How would you respond to "I think I'm going to give my ex another try" *LONG*

[NewMan]

You were into her more than she is into you.

My guess is, that either she made up the ex, or the ex was always in the picutre for the get go.

You had a chance to nail her, and you basically played the nice guy.

Guys play the nice guy when they (basically) are into the girl more than they should be.

You should have pushed the enveloped and nailed her.

As it played out, the minute she told you about her ex, it is a done deal. No need for drama, no need for excuses - move on. quickly. Your final text shows your weakness. You spent a couple of hours with her, and had your hand in her pants. Learn you lesson and next time seal the deal.

 

[Truman181]

Just an update:

She texted me back today. I gave her some constructive criticism about not living in the past (her ex!) and she seemed responsive to it. I ended the conversation first and on my terms...

I'm not hoping that she changes her mind and pursues a relationship with me. I've learned my lesson with this chick, she's flakey! I was just hoping to leave it on good terms and maybe she'll call for a booty call sometime. That would be cool.

But other than that, I'm moving on to greener pastures as K-X said.

 

[jophil28]

Just an update:

She texted me back today. I gave her some constructive criticism about not living in the past (her ex!) and she seemed responsive to it. I ended the conversation first and on my terms...

.

Oooh ! You gave a woman some "constructive CRITICISM ". Wow. I guess she warmed to you even more after that.
THis AW is trying to keep you on the line 'just in case" she and her ex don't work out .
When you TELL a woman anything about her ex, you are in fact telling her that you CARE enough to get involved in her mess and in so doing, you put yourself somewhat in her frame..
Truman, you are fallback guy ( in her mind) , OR put it this way - you are her new branch to swing across to if she needs to let go of the old one. However, my experience with women like this tells me that she does not want a big girl grownup relationship with a new guy , she wants ego re-inflation and validation. You are providing exactly that by being willing to give her some of your time (and "constructive criticism" )

Their track record speaks for itself - you , as 'rebound guy' gets some hot sex for a while as a long as you play counselor to her whining about her bad boy ex ... She will remain "parked " with you temporarily BUT all the while she is looking for a BBD. When she finds one, (or feels much better about herself because you have pumped up her feelings of self worth). she tells you that she is "not ready for another relationship yet " or some such BS after telling you last night how much she "really loves" you and convincingly playing the part of a woman "besotted" with you.

YOu get dumped for no legitimate reason,( or she plays "go away ,now come back" ) and you become another victim of a user baitch because you fell into believing what a woman SAY.
And so one more guy walks around angry, confused and bitter for a while.

That is why you should NEVER get involved witha woman who is still involved with the 'live remains of her previous disaster.'

 

[decades]

Yep expect her to contact you "every now and then", because she can. She will talk about the "problems" she is having with the BF and you will offer to help. She may even meet you for coffee every now and then or even make out with you, and GASP! have sex with you! You can bet that the BF she is with now knows about YOU too. See, they LUV the intrigue that triangles create.

 

[jophil28]

Yep expect her to contact you "every now and then", because she can. She will talk about the "problems" she is having with the BF and you will offer to help. She may even meet you for coffee every now and then or even make out with you, and GASP! have sex with you! You can bet that the BF she is with now knows about YOU too. See, they LUV the intrigue that triangles create.

All true -
There are many payoffs for a woman to be in a triangle.( and eventually only pain and loss for guy#2)
Women love triangles also because they are the "object of desire" by two men. They are 'the star' or their own little soap. Women LOVE drama because drama triggers FEELINGS and having FEELINGS is a woman's raison d'etre..

I guess all men need to be guy#2 at one point in their life to experience how women are willing to exploit both men .

Triangles are never good places to be. Someone winds up harmed and that is usually the last person to join.

 

[Truman181]

Guys,

I've been guy #2 many MANY times!

I don't want anything more from this broad unless it's a possible booty call. The only thing I would respond to is "what time to do you want to get together for sex?"

 

[Truman181]

But thanks for the reminder Jophil. It's SO very easy to go down that road of getting caught up in her attention and thinking it's leading somewhere...

 

[jophil28]

Guys,

I've been guy #2 many MANY times!

I don't want anything more from this broad unless it's a possible booty call. The only thing I would respond to is "what time to do you want to get together for sex?"

So you have not learned your lesson yet. Guy#2 is another desciptor for "rebound guy" or "orbiting AFC".
NEVER allow yourself to entertain romantic aspirations towards a woman who is still attached to her EX.
Read KX's recent post about what to do if you cannot emotionally detach by sticking them in the FB compartment .

Rebound guys always get exploited and hurt.

The screwing you get will not be worth the screwing that you will get !!

 

[Truman181]

Alright, I'll check that out

 

[Truman181]

Hey jophil, I can't find that thread. Can you post a link?

 

[mintxx]

if a chic comes on that strong to someone she basically doesn't know she's either mental or she thinks she's living on sex and the city.

next time try this:

'i think i'm falling for you'
- 'do you want to rethink that, seeing as you hardly fvcking know me?'. that should send her on her way. or if you let things drag on -

'i think i'll give it another shot with my ex'
- 'whatever. call me if you feel like a fvck. you should already' -click, no further contact.

although normally a silent hangup suffices as i try to make it a habit not to fulfil such a woman's need for drama to fill her vacuous existence. it disturbs the hell out of me the sheer number of women who decide i'm their 'friend' or they can tell me 'personal stuff' after i've known them about a day. it's like they live in their own movie script, where once a guy fvcks them it's suddenly a relationship.

 

[mintxx]

edit - on reading the other posts i can see i'm not the only one who's noticed these types. although personally i wouldn't use the 'oh i feel like i've known you forever line' from her as a pretext to put the moves on her and fukk her, unless you want herpes, rape allegations and an angry boyfriend.

 

[mintxx]

You should have said "that's cool, I'm going to give your friend a try"

basically the correct attitude imo

 

[Mr. Me]

i wouldn't use the 'oh i feel like i've known you forever line' from her as a pretext to put the moves on her

I wouldn't place that particular line as pegging the woman to be mental or anything other than what it usually means: it's her way of saying that the chemistry she feels is very strong. That's all it is.

Oooh ! You gave a woman some "constructive CRITICISM ". Wow. I guess she warmed to you even more after that.

LOL.

More than that, when I read through these threads where the guy lets the gal know that she's irritated him whether it be by setting her straight or giving her a piece of his mind or "constructive CRITICISM" or any other verbal form it takes, all the guy is really accomplishing is letting her know she was successful in striking a nerve...

...which signifies to her that she has him where she wants him BECAUSE she now knows she has the ability to get under his skin...

... because if he was indifferent to her, it wouldn't bother him, so he shows he's attached to her when he does this... probably more than she is to him...

...which gives her an edge because it lets her know, not only that he's subject to her, but that she can use this same ploy again and again in their relationship to unnerve him whenever she wants to tug on his reigns...

...and, not to be overlooked, it also tells her that the guy she's dealing with can't stay as cool and in control of himself as he thinks he can. It sends a flag that he may be a control freak or he may have a temper or he may be insecure... whatever it is, that can turn a woman off.

If she continues with him, she can capitalize on his weakness. Like Delilah did to Samson.

Truman, not picking on you here, just trying to explore another route... you may be better served with discussing not that women may be attracted to men older than they are (my vote is it's rooted in daddy issues), but in trying to figure out WHY this chick no longer wanted to be with YOU.

 

[Truman181]

Truman, not picking on you here, just trying to explore another route...

Listen man, it doesn't matter WHY she is no longer attracted to me. The bottom line is one minute she was hot for me and wanted to fvck my brains out and I told her let's wait. I give her a hug and a kiss and go home. Next day I get a call from her saying she was going to give it a try with her ex. I did absolutely nothing within that time frame to kill the attraction. One minute she was hot, the next she was cold. That's her issue and not mine.

you may be better served with discussing not that women may be attracted to men older than they are (my vote is it's rooted in daddy issues),

I posted that other thread because it's a major limiting belief that bother a lot of older guys. This latest example was for me, just another case of a woman not having a problem with an age difference. I could go on and on and on about the hot young women I've known who absolutely DO NOT have a problem with older men.

See that's the thing about this forum. Some guys just don't recognize the positives in a situation and feel the need to belittle what other guys bring to the table.

 

[jophil28]

Listen man, it doesn't matter WHY she is no longer attracted to me. The bottom line is one minute she was hot for me and wanted to fvck my brains out and I told her let's wait. I give her a hug and a kiss and go home. Next day I get a call from her saying she was going to give it a try with her ex. I did absolutely nothing within that time frame to kill the attraction. One minute she was hot, the next she was cold. That's her issue and not mine.

Let me take a stab at this.
Truman, when you get recruited and involved as "rebound guy" it is your job to VALIDATE a woman and provide EGO repair to her after the crash of her recent relationship. Most women DEFINE themselves via their relationships. A relationship that fails feels, to her, as if SHE is a failure.
THis is way too terrifying of a thought so she quickly seeks another guy to re-inflate her ego. THat was YOU.
However you did the unthinkable - you rejected her sexually (her perception) and so she then felt worse. Rejection= more ego deflation. She threw herself at you and you said NO - intolerable to a woman.
SO what choices did she then have - only one -quickly SWING back to the Ex for some remnants of validation. That would provide her with some degree of emotional reward BUT she knew that you were still a contender so she came back for another attempt to get what she wanted from you and proceeded to try again to hoover you in.
SHe ended up (in her mind) with some payoffs. She was getting some attention again from her Ex, and she still played footsie with you so she also felt some validation from hanging with you. She also subtly tried to set you and he up in a kind of rivalry. Women LOVE that game. Never play !


You were always going to be used and discarded by this baitch.

However you did learn how manipulative and dishonest women can be about their true motives when they have recently come out of a break up, or their LTR is in tatters.

 

[jonnnb]

Mr.Me and jophil28, crystal-clear powerful posts.
Excellent