how to tell a guy to back the fcuk up

[iqqi]

I am a girl who likes to wait when it comes to having sex. In my opinion, it is about respect. It is not because I am a prude (although I'd rather you call me that than an easy ho), and it is not because I am emotionally fcuked up. I just don't sleep around. I just do not enjoy sex unless I care about the one I am with, and vice versa. I tried it once, had a fcuk buddy, and after a period of lying to myself I realized I just wasn't fcuk buddy material.

I am saying all this because I know a majority on here have no problem sleeping around, and do not understand why I might have a problem with it.

Now here is the situation.

There is this guy (some of you may remember...) I haven't been keeping anyone up to date because I've been following my own advice and intuitions on this one, and its been working...

Well, I LJBF'd him cuz I really do like him but he is not ready for a real LTR, just got divorced. So he calls just now, talking aout the horrible time he had at the club ("all the girls are HO'S") he's probaly depressed as hell that he is back in the game.

So I invited him to club with me this weekend. My question is, how to I tell him to back the fcuk up, when he tries to "get freaky with me" which he will do cuz i'm irresistable. I really just want to show him a good time (NO JOKES, AZZHOLES!), and keep my boundaries.

Those of you who can respect a woman who does not do fcuk buddying, how should I respond to his advances, and still keep it cool ie not destroy his ego???

 

[Oxide]

what are u expecting him to do? YOU invited him to a club, where people DANCE and dance DIRTY, but u dont want him to do it to you?

No wonder half of the guys here are confused to hell.....


Tell him u only wanna go to 3rd base, and then it'll be his job to get to homeplate.

 

[iqqi]

no OXIDE! please do not get confused. i do not mind flirting, i do not care if he flirts or dances dirty with me. i am talking about after!!!

this is crucial, cuz it is the 1st time we are seeing each other after the "friends" boundary.

i like him, want him around, but can not just be fcuk buddy.

how do i communicate boundaries in the least inoffensive way?

i understand some of you do not believe men and women can be friends. please for the sake of my qquestion, imagine a reality where yes they can.

 

[tiburon]

My honest opinion

Iqqi i dont want to be rude ..but the fact you had to try **** buddies to realize that you didnt like sleeping around...does not give you many points with me in the descent women category..but you are honest so i like you.

Fist of the bat i will tell you you wouldnt get far with me , but if ths guy is naive and not as strict as i am you can have him eatin out of your hands. You want to tell him to get the fvck off then tell him just like that.
I feel that i shouldnt be doing this because you will play my dear naiive friend but i will tell you just to let evryone who reads thiis pos women can act veryu good. You reacting pissed off and disrespected will send him an unconcious and concious message that you are not like other women who are easy. If he has a brains he will realize that if you were easy with him you were easy in the past and easy in the future. so the rudest and most pissed off you can tell him the more you will trick him into believing that you are a very descent women.

Nevertheles i must say a descent women doesnt have to thjink about this stuff...she knows how to react if a guy crosses the line...?

Sincerely
tiburon

 

[dietzcoi]

Tell him you want an AFC friend to buy you drinks, drive you to the club, dance with you, attend to you, etc, but no sex. If he is an SFC he will do it. Personally, I have male friends to hang with. If it were me I would want more than what you are "offering" to him. Sorry, my opinion. But you need to tell him straight up and not jerk him around by the d1ck.

Dietzcoi

 

[Bonhomme]

Date or friend?

So, do you consider him a dating prospect, a friend with dating potential (chemistry is there, but not sure), or a friend and nothing more?

If he's a dating prospect or a friend with potential, you'll just have to communicate if he makes any moves. Tell him you're not ready for whatever he's trying to do.

If he's nothing more than a firend to you, just say he's cool and attractive, but you're just not compatible, and you aren't looking for "no strings" sex. You're just looking to have a good time as you would with any other friend.

 

[iqqi]

the fact you had to try **** buddies

that guy was buffer sex to help me get over a broken heart





thanks, tiburon. i really do know all that, but since i just got off the phone i kind of freaked out.

i really do care about him, and do not want to offend him, but i was thinking just now that i will have absolutely no problem telling him to fcuk off if he doesn't respect my boundaries.

 

[iqqi]

But you need to tell him straight up and not jerk him around by the d1ck.

the last time we talked, we talked about this, so there is no jerking him around.

if anything this will be a test.

 

[Chaos-Knight]

Rules men wish girls knew about:

18.Don't RUB the Lamp if you Don't want the genie to come out!

I'm also confused by your post.

If you like him DATE him (don't club at first)
if you don't want him = stop leading him on.

 

[tiburon]

buffer sex

iqqi sorry swettie, but i believe neither man nor women should seek buffer sex to get over anything...it comes with character...you only need respect and trust in yourself to get over anything honey..but we all make mistakes..lol you cool..

Tiburon

 

[Jake Steed]

You still haven't specified what exactly it is you want with this guy. Do you ONLY want to be platonic friends, or do you hope to rope him into a relationship down the line?? You need to define what it is exactly you want from him.

Having said that...

By going out with him consistently you are giving him a telegram that you want him to make advances on you. Guys get confused when a girl is going out with him and doing "girlfriend/boyfriend" activities with him, but at the same time pushing him away physically. That is why we call it "mixed signals."

You need to realize that your delimma is YOUR own creation. YOU created this by giving him mixed signals. And yes, just hanging out with him is a signal in itself-- you don't think it's anything, but believe me, he thinks it is. Put yourself in his shoes.

Here are your options:

1. IF you want to have a relationship with him--
A. Take a valium. Relax. Sleeping with him isn't going to ruin your chances of getting closer to him, but playing little games WILL.
B. Give him the *****. Sex is about mutual satisfaction. Your ***** isn't magical or special in any way. By sleeping with him, you aren't doing him any favors. YOU are getting satisfaction too. You have some issues if you feel otherwise. Get over it.

2. If you DON'T want to have a relationship with him--
A. Have a talk with him and spell it out in plain english, NOT ********. Tell him you are not attracted to him and you will NEVER get together with him.
B. STOP hanging out with him. To do so would be a contradiction of your words.

Good luck,

Jake

 

[iqqi]

to briefly summarize our relationship:

he just got divorced. she left him. he is heartbroken. there are guys on here right now who know what state he is in. i also know. he is probaly distrustful, confused, lost faith in real love. nothing will compare to his ex right now because he is IN LOVE. i can not compare, and i think i am the best thing to happen to him. but i know what is like to be brokenhearted.

i do not just want to be a rebound. Guys! i have found the man of my dreams! that exclusive hard to find great guy! i think the world of him.

we had gotten really close a few months ago, and he suddenly just shut me out of his life. with some deep introspect and realization that it had nothing to do with me, i knew that not only did he like me very much, but that he would return and it was up to me to turn this the right way.

so that is why and what i am doing. i don't want to be a rebound, but not him or me can prevent that. at this time in his life, if i try to have a real relationship with him, it will just be a cycle, and he won't have time to really get over her.

he is getting drunk all the time, ****ed up, and i know that when he is with me he is atleast happy for the moment. so i would like to stick around as a distraction (and a reminder). that is my plan.

this is not a help iqqi fcuk a poor chap over thread. i really like him, and i am playing for keeps here.

 

[tiburon]

iqqi stop seen him

Iqqi if you dont want to be a rebound dont be one ...stop seen him ..by being there after he gets divorce you will become a rebound no matter what...........give him time and space you have met him at the wrong time give him 4 to 5 months to fix his life and them try to get him..he might had used another girl for rebound by then but that is all she will be; a rebound ....


take care

hey let me ask you a question...if a women is attracted or i love with a man?

would she fantasize about another while making love to him....? a movie star counts. too

have you done this..

Sincerely
Roberto

 

[iqqi]

i don't know about all women, but if i am in love just thinking of another man makes me sick.

 

[iqqi]

and roberto, the guy i am talking about is also latino, if that helps.

yall latinos, are sexy!!!!!!!

 

[tiburon]

Good

Yeah i am a guy and i was surprised when my friend told me that even though he was in love with his grilfrien he would fantasize. I thought that was sick..because me in love or not have always preferred to enjoy reality over fantasy....I am glad you dont..you get points
Where is he from "yo soy cubano" i mean i am Cuban but let me tell you that most latin men tend to be very strict like me if he is not you might be lucky but like i said before if you tell him to back the fvck up in a stron way he will give yopu many points for that.

The guy seems a bit afc, but with a good heart so he will like a descent women ..you do this and you can even get him thinking about you the next day and get his ex out of his head ..trust me on that!!

Tiburon

 

[Bonhomme]

Is THIS guy the "man of your dreams" ...

or are you writing about two different guys here?

If he's the "man of your dreams" and you just want to be a distraction, no wonder he's confused!

The best way to **** him over would be to keep confusing him. If you're into him, go for it!

I dunno about him, but I can easily forget an ex if a good prospect comes into my life. You're projecting a woman's attitudes into him. He's a man, not a woman. Don't expect him to think like a woman.

 

[tiburon]

Latins are sexy but Cubans are...

Cubans are evrything desired in a man times 3.........VIVA CUBA Y EL DIA QUE MI PATRIA SEA LIBRE ME VOY A LAS PLAYAS A CASARME CON LA MUJER DE MI SUENOS.


EL TIBURON CUBANO>>.......

 

[Pecker]

Women create so much chaos in their attempt at sparing men's feelings.

Do you really wanna be friends with this guy? Do you think he is a kind of valuable friend-only with as much to offer you as a girl friend? If not, just break contact with this guy. Don't return his calls, don't go out clubbing, don't talk to him. If you still do want him as a FRIEND, this is what you need to do...

You have to be SO blunt with this guy, because you are being contradictory. Conventional seductionist wisdom tells many guys that women will give a guy the stop-go treatment even when she is possibly interested, and that the only real red light is a rejection of a sexual advance. So he'll likely not listen to any rejection of yours other than shying away from a kiss, or slapping him, etc. Some guys get dumb with false hope, what can I say. But taking him to a club and dancing freaky with him WILL be taken the wrong way.

Trust me.

 

[Pecker]

I just realized Jake said almost exactly the same thing I did.

Great minds think alike, I guess.