How to start a social circle from scratch?

[NewDestiny47]

These past few years i really lost most of my old friends and here I am now, I have nobody left and my life, to be honest, is pretty damn lonely (If you think I'm exaggerating, it's Saturday night and im sitting here in my room posting this)

Im 21 and live at home. i'm a little more mature than most guys my age so I'm not really into too much clubbing and partying, I love going out but to more family oriented activities like bowling, restaurants, mini-golf, places like dave and busters etc.

My main problem is how the hell do you start from scratch??? I don't really have any hobbies, most likely b/c I don't have any friends to share anything with (it's a viscious cycle).
I've tried going to a few places like this huge game room they have here and a bowling alley by myself... yea that took guts. Everybody is there with somebody, I can't just go up to someone and say "hey will you guys be my friends?" without looking like an idiot and possibly getting thrown out.
Ditto for school, I'll walk around through the cafeteria but everyone is in there with a group of people, you don't just go and sit with a random group of people without them thinking you are seriously ill in the head.

It really seems like you need at least one friend, ive been trying this whole year to start from scratch and it just doesn't seem possible. With one friend at least you can meet a friend or family member of theirs etc. and start branching out.... or you can actually go somewhere with them and strength in numbers, you don't seem as much of a creep if you start interacting with other people.

 

[selfmademob]

just watch Seinfeld

 

[RedPill]

What is your career? If you don't have one yet start focusing on that, and the path it takes you on will bring new people into your life. It will also bring you financial success and the ability to develop your interests and hobbies, which in turn will increase your social circle.

There's no shame in being alone though, especially when you're getting your life in order. Remember, most of the people you see out on the party scene are there to escape, not to celebrate.

 

[NewDestiny47]

Oh i'm not into the party scene or looking into it, but I need human contact. If I died right now there would be two people at my funeral, my mom and my dad.
Nobody else is aware I exist... that's not healthy. It would be nice to have my phone ring once or twice a week, it'd be nice to go out to eat with someone once a week (that's all i ask for, im not really down for going out during the week anyway, lots of studying)

Actually all I have done is focus on my career, that has gotten me nowhere socially. I attend a class with 100 people, first thing I notice is that most people are already there with a friend or a group... it's that thing again, you need at least one friend to be able to branch out.
I'm there by myself... now, I'm there primarily to learn so it's not exactly the best time to meet people, I might have five minutes before class and after that no talking is allowed. Afterwards everyone runs out.

I'll have the opportunity for an internship next fall,that will be a good opportunity (although there's still the matter of actually "clicking" with the person, Im talkative with everyone I see but it never leads to a friendship) but that's a long time to wait. I've been alone for some time, honestly I could see myself falling into depression if this goes on for much longer. I need human contact, bad.

 

[hope7]

Clubs (not the dance one), community service, sports (I reccomend brazillian jiujitsu), take a non serious class (like dance class or something).

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=108130

 

[insanity]

i just did an experiment like a month ago because i'm heading out west soon and making friends and connections will help me further my music career. usually when i started a new job i kept to myself and could care less about anybody because i was there to work not socialize. but i thought for this job i would see if people were up to making friends or not.

so when i went on my first day to work i used the most lethal weapon of all. i smiled alot and i didn't wait for people to come to me i introduced myself to everybody. after a while people always just stopped by in my work area to chat with me and the key rule was i LISTENED to what they had to say and i asked questions about what they were talking about. most people alot of times will disregard what people say and then tell their story and it comes off as your not interested. fridays or the end of the work week is key to making friends because people are in a great mood because they get to party. thats when you ask them what they drink, where they go, etc. eventually over time and once they know your cool they'll ask you if you want to join them.

just laugh alot and enjoy your surroundings and be optimistic because people like being around positive people. if you complain and just have the look on your face that your judging them, it will push people away. teasing people also has a way of getting even the most reserved people to come out of their shell.

 

[Ice Cold]

You're at school man. You have classes.

Put a study group together
Join a couple clubs/societies
Join the SAC/student union
Start showing up for the events and get involved - you'll be surrounded by people.

 

[NewDestiny47]

I've dug myself into the biggest hole in life and it's just becoming more obvious... Im going to get out, even though ive been saying it for years, I don't know how but im gonna get out

Join clubs, organizations etc.... ive heard that so many times. The problem is I have no interests or hobbies. My life is this: study and go to school. On my free time I usually go out and browse around grocery stores etc. to at least get myself out and see some faces. That's it, and I think the reason I have no hobbies is b/c hobbies are usually shared with others.... when you have nobody in your life, after a while it becomes hard to be passionate about anything. Like I said, i'm on the path to heavy depression if I don't make changes

I have done some volunteer work in the past but like I said it didn't lead to any friendships.
I think i'm a little too mature for my age and it causes problems, most of the people i've come across at these things are in their 40's and 50's... the people my age that were there were all there because they were on community service and were pretty much clowning around the whole time. I'm only 21 but I'm really at a point where the constant childish behavior doesn't appeal so much anymore, yet I'm too young to be taken seriously by the older crowd... don't fit in with either side.

I have to do something though. I'm thinking of just joining totally random classes and clubs... cooking, investing, basket weaving... eventually I should meet some people that i can strike a friendship with. It's so hard for me to go to these things and sit there by myself while everybody else is there with their spouse/children/friends etc. but I can't give up, I'm not happy at all with life right now

 

[Ice Cold]

You can go shopping with other people... just invite someone.

Why are you going to school? To find a job? Then network...

It looks like you don't like anything cause you're locked up and you don't see anything. Once you try it, you're going to like something.

You can also become a homicidal maniac. Collect people's heads so that you don't feel lonely... or whatever floats your boat. Or prey on the party type...

 

[NewDestiny47]

I'd love to go shopping with someone, BUT again, you have to at least know one person to be able to do that. I can't just call a random number and ask if they'd like to go shopping... lol well that could be interesting I guess. I don't think people get the severity of this, I don't know a SINGLE person aside from my mother and father.

I do agree that the reason I don't like anything is because I don't see anything, it's the most horrible vicious cycle you can imagine.
I was this crazy guitar player in high school... that was my last identity I ever had, after that all my friends went their separate ways and I lost everything.
I grew out of that phase, not really into the rock music, long hair, teen rebel thing anymore but hell it was something, I was happy.

As far as women, that's the least of my worries... I'm actually scared of meeting someone and falling for them, with nothing else in my life she would become everything. I need to fix my life first, find out who the hell I am etc. B/c right now I am an empty shell just going through the motions

 

[Celadus]

Stop being helpless and do something to help yourself. You don't have to have any interests, just try a bunch of things once and stick with the one you like the most for now. I "don't have any hobbies or interests" is the biggest bunch of bull**** I've heard.

Reading this post makes me angry because it reminds me of myself 2 or 3 years ago. You can use your maturity as an excuse to let life pass you by and be lonely or use it has a drive to do someting that will make you more interesting when everyone catches up in maturity. Don't look for friends to lean on until you can stand on your own.

 

[Ice Cold]

Meeting new people is a big deal to you right now, because you haven't done it.

Reality is that most of the people are still in their comfort zones when they get approached... and it's not a big deal to them.

Just say HI, what's your name to people around you.

 

[BluEyes]

That's it, and I think the reason I have no hobbies is b/c hobbies are usually shared with others....

What hobby do you know of that is shared by others?

Personally, my hobbies are MY HOBBIES. You are thinking of Activities, which is different from hobbies.

Here, I'll list them out for you:
Hobbies:
1. Guitar (by myself)
2. Chess (by myself)
3. Astronomy (by myself)
4. Gym (by myself / partner)
5. Woodworking (by myself)

Activities:
1. Tennis
2. Rugby
3. Paintball
4. Ice Hockey

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Advice: Build your OWN life first, then start talking to people. Get a solid base of career choices and hobbies in place first. Then join an activity or something where you meet people regularly. These people will see that you have a life(career, hobbies) and either respect you or be attracted to you. Then all you have to is start chatting with these people, and the rest will work itself out.

Work on yourself first, and your friends second.

 

[MetalFortress]

I don't know you, NewDestiny, and even I don't want to hang out with you anymore. Let me tell you why:

First of all, stop acting like you're too cool for the room/too mature to have fun. The only people who say this, are people who know deep down that they WISH they could be the kind of person to go out and have fun. When I read "I'm too mature for everyone else my age", to paraphrase it, I instead look deeper and see "I'm too uptight to let loose, be young and have fun once in awhile". You're so afraid to have fun that you're using the maturity thing as an excuse. Don't do that. Seriously.

Also, no hobbies. You don't need to have people to share the hobbies with until you discover the hobbies on your own in the first place. Cars, weightlifting, fine wine + spirits, cigars, designer clothing, guitar, music in general, you name it, they're all interests of mine, and things I took up on my own.

 

[Goku]

i have been in this stage and it sucks.

what i found out was that i was paying too much attention in meeting new girls and not enough guys. i was focusing all my efforts on girls and if i couldn't get her, i moved on to another girl.

i totally neglected making guy friends. that was a real mistake, i have a lot in common with guys than i do with girls. that can spark lots of conversational topics.

maybe you go to the gym, and see a guy who is good form, you can ask him advice

if there is a guy in ur class that seems to know what is going on, ask him for help or something.

 

[cyp6]

Ill write a guide for you, but not right now im not done studing yet... Im some what of expert of making social circles from scratch... my dad has a crazzy carrier. i think we moved about 12 times since i was 11.. and last week i moved out to cali by my self.. ill be back with a guide for you, let me finish my papper first.

 

[bbestar]

If I died right now there would be two people at my funeral, my mom and my dad.
Nobody else is aware I exist...

We care about as forum members, and God Loves you very much, only if asked.

 

[thefonz]

I've dug myself into the biggest hole in life and it's just becoming more obvious... Im going to get out, even though ive been saying it for years, I don't know how but im gonna get out

Join clubs, organizations etc.... ive heard that so many times. The problem is I have no interests or hobbies. My life is this: study and go to school. On my free time I usually go out and browse around grocery stores etc. to at least get myself out and see some faces. That's it, and I think the reason I have no hobbies is b/c hobbies are usually shared with others.... when you have nobody in your life, after a while it becomes hard to be passionate about anything. Like I said, i'm on the path to heavy depression if I don't make changes

Dude, give daily positive affirmations a try. You sound like you need more positivity in your life. I've been reading my own affirmations 3 times a day consistantly and I feel soo much better than I ever have. You need to retrain your mind to stop thinking about what you don't want. It doesn't matter. What are your dreams? If you don't have any dreams turn off your tv, get off the computer, put yourself in a happy/comfortable place and just let your mind have fun. No limits, no negativity. Learn how to spawn creativity in your mind, does it come a certain time of day or during a certain activity? Picture what you'll do with all these friends when you have them. Don't judge or think about what you have to do to get there, just be there. Let the universe sort out the how and why. Force the postive thoughts into your head.

 

[cyp6]

Ill write a guide for you, but not right now im not done studing yet... Im some what of expert of making social circles from scratch... my dad has a crazzy carrier. i think we moved about 12 times since i was 11.. and last week i moved out to cali by my self.. ill be back with a guide for you, let me finish my papper first.

:wave: Here you go bro... A guide by yours truly just for you! cheers. If you need to trouble shoot just ask.:yes:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=114941

 

[cyp6]

i hope this works out for you bro.