How to react when a girl flakes on me and is disrespecting me?

[crossedup]

Hey all, I'm new here and have been having a problem with a girl I've hooked up with.

What do I do when she tells me she will text me the next day because she is busy and then never texts? I'm pissed about it because this has happened twice now with the same girl. It's been four days since she said she would text me. I'm going no contact and am probably nexting her since she has disrespected me, but I still like this girl and would like to salvage what we had?

I know that I've already blown it most likely by telling her that I like her and such. (Is there a way to change her viewpoint?)

Should I call her out on it and tell her I don't approve of being disrespected or continue no contact till she comes around? (no contact has worked once already, but I feel like I need to do more)

I need help, things are really awkward when I see her around college too, but she makes it awkward not me.

 

[alphaace]

Without reading your post and just answering the thread topic.......next her and NC.


If she is making it awkwards wear some sunglasses that people cant see your eyes through and ignore her when she is around.

You will "like" many other girls and you shouldn't get hung up on one on that has issues.

 

[tafakna]

Just about every girl will disrespect you if you show you're too eager and anxious to talk/hang out with her.

People (men and women) don't respect those that can be controlled like a puppet.

Problem is that as NC usually works, people think that it's all about not contacting the person for a few days and everything will be alright. You gotta change your whole attitude.

Respect comes from being independent and not depending on any single person for your happiness.

Nexting will not help... if you can give more details it will be a lot easier to show you where your mistake was...

 

[crossedup]

Okay, more details...
I met this girl at the beginning of the school year at a party, and we had sex. I'm not a d1ck, I try to get to know girls after I hookup with them. Usually the girl has a crap personality or we don't really get along.

Well, to start, I texted this girl the next day to see how she was doing and she felt embarrassed and used, because of alcohol and weed I would think, though I was just as drunk and high.

Then i tried to hang out with her, but she made excuses, and I was like "ok, thats fine, whatever." It was awkward between us. Then two weeks after that I danced with her at a party, and we had fun, but it didnt amount to anything. I asked her to dinner a week later and she accepted and we hit it off. We talked for an hour nonstop about what we had in common, which was pretty much everything. Then she texted me back later to party that night. Unfortunately it was a crappy party, so she left with her friends.

I think since then all had been good for about three weeks until halloween when she and her friends went out with me to party. The alcohol I think made me cling to her throughout the night and I felt like I would lose her if she left my sight. It creeped her out. Then the next week I told her I liked her at a party. Wrong move!!!!! I said I wanted a relationship. Another wrong move!!!! Ever since she has answered my texts still very politely and she sounds concerned about what I think, but then she flakes on me without texting me when I want to meet up.

It's the 2nd time she's flaked and it's been 5 days since we talked. I'm just trying to figure out the next step. I think I know where I went wrong. Or maybe she just wasn't that into me...

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Your 2nd post tells the whole story.

You fvcked up by letting her control the frame (accepting excuses, letting her lead you to the party), but your worst sin was telling her you wanted a relationship.

Don't sweat it man, all of life is an experiment, so here's what you can take away from this experience:

1. Control the Frame.
2. Never even say the word "relationship" to a girl (principle: They don't want security they haven't had to earn). She has to feel like she's chasing you down, it's the only way it works. Women have too many options to get with all the guys who offer themselves on a platter.

 

[tafakna]

Good! So your second post shows that you know exactly what you did wrong... which is very good...

1) Give her a break away from you for 2 weeks
2) Resume talking to her WITHOUT inviting her out, fish for feedback, or try to 'make things work'... Just talk briefly and end the conversation first...
3) Girls respect independent strong men. A month from now come back to the forum and let us know how things are working out for you...

 

[crossedup]

Thanks for the advice, yeah I feel like I'm playing it much cooler now. She ended up texting me last night to ask how my recent Thanksgiving break went. I replied casually like 15 minutes later about how it went and stuff and asked her the same. She didn't respond for an hour for who knows what reason. It was very casual. I didn't respond though and went to bed when I thought, "fuk it, i need my sleep." and surprisingly I didn't give in and text her this morning.

Figure I'll talk to her in a few days again just to see what's up. But, the thing that is helping me is realizing that I am not desperate and she should be working to acheive my attention. Her response to my text was sorta boring so it didn't get my attention and I didn't respond.

So yeah, that's what's up right now. Thanks for the advice. I'll probably ask her to meet up in a couple weeks. Then I'll letcha know how it goes. Feel free to jot down more advice. And please continue to let me know if I'm doing anything wrong.

 

[crossedup]

Well, its been a while and I'm still not with her. I don't understand why she will still text me every once in a while. She wants to hold onto what she has i guess. She always texts me on the weekends wanting to party with me, but she never ends up with me. I don't know how to deal with it. I feel friend-zoned and i hate it.

Why does she want to hang out with someone who obviously wants to f*ck her. Maybe she thinks i changed since that stupid episode i had and want to be friends? Or maybe she uses me to find parties and get drunk since i have better knowledge of that kind of stuff since i made friends in the right places on campus? I'm trying to set a new image that im fun and really know how to have a good time, but should i be more cold towards her? its so complicated and probably not worth it.

It's not like i can't get with girls. I still hook-up with other ones, but I don't have any emotional feeling or real connection to these other girls. I can't get over her, but it's not keeping me from f*cking. I need to figure this out for myself and make my own call, but any advice would be appreciated.

 

[DonJuan11]

Hey all, I'm new here and have been having a problem with a girl I've hooked up with.

What do I do when she tells me she will text me the next day because she is busy and then never texts? I'm pissed about it because this has happened twice now with the same girl.

What do you mean TWICE? What did you do after the first time it happened? I GUARANTEE you didn't let her have it, let her know she can't screw with you. I GUARANTEE you were an extremely NICE guy about it.

It's been four days since she said she would text me. I'm going no contact and am probably nexting her since she has disrespected me, but I still like this girl and would like to salvage what we had?

That doesn't make any sense.

I know that I've already blown it most likely by telling her that I like her and such. (Is there a way to change her viewpoint?)

Should I call her out on it and tell her I don't approve of being disrespected or continue no contact till she comes around? (no contact has worked once already, but I feel like I need to do more)

You want to call her to tell her you don't approve of being disrespected because she didn't' text you when she said she was going to? Come on bro, do better things with your time. She isn't your wife, she isn't your girlfriend, she isn't your sister.

"Hello Jennifer? Since you disrespected me by not texting me when you said you would when I was waiting by my phone all day, I'm just letting you know that I will NOT be contacting you in the future until you contact me FIRST. I don't approve of being disrespected so I'm leaving this lengthy and detailed message to tell you that I will IGNORE you until you call me first. I do not deserve to be treated this way so I will NOT BE CALLING you in the FUTURE. You have to CALL ME if you want to talk to me. You know where to reach me if you want to talk to me but again, don't expect me to call you to get together."



I need help, things are really awkward when I see her around college too, but she makes it awkward not me.

If you see her, you be polite and courteous, and move on quickly.

 

[jophil28]

. She always texts me on the weekends wanting to party with me, but she never ends up with me. I don't know how to deal with it. I feel friend-zoned and i hate it..

You are 'back-up guy' and she keeps contacting you because she knows that you are certain to comply with her wishes without HER having to accomodate YOUR desires.. If she wanted to be with you she would GO HOME with you.
When you made your feelings known to her, you handed her the reins, and since then you have been playing catch up with no progress.
You are being used and , you ARE in the FZ.

Live and learn.

 

[AMDG]

I still like this girl and would like to salvage what we had?

I hope you like to have some self-respect as well. You were too eager, too available and as a result your value dropped in her eyes. Learn from your mistakes and forget her - the frame has been compromised already.

 

[Just a Shot Away]

"Hello Jennifer? Since you disrespected me by not texting me when you said you would when I was waiting by my phone all day, I'm just letting you know that I will NOT be contacting you in the future until you contact me FIRST. I don't approve of being disrespected so I'm leaving this lengthy and detailed message to tell you that I will IGNORE you until you call me first. I do not deserve to be treated this way so I will NOT BE CALLING you in the FUTURE. You have to CALL ME if you want to talk to me. You know where to reach me if you want to talk to me but again, don't expect me to call you to get together."

You know, that's exactly what my last girlfriend would say to me if I didn't call her when she was expecting a call (e.g. after a fight, a day when we had tentative plans, etc.). Almost verbatim. It never worked out for her.

Just saying.

 

[horaholic]

See my signature? Its right below this sentence....

 

[katatonia]

Sounds like she is stringing you along for attention, sending you stupid inane messages every once in a while. Cut her off without explanation for a few weeks and see how she reacts.

 

[crossedup]

good criticism DonJuan11, i deserved it. I made some mistakes. I know heading into a new semester that i should play it cooler and not care so much. Im not an idiot, though, that message would be the dumbest f*cking thing I could do. well, im gonna show her that i cant be taken lightly and she will have no business with me anymore. I can do that. and for the past two weeks i've suspected that she was using me and she called me a nice guy and crap like that which really turned me off. So i'll just find more girls to have fun with and leave her for good