How to tell if an extroverted or shy woman is interested in you.

[MDgood]

Originally posted by matius
I'm not trying to start an argument with you, I'm just giving a counter point because I've experienced the opposite.

You might need to explain the extroverted woman to me again though, I don't quite get that. You mean, if she likes you- she will treat you the same as every other tom, dyke and harry...

But if she doesn't like you, then she just ignores you and makes you feel small. How do you know if she likes you?

I just went through this scenario, and I'd have to say that the complete opposite was true in this one instance.

Maybe my point of view is biased. I'm sure that some people and situations occur as you say, but I just think it's too wide of an array of dispositions is all.

Hey, I'm back. You indeed have a point that everybody has a different disposition, and there's as many different dispositions in the world as there are people. Having said that, people who fall within a certain range of dispositions tend to act somewhat similarly. For example, you can expect that the oldest child in a family will be more bossy and parental because parents tend to be all about setting the rules with the first kids in a family, whereas by contrast younger children are more aloof and independent because the parents have not shown as much attention to them. Likewise, you have almost a 100% certainty that Mother Teresa would not be grabbing rifles and shooting at people from towers. It's not always the case, but even then there are definable sets of sub-circumstances that can alter these the generally assumed characteristics of a person's disposition, and most of the time these in themselves are definable when examined.

The point of all this is that these assumable characteristics allow us to say that a certain type of woman behaves in one certain manner, while a certain type behaves in another manner. Certainly, there are ranges to this: some shy women may use kino a bit, some may not be afraid to use it at all if they're from a family that hugs a lot, some may not ever use kino at all. But what we're looking for before we can say whether or not a woman is interested in us is to see if a majority of these characteristics are present in her actions towards us.

Also, it's very important to note that when we're interested in a woman, we risk something called the "subjective fallicy": This is where we want to believe so much that a woman is returning our own interest in them back to us that we begin to analyze everything she does towards us in our favor, as a positive sign. This does more to mess us up when we guys are scheming to hit on a woman than anything else we have against us.

Now to your question... about extroverted women and how they express an interest in you. An extroverted woman is one who is more open, and gains energy from the people around her. An extroverted woman will generally not freeze up around a guy she is interested in. She will be generally be able to carry a conversation with the guy she likes, compared to a shy girl, who would have a heart attack if a guy she liked walked near her.

The trick with noting if an extroverted woman is interested in you is to observe her behavior towards you. Yes, she'll be talking and laughing with her friends, but if she likes you she'll also be doing the same with you. If she's not particuarly interested in getting to know you she'll still talk to you, but she's not going to go out of her way to stick around you. She'll say what she needs to say, and then she'll be back off with her friends.

Let me give you an example from last weekend. I was at a bar and there was this chick there who was up running around, talking with her friends, having fun, enjoying herself. This is what happened next:

1. She comes up to the bar and sits next to me. An excellent opportunity for me to see if I can't start something with her, maybe get her number, etc.
2. I start some meaningless conversation, make a few good jokes. She's there to get a few shots for her and some other person.
3. She laughs at what I have to say, she adds a few jokes herself, smiles a bit, she is obviously having no trouble talking to me, but SHE IS NOT LOOKING AT ME MUCH WHILE SHE IS DOING TALKING TO ME. I am not something that is interesting to her, and I can feel it from her because my emotions are not being returned.
4. She gets her drinks and she leaves. I'm still sitting at the bar by myself. That's the last I talk to her for the whole night, while she goes back to her friends and laughs it up, and has a good time.

Now if she were interested in me, she would have been making eye contact and talking to me more, smiling a whole lot more, and laughing a lot at what I had to say. She would probably have kino'd me with a slight smack in the arm. There's a chance she would have made things possible for me to get her number.

That's what I mean. I'm trying to understand what you're talking about... was your experience with an extroverted woman? Could you elaborate on what happened?

 

[matius]

It just seems to me that if a really hot extroverted woman gets hit on, picked on in a lovingly playful manner or complimented constantly by a barrage of men - they would more tend to not take the same attitude with guys they like. For example, if they can't make some guy eat them up and suck up- and he kind of gives her a hard time and acts different from all the rest...it might catch her attention. She won't want to be ignored and she might wonder why she can't get your attention.

But, so many different ways it can go you know.

 

[MDgood]

Originally posted by matius
It just seems to me that if a really hot extroverted woman gets hit on, picked on in a lovingly playful manner or complimented constantly by a barrage of men - they would more tend to not take the same attitude with guys they like. For example, if they can't make some guy eat them up and suck up- and he kind of gives her a hard time and acts different from all the rest...it might catch her attention. She won't want to be ignored and she might wonder why she can't get your attention.

But, so many different ways it can go you know.

Ok, I think I see what the thing is here. My post is about how to spot the interest in you, from the woman, once the woman actually has the interest. I'm seeing some stuff in your reply that suggests that you're still working on getting that interest into her.

You're absolutely correct: if this woman is schmokin' hot and extroverted, yes, there's going to be some differences in the way she's going to project her interest towards you versus is she's a dog and extroverted: A hot woman may not be as aggressive with the kino because she's never had to be aggressive... the guys are always coming to her, after all. If she was abused as a kid, there's going to be some differences. If she's always had wonderful relationships, there's going to be some differences. This is why it's important for a guy to look for MOST of the signs, and not ALL of the signs. But no woman, unless she is totally fukked up beyond belief, is going to show absolutely none of the signs.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by MDgood
Basically my experience is that GENERALLY most women who are interested in you do not want you to know they're interested. Among other reasons, this is because:

1. They don't want to make it seem as if they're too aggressive to the guy... they think guys don't like aggressive women
2. They're more traditional and can't imagine taking the first step
3. They're terrified of rejection, just like everybody else.
4. A minor thing, but many of them like to be pursued... it makes them feel womanly.

When I look back on the girls who have been interested in me, the only ones I noticed were interested in me were the ones for whom being aggressive wasn't an issue. They didn't mind chasing guys. Even then they waited a while to come forward to me. Otherwise, I almost never noticed when girls were interested in me. As I've gotten older it's become more and more obvious to me: there's more smiling, eye contact, the occassional "deer in the headlights" look.

There's only been a few really shy women I've noticed were interested in me, and of those few, only one did the "run away to appear not interested" thing. The others generally gave generous amounts of the "deer in the headlights" look to me, but they would stay around in my presence and attempt to initiate conversation. I noticed that these girls would never talk about other guys in my presence, and if they did then it was always negative: e.g. how the guy was such a jerk to them, or how they can never seem to meet nice guys. There is eye contact, but it is intermittent, and most of the time these girls are looking down, or away from you. They stutter a bit and hesitate when they speak to you, but around their own friends they can ramble off to no end. I also noticed NEXT TO NO KINO FROM ANY OF THEM. Many times you'll notice that they call you to talk to you about the dumbest things, things that really shouldn't matter, or that they could find out themselves: how do I get to this place, do you know anything about that, etc. You may also notice that they look "sick" in your presence, like they just ate something that didn't agree with them... they don't look "happy"... this is because they're nervous.

The other girl is the one I'm trying to go after right now. She does all the things above that all the other shy girls who liked me have ever done. But she is so shy she'll come up to me and talk for like 30 minutes one week, and then the next two weeks she'll run out the front door without ever making eye contact to me. In fact, most of the time I can walk right by her and she won't even look at me... I can stand next to her and she won't turn her head towards me to acknowledge my existence. But once I talk to her, I can ask her to lunch and always get a "yes" from her. Strange behavior for a girl I've known half a decade.

Hope this helps... I'm always open to other guys' input on this.

I have experienced different as far as asking a shy girl to lunch, but she had a BF, so I guess that makes it a little different. She would pretty much always say no if it was going to lunch alone with me, but if someone else came, she would be ok with it.

 

[MDgood]

Originally posted by becker
I have experienced different as far as asking a shy girl to lunch, but she had a BF, so I guess that makes it a little different. She would pretty much always say no if it was going to lunch alone with me, but if someone else came, she would be ok with it.

That's weird... she must have been threatened by you. Normally having a boyfriend puts other guys in the "safe zone" with girls. Were you showing any overtly flirtatious behavior?

 

[becker]

Originally posted by MDgood
That's weird... she must have been threatened by you. Normally having a boyfriend puts other guys in the "safe zone" with girls. Were you showing any overtly flirtatious behavior?

Good call, but I wouldn't say I was flirting with her any more than any other girl I'm around. I pay more attention to her simply because we had so much in common, but that's it. Some kino, like putting my arms around her while I talked to her, but nothing to the point of being too suggestive.

By "threat", do you attach a positive or negative meaning to that? I tend to come off as pretty confident I guess.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

I haven't gone out with extreme extroverts, but I have played around with them a bit. One thing I've certainly noticed is that they can switch to coy and shy very easily _to try to attract you_.

Now it's pretty simple logic that if she's trying to attract you then she is attracted to you herself. (yes, I'm a programmer).

--

Different story... I mentioned this on the REM thread but it's worth repeating.

This girl was going cold on me, I thought her IL was dropping bigtime, like down to 55 or maybe even less. Then she gets drunk and admits that she was trying to hide her feelings (of 85+ IL) because she didn't want to scare me off...

So there you have it. Women. Easy to understand (once you have your BSc, MSc and PhDs in "Psychology and Rocket Science" from Life Uni).

Osc.

 

[MDgood]

Originally posted by becker
Good call, but I wouldn't say I was flirting with her any more than any other girl I'm around. I pay more attention to her simply because we had so much in common, but that's it. Some kino, like putting my arms around her while I talked to her, but nothing to the point of being too suggestive.

By "threat", do you attach a positive or negative meaning to that? I tend to come off as pretty confident I guess.

Right, to her kino is a serious flirt... she must have been brought up in a non-touchy family. To another girl who was brought up in an environment where everybody's a hugger, putting her arm around you wouldn't be so imposing.

The word "threat" is a relative term. It doesn't mean to sound like a huge, negative thing, it's just a term to describe how her barriers and walls have been "attacked" by a manly come on. She recognizes that you are a guy who may be inetrested in her, and she's being cautious because of that.

 

[becker]

MDgood, you are definitely quite perceptive.

This girl's was brought up in a rich environment, I think there was closeness, but the family didn't seem super touchy-feely. Her sister had some psychological problems that required medication, which has made her life pretty tough. Anyways, her character is one that is sort of private in many ways, there's always a sort of shield up when it comes to certain things.

I personally just want to know her better, but it's difficult, because I can call her and ask her to hang out, but it's always a little awkward with the BF. Plus, I'm pretty busy now for the next 2 weeks. Probably after that. I'm definitely going to try to get her alone and have a nice chat.

 

[MDgood]

By chance is she the younger child in a family that has a somewhat domineering father?

 

[becker]

Originally posted by MDgood
By chance is she the younger child in a family that has a somewhat domineering father?

Actually, she's the older one of the two, and she's the "good girl" of the family, the one that's more responsible and the type you'd want to marry.

Father is also not too domineering as far as I know. He spoils them though.

 

[Dylan]

Hey, guys....this is my first post, but I've been a long-time reader of these boards. I know it's old, but I just ran across this topic and I have a question. I'm 19, and the discussion about shy girls got me wondering....how do shy girls around my age (say 17-20) differ from older women (just say 25 and over) as far as being interested in you, but seeming as if they're not by ignoring you, no kino, no initiating conversation, etc? Are younger girls worse when it comes to being shy? I ask because there's a situation that I'm in, but I'll post it later after there are some responses, if there are any. Thanks guys.

 

[SageOFAllenAge]

With shy girls its a shot in the dark

How do they respond to challenges, like you have to go away because of other commitments, do they chase ?

 

[vdk]

This is a good thread but you guys have to realise the possibility she might not be interested in you at all. I've had assumed numerous times a girl liking me, but was wrong in the end. All you can do is 'bite the bullet' and ask her out. If she is interested she will accept it. It is simple as that, no need to over analyze whether body language 'A' and 'B' = 'bingo!'

 

[chicksrock]

SHY woman explanation was very good and accurate!

 

[superpud]

After reading all of these posts I'm totally confused as to what signs to look for. In fact, my biggest failures were, because I was too busy looking for signs (which I wasn't experienced enough to do, anyways) and not learning how to properly communicate with and seduce a woman. Whether she is an introvert, an extrovert, or whatever, it shouldn't matter. All women are different. Any woman will respond differently to each man she likes, depending on how he communicates with her. Looking for signs is ok, but don't get too caught up in it, since there are too many variables to count and sort through. I pretty much accept the fact that in order to get what I want I have to make moves to entice and draw women to me. If she's aggressive, then great, I won't have to work so hard. If she's meek or shy, it's ok, as long as I know the right moves. Initiation (like it or not) is my responsibility. With time and experience I won't have to look for signs. I'll just know, and so can you.

My biggest realization of all is that, it's a game, and it dosen't have to be serious. This site goes a long way in showing us how to play the game with women, and play it well. There's no need to get all mental about it. If we apply as much dedication to this game as we do to video games then half the battle is won. It's important to note that it's a game of attraction, patience, and self-control. It's not, and I repeat, not, a game of the heart. But many people get this, and even I did at one time, confused. Most people, if they think about it, will realize the difference. Now, I know I'm getting all preachy. I was just going with the flow and couldn't stop. As I am writing this to you, I'm also writing this to myself. Writing just helps me see things more clearly.

 

[McEwan]

Possible Out of topic:

But mentioning Video Games and Shy girls:

I've *ahem* noticed that by by focusing on behaving like Solid Snake around shy girls and James Bond around extrovert girls tend to pay dividends.

That is, to say: being sensitive yet strong when around shy girls and behaving more mature and responsible around extroverts.

 

[Jon E]

Dylan,
Here is another really good thread discussing shy girls and reading their interest level.
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=30759

However, I think Superspud is on target by stating that we sometimes over analyze these situations in a never ending effort of evaluating the situation and looking for their signs of interest in us to the point of paraslysis. Personally, I think that we should focus more on generating their attraction in us through our own actions, behaviors, attitudes etc and not worry about how they initially feel about us. If we can make it work then great, but if not then we just move on, its not that big of a deal. Sometimes its best to just take action, go for it and see what happens, like Gunwitch says "Make the Ho say no."

 

[Dylan]

Originally posted by Jon E
Dylan,
Here is another really good thread discussing shy girls and reading their interest level.
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=30759

Wow, thanks! Awesome thread.

 

[SageOFAllenAge]

Too much of Introspection & Retrospection can be major ****-ups