How to tell a girl you want her to be your girlfriend

[EyeBRollin]

I see. In that case, then your advice is fine, for you and perhaps other men. No argument from me, to each his own.

But for some people, like my bf and I, we don't see each other as prizes to be won or that starting a RL is my "job." If that's some sort of rule, I am not aware of it.

We are two individuals who met, clicked and were/are ready for something more substantive than what you're proposing for yourself (casual, non-monogamy). Something with more depth, more meaning, which entails being exclusive and monogamous.

I don't understand how someone can say that's "wrong," I would never say how you (or other men) choose to date and conduct your relationships is wrong. If you don't want monogamy or exclusivity, that is your choice.

My confusion was you saying that a woman should "force" a man into it. I don't agree with that at all. I don't believe anyone should force anyone to do anything. Stay true to yourself, if you don't want it, then stay true to that, that's all.

There IS no wrong or right, there is only what works for the two individuals involved.

The advice I give is to help other men on the forum. With all due respect, men and women do not have equal leverage in relationships. The man is the prize. We decide which women will get our commitment. Women decide which men get to have sex with them. Men who do not understand this dynamic are robbing themselves.

 

[EyeBRollin]

We are two individuals who met, clicked and were/are ready for something more substantive than what you're proposing for yourself (casual, non-monogamy). Something with more depth, more meaning, which entails being exclusive and monogamous.

Let me be clear- men do not want to be monogamous. It is a question of sexual access. Do not think for a second a man that agrees to be in a monogamous relationship will pass up the chance to bang a younger, hotter girl than his main. Men are monogamous by necessity (societal and legal pressure + lack of opportunity) not because we only want to fvck one woman.

 

[zinc4]

As an aside. I’m probably the only one here crazy enough to have experimented with this.

If a girl is not on birth control, and you Cvm inside her, and she knows you’ve cvmmed inside her, she will bond more deeply to you. Her maternal side starts whispering to her and that’s how a women can fall very quickly for a guy. Creampies.

Cvmming inside women who aren’t on birth control, as Nature intended, has become very kinky. Think about that for a second and then consider how fvcked up that is. It’s all engineered by powerful men who don’t want us to form families.

This is true. I had an ex once even tell me how much more closely she felt connected to me after cumming inside her a few times. My current gf begs me to *** inside her right at the very beginning and end of her period when there is just a small amount of blood saying that she can't get pregnant. I just don't care though and hate getting any blood on me so i usually refuse.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

The problem with this thread is you guys are missing the crucial part. Yes, a woman must express a desire for a relationship first. And that’s all she needs to do.

You, as the leader, take that desire she has for a relationship, and then you define it - “here are the rules if you want to be with me.”

Women used to “choose” by simply allowing a man to bang her. Birth control changed all that. Now women choose by trying to get you to define it - “what are we?”

You define it any way you want. That’s Frame.

What does “girlfriend” actually mean? A promise that she won’t suck another man?

You think a girlfriend label is going to stop her sucking another man? No.

Guys typically get married for the same reason. Scarcity. It’s a way to attempt to lock a woman down. But then a smart man looks at our legal system and quickly realises that the days of meaningful relationships between the sexes are over (until the laws change).

You are only allowed to have a polyamorous relationship now between You, your girlfriend, and The State.

It seems better to define it yourself instead of having her constantly say "who are we, where is this going? etc" because eventually she might interpret it as a sign you're indecisive or passive. And if you eventually decide to "commit" like she wants, she might see it as a sign that you've caved to her demands and are afraid of losing her.

On the other hand, if you don't define it soon enough she might take your indifference the wrong way and see it as a sign to "keep her options open"...but I don't know, I just don't see how it could make a damn bit of difference what you tell her, they'll do what they want anyway, I'm sure even "good girls" have backups around even if they don't bang them.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

How do I tell a girl that I like her and I want her to be my girlfriend

you don’t

 

[Gamisch]

I see. In that case, then your advice is fine, for you and perhaps other men. No argument from me, to each his own.

But for some people, like my bf and I, we don't see each other as prizes to be won or that starting a RL is my "job." If that's some sort of rule, I am not aware of it.

We are two individuals who met, clicked and were/are ready for something more substantive than what you're proposing for yourself (casual, non-monogamy). Something with more depth, more meaning, which entails being exclusive and monogamous.

I don't understand how someone can say that's "wrong," I would never say how you (or other men) choose to date and conduct your relationships is wrong. If you don't want monogamy or exclusivity, that is your choice.

My confusion was you saying that a woman should "force" a man into it. I don't agree with that at all. I don't believe anyone should force anyone to do anything. Stay true to yourself, if you don't want it, then stay true to that, that's all.

There IS no wrong or right, there is only what works for the two individuals involved.

I always love to read your perspective so dont ever let our blunt opinions chase you away.

Somehow would love to hear about your opinions if you were single.. bc lotta men here will indeed want a woman like you, or let's say , would like to be on your bf's side a d get the woman" completely natural"...I assume you have a decent SMV, and that combined with being a woman makes finding a " healthy " ltr a different ball game. I bet even your current bf has his fair share of stories where the relationship lasted for as long as he kept it " playfull and fun" and went to doom soon as he tried to make it some more( though he might not admit , why should he??) It's just a man's path in (love)life.

A lotta men can testify that the moment they committed to certain girls ,the dynamic completely shifted for the worst. "This damn girl been chasing me for 6 months , I went blue pill ,and 2 weeks later she is a dramaqueen worse then my ex".

That's why most men advice OP to shut his mouth, and if he really feels something more just show it through actions and gestures, but dont verbalize it. You either have her begging for your exclusivity, or you both (like catsmeow's story) capitalize on the mutual feeling when it arises. Unfortunately this is not the case ,otherwise op wouldn't start the thread in the first place.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Even if she says yes, you have put yourself in the submissive seat of the power ride. However, some women love to be in the dominant and some men like being submissive lol.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Even if she says yes, you have put yourself in the submissive seat of the power ride. However, some women love to be in the dominant and some men like being submissive lol.

How it it submissive if you are the one setting the terms of the relationship and she agrees to them?

Why is it better to act like a 15 year old girl and pretend you don't like her and want a relationship with her? (if you actually do) Eventually she'll either move on or keep pressing you at which point you'll be regarded as passive/indecisive. I don't see how setting the terms is submissive, especially if she thinks you'll walk away.

If you don't want a relationship with her, this is a different story. But if you do want one, how is being waiting for her to bring it up "dominant/alpha" ? It's one thing if we're talking within the first weeks but I do not think most women will want to get "strung along" for more than 3-6 months.

 

[Injess]

How do I tell a girl that I like her and I want her to be my girlfriend

Just kiss her... Then don't say anything... If she kisses you back then it's on...

 

[bario]

The "it's her job to bring it up" or "she will say that herself after physical intimacy" does not always work with girls from certain backgrounds or culture. For example, in the middle east the man is "usually" the one who would mention or escalate stuff like this.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

The "it's her job to bring it up" or "she will say that herself after physical intimacy" does not always work with girls from certain backgrounds or culture. For example, in the middle east the man is "usually" the one who would mention or escalate stuff like this.

Yes. I have noticed that male advice on women is way too dogmatic and has no room for nuance, also assumes every guy is dealing with some typical American thot.

Use your brain and trust yourself. Passive, submissive women aren't always going to be the ones to bring this up.