How to run a LTR successfully - Learnings from a 6 year LTR

[Konada]

I noticed that there has been some curiosity in the forum about running a successful LTR and thought that it was about time that I shared with the forum my learnings as it did when I was just a young kid trying to spit game and bang chicks. I'm getting married soon to a wonderful partner and much of it came down to what I learnt here and unlearnt.

Since there aren't many posts on LTR game, I thought to share my thoughts of how I managed to run my relationship successfully thus far.

1. Vet your women

The key to a successful LTR is getting into one with a healthy woman that fits you. There are many factors to consider when it comes to fitting your personality, but some general things to look out for:
- Healthy relationship with family
- Empathy towards strangers
- Self-awareness and accountability
- Respect for you and your values
- Sexual attraction
- Conflict management skills
- Self-confidence

You want a healthy woman who is self-confident and not a co-dependent person. One acts out of love for you while the other acts out of filling a void within themselves, there is a difference.

2. Exercise patience

When it comes to vetting women, take as long as you need to vet them. If after several months and you are still on the fence about her, cut her loose. Trust your intuition to pick the right woman for yourself. I exercise a "no-turning back" policy which means I don't keep non-LTR potential women on plate duty. As a man on a mission, any energy spent on relationships detracting you from your objective is a cancer that must be cut loose.

A side note, you must practice self-awareness and growth if you are to exercise patience in choosing your women. Some men use this as an excuse to hide their fear of commitment, check if you have left all past baggage with women behind always.

As a man, time is your friend when it comes to dating.

3. Be willing to walk away

Its been repeated long enough but in a LTR, there will always be compromises and you will have to give up some "frame" in order to sustain it. No healthy woman will want to stay with a man who is authoritative and never takes no for an answer. It shows weakness and insecurity to your inner power. That being said, there are non-negotiables that you must be aware of and enforced strictly, regardless of how much in the past the woman may have loved you.

No exceptions.

4. Always be leading

Women get turned on by leadership. You must never get complacent in a relationship, no matter how smooth sailing it is. The times where my relationship went downhill (luckily enough for me it didn't blow up in my face) was when I was not being a leader. Do not expect your woman to take charge, if she does, she will not do it for long and grow to resent you eventually. You must be her rock and pillar of support, and be willing to handle any sh!t that comes the way of relationship.

If the relationship ever blows up because you failed to lead, you owe the woman an apology for not doing your job.

5. Compromise

You can't always have things your way. Learn what are the negotiables that you can give and take. Women want a man who is selfish but able to soften and show empathy when needed. Some things you may value less than her, if it isn't a dealbreaker for you, learn to compromise or agree to disagree. I can't emphasize this enough because many times relationships fail to work out because both parties are thinking about themselves rather than getting the other parties' needs met.

6. Play the field

You need to play the field enough to learn that the grass is not greener on the other side. Bang as many chicks as you want until you get sick of it. This moment of realization comes at different times for everyone. Before you do, you will be in a tough position to make an informed choice of choosing a good woman to LTR. Also, it stops you from cheating.

7. Exercise sexual control

Practice self control when it comes to sex. You need to have a "I don't need sex from you" attitude. You can't maintain frame if you are enslaved to the pu$$y. Yes you want to fvck your LTR and be sexually attracted, it just doesn't mean you must.

8. You can only hold her to the standard you hold yourself to

Practicing double standards is selfish and weak behavior.

Don't want her to cheat? Don't do it yourself.

Don't want her to hang out with men 1 on 1? Don't do it yourself.

Hold yourself as accountable as you do to her in the relationship. There is a certain aura that will attract women of similar behavior. If you have cheating tendencies, don't be surprised when you discover your partner is cheating several months down the road, or you may even find such red flags in the initial stages of dating.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

4. Always be leading

Women get turned on by leadership. You must never get complacent in a relationship, no matter how smooth sailing it is. The times where my relationship went downhill (luckily enough for me it didn't blow up in my face) was when I was not being a leader. Do not expect your woman to take charge, if she does, she will not do it for long and grow to resent you eventually. You must be her rock and pillar of support, and be willing to handle any sh!t that comes the way of relationship.

If the relationship ever blows up because you failed to lead, you owe the woman an apology for not doing your job.

I feel like you cannot be a leader unless you have picked the right women to follow you. Try leading a woman that always complains & fights about what you choose and come back to me lol.

 

[Konada]

I feel like you cannot be a leader unless you have picked the right women to follow you. Try leading a woman that always complains & fights about what you choose and come back to me lol.

That is why having respect for you and your leadership is something you have vet ruthlessly in the beginning. A woman who does not respect you will not let you lead.

Also, stay away from masculine women. They are better left for the effeminate simps.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

That is why having respect for you and your leadership is something you have vet ruthlessly in the beginning. A woman who does not respect you will not let you lead.

Also, stay away from masculine women. They are better left for the effeminate simps.

Yeah, Fresh and Fit used the Pokémon badge example for this which I found hilarious and relating at the same time lol. Some girl used to dating athletes and rich guys isn't going to let some random middle income dude command her lol.

 

[member160292]

I feel like you cannot be a leader unless you have picked the right women to follow you. Try leading a woman that always complains & fights about what you choose and come back to me lol.

This can go back to #2 on exercising patience.

2. Exercise patience

When it comes to vetting women, take as long as you need to vet them. If after several months and you are still on the fence about her, cut her loose. Trust your intuition to pick the right woman for yourself. I exercise a "no-turning back" policy which means I don't keep non-LTR potential women on plate duty. As a man on a mission, any energy spent on relationships detracting you from your objective is a cancer that must be cut loose.

A side note, you must practice self-awareness and growth if you are to exercise patience in choosing your women. Some men use this as an excuse to hide their fear of commitment, check if you have left all past baggage with women behind always.

As a man, time is your friend when it comes to dating.

Most men just take what they can get for the fear of being alone. I'm finding that disqualifying women early on in the dating process will help your confidence and avoid headaches down the line. Be very selective on who you spend your time with, there's a lot of damaged goods in circulation.

 

[BeExcellent]

What a great thread! Congratulations on your engagement too.

Advice from the old lady:

Agree strongly about playing the field. Get that out of your system. If you have enough experience with women and are yourself emotionally healthy (no baggage or fear of commitment or emotional unavailability) then chasing women and getting laid will eventually become boring and distracting.

My fiancé sometimes notices other women who are pretty. More importantly he notices their behavior. I’ve heard him say “Ya she’s hot but I’d be over it in a week so it’s not worth it”…,and I know he truly feels that way. But it’s the having had previous experiences that has taught him hot women and sex are not ALL THAT so he’s not focused on seducing tons of women anymore.

Because of his experiences he’s better equipped to appreciate value. And that is a good thing for all involved in the long run.

Cheers

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Solid points. Keeping in mind romantic relationships should never be the center of a man's universe. They are solely a compliment to a man's life.

I would only add:

9 . Never allow a woman to get comfortable

- This means as I said above, not making her the center of your universe and therefore losing your individuality.
- Knowing, having, and pursuing your purpose will allow you to live a life of depth.
- This indirectly lets her know that while she is important, she is only a compliment in your life and if she does not support and cheer you on your purpose then she will only be an unecesarry distraction.
- A woman should understand a relationship is a relationship of mutual servitude and collaboration. If she does not have her own purpose, goals, and dreams (and continually pursues them) then it will not challenge you.
- Furthermore on that previous point, growth is at the center of every healthy relationship. Besides companionship and procreation, a relationship should challenge you to grow individually and collectively. You need to establish that frame and mutual goal early on and keep reminding her of it by continually growing yourself. This will be the biggest factor in not allowing her to get comfortable or like you said in your post, complacent.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

6. Play the field

You need to play the field enough to learn that the grass is not greener on the other side. Bang as many chicks as you want until you get sick of it. This moment of realization comes at different times for everyone. Before you do, you will be in a tough position to make an informed choice of choosing a good woman to LTR. Also, it stops you from cheating.

also like this. Constant Dating gets OLD after you have figured out how to get laid easily.

 

[Zimbabwe]

I think "modern women" are a cautionary tale. Yes, the propaganda is still running strong on this, but, now we have waves of women passing 30, hitting the wall, and becoming utterly miserable. And that "career"? For a few women, those coveted corner office positions might have been obtained through affirmative action, but it comes down to numbers. In any given organization there are few C suite positions and many more rank-and-file positions. So, the odds are Mizz Independent occupies one of those positions, which are meaningless. Companionship and true fulfillment are given up for loneliness and emptiness. If they had a chance to do it all over, how do you think they'd act? These women, which are all around us, are nothing to envy. Worse of all, they must live with the fact that they did this and they only have themselves to blame.

 

[The Duke]

All of the advice regarding successful ltr's is solid. But it reminds me of when I read the book "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus". It's all about how the man is supposed to cater to the woman and be understanding of her short comings. What does the woman tolerate these days? Lol.

That's not how it was in 1960. Things have swung to the other end of the spectrum. Marriage is a poor decision for any man these days. Even living with one is a risk. No matter how great she is.

Trust me Boys, I've done every type of relationship, More than once. The best deal you can have if you want some sort of LTR is to have your own place and not let her live with you. She will be on her best behavior and things will stay exciting this way.

If you have problems it makes it easy to cut ties and find another after a few years. Why does Leonardo do what he does. He has this figured out.

Todays Relationships are short lived(3-5yrs). That's the world we live in. Too many chase feelings and tingles. Men and women.

 

[Konada]

All of the advice regarding successful ltr's is solid. But it reminds me of when I read the book "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus". It's all about how the man is supposed to cater to the woman and be understanding of her short comings. What does the woman tolerate these days? Lol.

That's not how it was in 1960. Things have swung to the other end of the spectrum. Marriage is a poor decision for any man these days. Even living with one is a risk. No matter how great she is.

Trust me Boys, I've done every type of relationship, More than once. The best deal you can have if you want some sort of LTR is to have your own place and not let her live with you. She will be on her best behavior and things will stay exciting this way.

If you have problems it makes it easy to cut ties and find another after a few years. Why does Leonardo do what he does. He has this figured out.

Todays Relationships are short lived(3-5yrs). That's the world we live in. Too many chase feelings and tingles. Men and women.

Agree with the last part. Attraction will never stay the same in an LTR, there are moments where my attraction wanes or I feel myself getting bored. Men and women have the misconception that attraction never decrease in an LTR, that is wrong.

Which is why playing the field is important, once you get experience and see what the dating market has to offer, you become clear of how your partner fit your needs.

Attraction no longer only becomes about having a hot bod and sex, it becomes the whole package. Gratitude towards your woman goes a long way into motivating you to continue to put effort in an LTR.

 

[BeExcellent]

Giving this some additional thought. Something else that gets overlooked is this:

There are relationships that have enough quality/value to the point where that partner not only stands out but truly is irreplaceable. That encompasses much more than looks obviously but it is true. Although I do not know if any body here will admit that.

You marry the person who is irreplaceable and in the marriage a great partner will strive to actually be irreplaceable. Great marriages are partnerships where a union is built that cannot be replaced. People are not interchangeable at the end of the day, even though sex is a commodity in modern times (honestly for the most sought after people sex has been a commodity for eons.)

This is why the death of a dear spouse is devastating if it is a happy marriage. For the very fact that the irreplaceable person is gone.

Starting over can be very difficult and perhaps impossible. The literal alpha widows out there who never remarry and may never date, because the husband was, to her, irreplaceable.

If you are going to marry that is the kind of partner you want, and the kind of marriage you want. And they do exist even in this day & age.

 

[zekko]

When it comes to LTRs, I firmly believe there are no guarantees. People can change, and it takes two to tango. But the OP's post seems completely reasonable to me.

This is why the death of a dear spouse is devastating if it is a happy marriage. For the very fact that the irreplaceable person is gone.

You can't replace a person. You can find someone else who works, but no one person can be completely replaced.
I think about the pets that I've had who have died. I can have others that I might love just as much, but every individual one had its own unique place in my heart. I've always said that when a pet dies, I lose a little piece of me along with it. Same with people.

 

[SW15]

The best deal you can have if you want some sort of LTR is to have your own place and not let her live with you. She will be on her best behavior and things will stay exciting this way.

This is my end goal in relationships now.

 

[Bokanovsky]

4. Always be leading

Women get turned on by leadership. You must never get complacent in a relationship, no matter how smooth sailing it is. The times where my relationship went downhill (luckily enough for me it didn't blow up in my face) was when I was not being a leader. Do not expect your woman to take charge, if she does, she will not do it for long and grow to resent you eventually. You must be her rock and pillar of support, and be willing to handle any sh!t that comes the way of relationship.

If the relationship ever blows up because you failed to lead, you owe the woman an apology for not doing your job.

Good post, but this point requires clarification. What do you mean by leadership in this context? Please provide a specific example.

To me, the whole purpose of being in an LTR is to be able relax a bit and not have to pursue all the time. If you have to look over your shoulder and do all the heavy lifting to maintain an LTR, what’s the point of being in it in the first place? You might as well enjoy the variety and keep spinning plates.

To put it another way, being in an LTR only makes sense if it is LESS work than not being in an LTR. An LTR that is requires a lot of effort to maintain is useless.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Yeah, Fresh and Fit used the Pokémon badge example for this which I found hilarious and relating at the same time lol.

Please don’t tell me you take those clowns seriously.

 

[Konada]

Good post, but this point requires clarification. What do you mean by leadership in this context? Please provide a specific example.

To me, the whole purpose of being in an LTR is to be able relax a bit and not have to pursue all the time. If you have to look over your shoulder and do all the heavy lifting to maintain an LTR, what’s the point of being in it in the first place? You might as well enjoy the variety and keep spinning plates.

To put it another way, being in an LTR only makes sense if it is LESS work than not being in an LTR. An LTR that is requires a lot of effort to maintain is useless.

Leading discussions during conflict, providing her a supportive space, running the household and stepping up to handling crises are the major ones I can think of. Basically big items that require a decision maker, the man should be one who is decisive and the woman should defer to his ultimate views.

Things like choosing where to eat, where to go for dates and areas where she is better than you at, you can sometimes delegate to her to make a decision. Again, if you are pulling all the weight in the relationship then yes you should cut her loose. A woman needs to be able to provide you a safe, supportive space for you to rest and live to carry out your mission another day.

A woman who expects you to be a spartan 24/7 has unrealistic expectations. You are looking for someone who can empathize that men have their weak moments and support you in getting back up to speed.

LTRs and any form of maintenance of a relationship requires effort. You are better off being single if the perceived reward to effort of a LTR is minimal.

 

[Bokanovsky]

LTRs and any form of maintenance of a relationship requires effort. You are better off being single if the perceived reward to effort of a LTR is minimal.

Yes, it requires some effort. Being single is also a lot of effort. You are spending time, money and mental energy looking for new plates.

My point is that an LTR should be less effort than being single. If it’s more effort, it’s not worth it. It’s like going to a restaurant and walking out hungrier than you were when you arrived.

 

[member160292]

What do you guys consider pulling their own weight?

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Please don’t tell me you take those clowns seriously.

They have some good points, but no not everything