 

[Metro3pilot]

Like Doc Love says

there is only one parachute, u better be the one who bails first

:rockon:

 

[Cableguy]

I appreciate all the responses. Deep down I knew her IL had declined but she did so many little things that made me truly believe she liked me and we would eventually be together. I don't normally trust women, but I trusted her.

I am grateful for this site because even though I lost this chick I wasn't reduced to a thumbsucking AFC trying to win her over. I don't hate this chick and I'm not bitter. It's been an eye opener and cathartic if nothing else. I see where I made some mistakes and will be sure not to make them again.

The weird part is I've been in the mood to sarge my ass off the last couple of days. The last 2 nights I've gotten 3 numbers which certainly helps curtail the feeling of rejection.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...
I am grateful for this site because even though I lost this chick I wasn't reduced to a thumbsucking AFC trying to win her over. I don't hate this chick and I'm not bitter. It's been an eye opener and cathartic if nothing else. I see where I made some mistakes and will be sure not to make them again....

:rockon: ROCK THE FVCK ON!!! :rockon:

 

[Tazman]

Deep down I knew her IL had declined but she did so many little things that made me truly believe she liked me and we would eventually be together.

Yes, this is called "stringing" you along. This is a woman's most powerful weapon in keeping guys at arms length (no sex in most cases) so she can bounce from guy to guy without any period of lonliness or boredom. Women get their self-esteem from the type of guys who are interested in them. They'll even have sex with you if there's a drought, but that doesn't guarantee that it will continue.

I get so mad at a close friend of mine because he always makes himself available to this one chick he failed to lay, thinking eventually she'll magically change her mind. She'll call him up and say "lets go to the movies" and then stand him up. He thinks he's in control because he doesn't call her......

 

[joekerr31]

the biggest thing to always remember in life is that chics are almost never ever clear on what they want. they are often in a constant state of cognitive dissonances (ie. wanting two things at once which are incompatible with each other).

this is why they are so unpredictable, because at no point are they ever sure what part of their mind they should listen to.

this is also why they keep you hanging around, even when they are on their way out the door. as long as their little tiny pinky toe is still inside the door, they feel they feel their options are still open.

women accuse men of being users, but the truth is that women use men 1000 times more.

the good thing in life is that in the long run you often reap what you sow. screw enough people over and you'll get screwed over in the end as well.

the good thing in all this is you had a godo ride while it lasted. now she's off to screw some other guy over. no big deal.

next time a chic gives you those signs you'll be more aware of what's happening.

this was a GREAT learning opportunity for you. be thankful it happened!

 

[Latinoman]

A few things:

1-Started as “friends”. Well…it is a mistake, because it gives her the confidence that if she “messes up”, you can at LEAST remain friends.

2-She stopped sex…but continued getting what she (and women in general) truly want, and that is the cuddleling/caressing/affection. Remember, women are more emotional than men…so it is important for them to get cuddeling and that is fine…as long as YOU get sex. I mean…both should benefit from cuddeling. And both should benefit from sex. Neither one should be completely cut out in a relationship between two matured individuals. But if sex is cut out in exchange of 100% cuddeling…then this is NOT a relationship and it simply becomes a woman with her “puppy dog” or “teddy bear”.

3-She stopped the make out sessions. Hmmmm…that only means one thing: she was keeping communication with her ex-boyfriend and was getting ready to have him. In a nutshell, from the time she stopped the kissing, I’m almost 100% sure that was the time she KNEW her ex-bf was coming to pay a visit. She was getting ready to get phucked. She and him were planning this.


So…she played you or string you along. At first she had the attraction and wanted you. Then ex-bf comes into the picture and she decides to only get from you what any woman wants: cuddleling, affection, and attention. Then she stopped the kissing once she realized she was going to get phucked (yep, she likes sex). You became what women call the "in the mean time" man.

It is okay to give a woman affection and attention. It is okay to hold her. But IMO everything should be done in a ‘give & take’. You were giving…and she was taking. So…she was happy. And you were not.

Like somebody once said in this board…you were rewarding her for her “bad” (or unacceptable) behavior...once you INCREASED the cuddeling/holding time while decreasing to ZERO the amount of sexual intimacy.

 

[Latinoman]

Yes, this is called "stringing" you along. This is a woman's most powerful weapon in keeping guys at arms length (no sex in most cases) so she can bounce from guy to guy without any period of lonliness or boredom. Women get their self-esteem from the type of guys who are interested in them. They'll even have sex with you if there's a drought, but that doesn't guarantee that it will continue.

I get so mad at a close friend of mine because he always makes himself available to this one chick he failed to lay, thinking eventually she'll magically change her mind. She'll call him up and say "lets go to the movies" and then stand him up. He thinks he's in control because he doesn't call her......

Outstanding post.

 

[Cableguy]

I was wondering if you would weigh in on my post Latinoman. Your opinion pretty much sums it up. She has been practically begging me to forgive her and "work things out" with her and I have refused. I mean, I'm not terribly torn up over this and still want to be friends with her, but I told her her actions carry with it a consequence, that consequence being she and I will never again be more than friends and I'm more interested in meeting new chicks than I am trying to reconcile with her. She wasn't too happy.

 

[CS_whoamI?]

True True

I thought her feelings for me would prevent her from seeing him again. He is the biggest AFC in the world but he still got the pvssy!
.

From my experience, Hot chick Love AFC. Because most guys will only interested getting her *****. Unlike AFC, he care for her, giving full attention, be valunteered slave, financial aid, to sum it up; Unconditional parents-like LOVE.

reality suck

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Cableguy,



Usually whenever a chick flakes on me and I get the revelation that "I" am just another plate that "she" is spinning I start to lose REAL interest in her.

If my attraction to her was holistic, and my intentions were to explore the feasibility of a possible relationship, I usually feel disappointed. Then I tend to see her as an opportunist/user, and NOT as relationship material. I really believe that there is NO substitute for a babe with HIGH interest in me.

If I suspect that a babe views me as Mr. Right Now rather than Mr. Right, then my mission changes. I go from viewing her as a whole person to looking at her like just a sex object. I can't deny that there is a level of bitterness that rises within me at this point, for whatever reason.

And because of this, whenever I hear from them, or I have a weak moment and decide to call them, I only have one manuever I try on them:

"Hey, what's up? I have some free time tonight. Come over this evening and watch a movie with me..."

Then, when or if they DO come over (which is rare, by the way), I try to seduce them on the spot and use their bodies like a Pin Cushion! LOL

It might be wrong and it might not be "taking the high road", but this is HONESTLY how I tend to act when placed into "HUGE MISTAKE" situations like this thread speaks of.

I'm not really proud of myself when I behave this way, but I just thought I'd share...



Peace...one day.

 

[squirrels]

I've decided to share something that has recently happened to me in hopes that it will wake some of you guys up out there who think that "giving a woman time" is a logical thing to do.

I met a smokin hot chick about 6 months ago and we became friends but not so close as to kill any sexual attraction. A couple months ago I put the moves on her and for the following few weeks I was banging this chick's brains out and feeling quite satisfied. Having known this girl for months I knew she was not the type of girl who slept around.

I was able to keep my feelings for her in check for a while but slowly things began to change.

Enter the loser ex bf who she has been broken up with for 2 years. He blows into town 3 or 4 times a year. Over the Halloween weekend he came into town, called her, and went over her house and fvcked her. The girl who professed to like me and want a future relationship with me but wouldn't even kiss me let her ex bf stick his **** in her,no strings attached.

First, the sex stopped. She said she didn't want to rush into anything. She would cuddle with me on the sofa and wanted to spend alot of time with me but I wasn't getting any more poonany. She said felt it wasn't right to sleep with someone she wasn't serious with.

Then she started kissing me for no longer than 5 seconds. No making out any more. She said she wasn't ready for anything serious and didn't feel right just casually dating. This really seemed odd to me. I mean, she doesn't even want to make out? But, I believed her because I knew she was a good girl.

Finally, the kissing stopped all together. Oh, she still called me constantly and loved to shower me with affection, just not the kind of affection I want as a man.

She reiterated that she wasn't ready for a relationship and asked me to give her some time. I didn't really give her an answer one way or another. I just figured I'd let the chips fall where they may.

Man she had me fooled. Women who cut you off or give you the "I need time" are not interested. Now, this has been posted a hundred times on this site but like an idiot I thought my girl was different. Women are all the same. If they aren't giving you the pvssy or they cut you off from the pvssy, you can bet your sweet ass they WILL be giving it to someone else. Just thought I'd share.

Lesson learned.

Order of events has been fixed in the above quote. I hate to say it, but you were probably rebound material.

Women who cut you off or give you the "I need time" are not interested. Now, this has been posted a hundred times on this site but like an idiot I thought my girl was different. Women are all the same. If they aren't giving you the pvssy or they cut you off from the pvssy, you can bet your sweet ass they WILL be giving it to someone else.

:yes: