How to stop seeking validation, outcome dependance, and being in the moment

[thunder_god]

I realized yesterday when I was talking to a hired gun, that my conversation seemed kind of forced. It was like I was trying to use routines or gimmicks to try and make her respond a certain way. Also when the interaction did not go as well as I had hoped, I was a little upset. This made me have an epiphany and now I realize all this time I have been trying to seek validation, being outcome dependent and not being in the moment during my conversations with women. I also noticed I started acting this way when I started to develop feelings for my oneitis and changed who I was. I want to go back to the old me who used to just say whatever the hell was in my mind.

Now I want to get rid of this mindset and just let it die forever. I want to learn how to derive validation from within me and instead of relying on external factors. I need to learn to be more outcome independent, and also learn to focus in the moment during my interactions and stop trying to analyse and think about what to say next.

 

[Genos]

RSD Tyler has a pretty nice video on validation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1LQs7NbTOs

One quote from the video that really resonated deeply with me was this: "You know how you don't validate them [them being women]? Don't actually need them. Be happy. Then whatever you say, will be 'good'. When you actually don't need them, it's almost impossible to fvck it up."

 

[BraddH]

You are seeking validation from us, outcome dependent and not being in the moment even NOWHERE, now and here.

 

[Evan]

By letting them not validate you. By being in situations where some people won't validate you. It won't feel good at first but eventually you will see that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what you do. You will always have people who don't validate you or like who you are. No matter how funny, rich, handsome or ripped you get you will have haters. Women will always test you no matter what is going on with you. No matter how good you become with them. Or attractive you become.

You simply embrace hate. You embrace love equally. Society wants you to feel shame and regret. While regret and shame can be helpful it's not helpful when you constantly beat yourself up. The main thing it should teach you is to love who you are and to embrace this short life you have. Learn as much as possible but never think or believe that this going to give you the validation you seek.

There will never be anything that will ever fill a hole that is going on inside. Only you can do that. Validation only works when you validate yourself. Let others not validate you. It's their opinion and nothing more. They may have something to teach you but you don't need to get insecure or feel inferior. You just learn what it is that you need to act on and how you can further validate yourself. Because the world you interact with is simply a mirror that you see in yourself.

It's funny because the most confident and popular people act as if everybody validates them even when they clearly don't. It's because they validate themselves so much it doesn't matter what others say. In fact they believe they already validate them.

So it's not that you stop seeking validation it's you stop needing it. Where guys **** up is they believe they don't act on their desires for a women because they don't want to act like they are needy. That is in itself needy. You have to be vulnerable to people disliking you and rejecting you. If you are protecting yourself then you are a slave to your fear and a slave to people holding the value and validation you feel for yourself. You have to take responsibility and decide this for yourself and put yourself in rejections way regardless. Put your ass on the line and express to the world what you truly want to express.

 

[Meisterman]

By coming to the SS forums and let the posters on here validate you instead