How to shake INSECURITY once you are "infected"?

[darkstarrr]

Is insecurity like a virus? Once you have it - you've got it and it's going to manifest itself throughout your life in one way, shape, or form whether you like it or not?

Or is it more like a bacterial infection that you can do something about?

I have developed some insecurities and for the life of me I have not been able to shake it completely. Sure, I feel pretty good and I know I have a great physeec(sp?) and personality. I know I am successful and have above average intelligence. But every once in a while I look at myself in the mirror and like cupid's evil twin's arrow it hits me. I smile in the mirror and I look at my face from different angles and from the side and I feel so fvkcing ugly. Then the words creep back into my mind when my ex said she doesn't love me, that she isn't in love with me, and that she is sick of my face.

Then it will happen a few weeks later, but instead, while looking in the mirror while brushing my teeth, I remember showing my baby pictures to my ex from before I had braces (had kind of an overbite but a big smile with a lot of teeth showing in the front) and she said what happened and then looked at me. What an insulting cvnt! What do you mean what happened you douche-bag! :cuss:

It is what it is at this point fellas.

Hell I'll be the first to admit that I have developed a problem here with insecurity: the enemy of attraction. And I want to fvcking do something about it! I realize my smile isn't perfect or as big and bright as when I was 10. I feel so bad about myself sometimes like I am ugly. I went so far as to go to a dentist and sign up for invisalign to try to bring my teeth more forward in the front. And its not like my teeth are even fvcked up by any means. Jees.

Are there women out there who are not going to be so caught up on my imperfections that I can relax and just be me without having to feel insecure about my imperfections? God. That's part of the reason I took things so bad. I could barely look at myself in the mirror for 2 months! I'll tell ya it is the most lousy feeling I have ever experienced. Feeling so bad about yourself and so ugly. I'm so happy to finally start feeling normal these days, but I want to be proactive in any way I can to be a happy normal feeling dude. First things first, the insecurity has got to go.

Are a lot of women like that? Where any little thing about you that isn't perfect will just eat away at them to the point where they just can't stand the site of you? Why the fvck do they stay with you so long if it is such a big problem that they have to be so cruel? I know, I know... its more about who new they're fvcking than anything else. This thread is more about remedial and proactive measures people can take who have developed insecurity and didn't know any way to prevent it from happening in the first place.

Just please don't tell me to stop looking in the mirror because I have to when I shave for example and its not like I stare at myself in the mirror for a long time.

Thank you!

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear darkstarr,
The Jesuits used say something along the lines of "give us the Child we will give you the Man".....I have the good fortune to live now amongst people I went to school with,in general I would observe that after more than 50Years how people are now,is underneath it all how they were all those years ago,not only that but consistently they display behaviour inherited and observed in their relations...So deep down you will have to live with your insecurities...Sites like this give you wonderful advice on handling your life,the strategies for pulling Women and handling the Traumas of life discussed here represent the distilled wisdom of hundreds of lives..For me this is worth a great deal.

 

[Riegs]

Your insecurity probably stems from the way you think. You have to be patient and retrain your mind while doing things that build your confidence. In my opinion, certain people are wired to be outgoing and always seek excitement, others are wired to be more introverted. Confidence and self-esteem seems to fluctuate depending on circumstances. That little hottie at the club feels that she has options, she has men fawning all over her... she's young and free and full of self-confidence. Compare her 15 years later when she's lost her looks, her husband has left her and she's in a bad situation in life and you wouldn't even be looking at the same person.

Obviously something you're doing is wrong. You're not doing enough things that make you feel good about YOU, which is causing you to focus on superficialities.

As far as women having a problem with your teeth, if today's women are any indication.. yes, some of them probably will. That's why you challenge them, one-up them, and put them in their place. If you can't do that, next them.. because your self-esteem will be in the pits if a girl is constantly riding you about some trivial thing like your teeth not being attractive. Who has time for that crap?

I think this AFC vs DJ thing can sort of be boiled down to making choices that work for you. Doing things you want to do. Having life the way you want it, and not doing a woman any favors just to "keep" her. Remember, her greatest contribution to your life will probably be what's between her legs (and often times, her BS might not even be worht the trouble), beyond that-- it's all on you to find your own happiness. Considering happiness is rarely found in someone else (women especially), it's important you do the things you want to do, and let her hang along for the ride as long as you want her to be with you. You're the man, you lead--and she follows.

50 years ago, this advice while still applicable wouldn't matter as much and you could net any number of quality women. Unfortunately society has devolved to the point where we all want instant gratification and where there's no guarantee a relationship or marriage will last (probably won't). It's about what you have, your social status and how you look. Most attractive women know they have options, think they're God's gift to men and so they're on the hunt for the best deal going.

If you just want to date women, remember--you owe them nothing. Beyond the surface, they probably only want you for what you can offer them anyway. So you have a choice to either play around with hot bimbos, or look for something more serious with a quality, domestic family-oriented woman. Good luck.

Is insecurity like a virus? Once you have it - you've got it and it's going to manifest itself throughout your life in one way, shape, or form whether you like it or not?

Or is it more like a bacterial infection that you can do something about?

I have developed some insecurities and for the life of me I have not been able to shake it completely. Sure, I feel pretty good and I know I have a great physeec(sp?) and personality. I know I am successful and have above average intelligence. But every once in a while I look at myself in the mirror and like cupid's evil twin's arrow it hits me. I smile in the mirror and I look at my face from different angles and from the side and I feel so fvkcing ugly. Then the words creep back into my mind when my ex said she doesn't love me, that she isn't in love with me, and that she is sick of my face.

Then it will happen a few weeks later, but instead, while looking in the mirror while brushing my teeth, I remember showing my baby pictures to my ex from before I had braces (had kind of an overbite but a big smile with a lot of teeth showing in the front) and she said what happened and then looked at me. What an insulting cvnt! What do you mean what happened you douche-bag! :cuss:

It is what it is at this point fellas.

Hell I'll be the first to admit that I have developed a problem here with insecurity: the enemy of attraction. And I want to fvcking do something about it! I realize my smile isn't perfect or as big and bright as when I was 10. I feel so bad about myself sometimes like I am ugly. I went so far as to go to a dentist and sign up for invisalign to try to bring my teeth more forward in the front. And its not like my teeth are even fvcked up by any means. Jees.

Are there women out there who are not going to be so caught up on my imperfections that I can relax and just be me without having to feel insecure about my imperfections? God. That's part of the reason I took things so bad. I could barely look at myself in the mirror for 2 months! I'll tell ya it is the most lousy feeling I have ever experienced. Feeling so bad about yourself and so ugly. I'm so happy to finally start feeling normal these days, but I want to be proactive in any way I can to be a happy normal feeling dude. First things first, the insecurity has got to go.

Are a lot of women like that? Where any little thing about you that isn't perfect will just eat away at them to the point where they just can't stand the site of you? Why the fvck do they stay with you so long if it is such a big problem that they have to be so cruel? I know, I know... its more about who new they're fvcking than anything else. This thread is more about remedial and proactive measures people can take who have developed insecurity and didn't know any way to prevent it from happening in the first place.

Just please don't tell me to stop looking in the mirror because I have to when I shave for example and its not like I stare at myself in the mirror for a long time.

Thank you!

 

[Trajhenkhet01]

Practice, practice, practice. Talk to as many ladies as possible and ask for as many numbers as possible. Even if you fail, you get so used to it, it no longer seems like a big deal

 

[Schmuck]

The best form of confidence and self esteem is the ignorant kind. The kind where it doesn't actually occur to you that being insecure is an option. Ahhh sweet blissful ignorance.

 

[Libertine79]

Many successful people are HIGHLY insecure... Because they use it to push off of "Equal and opposite reaction"... Usually these people always are "GO GO GO"

Obviously if you are on this board you are looking to IMPROVE some part of your life... And sometimes when you start looking at you life with reflection and a want to change; then you start to think about your imperfections and flaws to the point those are all you see.

If it is physical insecurities - count your blessings you are a man - women are more forgiving of our flaws then we are of theirs... (Go to any large city or shopping plaza and How many fat/ugly/short guys have you seen with solid HB10?... Sometimes quite a few... and not all of them are rich).. Because they play by a different set of attraction switches.

You are probably making a mountain out of a mole hill... I would not take a simple quipe from one woman and think about it much - especially an ex.

Women def. sense a man being insecure... Since you cannot change how you look then acceptence of who you are is the best bet. Women sense that as well - and that is attractive.

 

[fertileTurtle]

You are insecure, because you do not own your own life. Stop letting outside forces determine who you are and what you want.

 

[i-shine-regardless]

darkstarr - don't get so down on yourself man. Just last month I was feeling like my teeth were messed up..and I went to go for invisalign. Well I get the and they tell me that it will work for my bottom teeth but not my top...for that I need veneers. I dont have insurance so I'd be paying out of pocket and the total was looking like $12,000 lol

So I started asking people if they thought I had messed up teeth. Or if they could remember if I have a gap in my teeth or if they thought I should get braces. Not a single person thought I should bother with braces. And I asked alot of girls.

Now my point isn't that I don't need braces. My point is that I was definitely being harder on myself than anyone else was. I'm finding more and more that the things I don't like about myself, tend to be the things that people either don't even notice, or they ACTUALLY LIKE about me.

For instance smile lines. I have em. I hate em. I've had girls say how they were sexy when I never even mentioned em in the first place.

I feel like my nose is crooked. I feel like I have poor posture. I feel like I have a droopy face with bags under my eyes.

But you know what...chicks still like me. Chicks like guys period. Thats just how it is. So don't be so hard on yourself.


Now on the other hand...thats not to say that if there's something about yourself you don't like, that you shouldn't change it if you can. For instance eating right and working out.

One last thing I wanted to share with you. Face exercises. Sounds funny but I've been doing them the last few weeks and started seeing results fast. Just an overall tighter, more manly yet younger, healthier looking face. Seeing those results have been a good boost to my confidence.

Hope this helps!

 

[sharkbeat]

You are a man. You don't need to be pretty to be attractive.

If you are that insecure about your smile, you can always practice some new smiles in front of a mirror. Try smiling in many different ways, until you find the one that you like the most, then get used to smiling that way.

For example, a good smile usually creates points toward the ends of the lips where it sinks into the cheeks, showing your upper teeth all the way up to the gum line.
http://z.about.com/d/movies/1/0/I/J/7/vrgn9b.jpg

And, maybe what you ex meant by "what happened" was that you were so happy back then but not nowadays?

 

[darkstarrr]

darkstarr - don't get so down on yourself man. Just last month I was feeling like my teeth were messed up..and I went to go for invisalign.

So I started asking people if they thought I had messed up teeth. Or if they could remember if I have a gap in my teeth or if they thought I should get braces..


One last thing I wanted to share with you. Face exercises. Sounds funny but I've been doing them the last few weeks and started seeing results fast. Just an overall tighter, more manly yet younger, healthier looking face. Seeing those results have been a good boost to my confidence.

If you are that insecure about your smile, you can always practice some new smiles in front of a mirror. Try smiling in many different ways, until you find the one that you like the most, then get used to smiling that way.


And, maybe what you ex meant by "what happened" was that you were so happy back then but not nowadays?

Good ideas about the facial exercises and smile alteration. I will try those out.

As far as what the ex said, no. When I was happy and smiling she became like an emotional leach and would sometimes get upset. I think it ate her up inside that she had cheated and I was so oblivious to it. Some people have a tendency to be very insulting and overly critical when you get to know them.

Thanks guys.

 

[insidious]

You are a man. You don't need to be pretty to be attractive.
...

Awesome, you can read the posts here endlessly, the *****y bickering about whether or not looks matter, are you too short, are your teeth jacked up, do you have a crappy hairstyle, you're too skinny or too fat, and so on...we sound like a bunch of self-absorbed women who have nothing better to bring to the table than their own cosmetically-enhanced artificial beauty.

But once in a while, amidst the chaos, a simple thought stands out.

"You are a man. You don't need to be pretty to be attractive." Amen to that. Write that down and repeat it daily until you understand it.