How to stop infatuation

[topcat2001]

There is a girl I am seeing right now(She is 23, I am 33) but the dopamine rush is becoming too much and I am constantly obsessing about her. We have seen each other about 7-8 times and slept together 5-6 times. I played it cool in the beginning but somewhere along the line she started pulling back and I started obsessing. Ofcourse once the dopamine hits you its terrible and hard to control anything at all. I am still trying to control how much I contact her but sometimes. I can definitely sense her pulling back when I text/email her (her responses are slower and direct) though when we meet we seem to have really good chemistry and sex.
Not sure what to do at this point. Any advice? My past experience is that without getting closure on this if I try to date other girls(especially ones that I know) then I just end up not seeing how great they are and ruin it anyway.
Thinking logically I can see she is not that great or anything but that doesnt make any difference in my obsession.

 

[st_99]

How to stop infatuation?

It just comes down to experience. Once you've gone through it
a few times.. you just learn to control it. I think its just a maturity thing.

 

[Lexington]

Keep working on other girls, even hotter ones if you can. Whenever you start to get these feelings of infatuation try to channel that energy to do other things (your hobbies, productive tasks etc.)

 

[Die Hard]

Beware... My BPD radar is starting to show activity...

Regardless, I feel this thing can only end either of two ways:

1. You break it off with her
2. You end up getting hurt

 

[topcat2001]

Thanks for the advice everyone. Last contact with her was 3 days ago when I emailed her some pics I took of her and then texted her to let her know. her response to email was fairly short. so was my initial mail anyway. Should I just not contact her and wait for her? Should I contact her to setup another date? We did talk about cooking something together the last time. Should I text her and meet and breakup or say I just want to be friends? She is a student of mine in my yoga class so I dont want to end things in a negative way.

 

[st_99]

Thanks for the advice everyone. Last contact with her was 3 days ago when I emailed her some pics I took of her and then texted her to let her know. her response to email was fairly short. so was my initial mail anyway. Should I just not contact her and wait for her? Should I contact her to setup another date? We did talk about cooking something together the last time. Should I text her and meet and breakup or say I just want to be friends? She is a student of mine in my yoga class so I dont want to end things in a negative way.

You're too emotionally invested and so it doesn't matter what you do because the outcome is going to be inadequate. And so
the cycle of sh*t will ensue.

You should ask yourself what you would do if you couldn't care less about this girl because you have 10 others. (even though not true, you just need to picture it) Then proceed, so you might text her, ask for a date, ignore, whatever.. it would be from a no care mindset and then you can't lose.

 

[Die Hard]

You should go ahead and setup another date, pursue her and push for closure.

 

[Colossus]

Seek out other women. Ignore her. You'll get over it and see how silly you were to obsess over one woman, especially a 23 year old.

 

[Serg897]

Beware of these women that cause this emotional, dopamine-surging response. They will cause you to do things you later regret. I have yet to meet a woman like this that hasn't wreaked havoc on my mind and emotions, and I've never been able to fully control myself.

 

[Die Hard]

Seek out other women. Ignore her. You'll get over it and see how silly you were to obsess over one woman, especially a 23 year old.

No he won't... Coz he can't. Not until the truth hits him in the face, anyway. Rationally realizing that this affair is a dead end street is not enough, he needs to experience it.

The only way that's gonna happen is when he acts on his infatuation and pursues her. He just needs to play this thing out.

 

[window]

the key is to go in slowly...don't become emotionally attached till she has proved herself to you over time. If you have no self control then you will be history very quickly.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Another good way to give yourself an antidote to INFATUATION is by making a realistic list of all that other person's "not so good" points. Then, simply MAGNIFY those unattractive by using your imagination to link as many unpleasant emotions to those qualities within the other person as possible.

Meditate on these things enough with enough vivid imagination and powerful emotion and you will eventually find that that extraordinary Babe that you're obsessed with will start to look just a little more ordinary.

As human beings, we only tend to worship and make idols out of people we elevate TOO HIGHLY above us.

 

[AW1983]

One thing I've noticed that I've unconsciously started doing is to immediately focus on flaws. Then it becomes a process in your mind of her proving herself despite said flaws. Doesn't matter how "perfect" she appears, she's got 'em. I think this helps with initial obsession defense and will assist your neg hitting as a side benefit.

Edit: yeah VU beat me to it. What he said.

 

[topcat2001]

Thanks everyone. This was very helpful and has helped me chill out quite a bit. When I met her all I wanted was to sleep with her. Sometimes when the sex is good it seems it makes me obsessed with getting with her again. Happened with a married woman once which was the worst in my life! This is obviously not healthy and really surprised me when it happened.
I was going to text this girl tonite and then meet to breakup but then she showed up at my morning yoga class unexpectedly and since I am going to be away for a few days I am going to wait till I come back before making a decision. On another note I met another female acquaintance of mine and so it looks like things might pick up with other girl that might force me to break up with the 23 yr old rather than pursue her to closure. Will keep you guys posted.

 

[Slickster]

Date multiple women. Imagine them all taking big diarrhea sh!ts.

 

[SteR]

Sorry but I'm gonna go off on a tangent here: what are yoga classes like for meeting young women? Is it better to go at certain times during the week?

(thinking of starting up but clueless about when to go)

 

[topcat2001]

No worries. I was going to put in a plug for yoga on the forum anyway. I started going to yoga after pulling a muscle in my upper back at the gym and the PTs and chiros were of no help. Having the girls helped too.

I don't think any particular time is better though in some studios that I've been to, the friday morning and weekend classes seemed best for it since it was less rushed. Generally after class is best to make conversation (you can say something like 'wow she really worked us out' or comment on the difficulty of a particular pose to get things going). Generally a class will have a lot of regulars so a good chance to take things slow and not have to be rushed in trying to pick up the girls the same day. Also a good idea to go at least 15 mins early so that way you have the chance to settle in make some conversation at that time though that is not as conducive since people are stretching/getting ready/meditating etc.
I generally dont go just to meet girls unless it is a hot teacher I want to check out.

 

[SteR]

No worries. I was going to put in a plug for yoga on the forum anyway. I started going to yoga after pulling a muscle in my upper back at the gym and the PTs and chiros were of no help. Having the girls helped too.

I don't think any particular time is better though in some studios that I've been to, the friday morning and weekend classes seemed best for it since it was less rushed. Generally after class is best to make conversation (you can say something like 'wow she really worked us out' or comment on the difficulty of a particular pose to get things going). Generally a class will have a lot of regulars so a good chance to take things slow and not have to be rushed in trying to pick up the girls the same day. Also a good idea to go at least 15 mins early so that way you have the chance to settle in make some conversation at that time though that is not as conducive since people are stretching/getting ready/meditating etc.
I generally dont go just to meet girls unless it is a hot teacher I want to check out.

Ah nice, thanks for the tips. I wasn't actually going with the intention of getting girls.. it's actually because of exactly the same reasons you stated about injury and useless doctors, ha.

If I can meet some nice girls out of it that'd be good. Did it fix your injury by the way?

 

[topcat2001]

Yes. it did fix my back tightness right away. And among other things it also fixed my sinus issues. Those were so bad I thought everyone suffered that way in winter. Also I am now very much into the spiritual side of it. So much so that I can only see myself in a real LTR with a girl who gets that.
You should go to some yoga teacher trainings if you really get it into it. A PUA's dream.

 

[topcat2001]

Though it pains me to say this we ended up cooling things and just ****ing occasionally and she was dating this guy in her social circle and finally ended up getting into a relationship with him. What is surprising is that the week before she was ****ing me (two days before his birthday I took a pic of her in my boxers) and even when I left on the trip I was trying to get a quickie and she was keeping her options open and said we could get together after I come back. Really makes me lose all faith in women. I wouldn't want to be caught dead in a LTR with a girl like that. I didn't attempt any form of communication after I got wind of her relationship and removed her from FB and cutoff all contact.