How to Properly Go From Sex--->Relationship

[Jeffst1980]

It seems entirely plausible to think that once you've had sex with a girl, she is yours for the taking. While this is true in theory, there are no guarantees of this in reality; if a relationship (or even just steady sex) is what you desire, you STILL need to rely on game, to some degree. This might be helpful for those guys out there that are able to have sex with girls but lose them as soon as they start viewing them as "relationship material."


First of all, let's define the goals for men and women, at their fundamental elements: A man's goal is to sleep with a woman. A woman's goal is to get a man to commit to her.

Of course, this is a broad generalization, and isn't true on a case-by-case basis; for instance, a women that recently got dumped may desire sex with no strings attached as a source of validation. However, this generalization serves to instruct us to behave in the correct manner once sex is out of the way.

These days in America, sex is not a big deal to girls. Most will give it up by the third date, even before they've examined whether or not you would be a good long term partner. Since this means that you have slept with her before committing to her, there WILL be a power imbalance in the relationship- one that is favorable to you. So far, so good.


How, then, can a guy ruin this? By abandoning the principles of game and attempting to move the relationship forward too quickly. Relationships MUST be paced properly-- even if a girl is showing a ton of interest in you.

The first step towards building a relationship is, oddly enough, not calling her the day after you sleep with her. This is such a cliched move that girls will actually ASK you to call them the next day in order to test if you're actually a supplicating "nice guy." You MUST remain slightly aloof in order to allow her interest level to rise considerably- although you SHOULD call/text her within 3 days to show that you are still interested.

From there, the temptation is to get sloppy with your game and do things like ask to see her again in two days, or asking to hang out later as soon as she texts you to flirt, or talking about how much you like her. Resist these urges, since these things will alarm her that you're a bit more desperate than she thought. It's HER job to try to bring the two of you closer together and ultimately get you to commit- THAT'S what CHALLENGE is.


The proper pace looks a bit like this: Call/text her every two days or so and see her only once a week at first, then begin to make yourself a bit more available as she starts initiating contact more often. By the point you become exclusive (something that SHE will bring up when it's time), she should be doing most of the work. You are "letting" her win you over.

If she's demonstrating high interest and texting you every day, you can respond with a *slightly* lesser amount of interest. However, don't give up your other plans just because she wants you to come over right then and there. Continue to make plans in advance and demonstrate that you have a busy life, which isn't about to change just because you like a girl.

If you get a dreaded "no response" when contacting her, STOP and wait for her to get back to you. Continuing to leave messages or "just checking to see if everything's ok" will probably end your chances with this girl. Demonstrate to her- through silence- that you simply DON'T chase girls (ESPECIALLY if you've already slept with her!) and she'll come right back.

That's all there is to it. Notice I didn't mention anything other than how/when you contact her-- that's because, in the post-sex, pre-relationship stage, it DOESN'T MATTER if you have a fun time together, or if you gave her powerful orgasms- what matters is how she FEELS about you. Does her heart race when you contact her after being slightly distant and refusing to talk about your feelings for her? Or is she mildly repulsed by your constant texting and suggestions to hang out? This is what separates a relationship from a "mistake."



I realize that this makes what ideally *should* be a loving, caring relationship into a somewhat adversarial one in the beginning, but I'm only concerned with what WORKS to get a girl into a relationship. Once she's attached and things are solid, THEN you can show yourself to be an amazing boyfriend to her, and only then. Tread cautiously at first, and you will be rewarded with respect from a girl that knows that you are a man of high standards.

 

[bigneil]

Great post. It's true that one should never take a girl seriously even when she starts having sex with him. Done properly, she'll secretly start having feelings around the 30 day mark, and around the 90 day mark she'll start to overflow with those feelings. While a man should never confess how he feels with words, he can spoil her based on knowing she is his.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Great post. It's true that one should never take a girl seriously even when she starts having sex with him. Done properly, she'll secretly start having feelings around the 30 day mark, and around the 90 day mark she'll start to overflow with those feelings. While a man should never confess how he feels with words, he can spoil her based on knowing she is his.

Exactly- I'd say 3 months is the "s#it or get off the pot" moment- that's when she will start issuing ultimatums to commit. She will probably bring up the "what are we?" question much earlier, though. In general, it's best to delay commitment, but not so long that she starts getting frustrated with you. You should also start showing more affection when it's clear that she's grown attached--reward her increased investment in the relationship. Done correctly, you will set the correct frame for the rest of the relationship.

 

[bigneil]

The man should never ask her for a commitment. Instead he should strive harder to be the guy she wants.

But no matter how much your brain resists falling, sometimes your body falls ahead of you.

 

[zekko]

This is probably good advice if you're trying to find a girlfriend. I think it's good life experience for guys to have a few girlfriends along the way, as opposed to just always spinning plates. There are things you can learn.

Personally, for me there are too many rules here. If the girl is really a good match for you, there's not a lot you can do to mess it up (unless you're just a huge screwup). Her interest level should be that high.

It's better to embrace the best of the DJ principles and really become that person, as opposed to counting days between texts and such.

 

[runner83]

This is probably good advice if you're trying to find a girlfriend. I think it's good life experience for guys to have a few girlfriends along the way, as opposed to just always spinning plates. There are things you can learn.

Personally, for me there are too many rules here. If the girl is really a good match for you, there's not a lot you can do to mess it up (unless you're just a huge screwup). Her interest level should be that high.

It's better to embrace the best of the DJ principles and really become that person, as opposed to counting days between texts and such.

Yeah, I thought it was a good post, I don't think the intent was to have specific rules, more just to act as a general guide.

Good post Jeff!

 

[Twist of Cain]

It's interesting.

I'm a bouncer at a club who's f*cking a bartender.

She came up to me all drunk one night a month or so back, professed I was the sh!t, then I naturally took it from there.

Anyhow, I should point out she's 19, and a barstar. Wealthy parents etc. I have taken her on a few 'dates' within this time frame, such as ice skating and letting her tag along while I walk the dog.

The past week theres been no sex - I've offered to hang out this past Saturday after the bar closes, she declined and told me to msg her sometime. I did the following day, with her saying she's at the movies with her mom "tomorrow mabes?" then the following day she's outta town shopping.

This is the following night and clearly I'm done texting for a while, though her and I work together tomorrow night, as well as weekends.

My game is decent, sex is good, sexual tension is still there I believe, but she has fooled around with guys on 2 different occasions at the bar, once when I was working apparently. Both greasy fuks.

Yea this is long and bloated, though I'm looking for a constucted way to either keep baggin' this girl/ignore her/play games, the like.

 

[Jeffst1980]

It's interesting.

I'm a bouncer at a club who's f*cking a bartender.

She came up to me all drunk one night a month or so back, professed I was the sh!t, then I naturally took it from there.

Anyhow, I should point out she's 19, and a barstar. Wealthy parents etc. I have taken her on a few 'dates' within this time frame, such as ice skating and letting her tag along while I walk the dog.

The past week theres been no sex - I've offered to hang out this past Saturday after the bar closes, she declined and told me to msg her sometime. I did the following day, with her saying she's at the movies with her mom "tomorrow mabes?" then the following day she's outta town shopping.

This is the following night and clearly I'm done texting for a while, though her and I work together tomorrow night, as well as weekends.

My game is decent, sex is good, sexual tension is still there I believe, but she has fooled around with guys on 2 different occasions at the bar, once when I was working apparently. Both greasy fuks.

Yea this is long and bloated, though I'm looking for a constucted way to either keep baggin' this girl/ignore her/play games, the like.

She's running away because you're chasing her. This is causing your value (and her attraction to you) to drop.

She's telling you to essentially chase her around in the hopes of getting a date, and you're complying with her demands. This was a s#it test, and you failed. The right move was to punish her disinterest by ignoring her and possibly gaming other girls right in front of her. Make her come to YOU- that's the whole point of this thread.

It may be too late, since girls that age lose attraction pretty quickly, but if you want to have a shot in the future, you need to amp up your disinterest. Start pushing her away from you. Start chatting up other girls. Ignore the next text that she sends you for at least 24 hours. Don't go out of your way to flirt with her, and don't sulk, either. If she tells you to text her to hang out, say "ok" - and then don't text her. Imagine that she's a clingy girl that you are trying to get rid of, and do what you would naturally do in that situation. Above all, STOP chasing her.