How to start conversation

[doctor1996]

so I've been reading the bible. But I'm curious on how to actually carry out a conversation. I have the confidence, I have the looks..

Here's one. Waiting for the university campus bus to arrive, I asked this attractive girl next to me "Hey, so how long do the busses take to arrive?" "She said it's taking longer than usual, but usually pretty fast". I said "it's probably pretty fast Friday nights " and laughed a bit, but her laugh was more awkward. I then said "I don't dorm here, so I'm not familiar". I then proceeded to ask, "do you dorm here? She said yeah" and I just left it. What am I doing wrong, tips and advice, and how to approach a girl I find attractive to my standards.

I talked to another one this morning, but she wasn't attractive but she was really interested, but I wasn't into her as much as she was into me

 

[jaymbrs]

My suggestion for the conversation you had was to introduce yourself after the little Friday night joke. Then proceed. From experience, women don't like to banter too long without getting a name or something from you. By doing so, you're letting her know you want to get to know her rather than just have have awkward small talk.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

You're trying to run before you can walk.

Walking (conversationally), is simply having an everyday conversation with someone; man, woman or child, in any context. The conversation you had above is an everyday conversation. Granted, you should be practicing having these with everyone you meet in order to gain confidence, because at the moment it sound like you're struggling a bit.

'Running', in terms of conversation, can only be achieved once you've learned to 'walk' properly. Examples might be successfully holding court with a group of men, public speaking, or chatting a girl up.

As far as talking to women, you have to avoid the mundane as far as possible. The conversation you had there was fine, but was barely an opening introduction. Think of a conversation like a spider diagram: the main body of your conversations were the bus and the dorm. Fine. But there are an infinite number of related topics branching out from the spider's body; and a lot of those should be amusing anecdotes.

Things to work on in the future:
-Smile, authentically. At least look like you're enjoying yourself.
-Engage women's positive emotions by talking about things they may feel deeply about (friends, family, pets, hobbies). This automatically makes them associate those positive emotions with you.
-Avoid talking about work and other mundane topics, unless you have somewhere interesting to go with it.
-Listen. People will give you information when they speak, so pay attention and work with it.
-If you're going to use conversation to attract women, which we all do, you're going to have to progress to telling her what you want, in a suave, sophisticated way, rather than a nervous, horny teenager kind of way.

There's plenty of information already out there, even on this site alone. The two things you need now, are practice, and learn how to progress and enrich the conversation, and practice more.

 

[BeExcellent]

There is a great book out written by a formally very socially awkward engineer about HOW to start and maintain conversation. It's a wonderful book and full of nitty gritty that can greatly improve your conversational ability.

The Fine Art of Small Talk by Debra Fine.

I know, I know the author is a chick. It's a great (and concise) little book about this exact topic.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The bus stop scenario is awkward because the girl is stuck there. The more attractive she is, the more her first thought when she sees you coming is Oh great, another desperate guy coming to annoy me. I'm not trying to fvck with anyone's confidence here, but that's what is going on in her mind, and it is your first obstacle to overcome, especially if she is hot.

So then the challenge is to not be obvious. Most guys do the opposite and swarm the girl like flies on sh!t. Instead, be casual. Smile and nod, but then sit down and ignore her for at least a minute or two. Then, as if the thought just struck you to say something, and she just happened to be there, talk to her that way, after she has lowered her defenses.

 

[doctor1996]

theres tons vids of on how to approach.a simple search will yield good info

notice all the things we talk about here

confidence

c0cky/funny (without being a clown)

no fearof rejection

come off as positive and someone worth at least meeting

plausible deniability (do you know where the xyz building is)

compliance tests (can you hold/do this for me)

kino (holding hands, high five)

also notice how many of these girls said they had a bf

I saw that girl that I asked to go for coffee again, keep seeing her everywhere with the friend she wanted to introduce me to. I ignored them. Was I doing the right thing? I didn't bother even to make eye contact and she didn't even bother to say hi. I'm not being a sniper, but it was kind of awkward when I went to have lunch with friends she was at the same place with the same guy again.

Kind of seemed weird in my opinion, but I made nothing about it

 

[doctor1996]

In my opinion there's a bigger point here: Women who want to introduce me to other women are NOT interested in me.

It's a guy

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

People have conversations because they enjoy having conversations.

The only goofs who start a conversation with a specific intention are PUA's and salespeople. (And mormons.)

SO...

remove any intention from your mind.

Have a conversation because you WANT to have a conversation.

People like having conversations with people who are enjoying themselves.

Nobody likes having a conversation with a stranger when they reek of ulterior motive.

 

[doctor1996]

Got a new number today. I wastalking with a group of friends. I looked over to the library and this girl was directly staring at me. So I brushed it off, and continued talking to my friend. She came over and smiling.. And said did you say something? When I was talking with my friends. She starts asking me for
My name, where I'm from, what I'm studying. So then I start to ask her questions. She gave me openings. How she is from Morocco, sports, fathers occupation, moms work, etc.. I was listening and she went on and on. But here's the thing, I felt like I was bombarding her with questions but I was so intrigued. Regardless, she had to work 10 minutes later, and before she left, I said "it was nice talking with you. I'll shoot you a text. What's your number?" And she said yeah and gave it to me

 

[doctor1996]

I think it's pretty nice that I got approached...

 

[doctor1996]

What to expect of this guys?

 

[derby1]

you are going to notice that your game will be natural with the girls that youre not interested in because theres no pressure or intimidation.

this ^^ talk to a chubby 60 year old cashier and watch how you both start having a great convo because your not worried about it and how youll make her day without thinking about it

 

[doctor1996]

this ^^ talk to a chubby 60 year old cashier and watch how you both start having a great convo because your not worried about it and how youll make her day without thinking about it

I already do that. Should I feel good that this girl approached me?

 

[derby1]

yes its great she sounds very confident im always wary of women like this! but its nothing you cant deal with! leave it 48 hours and initiate small txt with her, tell her youll call and then arrange a cemented time to have drinks with her GET HER ON THE PHONE TALKING BE THE MAN 5 MINUTE CONVO AND POOF GONE

 

[doctor1996]

Now I am getting insecure.. I don't want to feel like this. She is really attractive, and has a plethora of followers on facebook.. what made her want to come talk to me? I don't know if I should feel good, sad, bad, happy.

All i did was make eye contact, and smile I think? I forgot.

Maybe she was attracted to my confidence. No clue

 

[doctor1996]

yes its great she sounds very confident im always wary of women like this! but its nothing you cant deal with! leave it 48 hours and initiate small txt with her, tell her youll call and then arrange a cemented time to have drinks with her GET HER ON THE PHONE TALKING BE THE MAN 5 MINUTE CONVO AND POOF GONE

Not at the drinking age yet, additionally, shes from morocco, so I'm not sure how strict she is with her religion.

 

[derby1]

so you can still take her out!!, she has a load of followers and shes hoping your gonna be another one!! this story panned out hundreds of years ago with william the conqueror and lady matilda of flanders she was a popular fit bird and he took no **** tests from her ......went on to have 9 of his kids

 

[doctor1996]

Texted her today. It's been 9 minutes. No response if delivered. But if she was interested she would respond immediately unless she thinks I'm an *******

 

[doctor1996]

In other news, that girl I wasn't attracted to, seems to be interested in me. And she's coming drinking next Friday.

 

[doctor1996]

All she said was "hi"? How do I respond to that..