How to try and finally get out of the friendzone?

[Clockwerk50]

Yes, I am a good guy. Great in fact. But those types of guys typically finish last, right? It's just a fascinating thing because when I look back at when we were in our teens and 20s, I think of her as so much younger and naive, so maybe it was just that young foolish phase for a chick. Now she's 38, fresh out of what was basically an abusive marriage and seemingly still completely against viewing me as a potential partner. A big part of that were those 16 years of friendzone life and another big part of that, while I almost don't want to admit it, is the fact that she really is likely a bit of a headcase who only attracts douchey guys. Just a sad reality, but I think its a reality for a lot of women.


To be totally clear, while she's a very special woman to me, I no longer idealize her. Never really have in a very, very long time. I accepted the friendship dynamic as way back as my late 20s/(maybe early 30s) and let her go and "lost" her completely for years even before she ended up married. And guess what, I am 100% prepared to lose her again, even after this super nice/nostalgic/awesome reconnection we've just gone through. Life is simply too short and I am no longer that guy who longs for a woman that has no interest in me. Will I be disappointed? Yes. I will. But considering by no means is this my first rodeo with her, I'm pretty sure I'll be over it within 24 hours. Maybe a little longer considering this will likely mark the absolute end of any kind of relationship or communication with her for the rest of our lives.

As far as thinking about how an actual future relationship would be, at 40 years old and now what I feel is fully matured with regard to understanding connections and women's personalities mixed with mine, I truly wholeheartedly beleive it would be awesome and a lot of fun. I feel like there is so much untapped potential for her and I that it really is a little sad to think that she may just completely shut any thought of anything with me down. But I won't be able to change that. I'll just be able to walk away. It's her life and her decision. I don't want to say she'd never know what she's missing out on, bc after all these years I know she's well aware of how great of a person I am and how well I treat her, but it's her life. If she wants to live it alone or with another potential douche down the road, then so be it.


One interesting thing is that I've told her and she's seen so far, is that I changed a lot in these last five years in terms of how I behave, react and listen to women I interact with. I used to be a little harsh with her at times. Would critique her decisions and make her feel bad sometimes. I've told her thats no longer me and she's told me she's seen that in just these short two months of reconnection. There still may be a dead end ahead of me but I'd like to think this all could definitely help my case with her.

Again, women are drawn to what is emotionally stimulating. They don’t fall for men because of their potential, they fall for the ones who provide those emotions now. You’re putting too much weight on how great things could be if she gave it a chance, which is extremely feminine thinking. Lastly, being hyper-focused on a single woman never leads to a good outcome.

To be honest, the whole post reeks of scarcity, outcome dependency, and self-absorption—as if she’s the only one who can fill your gaps and you have no options. Hopefully, you’re hitting the gym and talking to more women. Because as the great philosopher @CornbreadFed once said, “If you ‘level up’ and still obsess over an old girl that you should have surpassed, was it really ‘leveling up’?

Anyway, good luck. I do want you to laid with this woman.

 

[The Duke]

This is basically my plan, as I wrote. It'll happen in a phone call before I even committ myself to another outing with her. Yes we initially went out and caught up, had an amazing time, but I did feel this one night needed to take place in order for us to feel reacquainted with each other after so many years.


You're acting like my plan or my actions are somehow dead wrong. She literally just got out of a marriage and has made it known to me multiple times that she has no intention of marrying again or at least anytime in the disant future, and she feels the same about dating as well. Hence my comments to her about just being "open" a very little bit for now. I went out with her to show her a great time as well as how much i've changed and how well i'm doing in life. Not to scare her away on night one by telling her I want to be with her. Mission was accomplished and i'm satisfied with the night. She had a great time. Now, as much as she'll likely be very upset about it, I'm going to tell her she either needs to be open to more than simple friendship with me or I have to walk away unfortunately. I have no hesitation or second thoughts going into this.

Women fresh out of a marriage are easy.

If this was me, I would just fuhk her(which wouldn't be hard) and forget about how great she is and how great you two might be. You are putting the cart before the horse like women try and do because they get all touchy feely.

It's about feeding her emotional needs now. Her biggest need now is fresh dihk, redemption, and validation. It's not getting into another relationship with some dude.

Your plan to ask her to be in a relationship worries me. My guess is she isn't ready for something so heavy. It likely won't be met with what you are looking for. She has already tried to disqualify herself.

A mans job is to seduce the woman, trigger her positive emotions, provide a good time. A woman's job is to push for a relationship.

Just throwing some food for thought out there. I've been in about every situation imaginable. Keep an open mind and use what applies.

 

[JST8828]

It's about feeding her emotional needs now.

I'm trying to, but it's just a difficult spot for me right now. For example last night we're briefly chatting via text and she tells me she is reading a new book on mindfulness she just bought and how its supposed to help with pain. She says going through a divorce is painful. I simply wrote back "I understand".

 

[BadBoy89]

I'm 40 now btw, while she's 38.

Sosuave generally does not give advice on women who cant get pregnant and have lost their looks.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

The recipe from exiting the friendzone is simple:
- never initiate the contact with a girl that friendzoned you (NEVER)
- only reciprocate contact in hard-play style (shorter messages, sent in long time-span since receiving message at time that is inconvenient for sustained communication and not perceived as loser time - e.g. it's ok to reciprocate when driving to work, its not ok to reciprocate when during work or after work time - it's time reserved for women that have sex with you)
- only reciprocate contact that is advantageous to you in some form (you neg her like you would neg younger sister, you not treat her serious, no matter what - her serious problems are just younger sister non-serious issues to you)
- you do not discuss her love life with her (that's a rule - if she tries to just shot her down by saying you don't know, you are not a female, you manage your own life in this area from entirely other perspective that she cannot understand and vice versa )
- do not invite her anywhere, accept invitation only if you will feel she gets horny about you (in 99% of cases it will never happen and she will go no contact after saying you are no fun anymore or smtng, which will be great for your mental health so it's win-win situation from the moment you will apply the above rules)