How to not give a fu*k?

[evil_tomato]

Hey guys

So I'm just wondering if you can help me on an issue I seem to keep having. How do I stop giving a fu** what girls think of me? I feel like I'm constantly trying to qualify myself to them, making sure I'm good enough and that they like me back when we're on dates and then getting butt hurt if they don't feel the same way or find someone better

I'll admit I used to get bullied a lot in school about my appearance but I've changed and come along way from what I was but I still have anxiety over it. I also always seem to be fixated on my exs who left me for other people especially one who I swore was my soul mate but turned out she left me for someone closer to her and even though she still keeps in contact with me it still hurts. .but I don't have the guts to delete her completely from my life because I still hope one day she may come around and admit I was the one for her as she always tells me how much she loves me still...

Please help guys ! I have read the dj bible but I still can't get past these issues

 

[No.Danny]

Not by doing what you're doing. Having many plates will help and it's something you acquire over time. Don't care for the outcome.

 

[MtnMan]

It's hard man, I go through waves of it, especially when I am striking out with women. There are highs and lows in the process of learning game.

The most common advice applies here, you just have to pursue multiple women, and move on when it doesn't work out. It will sting, but if you make yourselves carry on the sting fades quickly.

Ride the waves.

 

[Longshot]

Oh, boy- do I feel you... really; I was there for a LONG time, so I can relate. But No.Danny hit it on the head with his last statement: don't care about the outcome. How do you do that though?

By doing your own thing and putting yourself out there, and you build confidence in yourself first and foremost, so when you're confident in who you are, you won't care about the outcome in those interactions. Your life isn't a function of women; your well-being shouldn't be fixed on what they think of you or how you think they're perceiving you. See, when you become comfortable with yourself and truly realize you ARE in fact of high-value when you reach that point, you won't be moved by what others think of you; others will be moved by you.

Your identity, the source of who you really are, doesn't reside in the opinions of others, but in modern society, this is usually the case. What you have to do is build a core that includes your values and your entire history along with your wants and aspirations for YOU- not based on others. Don't feed off of the input of others to make a definition of yourself; just be you, and in the process of learning and gaining experience about yourself, that core will build up more so. Welcome rejection, welcome the hard moments and decisions, because the rest is easy and doesn't build character as fast and efficiently. And when you're doing your own thing confidently and with a strong character that can't be moved, you'll see what I mean. You won't care about those outcomes.

I saw a movie recently about a character like this, and though it's a Tom Cruise flick, it exemplified all this perfectly. Jack Reacher. Watch it.

 

[Evan]

It's not only the women who you should stop caring about what they think of you, it's also the people around you at the bar or place where a women could "reject" you. A lot of guys and I know myself included hated the fact that when a women didn't want me like I wanted her I would not only care what she thought but the rest of the people in the room too.

It's really not a big deal. People are really only thinking about themselves. And honestly the more women you talk to and have fun with it makes you look better. In other words laugh about it instead of get down then people not only see your reaction that you don't care then they see that you are a person who can handle people rejecting you. For whatever reason having that ability makes you an easier person to hang out with. It's contagious. People can laugh at themselves and not take themselves so seriously. It's great to be that inspiration.

Not only that but women see you talking to women and they are wondering why isn't he talking to me? At least the highly interested ones. Those are the ones who are easiest and don't give you ****. Maybe I'm lazy but I like the path of least resistance.

 

[VladPatton]

Your problem is clinging on the past and what "might of been". There is no soul mate. Out of the multitude of girls in this country alone, the possibility of you being happy with a fantastic girl is in the hundreds of thousands. Not just one. Let me write it like this so it burns into your brain: 100,000:1. So, really, there is no sense for you to keep imagining all this "might of been" bullshıt in your head.

When you really, truly believe this, it'll change your outlook on the future. There will always be another. There always is another.

 

[Thorninmyside]

When you care what other people think, you give them your power. You lose confidence. You depend on others to top up your self esteem. It's a pattern you've likely repeated for a long time as I had.

How do you stop it? You value yourself 100%. Love yourself. No one can take away your value because you've determined it. Only you can give it away. You need to spend time doing the things that make you YOU, and the right people will be attracted to you. You won't need game because you're the prize and the game is for them to get you. Go and kick ass at life.

 

[DonGorgon]

A normal healthy human has a hard time truly no caring.. lol your best bet is to learn to pretend you don't care and the only real way is too have many female sex prospects that you rotate ...lol it shard for most men to do that so they end up loving and caring about 1 woman too much

 

[Bingo-Player]

Theres no shortcut and no quick fix to be able to not give a s*it

It cant be emulated and certainly not faked it has to be a true reflection of your personality

Im on my way there but still have a long way to go

I see it as building up a tolerance

Controlling your feelings for women is a great place to start

They really aren’t all that special you know

 

[DonGorgon]

They really aren’t all that special you know

lol that sounds like something a gay man would say!

reality is women are physically phenomenal fantastic and irreplaceable.. but mentally they are crap:yes: :yes:

 

[Bingo-Player]

lol that sounds like something a gay man would say!

reality is women are physically phenomenal fantastic and irreplaceable.. but mentally they are crap:yes: :yes:

haha agreed gorgon think It could have been worded slightly better

 

[IBreatheSpears]

Read Stoic philosophy.

The problem of what we call state control was solved centuries ago by Stoic philosophers, so every question related to state control can be answered thus: read the Stoics.

Epicurus was good too. I prefer the Stoics but it'd be stupid to discount Epicureanism just because it and Stoicism were traditionally at odds -- even Stoic philosopher Seneca quoted Epicurus regularly in his many letters.

 

[Evan]

You made some good points in your post but I've never personally understood the mentality of "not caring" about what women think. Fact is, in my life, their opinions DO matter. They ARE a big deal to me.

I'm 43 and I STILL feel the pain of rejections, flakings, and disapprovals. They often STING--because I'm human.

I guess some fellas can genuinely not give a shiat about women's approval, but I'm not one of them--and actually, I never want to think or act like that.

The best things in life often come at a heavy cost. To act like they don't matter is to give up a bit on living, IMO. Expect and EMBRACE their bullshiat and do your best job to keep moving forward.

I think of it differently. It's not even rejection to me. It's really just that we aren't compatible at the moment. And sure it sucks but it really does me no good to spend much time trying to change it. You don't and you can't negotiate attraction or desire. So you move on as quickly as you can and meet new women and keep living your life.

And flaking is something women will do. It's because they are wired differently. When you tell a man that he's gonna be somewhere at this time and to meet him there a man will go. A women will rationalize it for her feelings. It's really got nothing to do with you so why even bother moaning about it? Disapproval has nothing to do with you either. Some women just dig you and some don't. That is what men should embrace.

So whether or not you feel the pain or not doesn't make me less or more human. It's just that I don't care because it's really not anything personal to me. Im always moving and learning more to be the man I want to be but that's my road and some girl I don't even know isn't going to get me off of that.