How to stop yourself from telling too much about your life?

[nano]

Not only to girls, but also to other people you just met who could become your new friends.

It's not that I talk all the time, but I sometimes find it hard to be aware of the moments when you should definitely say nothing. I have a feeling that I usually say the right things, but at a wrong time (especially bringing them up too early).

"Better to say too little than too much." I agree with that. But I don't want to seem shy either. And it's difficult to control yourself once you are in a good conversation that constantly needs to be fed with new topics.

Any suggestions?

Another question: What do you do when you say something in front of a group of people and nobody responds, even though most of them seemed to have noticed it?

 

[DonJuanit0]

I'll answer the second question first...

When I say something and people just don't respond to it I just make a joke
saying something like: "That's what I wanted to share with you and thanks for listening" (smiling or laughing a bit at the same time) It sounds different when I talk in my language, it's funnier but that's the idea, make them laugh about not paying attention to what you said!

First question:

I am completely different I would say, I am the guy who hardly talks and that is good cause most of the girls I meet in a company think that there is something mysterious about me and staff (that's when I am in a company not when one on one date or something). My friends know that I am not shy and have got used to it, as for the people who doesn't know me, won't even think that I am shy, by seeing my behaviour towards the people I know or even when I talk to the waitress for example, I might make a joke or something and laugh with her!

A nice way to avoid telling too many staff about yourself and unwanted topics: try to care about the people you have in front of you and dealing with! For example instead of saying, "last night I had a great night banged 3 girls at the same time" ask the others "how was your last night? What did you do?" They WILL answer to you cause it's a straight up question and you won't have said anything about you! If they do ask how was YOUR last night, then you are free to talk about it and have the satisfaction of talking about yourself, BUT don't cross the line by saying to much! Learn to control what you say!

Try to always "keep a veil" (w/e it's called) over you and be mysterious but certainly not creepy! You'll do fine I guess...

 

[Sand]

nano, i have the same problem! for some reason i tend to spill my guts out to people, even if i have just met them.

 

[Stud]

So you're the guy who tells me his whole life story when I am trying to get my workout in and casually say, "How's it going?"

Do not be this guy. There are many strategic and just plain personal reasons why you do not want to be the guy who never shuts up or the guy who gives TMI, but the biggest one is that NOBODY CARES! Seriously, nobody cares whether your girlfriend won't tell you that she loves you or that you have your eye on the bike assembler position at walmart that is just bound to open up in a year or two.

It is good that you are talkative unlike most of the social abominations that dwell here at sosuave, but you must learn to tone it down some. The next time you interact with another human, try to focus on the other person. Nothing you have to say ismore important than what they have to say and it would be a good start for you to remember that.

 

[Sand]

Thanks stud!

 

[nano]

Thank you. This seems to be some good piece of advice. I already tried and it really makes a difference. It is strange at first, but I'm getting better.

But what makes it even harder is the fact that I'm really good at being funny. Most of time I'm with some people I have hundreds of hilarious thoughts, which want to break out of my head.

I'm happy to have this gift and don't want to give it away. But I also don't want to end like a bad clown. The timing is important and I sometimes still struggle with that.

 

[Vice]

"Comedy Writing Secrets" by Helitzer should help you with timing. Go to half.com and buy it

 

[DonGorgon]

I say too much sometimes.. wen i think it will help the other person to feel more comfortable

 

[Nexus Polaris]

Talk less about yourself and more about other things. Random pop culture topics, news headlines, something you saw today, something situational, etc. Be careful if you decide to talk about them, though. While it's a good idea when used sparingly, it's very easy to unconsciously slip into therapist mode when you're focused only on the other person.

I found myself doing this a lot with women for awhile. I was no longer actively being AFC, but somehow I kept finding myself talking about their boring ass problems again. And then it dawned in me. When we were only talking about them, if I didn't make sure to control the direction of the conversation, we always ended up talking about therapist/friend/AFC shìt. I had to continuously make an active effort to steer the conversation in specific directions.

So if you're going to go the "talk about them" route, be sure to keep your guard up.