how to react when she flakes?
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spidersense
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no, don't tolerate bad behavior.
spidersense
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there is a really great line that I use when something like this happens, but it is just toooooo darn good to share with all these people.... sorry guys 
no, don't call her the next day, that's for sure. what I do usually do though is really make sure she is going to show up, drill her. say something like, "you're going to be there right?" or "you know, I really don't like flakes, you're not going to flake out are you?" and have a very serious, almost lecturing look on your face, it puts her in her place, and gives her a chance to fess up if she was going to. at which time you say, you know, i'm not even interested anymore.
now, for the flaking on a date thing.... I honestly don't get many of those, that may be because of what I just said above. but you could call her or write her and say "what did you're cat get sick and you had to see your great great grandma in the hospital? what's your deal? you could of at least been enough of a human being to pick up the phone and tell me you wouldn't be there."
something like that... I like my personal line better, that that may work.
Basically, what you want to do is let her know in a direct, serious, not quite mean but honest way that what she did was immensly rude, and that any person with the slightest bit of decency would of a) shown up, or b) called and said she couldn't show up
no, don't call her the next day, that's for sure. what I do usually do though is really make sure she is going to show up, drill her. say something like, "you're going to be there right?" or "you know, I really don't like flakes, you're not going to flake out are you?" and have a very serious, almost lecturing look on your face, it puts her in her place, and gives her a chance to fess up if she was going to. at which time you say, you know, i'm not even interested anymore.
now, for the flaking on a date thing.... I honestly don't get many of those, that may be because of what I just said above. but you could call her or write her and say "what did you're cat get sick and you had to see your great great grandma in the hospital? what's your deal? you could of at least been enough of a human being to pick up the phone and tell me you wouldn't be there."
something like that... I like my personal line better, that that may work.
Basically, what you want to do is let her know in a direct, serious, not quite mean but honest way that what she did was immensly rude, and that any person with the slightest bit of decency would of a) shown up, or b) called and said she couldn't show up
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
When who flakes? Did somebody flake?
spidersense
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I'm starting to believe you're a flakeOriginally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
When who flakes? Did somebody flake?
spidersense
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a snow flake
Sometimes person will have a good reason for not showing up...like a family member got in a car crash or had a heart attack. She could have wrapped her car around a telephone pole on the way there, etc.
You should always give a person the benefit of the doubt at first...that way you aren't wasting energy being angry and hurt needlessly. If she doesn't have a good excuse then tell her point blank that you will stop seeing her if she does that again without a good reason. Having to cancel for being too tired or being called into work on short notice isn't a big deal, but make it clear that you expect a phone call or e-mail letting you know so you don't waste your time.
If she is a good person she will feel bad and show genuine remorse. If she's not...here's what you do...
Invite her to meet you at the most expensive restaurant in town. Tell her you might run a few minutes late and to just get a table and wait. She's going to show up to that date because it'll be a big deal to her...expensive place and all. Then don't show up and don't answer your phone if she calls. She'll be embarassed and furious. When you do finally answer her angry phone call...give her the exact same excuse she gave you and the same attitude. She'll think twice about flaking on the next guy.
You should always give a person the benefit of the doubt at first...that way you aren't wasting energy being angry and hurt needlessly. If she doesn't have a good excuse then tell her point blank that you will stop seeing her if she does that again without a good reason. Having to cancel for being too tired or being called into work on short notice isn't a big deal, but make it clear that you expect a phone call or e-mail letting you know so you don't waste your time.
If she is a good person she will feel bad and show genuine remorse. If she's not...here's what you do...
Invite her to meet you at the most expensive restaurant in town. Tell her you might run a few minutes late and to just get a table and wait. She's going to show up to that date because it'll be a big deal to her...expensive place and all. Then don't show up and don't answer your phone if she calls. She'll be embarassed and furious. When you do finally answer her angry phone call...give her the exact same excuse she gave you and the same attitude. She'll think twice about flaking on the next guy.
spidersense
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LOVE IT!
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
But why go out with a woman that will flake out unless you take her to an expensive returant? Isn't that a hint and a half in the first place?
If a guy asks out a girl he's only just recently met he doesn't know if she'll flake or not. I'm not usually one for revenge, but there are some women who are just oblivious to proper social graces and common courtesy. It'd do them some good to get a little dose of their own medicine.
I left out of my post that he shouldn't ever ask her out again. I guess I figured everyone would just know that they should next anyone like that. In hindsight, I really should have included that as well.
DeathDealer
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flaking is simply disrespect. i know i've flaked out on girls that disrespect me as i was returning the disrespect back.
Don Juanabbe
Master Don Juan
Actually, in the right context, this can work. If you show that you're not bothered by it, and then just don't go out of your way to call, be with her etc.
Move on, and let her see you moving on.
You might get laid out of it. Then once that happens flake on her.
Tha Realnezz
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It depends really.
If she calls and gives you her excuse then fvck it,give her a second chance.
But let me tell you this:
They do flake out on stuff.BUT that says something about the way you site her up emotionally and verbally before-hand.
You want to do all your work up-front so when you go out on some real date she won't think twice about showing up.
A couple weeks of sweetalking will get you far.Do kino and all that but if you want to completley floor her ..take your time.
You wanna cop a feel and make out today,or do you wanna have a woman whatver you tell her too in a couple of months?
If she calls and gives you her excuse then fvck it,give her a second chance.
But let me tell you this:
They do flake out on stuff.BUT that says something about the way you site her up emotionally and verbally before-hand.
You want to do all your work up-front so when you go out on some real date she won't think twice about showing up.
A couple weeks of sweetalking will get you far.Do kino and all that but if you want to completley floor her ..take your time.
You wanna cop a feel and make out today,or do you wanna have a woman whatver you tell her too in a couple of months?
Bonhomme
Master Don Juan
Depends
It depends upon many factors, such as how much you went out of your way, etc.
Generally , if I go out of my way and a gal flakes, I expect her to call with a very good reason or that's it.
If she cancels or doesn't call and I haven't gone out of my way, I generally put her on probation unless she has a good reason.
Some real minor flakiness I just ignore. Like not calling when she says she'll call back if I catch her on the phone ans she can't talk for some reason. Then I just leave her alone for a few days.
It depends upon many factors, such as how much you went out of your way, etc.
Generally , if I go out of my way and a gal flakes, I expect her to call with a very good reason or that's it.
If she cancels or doesn't call and I haven't gone out of my way, I generally put her on probation unless she has a good reason.
Some real minor flakiness I just ignore. Like not calling when she says she'll call back if I catch her on the phone ans she can't talk for some reason. Then I just leave her alone for a few days.
Abbott
Master Don Juan
To do:
A) She flakes.
B) Next her.
C) Forget about her.
Ben
A) She flakes.
B) Next her.
C) Forget about her.
Ben
Big Bad Wolf
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I felt exactly the same was as you VR when I initially started seeing a particular woman, no big deal I will act like I dont care...WRONG...Do not put up with that BS, you need to tell her if she is going to flake on you then you dont have anymore time for her. This is the only way to handle the situation, if she doesnt realize your time is valuable, then you need to let her know. If she doesnt like it, you are better off finding someone else.