How would you have handled this sh*t test/cold shoulder?

[Jaxon]

Here's the rundown of my buddy trying to hook me up with an HB7-8. I thought it'd be shooting fish in a barrel, but instead it ended up going no where fast. I'm trying to figure out what, if anything, I did wrong, or if there was a better way to handle this (non)situation.

So I show up at my friend's place and the HB7-8 is already there and buzzed along with everyone else. Everything started out great, as soon as I walked in she was checking me out big time and I introduced myself to everyone right off the bat and jumped into the conversation without missing a beat.

We took a mini-van cab downtown and when it showed up she sat in the two seater bench behind the driver, and after she did I hopped in next to her and said "I think I'll sit next to you", to which she didn't really reply. It's at this exact moment where for whatever reason I felt as if something went wrong, because her demeanor after this point changed completely. I figured I could get some small talk in with her before we got to the bar, but for whatever reason her interest in me seemed to have almost completely dropped, almost as if I had failed a sh*t test or something. She pretty much ignored me at this point and was going out of her way to talk over me and to her girlfriend sitting in the seat behind me. It was obvious that in her mind she had higher value than me.

After I sensed her interest level drop I backed off her completely and started talking to the other people in the van and didn't really even acknowledge her after this point. Once we got to the bar I had already pretty much said "f*ck her" in my mind, as she was almost pretending I wasn't even there. I was buying first round for me and my bro and I ordered Irish Car Bombs. She didn't know what they were and when the bar tender brought them to us she asked me what they were, and I told her. She then asked who they were for and I said "Me and Ian", to which she replied "I think they should be for me and you."

Her comment pissed me off, though I didn't let her see it, I only replied with a sarcastic "yeah", and handed my buddy his drink before we pounded them. The reason her comment pissed me off is because it was a slap in the face and she was saying she just wanted to use me to buy her drinks. I don't think it was a sh*t test because to me a sh*t test comes after there is initial interest and they are testing you to see if you have a spine. If we had been vibing and talking then I could see her testing me with a comment like that, but not after she had pretty much stoned me up to that point.

After this I pretty much ignored her for the rest of the night and had a good time with the other people in the group and some other friends that I met up with there. All in all it was a good night.

So I'm back over at the same friend's house for a 4th of July beerbq with the same exact group of friends + 1 couple and their kid. I played everything cool when she got there, said "hi" and acknowledged her and was genuinely friendly, but beyond my initial greeting to her I didn't initiate any conversation with her at all. I hung with other people and talked and told funny stories with them, but didn't talk to her after that. Here's what I don't get though, I can read people really well and I could tell that she was annoyed that I didn't feel the need to try to impress her and talk to her, so I could tell she was trying to get my attention not because she was necessarily interested in me, but simply because she was annoyed I wasn't paying attention to her.

She would do and say things to try to get me to notice her, or when I would come around she would immediately start about how she had other big plans that night and other places to be. If I did happen to be in the same group as her when I would start talking or telling a story she would immediately look at her phone and start texting, and again not acknowledge me at all, which is fine because I didn't really so much as look at her.

Overall it sort of turned into an unspoken battle of wills and needless to say, nothing came of it. I didn't really care though because my pride takes precedent over any chick. Here's what I'm wondering about this whole thing:

1. What made her interest drop so quick? Did me sitting next to her make her think "he HAD to sit next to me, this was way too easy, next!" Or is she just a stupid AW?

2. What do you think about those stupid battles of wills where you've already made an effort but she doesn't reciprocate then feels the need to show you you don't interest her in the slightest, and she has "better" things to be doing?

3. How would you have handled this whole thing?

 

[dalton]

silly little high school *****es.. Yeah I know shes not in high school, she just behaves like she is.

I dont think her interest dropped, if it did, she would not even attepmt to get attention from you, nor would she ativly try to ignore you.

Ita all about value. IF you were how you say you were at the party, talking to people just relaxing and being cool, then instinctly she knows you are dominant, eg higher social standing. She will attemp to lower that to what her percieved value of herself is.

Dont let the could shoulder bull**** phaze you mate. Overall You handled it well, I dont know if there was much else you could do.

Next time she trys this ****, call her on.. In a sarcastic tone say...

Jaxon: look chica, you know you dont have to seek approval from me.. I think your cool, cute, whatever...enough of your romeo and juliet bull****. Then just turn around and speak to someone else.

When she trys to speak to you again, be ice cold, completely indifferent. Then watch her ****ing bull****, insecure, crap collapse.

pEace

dalton

 

[Jaxon]

Ita all about value. IF you were how you say you were at the party, talking to people just relaxing and being cool, then instinctly she knows you are dominant, eg higher social standing. She will attemp to lower that to what her percieved value of herself is.

Interesting, I really hadn't thought about that. Could you elaborate on that more, the part about her attempting to lower me to her perceived value of herself?

 

[mtnkng]

Maybe she knew it was a setup and was being a challenge. Her expecting drinks from you at the bar was a "tell".

Perhaps getting her alone at the BBQ and talking to her would have provided more info on interest. Perhaps her cold shoulder routine let your emotions get the better of you.

If you still want to invest....it still may be recoverable. Right now...its an acquaintance type of thing and its thru common friends. Thats in the plus column. I think the lack of interaction at the BBQ might have put her off the scent. Thats in the neg column.

Maybe probe your buddy for a little info...if you're still interested. Play it cool til you get alone, then turn on the charm.

 

[r0cky]

Yea this is someone with a big b*tch shield, which you could've easily negged and gotten it over with.

 

[dalton]

Social proof, also known as informational social influence, is a psychological phenomenon that occurs in ambiguous social situations when people are unable to determine the appropriate mode of behavior. Making the assumption that surrounding people possess more knowledge about the situation, they will deem the behavior of others as appropriate or better informed. (wikipedia)

If you look at the above definition, then one can assume that the girl in question clearly has a lower value in her eyes of herself, than she has of you.
This can be seen in the fact the that when you joined a conversation, and were telling a story of or whatever( One assumes the group you were telling was actually paying attention and interested in you) she would play with her phone or sends texts.
She is trying to lower your social value, to what she thinks hers is. She is doing this the only way she knows how, playing disinterested and aloof. She has probably never met a guy who didn’t give her the dominant role, and as such when she met you she expected this, you being a dj did not supplicate and are as such desired. She perceives you as a man, attractive, non supplicating, and as such a THREAT. By you not falling for this bull****, her value in her eyes falls again and consequently yours goes up. YOU DESTROYED HER BASIC BELIEF THAT SHE IS A GODDESS AND MEN HER SERVANTS..PEOPLE DON’T LIKE CHANGE…PEOLE RESIST CHANGE MORE THAN ANYTHING… you reinforced this at the bar, when you did not give her the drink.
What does this mean? It means that it gets to a point close to resentment on her part. She cannot stand you, but she doesn’t understand why she still has to play these games… these ladies and gentlemen are what we call attraction, or interest….
Peace

Dalton.

 

[Warrior74]

she won. your posting/thinking about her. move on buddy. That's what I would do. I wouldn't give it this much thought.