How to tell if a girl likes you?

[legolas]

Hello fellow DJs (Disk Jockeys )

I know this topic has been talked about before but I'm too lazy to do search.

I have this interesting situation at work. A new girl got hired there, about a couple of weeks ago, and from day one I staretd teasing and making her laugh all the time. SHe not that attractive, she's a bit (by a bit I mean a lot) overweight but I flirted anyway to practice my skills.

Two weeks later she tells another guy that we both work with that she got the hots for me Well I was happy to find out that I was wanted but I was also scared 'cause I didn't know her that well and for all I know she could be a stalker. BTW, now I really understand what girls feel like when guys come on to them very strong. With the roles reversed I have learned a lot of what happens on the "other" side.

So I cool it off and start talking at a friendship/professional level. Obviously she still does like me.

Now comes the really fun part. I told a few other friends at work about this, all guys, and there's another coworker who works there weekends only. He doesn't know, but he sees one interaction between me and her, and he asks me. "Dude, does she like you or anything?" I'm like "How did you know, did Bob tell you?" He says "No, it's pretty obvious from the way she acts towards you."

Now I was completely stumbled. Because if it hadn't been for her telling that guy earlier so he could tell me, nice move by her anyway, I would have never known!!!

Now I know that girls usually give out mixed signals, and when you think she's into you, she is just being friendly. And at other times you think she's being friendly, while she's got romantic or sexual thoughts in her head about you.

I found out that a good indicator is if she flirts with you first, or flirts back if you start it, but for all I know they could be doing it as practice. I know a good way to find out is to go further and ask them out, or ask for the phone number, and then face rejection if she isn't into you. I accept that as part of the game, but if I know in advance that she likes me, I have a lesser chance, if not a zero chance, of getting rejected. So I'm only hoping to cut down on the rejection rate as I learn to read signals better.

It is realtively easy to read a situation when you're not involved in it, but the real skill lies in the ability to read a situation when you're into it. So what else could I use as indicators of a girl's interest in me?

 

[crotchrocket]

That's another million dollar question.

Body language (women are masters at projecting it, reading it and thinking that they are somehow making it obvious to us) that said;
1) when you're around/shes looking in your direction does she: preen her hair, adjust her clothes (when nothing was out of place), mirror your body stance/positioning, repeatedly 'gets caught' looking at you
2) when you're talking to her does she; smile a lot, make good eye contact, laugh at anything you say thats remotely funny. If you can get a good look at her pupils; are they dilated -larger than you would expect for the lighting conditions (this one is tough 'cause everybody has a different dilation threshold)
3) just like you mentioned, have someone more objective than you are to this situation, observe

The tough part is it's a combination, so I take the mindset; If I THINK she's into me...she IS - hey after all you're a DJ -why wouldn't she be ? !

 

[icepick]

There are many levels of interest. Really high levels of interest MAY look like really low levels. Also, it depends on the character of the particular woman; they are not all the same.

The main thing is to keep an open mind. Don't look for particular THINGS that girls do, just go for more of a FEEL. If you are a decent looking guy, then I think you should find that most (single) girls will give you signs, while most girls with boyfriends will seem colder. (That is, unless they are married!)

If you think that NO girl likes you, then you are most likely WRONG. A good way to break out of this state of mind is to think that all girls like you from the START and make them prove you wrong by NEGATIVE signs.

In my experience, the BEST thing to do is to destroy your ego (so you don't get a big head) and then just assume that every girl wants you, and go from there. There has been more than one time where I found out that some chick wanted me that I couldn't tell. Usually, if a girl tries to impress me, or is shy it is hard for me to get that 'feel'.

Also, they can sometimes give off extreme negative signs. Plenty of times I have spoken to girls in a group, and had one COMPLETELY ignore me...and then later, when I speak to them one-on-one, they turn into shy, happy little girls.

I guess I am rambling now. In the end, it is all just a mind-fuck dude. Just go after what you want, and if the girl is being half-way decent to you, you won't look like an oblivious jackass if you ask her out.

SHe not that attractive, she's a bit (by a bit I mean a lot) overweight but I flirted anyway to practice my skills.

Don't settle. Only go out with girls that you would not mind being like yourself. (That is, only go out with an overweight girl if YOU would not mind being overweight. Only go out with a slut if YOU would not mind being a slut.)

Two weeks later she tells another guy that we both work with that she got the hots for me

Don't let this puff your ego up, people like those who like them back. You DID show her that you liked her by flirting with her.

 

[legolas]

Ice you have hit the nail right in the head, and now you're straightening it

Okay to tell you the truth, I wasn't that impressed when I found out that she is into me, BUT only because of her not being attractive. Guess what, I was a dumbass and believed that girls didn't like me. If she was a hottie instead, I would have been on cloud nine if I found out. I would have freaked out. So I totally understand your idea to destroy the ego.

I think a better approach is what you suggest that is to assume that she likes me from the start and make her prove me wrong with negative signs. Also going for a feel rather than specific behavior is yet another brilliant idea. Soon after I left work tonight, and got on the train I saw two guys talking to a girl. Immediately I figured out that they didn't know her and had striked up a conversation occasionally. It was amazing at how quickly I could tell, It was all clear. Then when they got off, she was smiling and shaking her head.

I need to work on that sixth sense to tune it up a lot more. In most cases I find that it is there but it is blinded by emotion or a strong logical thought process. In both cases I'm inside my reflecting rather than outside collecting information.

croctchrocket (hey did you ever see that movie on HBO where a religious guy is asked to make a porn movie? I forgot the title, but I think that's how you got your name)

I respect your opinion as well, because almost everything you mention, has happened with this girl at one time or another. However I'm a little careful at accepting specifics since I like to go for more general guidelines. I want to be able to notice it, (ie. get the feel) and then see evidence of it in behavior. More like proving it to myself.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by icepick
There are many levels of interest. Really high levels of interest MAY look like really low levels. Also, it depends on the character of the particular woman; they are not all the same.

The main thing is to keep an open mind. Don't look for particular THINGS that girls do, just go for more of a FEEL. If you are a decent looking guy, then I think you should find that most (single) girls will give you signs, while most girls with boyfriends will seem colder. (That is, unless they are married!)

If you think that NO girl likes you, then you are most likely WRONG. A good way to break out of this state of mind is to think that all girls like you from the START and make them prove you wrong by NEGATIVE signs.

In my experience, the BEST thing to do is to destroy your ego (so you don't get a big head) and then just assume that every girl wants you, and go from there. There has been more than one time where I found out that some chick wanted me that I couldn't tell. Usually, if a girl tries to impress me, or is shy it is hard for me to get that 'feel'.

Also, they can sometimes give off extreme negative signs. Plenty of times I have spoken to girls in a group, and had one COMPLETELY ignore me...and then later, when I speak to them one-on-one, they turn into shy, happy little girls.

I guess I am rambling now. In the end, it is all just a mind-fuck dude. Just go after what you want, and if the girl is being half-way decent to you, you won't look like an oblivious jackass if you ask her out.

Don't settle. Only go out with girls that you would not mind being like yourself. (That is, only go out with an overweight girl if YOU would not mind being overweight. Only go out with a slut if YOU would not mind being a slut.)

Don't let this puff your ego up, people like those who like them back. You DID show her that you liked her by flirting with her.

I think you make good points, icepick. I think it's always difficult to read a girl because they play those games. This one girl I know has mastered that crap. I know one girl who is a good friend and is married, but flirts a lot with me, and another with a BF who is also very flirty, initiates kino and stuff with me. Then, there's this black sheep girl who has a BF who sends all sorts of mixed messages such as being nice in one situation and sort of cold in another. It seems like she's a little uncomfortable being around me sometimes, sort of like when you have a crush on someone, since she seems more comfortable around other guys. I don't know though, it's just too difficult to read. I just play indifferent and that seems to work well both ways. I don't get attached, and the girl doesn't get this impression that you're after her, which may turn her off.

 

[SlyDonJuan]

Don't bother to find out if a girl likes you or not

Focus more on how to make her like you and you're guaranteed that she likes you.

In this way, you do not have to crack your head to figure out all the mixed signals she is giving and all games she is going to play cause you know she likes you no matter how hard she tries to hide it.

 

[violator]

In the past, unless a girl gave me unambiguous and clear signals that she liked me, I would not have the werewithal to approach her and ask her out. Even if she gave me her number, I would always justify it as her just being nice and feeling sorry for me. Yes, my self esteem was really that low. Even then, I questioned a girls motives if she was a HB because I never believed that a beautiful girl could ever be interested in me.

I have learned that a girl who is interested will either make it quite evident or give off mixed signals. The former are the ones who will call you throughout the day and make herself readily available to you (the female AFC). The ones who give mixed signals or even negative ones are usually shy or so overwhelmed by their attraction to you that they don't feel comfortable around you, hence their nervousness, lack of eye contact, etc.

I agree that sometimes you have to just get a feel and trust your instincts and have common sense. I mean if you are decent looking and have a good personality, a girl who avoids eye contact or ignores you does so only because she is attracted to you unless she generally acts that way with everyone else.

Bottom line, forget trying to analyze whether a girl likes you or not by observing every minute detail like whether her eyes are dilated, whether she preens her hair or wets her lips, etc. These are just general guidelines that are not written in stone. If you think she llikes you, she probably does. Assume she likes you until she gives definite signs that she does not, like not accepting dates, not returning calls, etc.

 

[Capitol39]

Dude, this might seem mean, but don't hit on fat chicks!! I learned this the hard way. I hit on one, and she ended up stalking me.

 

[legolas]

Originally posted by Capitol39
Dude, this might seem mean, but don't hit on fat chicks!! I learned this the hard way. I hit on one, and she ended up stalking me.

Yeah, to tel you the truth I sort of got scared of it that day and decided to pull out. Easier said than done. When I pulled out, she came onto me!!! Now I'm just keeping it on the friends/coworkers level. I hope it stays like that for a while. I don't want to tell her that I don't like her, neither give her any sort of liking signals.

Should I maybe try and turn it around into AFC? I gotta see if that actually works!!

 

[Capitol39]

Originally posted by legolas
Should I maybe try and turn it around into AFC? I gotta see if that actually works!!

You should try it for the fun of it, but I have a sneaky suspicion that it won't work. Fat chicks will take anybody--even AFCs.

 

[legolas]

Originally posted by Capitol39
You should try it for the fun of it, but I have a sneaky suspicion that it won't work. Fat chicks will take anybody--even AFCs.

Yeah she is kinda desperate, but she does have an ex. who keeps calling her and she hates him, so I don't know. At this point I'm a little awkward toward playing with fire.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by violator
In the past, unless a girl gave me unambiguous and clear signals that she liked me, I would not have the werewithal to approach her and ask her out. Even if she gave me her number, I would always justify it as her just being nice and feeling sorry for me. Yes, my self esteem was really that low. Even then, I questioned a girls motives if she was a HB because I never believed that a beautiful girl could ever be interested in me.

I have learned that a girl who is interested will either make it quite evident or give off mixed signals. The former are the ones who will call you throughout the day and make herself readily available to you (the female AFC). The ones who give mixed signals or even negative ones are usually shy or so overwhelmed by their attraction to you that they don't feel comfortable around you, hence their nervousness, lack of eye contact, etc.

I agree that sometimes you have to just get a feel and trust your instincts and have common sense. I mean if you are decent looking and have a good personality, a girl who avoids eye contact or ignores you does so only because she is attracted to you unless she generally acts that way with everyone else.

Bottom line, forget trying to analyze whether a girl likes you or not by observing every minute detail like whether her eyes are dilated, whether she preens her hair or wets her lips, etc. These are just general guidelines that are not written in stone. If you think she llikes you, she probably does. Assume she likes you until she gives definite signs that she does not, like not accepting dates, not returning calls, etc.

Interesting, I mean, I could swear this one girl doesn't like me, but I don't see why she'd act sort of stand-offish around me while seeming more comfortable around other people. I've asked her to do stuff before, but it's usually pretty spontaneous and there isn't much time for her to consider, but she hasn't accepted every time. I don't know what's up. It's toughest to try to determine whether she's like that because she likes you or because she doesn't. In my experience, it has seemed that girls who did not like me seemed to talk to me more while ones that did seemed to be more shy, but it's probably not smart to generalize.

 

[MysteryWoman]

Originally posted by violator
In the past, unless a girl gave me unambiguous and clear signals that she liked me, I would not have the werewithal to approach her and ask her out. Even if she gave me her number, I would always justify it as her just being nice and feeling sorry for me. Yes, my self esteem was really that low. Even then, I questioned a girls motives if she was a HB because I never believed that a beautiful girl could ever be interested in me.

I have learned that a girl who is interested will either make it quite evident or give off mixed signals. The former are the ones who will call you throughout the day and make herself readily available to you (the female AFC). The ones who give mixed signals or even negative ones are usually shy or so overwhelmed by their attraction to you that they don't feel comfortable around you, hence their nervousness, lack of eye contact, etc.

I agree that sometimes you have to just get a feel and trust your instincts and have common sense. I mean if you are decent looking and have a good personality, a girl who avoids eye contact or ignores you does so only because she is attracted to you unless she generally acts that way with everyone else.

Bottom line, forget trying to analyze whether a girl likes you or not by observing every minute detail like whether her eyes are dilated, whether she preens her hair or wets her lips, etc. These are just general guidelines that are not written in stone. If you think she llikes you, she probably does. Assume she likes you until she gives definite signs that she does not, like not accepting dates, not returning calls, etc.

I can relate to this the amount of times a really hot guy has overwhelmed me so much, that I often find my self ignoring him.
Whilst other days I have to work hard and force myself to make eyecontact with him.

 

[Panther]

It is so very strange...

there was this girl who was giving me the signs you mention

Like smiling a lot, talking faster and higher-pitched than usual, laughing at anything remotely funny I said. And she barely knew me.

Well I decided to ask her out. She refused.

And since then she is ignoring me

Strange creatures, women are!

ThePanther - DJ cadet

 

[MysteryWoman]

But I never spoke to the guy, it was like one of those teenage crushes when you both make eyecontact with each other but no one has the confidence to make the first move.

The girl may have been friendly and is now ignoring you because you misread the signals.

 

[becker]

MysteryWoman, that's an interesting take on it. Perhaps this girl I know who is sort of doing the ignoring thing (although she isn't totally ignoring me, just making it seem like she's not acknowledging me as much) just thinks that I misread any signs. The only thing is is that I haven't made any moves on her. We were pretty good friends, but all of a sudden, she is acting a little stranger than before. Not sure if that's really a matter of misreading signals on my part since I haven't done anything. The most I've done is to act like we should be better friends, but that's it.

 

[SlyDonJuan]

I disagree with some and agree with some.

Originally posted by violator
In the past, unless a girl gave me unambiguous and clear signals that she liked me, I would not have the werewithal to approach her and ask her out. Even if she gave me her number, I would always justify it as her just being nice and feeling sorry for me. Yes, my self esteem was really that low. Even then, I questioned a girls motives if she was a HB because I never believed that a beautiful girl could ever be interested in me.

The reason why you're feeling this way is either caused by your upbringing or the people around you who make you feel this way. Whether you know it or not, the people around you have great influence towards your thinking. If you've been told throughout your life that you're a complete moron who cannot get any beautiful girls, then you will believed you are not capable of getting any except AFC girls who are ugly. The situation becomes worse when you don't even know that you're reinforcing your own negative belief which makes you feel low self esteem.

I have learned that a girl who is interested will either make it quite evident or give off mixed signals. The former are the ones who will call you throughout the day and make herself readily available to you (the female AFC).

I disagree with you a little here. No Offense. But you see, a girl who is interested in you will not give off mixed signals because SHE IS AFRAID OF LOSING YOU if you she overdo it.

The ones who give mixed signals or even negative ones are usually shy or so overwhelmed by their attraction to you that they don't feel comfortable around you, hence their nervousness, lack of eye contact, etc.

It could be.....But how are you going to tell if they're nervous or they are not interested in you?

I agree that sometimes you have to just get a feel and trust your instincts and have common sense. I mean if you are decent looking and have a good personality, a girl who avoids eye contact or ignores you does so only because she is attracted to you unless she generally acts that way with everyone else.

Very true!! But again....How are you going to tell if she acts this way because she is attracted to you or because she generally acts the same way with everyone else?

Bottom line, forget trying to analyze whether a girl likes you or not by observing every minute detail like whether her eyes are dilated, whether she preens her hair or wets her lips, etc. These are just general guidelines that are not written in stone. If you think she llikes you, she probably does. Assume she likes you until she gives definite signs that she does not, like not accepting dates, not returning calls, etc.

YEP!!!!