How to train myself not give a f**k?

[Firefly]

I wrote eighteen months ago about how I was ostracized from my old social network after I hooked up with a girl from the group one night, only to found out the next morning she was already "seeing" a prominent member of the group. Four months later, she told everyone she only got with me because I got her drunk and took advantage of her, and all my old "friends" stopped talking to me and went around telling everyone what a sleazebag I was.

So it has been a year later, and things for the most part have been ok. I am about to finish grad school in a course which will mean I won't have to worry about struggling to find employment. I have a new social group, who are probably better friends to me then my old group were (whom I realised over time never really my friends, but kept me around because I was a good organiser). I am even getting into shape at the gym.

My only issue is now when I run into my old social group, I still feel freaked out. I was at a club venue with my new friends last week and saw a bunch of them and even though I was with a bigger group, I still felt anxious and bugged out. I even get upset when I see members of the old group have defriended me on Facebook, which annoys me because I am reacting like a teenage girl. How do I train myself to stop being bothered by the fact that a bunch of people hate my guts and will probably keep on slandering me to anyone who is interested?

 

[Firefly]

Just keep making more friends and mentally depedestalizing the old ones. If the whole not caring thing were that easy then we wouldn't advise things like spinning plates to avoid attachment.

Yes, I have noticed that losing a group of friends has a lot in common with leaving a girlfriend, even down to the part where they badmouth you to everyone they know.

 

[floydb25]

Easier said than done. Even if you hate them; all the things they did, how they treated and acted towards you... you still "care". It still bothers you. Betrayal stings, and doesn't just "go away".

Best thing to do is just realize the greener pastures that are out there; that you've found, even, and focus on that. Those other people WEREN'T your real friends, and weren't good people. Now you know the difference, and what to look for. +5 Wisdom.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Firefly,
You have been betrayed all along the line,haven't you?...The core instigator,the skanky Woman who was attracted to you...Of course she is a victim now...Crazy...Look it's life,if its any consolation even an old dog like me has experienced this...does it get easier?yeah time heals all wounds...The character you have shown in your studies will mean that you will just leave them behind in your dust...in a few years you will have moved onwards and upwards...So what lessons will you have learned?...perhaps like Women it is never good to have all your eggs in one basket?...So spread yourself around socially,generally people as individuals are face to face fine,but when in a pack they can be ugly,their credo,when you run with wolves learn how to howl.

 

[floydb25]

^ Love that last sentence, and was discussing something similar with a friend recently. People DO act and treat others differently in groups than 1 on 1... Fake people, that is. They become louder, more competitive, flamboyaunt, bullyish, etc. Watch out for those two-faced faggots.

But definitely, any time a ****ty door closes - a better one opens. Never fails. What you "had" was never that great to begin with, and you got out for a reason. You got kicked out of a social circle, maybe bullied around, got used, fired from a job, dumped by a girl... Who gives a ****? They all sucked and were incompatible with you, anyway... otherwise these things would NOT have happened, or been so difficult, stressful, and unsatisfying.

 

[Alvafe]

well if you didn't anything like this, first I would(what I would do if it was me) I would unfriendly all people from that group, pretty much just have friends in your facebook if you talk with then or are old collegues you still want to talk some time, people who are good and will bring good memorys back and maybe new ones, all the rest? they will just make you lose time.

so after this make even more friends, and next time if you feel like they really are not worth anything just ignore like they are a bunch of people you don't know or after you really stop caring you go there and just say hi, just so you can still tell then i'm a polite guy.

the whole not caring is more as you are too busy to other things so you don't have time to even think about then.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Its lonely at the top --> A popular saying and a very TRUE one.

REAL MEN are both admired and hated by other men (jealousy). Most people you meet in life will either expect you to lead them or follow them. If you base your entire identity around your social group.. you'll feel like a teenage girl your entire life.

I have friends, but I'm still VERY independent (unapologetically so). I do whatever the f*ck I want because I need no one's approval but my own. If you like me.. awesome.. if you don't.. go f*ck yourself. I'm not living my life for others.. I'm on earth to follow my own path.

Therefore... as long as you have an inner code.. you will never need anyone's approval. You will be just as fulfilled with no friends as you are with lots of friends. Your friends will respect you for this (the real ones) and the fake ones will become jealous, try to screw you or just go ghost. It is what it is. You can't control other people so why worry about them?

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

How do I train myself to stop being bothered by the fact that a bunch of people hate my guts and will probably keep on slandering me to anyone who is interested?

The human mind developed enough "slots" to keep a couple hundred people in our "facial recognition memory."

This is because in the days of hunters and gatherers, we lived in groups of a couple hundred.

In modern times, no matter how many or how few people you associate with, SOMEBODY is going to fill in those slots.

When you lose a girl, the best remedy is to find a new one. Otherwise, they'll be a "hole" in your brain where "she" used to be. Obviously, this can be one girl, or several girls, committed relationship, or not.

When you lose a group of friends, the best remedy is to find some new ones.

Just think of the couple hundred folks that are in your "facial recognition" databank as the luckiest 200 folks on earth.

If they mess up, they're out, and you can replace them with somebody else.

So long as you've some good folks in there, it won't matter what the haters say.

Luckily, the folks that fill those 200 or so spots in your brain don't really have to be "friends," in the traditional sense. They can be anybody you are "friendly" with that you see on a regular basis.

So just get out and start meeting people. Girls working in coffee shops, people you see regularly in the gym, supermarket checkers, whomever.

The more "friendly" people you meet, where you have a reasonable expectation of interacting with them on a semi-regular basis, the easier it will be to move on and forget those old people who used to give you grief.

Think of one of your main objectives in life as to keep those 200 "slots" filled up with the best people possible.

 

[mrRuckus]

Four months later, she told everyone she only got with me because I got her drunk and took advantage of her

What sort of retarded people fall for that or even care? Sounds like friends I'd want to get away from. I can't imagine any of my friends doing anything but laughing about it.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Taiyuu,
"The human mind developed enough "slots" to keep a couple hundred people in our "facial recognition memory.".......Quite so,the human cortex in an average person has personal knowledge of about 120-180 people,that is you know their basic details,married,kids,job,social status....that sort of thing...there are of course quite amazing exceptions,such as one cited by Malcolm Gladwell in "Blink"he was a Chevrolet Salesmen,kept such details in his memory on about 15.000 People he had sold cars to over a lifetime....Certainly to be able to remember peoples Names at least is a great social attribute...So you want to know how many people you have in your circle....Count the number of entries in the Book you use to enter Contact Phone Numbers!

 

[scrouds]

Haters gonna hate, bro. Gotta get used to it. So laugh at these pics. And next time you see the hatecrew, stand tall and maybe even feel a little bit sorry for them.