how women break up - and how do i deal?

[Delta]

howdy,

so i've mentioned it on another thread but a girl broke up with me after about 3 months - but not by breaking up but sabotaging it by being distant and cold until i had to.

1. IS THIS NORMALLY HOW GIRLS BREAK UP? (never had a girl friend and this is like my second dating relationship) it seems cowardly as hell and it would be unacceptable for a man. especially since it destroys all feelings of good times you had, denies any possibility of even an attempt for 'closure' and takes a hammer to the back of your ego's head.

i've been encountering some info in which it DOES SEEM that the nature of women is to be UNCOMMUNICATIVE when they have a problem with a guy. they'll just shut him out... true?
------------------------------------------------------------------------

2. I WORK WITH THIS GIRL! argh... same department, same room. and she's seeing another guy now... (it's been a few months so.... but still) (oh, and she TOLD ME... i guess she was trying to do me a solid by giving me a heads up but... ARGH... i took it well though). the basic advice is to stay away from her and not think about her or what she's up (for heaven's sake!) to but i can't get away.

so other than trying very hard not to even look at her and wish evil upon her (semi kidding), what's the best way to scab, heal and be done with it?

i'm barely a RAFC and this was my first application... and i did pretty well. came through it with dignity pretty much in tact. but it hurts like hell now and my brain is turmoil.

any help would be great.

delta

 

[nighter]

Not so much console. But i have experienced same problem as you.
Was in an LTR for 8 months. When she suddently started acting disstand.
She told me she where depressed and did not whant to talk with anyone.
So her phone was constantly off. Instead she send me alot of sms everyday
"i love you baby miss you". But i saw through it, and i found out, that all time she had not spend with me she had spend with her ex boyfriend. So i broke up with her. This was 6 days ago. Now its time to heal. :box:

 

[everywomanshero]

Girls break up by email, by withdrawing, by refusing to answer calls/door, by having friends call, it all depends on a million things.....

Here is some food for thought:
-Men fall in love faster and deeper than women do
-Divorce increases the suicide rate for men, but doesn't change it for women
-Even Ugly women will get approached to some degree, they can afford to be chosy if they feel a man is just another boring provider-wannabe.

Welcome to the truth! By default most men cannot get the kind of success they'd like to have with women. It's up to each of us to change this before it becomes our destiny.

Here is something else iI've found:

Being not needy and demonstrating the willingness to walk away is very powerful. If a chic is really into a guy, showing that he's willing to walk away when she crosses a certain line is very powerful. To a certain degree, if someone fails to live up to your standards, why do you want them in your life anyway?

If you are truly just boning some chic, then it's not worth it to get mad, and in this case she may or may not be persuaded anyway. In the beginning going around with this attitude of I'll NEXT her if she doesn't do what I want is counterproductive. Having all these negative contingency plans in your head is a self-fuffiling prophecy. It ends up happening because you are focusing on it.

Many times when I thought something was in the toliot the situation naturally recovered. I've even had girls call me after weeks of no contact to reestablish. I think some keys here are not getting too attached too early which then forces to NEXT or lose your dignity. I would just avoid that whole thing until you're in something really solid anyway.

Sometimes a situation isn't desirable to recover. I mean, you already boned her until you were probably bored of it. You don't have kids to support. You walk away scott free with better sexual technique and a good wardrobe she helped you select. In this way gfs are helping you to get better gfs. Sort of like working one's way up the work world. At this point, you really are not that bad off, and if it's not completely solid you should have numerous other leads ready to eb followed up on or ideally, several sexual relationships already developed.

 

[Ace of Flames]

Women would rather avoid confrontation if they have the option. And they do, when it comes to break ups. They'll just distance themselves and wait till you do it yourself. And in the meantime? They'll find some other dude and sleep with him. Sucks but true.

I don't think you should completely avoid and hate your ex. Its creates all kind of tension in situations where you have to be together, like you are in at work. There certainly isn't a reason to add any stress at your job, when you could defuse it early. I'd suggest you keep up a friendly relationship with her, at least friendly enough to keep your time at work from being akward. No need to hang out or keep in touch outside work, unless you really wanted to. Hey, an old ex can be a useful thing to have. If she says good things about you, a friend of hers could end up being a "friend" of yours.

 

[Delta]

thanks fellows.

sorry nighter, hang in there and i wish you a speedy recovery.

ewh,

yeah, definitely - the thing about walking away. i have a whole notebook full of stuff i was studying about generating attraction - people only reach out for you if you pull away.... if you're constantly pulling pulling pulling, they end up struggling to break free. the whole push/pull thing... also all the economic lessons about SCARCITY CREATING DEMAND....

so much of it is a mindfock...

ace,

and if that's the way chicks break up, i guess the best thing for guys to do is just move on and don't obsess about figuring out WHY huh?

yeah, i figure it wouldn't pay to hold a grudge... i'm certainly not mean to her... completely professional. but i certainly speak to her far less than we i used to... no socializing... just business. and while that is a loss to me too and i feel like i could have grieved over it, i'm kinda pushing it out of my mind.

speaking of which, yeah, it's the stuff that goes on inbetween the ears that are killing me. i think it was 'psychology today' magazine that described how brain regions flared up when someone sees an ex... tremendously positive feelings as well as a crapload of negative ones. yeah... i feel that every day....

oh well. i'll make do. plenty of others have before and many more after me.

but for a rookie, i think i got into the game at the wrong difficulty level... having to see her constantly is bad bad bad.... heck, just being at home in the evenings is a relief and i end up doing better....

thanks again for the tips and comiserations guys. very much taken to heart and appreciated.

delta

 

[Chosen1]

I hate and love to say this but women are fvckin crazy man take for example my sister she lies to guys to get them to think she doesn't care treat them like sh!t and then talks and talks about them then she lies about this site (i told her about it) oh by lying about this site she says things like it tricks women into liking guys i say no that's not what the site does it teaches men to be free don juans my main point is don't attach to much meaning to a girl she'll see it and start treating you like spit instead drive her crazy and if i knew how to do i wouldn't be here