How to raise children to be successful and happy?

[Fruitbat]

Just FYI (not that anyone should care), found out today. Fruitbat’s wife is expecting a tiny new bat in about 9 months.

that will be 2 fruitkittens so it’s the snip next.

 

[Aurora Demon]

I’ve done a lot of education which actually entitles me to do things.
i don’t have a bachelors degree.
I think they’re overrated. What difference when your 30 does having done 3 years of part time study a decade ago, most of which is forgotten, make?

I am going to make damn sure if my daughter gets a degree, it’s a worthwhile one. I know tons of graduates who are thick as a post but cling to their qualification like it means something.

Life finds people out eventually. Sadly at that time in my life I had to support myself, at 16 due to family issues, and I have limited respect for people who (generally) had a familiar background which allowed them to achieve this, and I’ve had to deal with some snobbery when I explain I’ve been working since 16 full time. There’s a real academic arrogance about them, like you’re nobody if you didn’t take some course decades ago.

yes, I have a slight chip on my shoulder about this

recently I explained to someone with a masters than I have degree level learning but no actual university degree and they said “oh, just a certificate. How can that possibly get you a raise?” (It got me a job on double my income)
Kind of pisses me off.

People are narrow minded. I have 4-5 personal trainer certifications. my buddy taught me how to work out. He's not a personal trainer. No certificate. No formal learning. He's never taken a class on nutrition or working out.

I dislike snobby people with academic "accomplishments."
And I dislike people who are not traditionally educated who are insecure about their intelligence and think they're right (not you). One of my friends is really insecure about his intelligence. I have 3 bachelors degrees (they're in hard subejcts, they're not useful for getting a job imo or a high paying job, but they're indicators I'm intelligent in certain ways). He will literally disagree with me on almost every opinion I have. His logic for disagreeing is made up on he spot and doesn't follow the rules of coming to a logical conclusion.

Example 1: I got home around 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. and my house was 92-95 degrees. I turned A.C. to full blast and left, and got hom 6-9 hours later. My house temp was still above 90 degrees so I said I need to repair my A.C. He goes "no, your a.c. isn't broken, it's really hot in ______ right now." This house is the house I grew up in as a child, as in I have lived in it about 20 or more years, i am 100% familiar with the A.C. when it is working properly. It can go from 95 degrees to 69 degrees in under 2 hours, probably under 1 hour. A.C. repairman comes over, it's broken repaired.

Example 2: He believes everything he sees on T.V. or online practically if it aligns with his current belief systems. I don't believe UFOs have visited earth, personal opinion. He thinks UFOs visit earth nonstop and that Earth is some sort of galactic tourist spot. His logic when I showed skepticism? "Just try telling a UFO abductee what he experienced wasn't real." Uh, I wouldn't do that first of all. Second, I don't believe UFOs have visited this planet, so I believe EVERY UFO abduction story is not true. There's no logic behind what he thought was a good argument. He listens to UFO abduction stories on youtube or whatever.

Example 3: History channel has a thing about "In search of Hitler" about how he might not have committed suicide in hisbunker and fled to south america and lived until a ripe old age. I won't even dignify that theory with googling ti. He 100% believes that happened. Because History channel made a show about it. If it wasn't true, why would they make a show about it? (FOR VIEWS, DUH)

I try to avoid anything of any level of intelligence (topic wise) when talking to him.

 

[Aurora Demon]

Hi Aurora,
I have raised five kids....The brightest was a Mathematics prodigy,at eleven years old the local University offered him a Sandwich Course,for very talented Kids which he rejected,he now drives a Forklift....The dullest by far was dyslectic but at 41 he is now a self made millionaire...the happiest? well it's not who you might think it is...You want to Social Engineer their progress,then vet their peer group.

What is your education level and are you divorced (at least once or more), or what is your wife's education level? Any advice on what kind of things to sign them up for before high school?

 

[Fruitbat]

People are narrow minded. I have 4-5 personal trainer certifications. my buddy taught me how to work out. He's not a personal trainer. No certificate. No formal learning. He's never taken a class on nutrition or working out.

I dislike snobby people with academic "accomplishments."
And I dislike people who are not traditionally educated who are insecure about their intelligence and think they're right (not you). One of my friends is really insecure about his intelligence. I have 3 bachelors degrees (they're in hard subejcts, they're not useful for getting a job imo or a high paying job, but they're indicators I'm intelligent in certain ways). He will literally disagree with me on almost every opinion I have. His logic for disagreeing is made up on he spot and doesn't follow the rules of coming to a logical conclusion.

Example 1: I got home around 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. and my house was 92-95 degrees. I turned A.C. to full blast and left, and got hom 6-9 hours later. My house temp was still above 90 degrees so I said I need to repair my A.C. He goes "no, your a.c. isn't broken, it's really hot in ______ right now." This house is the house I grew up in as a child, as in I have lived in it about 20 or more years, i am 100% familiar with the A.C. when it is working properly. It can go from 95 degrees to 69 degrees in under 2 hours, probably under 1 hour. A.C. repairman comes over, it's broken repaired.

Example 2: He believes everything he sees on T.V. or online practically if it aligns with his current belief systems. I don't believe UFOs have visited earth, personal opinion. He thinks UFOs visit earth nonstop and that Earth is some sort of galactic tourist spot. His logic when I showed skepticism? "Just try telling a UFO abductee what he experienced wasn't real." Uh, I wouldn't do that first of all. Second, I don't believe UFOs have visited this planet, so I believe EVERY UFO abduction story is not true. There's no logic behind what he thought was a good argument. He listens to UFO abduction stories on youtube or whatever.

Example 3: History channel has a thing about "In search of Hitler" about how he might not have committed suicide in hisbunker and fled to south america and lived until a ripe old age. I won't even dignify that theory with googling ti. He 100% believes that happened. Because History channel made a show about it. If it wasn't true, why would they make a show about it? (FOR VIEWS, DUH)

I try to avoid anything of any level of intelligence (topic wise) when talking to him.

I know what you mean. People who watch YouTube videos and scoff at those who believe anything remotely mainstream. The truth is there may be a grain of truth in some of them but it’s not all or nothing.

I have an aversion to mainstream narratives but I try to balance this as I am aware I had caregivers who were unpredictable and unreliable and this made me as an adult afraid and resentful of authority figures.

You see, I respect your education but what I don’t respect is if you think this gives you a de facto “more correct” position on most things. You are master of your subjects, I am master of mine. I wouldn’t tell a plumber how to plumb but at the same time, I’m not letting a plumber tell me how to invest money as that’s my job.

The people who get my goat are those who got a 2.1 in business studies and think they’ve levitated off to some higher plane of existence.

I appreciate the other side is the “university of life” who think that entitles them to a greater say.

education is a good thing. It’s important. So is good health. So are many things.

all the education buys you is esteem in your chosen field.

the other thing which irritates is educated people thinking their opinion counts more. Only on their aspect of political thinking (for example - an economics degree)

 

[BooBoosHelix]

My parents never listened to me. Never once tried to understand me on the inside. I want to build that comnection to my son. That he feels seen. Also make your Kids laugh, Tell them from time to time that they are your everything. Make them feel loved. Else i think teaching compound effect, nutrition and conflict managment would be a nice start. And reading.

 

[zekko]

The big difference I've noticed is that kids who do well have parents who don't have money problems. Kids raised in a low income situation learn to lower their expectations in life.

This shows the importance of the nuclear family. Family is one of the biggest predictors of success in the world, if not the biggest.

I come from a poor family, and I guess you're right, my expectations weren't that high. But I kept working at it, after failing several times, and eventually found success. I guess I was somewhat driven by the fact that when I was a young man, most of my friends made more money than I did. But I was able to reverse that.

 

[Fruitbat]

This shows the importance of the nuclear family. Family is one of the biggest predictors of success in the world, if not the biggest.

I come from a poor family, and I guess you're right, my expectations weren't that high. But I kept working at it, after failing several times, and eventually found success. I guess I was somewhat driven by the fact that when I was a young man, most of my friends made more money than I did. But I was able to reverse that.

Earnings yes, but as I’ve hit my forties I’ve realised there is only so much earnings get you. At least in my country where you’re heavily taxed.

Many people I know are inheriting much more money than I could possibly accumulate and now choosing to have a relaxed life as a result whereas I have to keep peddling and will still be peddling in 20 years.

My worst point of my character: I am extremely resentful of this and have to constantly work at focussing on not letting this derail my positivity.
lots of people get lucky and I’m sore and bitter that I’ve had and will have virtually nothing other than what I’ve created.

we can spin ourselves lies that it means more if it’s earned, that it counts more but the truth is most people respect wealth for the sake of wealth and don’t trouble to ask people how they got it. I’d take the money personally rather than the feeling of wellbeing from honest Graft.

it’s demoralising working day to day when others just luck out. Of course they have lost loved ones but I will and do too but without any recompense. There’s no silver lining.

It’s not so much that I dislike people for their luck, I’m just annoyed I didn’t get any.

 

[zekko]

Many people I know are inheriting much more money than I could possibly accumulate and now choosing to have a relaxed life as a result whereas I have to keep peddling and will still be peddling in 20 years.

I'm retired now. The key to retirement is to prepare for it. Earnings definitely help toward that end, but I know plenty of people who earn a ton but never invested or saved anything. You have to make it a priority, pay yourself first, etc.

As I said, I come from a poor family. As a result, I'm not getting any of these big inheritance windfalls. But I see other people getting them. A lot of people who wouldn't have a pot to p!ss in if they didn't inherit this money. It doesn't bother me though, I don't need it. They do. I look at it as God's way of providing. Those people would be screwed without that money.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

People need to understand that children need direction and need to be parented. Too many want to be their friend. They don't need that.

They need to stop acting like their child can do no wrong and if they get unfavorable reports from teachers or other adults, blame them instead of holding the child accountable.

There are a lot of hard life lessons they need to learn and sometimes be allowed to fail on their own and then learn from those mistakes. Never allowing a child to go thru hard times or trying to shield them from all adversity in life is doing them a great disservice. They will be raising a child that will get chewed up and spit out by the world once they have to go out on their own and be self-reliant.

If your kids always like you, you are doing something wrong. Loving someone means you want the best for them, but what is best for them at that time may not be something they like or want, but it is something they need.

 

[Fruitbat]

People need to understand that children need direction and need to be parented. Too many want to be their friend. They don't need that.

They need to stop acting like their child can do no wrong and if they get unfavorable reports from teachers or other adults, blame them instead of holding the child accountable.

There are a lot of hard life lessons they need to learn and sometimes be allowed to fail on their own and then learn from those mistakes. Never allowing a child to go thru hard times or trying to shield them from all adversity in life is doing them a great disservice. They will be raising a child that will get chewed up and spit out by the world once they have to go out on their own and be self-reliant.

If your kids always like you, you are doing something wrong. Loving someone means you want the best for them, but what is best for them at that time may not be something they like or want, but it is something they need.

110%

My wife is like this. She blamed the nursery. To be fair to her, my daughter is very difficult - naturally. We know couples who’ve had the police up 5 times for domestic violence, father an alcoholic and in hospital every 5 mins, and their kid is super well behaved.
We are a close family and my daughter is just very pushy, very me first, violent to other kids. We never taught her this, she never saw it from us.
It makes me really mad because everyone blames and parents and that’s what the nursery did.

My attitude is very hardline with her. She hits anyone with a toy - bye bye toy for at least the day. She hits someone - she leaves the soft play.

my wife’s family are terrible for this. They look at me like I’m an ogre when I reprimand her and punish her and usually run over and hug her and give her sweets - so dumb. My wife can act a bit spoiled sometimes and this is why.

You never reward a kid for acting up. Also, when she’s quiet they never speak to her - she’s quiet so carry on doing grown up things.

to the kid it teaches them - act up and you get things. Be quiet and no one cares. I’m

 

[BeExcellent]

This is a good thread to see.

@Fruitbat I feel you on the inheritance thing. I too had to make it on my own but surrounded by people whose families never worried about money; had plenty, had help with a car or a house or a trust fund etc.

You cannot dwell on it. However you can help your children a great deal by letting them see the toil sometimes, let them know its too expensive or we can't aftord it. Let them see the bills. Be honest. Be transparent. About everything. Exercise discretion and age appropriate content of course but let them see. Be human, mistakes and flaws and all. Your children will see what authenticity is. If you can show them that they will come to respect your humility. Love them but parent. Listen & coach and prune/monitor/influence the peer group like a hawk, but a covert hawk.

You can be friends after they grow up. As children and young adults you must guide them, and parent them and they will not always like you in the moment but as they mature they will appreciate you steering them properly.

Just today I was explaining to my 15 year old the importance of high grades. Why? Because the higher her GPA the more options she will create for herself. Its about HER and in US it counts beginning in 9th grade. This past weekend I took her to an event attended by prominent people in the field she wants to pursue. She went up to influential people, politely introduced herself, networked and asked questions. Of course people like this kind of spunk & initiative. She received inspiration and observed success. Why not me? She says to herself.

Let them screw up, let them fail, hold them accountable. Teach and require good habits: thrift, tidiness, not to put things off, chores with a good attitude.

I tell my kids straight: The world couldn't care less about you. The world cares about your results and will make judgements about you based on those results. Your family loves you but youth is a time of innocence/love/fun and as you are a teen, its training wheels for real life.

My kids (2 are launched from the nest) are hardworking, responsible and caring people. They know a deep sense that mom & dad aren't perfect, but mom & dad love them and will advise them & help where we can.

My kids have groundedness and gratitude but are all in active pursuit of their dreams. They are good human beings. Its humbling to see your children that way. It makes all the hard bits meaningful.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

Like what?

crickets

 

[manfrombelow]

Make sure you as the parents are ready in terms of mental healthy, self-awareness, and finance way before you bring a child into this world.

Too many parents giving birth to children when their own lives are in deep sh!t, and we wonder why the world is a fvcked-up, dark, and hate-filled place.

I was born to parents who were not ready financially and mentally. They have been clowns for almost their whole lives, and they gave me a sh!tty upbringing at that. Their way of "educating" me gave me trauma that still negatively affected my mental health even to this day. I had to relearn and unlearn everything about life, myself, and relationships (still doing it now) just because my parents were sh!tty at raising me.

 

[BeExcellent]

Bad parenting has lasting effects on children well into adulthood. So true.

A stable nuclear family is best, an environment where financial matters are handled & stable is best. You ideally create a safe bubble for family and child rearing that is safe from the world so you can nuture children & prepare them for the world.

Toward that end choosing the right woman to be the mother of your children becomes very important. Its not just about hotness & sex. You have to screen for the appropriate character traits.