thecraftylefty
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2001
- Messages
- 417
- Reaction score
- 7
What if I told you every relationship ever between a guy and a girl is exactly the same? You’d think I’m nuts, right?
But this is exactly what a lot of guys think. They believe that because they see their friends, or whomever, form relationships in a certain way that they can emulate their success by doing the same things as the people around them do. Wrong!
You see, when a guy first sees and meets a girl he has no idea what direction any type of relationship that forms will take. Say he gets her number and calls her three days later. The two of themmeet up and have a great time. They share a kiss at the end. The guy feesl good because you made some progress with this girl. Things are looking good.
Fast forward to two months down the road and everything is still going well (to the guy), but she comes out of nowhere and drops a bomb on the guy. Things just aren’t working out. And he wonders why. Why did this happen, when he was doing everything right? Well, obviously he wasn’t or she would not have broken up with him.
So what went wrong? For starters, this was probably one of the first relationships either of them has been in. But he knew the “DJ” rules and did everything he thought was right. He didn’t give her gifts, he made her work for his time, he acted aloof at times, and she liked him and they shared the same sparks as when they first met.
But those kinds of sparks fade out pretty fast. As time moved on he thought they should spend more time together, but they live kind of far away, or whatever inconvenience it may be, and so they could only manage to see one another about once a week. So it becomes a burden for both of them to get together. And it starts going downhill because he thinks their relationship is on the ups because she seems happy when they finally do get together. But in actuality it isn’t at all (cause he’s a man using his man logic here) because she, and this is key, feels that because things are starting to unwind a bit, and it’s not the same as it was two or three weeks ago, that it’s time to let go and sever ties.
Why does she decide to break up with him? Mainly because women don’t want to stay in a boring and conventional relationship that they don’t feel have enough chemistry to evolve and take to the next level. Women rationalize that because it’s not what she’s looking for at the moment that she can go on and try and find another prince charming. The guy takes it hard but moves on.
So the guy goes through this a couple more times before he starts getting a feel for how to keep a relationship going. And eventually he finds a relationship that suits him.
You’re still probably wondering how this relates to how all people think of relationships differently.
Well….
All relationships, just like friendships, are different. You don’t have the same friendship with one of your buddies as you do with your others. It’s the same principle.
The thing I’m trying to point out is that when two people are in a relationship you don’t know how the other person is going to react to any of the things you do. And you also have no clue as to how the relationship will progress, no matter how hard you think and feel you should be with a certain person.
This may seem like common sense, but apparently it isn’t. I’ve done my fair share of messing up, and have had countless more friends and acquaintances that I've seen this happen to too. Sometimes people just move on for one reason or another, it’s nothing personal.
If you can try and not put pressure on how your relationship will develop and just focus on having a good time when you’re with any female you happen to be interested in/involved with then it’s pretty much smooth sailing no matter what happens. If it doesn’t work out at least you had fun.
It’s funny, but when I first read Anti-Dump’s views on relationships many years ago I completely dismissed them. And now I realize he was spot on.
thecraftylefty
But this is exactly what a lot of guys think. They believe that because they see their friends, or whomever, form relationships in a certain way that they can emulate their success by doing the same things as the people around them do. Wrong!
You see, when a guy first sees and meets a girl he has no idea what direction any type of relationship that forms will take. Say he gets her number and calls her three days later. The two of themmeet up and have a great time. They share a kiss at the end. The guy feesl good because you made some progress with this girl. Things are looking good.
Fast forward to two months down the road and everything is still going well (to the guy), but she comes out of nowhere and drops a bomb on the guy. Things just aren’t working out. And he wonders why. Why did this happen, when he was doing everything right? Well, obviously he wasn’t or she would not have broken up with him.
So what went wrong? For starters, this was probably one of the first relationships either of them has been in. But he knew the “DJ” rules and did everything he thought was right. He didn’t give her gifts, he made her work for his time, he acted aloof at times, and she liked him and they shared the same sparks as when they first met.
But those kinds of sparks fade out pretty fast. As time moved on he thought they should spend more time together, but they live kind of far away, or whatever inconvenience it may be, and so they could only manage to see one another about once a week. So it becomes a burden for both of them to get together. And it starts going downhill because he thinks their relationship is on the ups because she seems happy when they finally do get together. But in actuality it isn’t at all (cause he’s a man using his man logic here) because she, and this is key, feels that because things are starting to unwind a bit, and it’s not the same as it was two or three weeks ago, that it’s time to let go and sever ties.
Why does she decide to break up with him? Mainly because women don’t want to stay in a boring and conventional relationship that they don’t feel have enough chemistry to evolve and take to the next level. Women rationalize that because it’s not what she’s looking for at the moment that she can go on and try and find another prince charming. The guy takes it hard but moves on.
So the guy goes through this a couple more times before he starts getting a feel for how to keep a relationship going. And eventually he finds a relationship that suits him.
You’re still probably wondering how this relates to how all people think of relationships differently.
Well….
All relationships, just like friendships, are different. You don’t have the same friendship with one of your buddies as you do with your others. It’s the same principle.
The thing I’m trying to point out is that when two people are in a relationship you don’t know how the other person is going to react to any of the things you do. And you also have no clue as to how the relationship will progress, no matter how hard you think and feel you should be with a certain person.
This may seem like common sense, but apparently it isn’t. I’ve done my fair share of messing up, and have had countless more friends and acquaintances that I've seen this happen to too. Sometimes people just move on for one reason or another, it’s nothing personal.
If you can try and not put pressure on how your relationship will develop and just focus on having a good time when you’re with any female you happen to be interested in/involved with then it’s pretty much smooth sailing no matter what happens. If it doesn’t work out at least you had fun.
It’s funny, but when I first read Anti-Dump’s views on relationships many years ago I completely dismissed them. And now I realize he was spot on.
thecraftylefty
