how would you all take this?

[churchwin77]

I have been dating my girl for two months now whom i also work with. I had my wisdom teeth removed friday she spent the night sunday. woke up monday morning with an upset stomach and a horrible headache felt really ****ty got even worse tuesday but yet no call from gf to see how im doing. yesterday(wednesday) sent her a text message saying i had a allergic reaction to the penicllin and just finally got a text message(12 hours later) yes a text message not a phone call once saying hope u get better ill see u tomorrow...night thats it....for me i feel really disrespected and she never will call me unless i ask her to she never calls me asking me on a date always me asking her i think she has asked me out once which was to go to her house and watch tv.

but i had another topic to where she mentioned an ex-boyfriend and wanted to meet him in june since hes comin back from being stationed in germany or something and their relationship ended cuz he went to the army and now she wants to see him cuz its been two years and i just pretty much said me or him so as of now we are still dating but im not making it out to be anything serious as of now till i know for sure. but what would u all do in this situation besides talk it over with her.

 

[Scoiland]

i would end the relationship

i had a very very similar situation and it never worked out man ... just ended up causing me stress

if you just don't call her or text message or ask her to do something you will really see she likes you ..... you should play hard to get her because you probably look to easy to her now and i bet she knows that if she ever wants to do something with you you will always be available..

you must make it seems like you are a busy man and your time is priceless, like you phone calls, text messaging , and time together

once she sees that you won't be there for her to drop back onto she may realize something

just ignore her and she will strive for the attention again and you will become in control of the situation

 

[churchwin77]

follow up - yeah i think im gonna end it when i see her next....she finally sent me a text message back like 45 mins ago or so saying glad ur feeling better see you tomorrow at work...i sent one back(would have called but my headache is way too horrible to be talking) saying wow 12 hours later. she replied with something like its the thought that counts and wanted to see me soon. i said yeah well i figured u would have atleast called after u got the text since it said i was sick and all she replied with i know i dont always act on things but i do care about you goodnight. then i mentioned i thought i had an infection and might have to go to the ER from having the teeth pulled cuz my ear was starting to hurt and was having cold chills she just said well i do care or something hope things get fixed im going to bed goodnight. i just said yeah if u say so. this is def. not **** im gonna be putting up with so yeah im gonna next her

 

[nonstop]

never ask a girl to choose between you and another guy.

don't go out with people you work with

a) its not good when you break up
b) they can see you all the time

it sounds like she's not right for you man, give her the LJBF line.

 

[churchwin77]

yeah i def. learned from this whole experience...and yeah ur right before she mentioned the whole ex-boyfriend thing last monday things were goin great ever since its like im a changed person as well as she is...and ur true more i think of it shes not the one for me so yeah i will LJBF her. thanks u2

 

[Qualtran]

Don't sweat it too much. You are being jealous and needy, and those are traits you as DJ should be trying to rid yourself of.

Two months is a very short time, and you have no right to get upset that she is not reacting to your wisdom teeth situation the way you want her to. About the ex-bf, you are being jealous. If she is going to get back together with him, there is not much you can do, but you definitely are not helping your chances by showing that you are concerned. As a DJ you should not show that you are worried anything will happen with him, because if you do, she will think you are insecure.

 

[churchwin77]

Well first off im not worried about the ex-boyfriend thing we talked it over that same day she told me about it which was last monday and we have still hung out together i could care less about that right now i just mentioned that to let people kinda know everything before they said end it just cuz of this.

Yeah I can see where it would sound like i'm needy or whatever but the whole three days i was sick she never called or anything maybe its just me but i kinda find that disrespectful i mean if it was the other way around i prolly would have called monday night just to check in on her then again especially when someone says they had a reaction and feel really really $hitty. hell i put up an away message saying i was sick and had 3 friends call me just to see whats up. Guess when i see her next ill just talk it over with her before I do anything rational and regret it later.

btw we have known each other for a year from work and have dated for two months just to kinda clear that up.

 

[jprjrjr]

You're in a bit of a tough situation here. Normally I'd tell you to tell this unfeeling freak to get lost, but if she's a co-worker, it might cause problems for you at work.

1) Is this a good job? If not, you might want to tell the cvnt to get lost, and if she starts trouble for you at work(like most cvnts will) simply quit the job.

2) If this is a great job, and you want to keep it, you might have to be a bit more cordial about the whole thing.

It's up to you bro, but you're right about one thing; SHE DID DISRESPECT YOU BIG TIME BY NOT CHECKING ON YOU, AND BY WANTING TO SEE HER EX BF.

She sounds like she's not worth your effort. Good luck

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

bah. Forget damage control. Tell it like it is.

1) You're insensitive. Hell, my MALE friends were more sensitive than you when I was sick. I need a girl who's more compassionate and puts out more effort to comfort me in bad times. You're just not rising up to the challenge.

2) You obviously still have unresolved feelings with your ex, or else you couldn't care less to see him when he comes back. Don't tell me it's "as friends", because I'm not stupid. We cannot maintain a relationship while these unresolved feelings lie elsewhere.

3) Let's just be friends. This relationship isn't working out for me.

You don't have to call her a cu*nt or anything. I think the above is professional, yet stern in delivering it's message.

 

[Scoiland]

Originally posted by TillTheEndOfTime
bah. Forget damage control. Tell it like it is.

1) You're insensitive. Hell, my MALE friends were more sensitive than you when I was sick. I need a girl who's more compassionate and puts out more effort to comfort me in bad times. You're just not rising up to the challenge.

2) You obviously still have unresolved feelings with your ex, or else you couldn't care less to see him when he comes back. Don't tell me it's "as friends", because I'm not stupid. We cannot maintain a relationship while these unresolved feelings lie elsewhere.








3) Let's just be friends. This relationship isn't working out for me.

You don't have to call her a cu*nt or anything. I think the above is professional, yet stern in delivering it's message.

best thing would to say lets just be friends and if she asks why just tell her it isn't working out

if you give her the big explaination of the reason you decided to break up with her is because she disrespected you for not calling , you will only be creating tension

telling her why will in no way help the situation since you have to be around this girl after the break up

just tell her that you think you should be friends and if she asks why just say that you only feel for her as a friend

anything else could jeoperdize you relationship at work and make things very uneasy

 

[School]

best thing would to say lets just be friends and if she asks why just tell her it isn't working out

This could turn out to be a sticky situation. It ias hard to date co-workers. Now you will have to see this chick everyday!!

 

[Qualtran]

The advice I'm seeing here is typical of much of what I have seen on this site in the last few months: Basically the answer to everything is that the girl isnt worth it and you should next her regardless of the situation.

Here it definiteley sounds like you are being overly sensitive and needy, and dumping her because she did not check up on you, even though it made you feel bad, would be nexting for all the wrong reasons. Don't whine to her about how she is insensitive, a bad person, etc! You can briefly say that it made you feel a little sad that she didnt check in, but do not act like it really affected you! Sure you have known her for a year, but that is no reason to think she should do everything according to some set of rules you created.

What you need to do is just play it cool! Before you get all hot headed and next her because you are feeling insecure, you need to compose yourself and be a man. If you back off and toughen up she will respond in 1 of 2 ways: 1. she will come to you or 2. she will get even more distant. If you start acting like a confident man and maintain that for a few weeks and she still hasn't made quite a bit of effort, then next her, but for now don't break up with her because you are feeling insecure.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by Scoiland


just tell her that you think you should be friends and if she asks why just say that you only feel for her as a friend

anything else could jeoperdize you relationship at work and make things very uneasy

You know what I say? BRING IT ON!

If she causes sh1t, I'll fight it to my grave.

That's just me, I have a fighting spirit. I tell things like it is and I don't care to suger-coat or avoid confrontation. HOWEVER, I DON'T look for confrontation, but if someone like her BRINGS it to ME, I'll take it head on.

Those example of what to say I wrote above were not offensive. If she chooses to take offensive, she's just being immature and refusing to accept her own faults. They may not be pleasant for her to hear, but they're the truth.

If she chooses to pick a confrontation, I'll be more than equal to her challenge. I back away from nobody, especially a girl.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by Qualtran
The advice I'm seeing here is typical of much of what I have seen on this site in the last few months: Basically the answer to everything is that the girl isnt worth it and you should next her regardless of the situation.

Here it definiteley sounds like you are being overly sensitive and needy, and dumping her because she did not check up on you, even though it made you feel bad, would be nexting for all the wrong reasons. Don't whine to her about how she is insensitive, a bad person, etc! You can briefly say that it made you feel a little sad that she didnt check in, but do not act like it really affected you! Sure you have known her for a year, but that is no reason to think she should do everything according to some set of rules you created.

What you need to do is just play it cool! Before you get all hot headed and next her because you are feeling insecure, you need to compose yourself and be a man. If you back off and toughen up she will respond in 1 of 2 ways: 1. she will come to you or 2. she will get even more distant. If you start acting like a confident man and maintain that for a few weeks and she still hasn't made quite a bit of effort, then next her, but for now don't break up with her because you are feeling insecure.

Sorry, but you obviously are not experienced in these situations. You seemed to completely ignore the X factor. From what he wrote, it is clear that her ex and her parted on good terms. The main reason being that her ex was moving away.

Now her ex is coming back and she's happy to see him. All the while not caring so much as to phone her 'boyfriend' who was sick for three days. Don't most girlfriends call maybe ONCE a day anyways? Or at least once every two days? I bet a LARGE majority of people who've been in similar situations as Scoiland admitted, had it not work out well at all.

She still has feelings for someone else still and he's back in town. This is not fair to churchwin. He deserves undivided attention (as in romantic attention).

Sooner or later churchwin may hear the dreaded "I need some space" line while she is fuvking her ex.

 

[churchwin77]

first off i appreciate all those who replied and gave their responses...but I have to agree 100% with Till on this dont get me wrong i agree with the other tips and responses but in this situation im with him totally. also i never put these 2 in 2 bt im glad how u mentioned the whole caring bout the ex but then not calling me when i was sick hell in two months id say shes only called me 5 times once on her own the other 4 caused i asked her too and a lot of the times she never picks up when i call and will call me back usually 30 mins to an hour later. but yeah ill see her at work tomorrow and ill just say it how it is not in a mean or harsh way but like Till said im not gonna sugar coat or avoid it...in a way she has to pay the consequences to her actions...plus if she starts any **** i know people in management i could have her moved to another part of the building.

 

[Qualtran]

Regardless of what you decide to do in your current situation, remember in the future to not let yourself get into a situation where you are doing all the work.

Anyways, I'll be curious to hear how the confrontation goes.

Good luck.

 

[Aengus]

Ditch her -- PLEASE! Repeat yourself ten times "Iwillhavesexagain"-- and ditch her, ditch her, ditch her. I know how hard it is--- just do it and don't look back.

 

[churchwin77]

well todays the day boys still havent decided how im gonna go about it but will get it done one way or another...ill let u all know how it went tomorrow.