How to not fall in the friend zone ? i'm clueless

[rebirth06]

Hello,

I don’t know where to start here, to put it simply, I don’t think I am an unattractive guy, I can be funny and it is not too hard for me to make friends but when I comes to women… I have 0 skills, I swear to god it’s like everybody figured it out years ago and me at 34 years old I am still stuck in the same place, unable to let a girl know I like her.

Most of the time I don’t dare to go there because I have this irrational fear she will be offended or something, so I don’t act. At 34 years old I only had one girlfriend my whole life, and it lasted a week.

I know my situation is hardcore but I don’t give up ! actually there is this girl that I have met some times ago I think there was a mutual attraction but I didn’t do something about it. Lately I was thinking about her

I talked to her in facebook and she seems to be responsive but I fear I might stay in the friend zone again, I joked a little with her but that was it. I don’t know where to go from there.

There is another girl and it is pretty much the same situation with her, she actually offered to teach me calligraphy last night. when I told her we couldn’t meet next week and she asked me why I jokingly said that it was because I was on a secret mission, she instantly asked me if it was a gf thing (actually I don’t know if that’s a sign of interest). Anyway I don’t know how to handle it too.

PS : the both of them are exactly my type and are really hot (according to my standarts anyways).

 

[Purefilth]

Click the link to the DJ bible at the bottom of the page. Start with the book of pook.. then carry on reading the rest of the bible.

 

[rebirth06]

I have actually allready read that, I am nonetheless sort of confused, and I don't know how to interpret her reference to me having a girlfriend.

 

[Sir_Laid_A_Lot]

I have actually allready read that, I am nonetheless sort of confused, and I don't know how to interpret her reference to me having a girlfriend.

Don't listen to what she says. Always watch what she does. It makes no difference whether she asks you if you have a boyfriend or not. From my experience uninterested women asked me the same question. And women who ask you if you have a boyfriend does not necessarily mean they are interested in you.

 

[Sir_Laid_A_Lot]

Hello,

I don’t know where to start here, to put it simply, I don’t think I am an unattractive guy, I can be funny and it is not too hard for me to make friends but when I comes to women… I have 0 skills, I swear to god it’s like everybody figured it out years ago and me at 34 years old I am still stuck in the same place, unable to let a girl know I like her.

You NEED to first start off by raising your SELF-ESTEEM. Start thinking positive traits about yourself. Don't demean yourself by focusing and accentuating your negative traits. They may not even be negative traits but you thinking they are will make it real. Instead of saying " I don't think i am an unattractive guy ", you should say " I am an attractive guy ". Saying the otherwise implies that you have low self-esteem. When you tell yourself that you have 0 skills with women (Whether it is true or not) it becomes a reality because you are thinking about it. Tell yourself that you are the MACK DADDY of all and the greatest player of all time. What you have to do is work on your INNER GAME and INTERNAL ISSUES. You need to REFRAME your thought process from " I am not good enough " to " I am the GREATEST ". Tell yourself that no matter what, you are going to get this part of your life handled. You will do anything to make sure that you learn how to pickup, date or get into a relationship with a woman. To be able to do that you have to put things into ACTION. Action puts DESIRE into play. Action brings results that you long for. Therefore what you have to do is put your EGO aside and risk getting REJECTED. Do not let the FEAR OF REJECTION get the better of you. NEXT her if you get rejected by her. Take it as a lesson learnt and go on to the next one. Once you get rejected enough times you will become immune to it and become an even better player. You will learn what ticks women on and what does not. You will be better able to avoid the wrong actions and implement the right actions.

 

[Bokanovsky]

You fall in the friend-zone by making one or both of the following mistakes:

1) Being too nice; and
2) Not being sexual enough.

You have to tease them and show that you are sexually interested in them (though it's a balancing act...too much teasing quickly becomes annoying and being too sexually forward will trigger her anti-slut defences).

 

[floydb25]

You fall in the friend-zone by making one or both of the following mistakes:

1) Being too nice; and
2) Not being sexual enough.

You have to tease them and show that you are sexually interested in them (though it's a balancing act...too much teasing quickly becomes annoying and being too sexually forward will trigger her anti-slut defences).

And...

3) Moving too fast and coming on too strong... Even in regards to being sexual... Even then you have to play your cards right, and not show TOO much interest (ie, always touching, complimenting, flirting, pushing for the physical). Any kind of moving too fast or pushing too hard is bad. You make your intentions known, but don't jam it down their throats.

Also, don't be clingy, needy, desperate, obsessive, over-eager, or co-dependant.

 

[MisterAFC]

I am always nice but and I have lots of female friends

 

[Sir_Laid_A_Lot]

Most of the time I don’t dare to go there because I have this irrational fear she will be offended or something, so I don’t act. At 34 years old I only had one girlfriend my whole life, and it lasted a week.

Like you said your fear is irrational and not based on any FACT. All you have to do is learn to GET REJECTED multiple times to become immune towards it. I just hope you are not a Virgin.

 

[Sir_Laid_A_Lot]

And...

3) Moving too fast and coming on too strong... Even in regards to being sexual... Even then you have to play your cards right, and not show TOO much interest (ie, always touching, complimenting, flirting, pushing for the physical). Any kind of moving too fast or pushing too hard is bad. You make your intentions known, but don't jam it down their throats.

Also, don't be clingy, needy, desperate, obsessive, over-eager, or co-dependant.

Great advice Floydb25. You just listed all the symptoms of an AFC.

 

[( . )( . )]

I have actually allready read that, I am nonetheless sort of confused, and I don't know how to interpret her reference to me having a girlfriend.

How can you possibly have read the DJ Bible with a quote like this?

I talked to her in facebook and she seems to be responsive but I fear I might stay in the friend zone again, I joked a little with her but that was it. I don’t know where to go from there.

You need to honestly put aside a few days at least and internalize everything, then you need to get off chickbook(your 34 for fvcks sake) and go get a bunch of rejections from real life interactions. Seriously I'm not trying to be an ass, this is the only course of actions you need to be concerned with at this point. Everything else is just mental masturbation.

I'd even suggest banging a few working girls just to take some of the edge off inbetween all this. You worrying about the friendzone is trying to walk before you can crawl.

 

[rebirth06]

How can you possibly have read the DJ Bible with a quote like this?

You need to honestly put aside a few days at least and internalize everything, then you need to get off chickbook(your 34 for fvcks sake) and go get a bunch of rejections from real life interactions. Seriously I'm not trying to be an ass, this is the only course of actions you need to be concerned with at this point. Everything else is just mental masturbation.

I'd even suggest banging a few working girls just to take some of the edge off inbetween all this. You worrying about the friendzone is trying to walk before you can crawl.

Thank you ! after reading this I'm thinking it's a good night to get rejections

 

[( . )( . )]

Thank you ! after reading this I'm thinking it's a good night to get rejections

Make a game of it. You'll feel like a tool at first but after 10 I promise you won't give a rats. it's a crucial stepping stone for improving IMHO. There's no other way of finding out what does and doesn't work for you. Hell I still sometimes purposely crash and burn just to give my mates a laugh or get us a seat (and sometimes not on purpose).

 

[VladPatton]

Just ask them out early on. Nothing reeks more of a friend zone candidate than a guy who just sits there doing nothing when a pretty girl comes into his world. If she's interested she'll say yes, if not she'll give you a büllṣhit excuse. It's easy as pie and in a nutshell, stop giving a shıt!

 

[Atom Smasher]

The older I get the more I realize that quick action is the only way to go. If a girl seems to like you, tell her to come out with you somewhere. It is better to achieve resolution than to pine away and wonder. Men tend to do this. Get a yes or a no and move on.

Also, to overcome social anxiety, small-talk with strangers will do wonders. Just chat up everyone you run into, male & female alike.

 

[synergy1]

Having been on both ends of the spectrum, you are starting at the wrong place to look at this whole thing.

If you are in your mid 30s and have had as limited success with women, it has little to do with your efforts to get out of the friends zone ; rather you are in the friends zone for much more fundamental reasons. Women look at 3 basic things, all of which can be leveraged individually to get sex or women interested in pursuing you...looks, status, money. (duh). My guess is you have none of the above. However, one can work on two of these enough such that they can have moderate success, but it takes a complete overhaul to do so.

1. Looks - Workout. Doesn't matter what the proponents to "game" say, if you look good and feel good, you will come off better and have women interested in you. If your mere presence is enough to get a women into you without doing anything, than half your work is already done. As someone who was skinny and insecure originally, I transformed into shape and noticed the difference like night and day. It is a handicap if you are not quite as smooth as the guys who are good at talking.

2- status - this is where most people are simply lazy. They expect to have friends just to get out and meet women, and are not fun or interesting people. Big mistake. Its obvious when people are out just to leetch off other people and try to talk to girls. Don't be that guy. Make genuine friends, and have a fun time. This will boost your status, and once women can see that you actually have fun with other people, they will want to have fun with you. Just as it can be obvious to me when a dude is only out to get a gf than bounce, its even more obvious to women. You won't even be in the friend zone, you'll be in the ***** zone and be forced to help them with **** while fun guys like me have all the fun.

So stop focusing with the friends zone. Focus on yourself. If your out of shape change it. If you have no friends, get some friends. Be a sociable person not for that sake alone, but because its fun. This is the path to success, not affixing on a small thing like messaging girls on FB and hoping they will want to ride your pole. This won't happen. As soon as a nobody like you sends a girl a message, your already pursuing. Be pursued, not the pursuer. It will take time, it will take effort.

Get to work!

 

[zekko]

As someone who was skinny and insecure originally, I transformed into shape and noticed the difference like night and day.

I've always been envious of you guys who started working out and noticed a dramatic difference in the way women responded to you. I started out as skinny also (although I was in great shape cardio wise, I was extremely, extremely fit).

At one point I got into weightlifting and started bulking up. I'm glad I did, but I never noticed it making any dramatic difference with women. Although I do think that if I was still skinny I probably wouldn't have the success I do currently. It's just that no one change has ever made a big difference for me, rather it's just been the sum total of a number of things.

 

[Atom Smasher]

It's possible that this could be more of a matter of not noticing the difference that is in fact there.

The huge diffference that one sees is actually nothing more than a smile, a slightly longer look than normal, a double-take, etc. These are all huge open invitations. Women think we speak their language and pick up on subtleties. In fact, we do not and we generally have difficulty identifying these subtle signs.

Personally, I float around in a good place, because if I get lazy I do look a little more out of shape than normal, but if I work out for a single week I get it all back and believe me, women notice. It happens when I work out, when I get new glasses, and when I dress and groom neatly (not formally, just neatly).

It took me a long time to realize that those extra smiles, longer eye contact, politeness, etc. was actually attraction.

 

[floydb25]

I've always been envious of you guys who started working out and noticed a dramatic difference in the way women responded to you. I started out as skinny also (although I was in great shape cardio wise, I was extremely, extremely fit).

At one point I got into weightlifting and started bulking up. I'm glad I did, but I never noticed it making any dramatic difference with women. Although I do think that if I was still skinny I probably wouldn't have the success I do currently. It's just that no one change has ever made a big difference for me, rather it's just been the sum total of a number of things.

That's because we / they were probably decent looking underneath the slobbishness. I wish I could upload these two license ID's from different periods to show the dramatic difference (and why I had to get it changed; nobody believed it was the same person). But alas, all I have at the moment is a PS3.

But basically, once they got into shape, took care of their appearance, got a damn haircut, etc, their genuine looks started to unfold. They just couldn't be seen before. The potential, however, was always there.

But I'm speaking from the perspective of being overweight, unkept, and slobbish to being fit... Not really skinny to built, though I developed broad shoulders and a decent chest from all the work-related lifting and other physical activity.

Once all these changes took place, it was literally like a whole new world being opened up. Chicks always thought I was "cute", but that quickly turned to "hot", and they were literally flockin'. Of course, I wasn't ready for any of it, still viewed myself as being a fatass, had no self-esteem or experience, got destroyed (verbally) by other men, sabotaged everything with women, etc, etc. But still....

Not much different from the average, "cute", overweight nice girl who becomes a hottie after the necessary changes... Mostly in terms of weight and appearance. That definitely comes first - when you're looking to improve yourself to appeal to the opposite sex. But you definitely need to be reasonably attractive underneath the skin and bones or chunks of fat to appeal widely and notice a dramatic change once you become fit or built. Doing so just brings out your natural looks / how you should be. The potential you always had was simply not being developed... until you actually do. And that's when everything changes for the better.

So yea, people need to stop being LAZY, and get to work on this ****.

 

[rebirth06]

Having been on both ends of the spectrum, you are starting at the wrong place to look at this whole thing.

If you are in your mid 30s and have had as limited success with women, it has little to do with your efforts to get out of the friends zone ; rather you are in the friends zone for much more fundamental reasons. Women look at 3 basic things, all of which can be leveraged individually to get sex or women interested in pursuing you...looks, status, money. (duh). My guess is you have none of the above. However, one can work on two of these enough such that they can have moderate success, but it takes a complete overhaul to do so.

1. Looks - Workout. Doesn't matter what the proponents to "game" say, if you look good and feel good, you will come off better and have women interested in you. If your mere presence is enough to get a women into you without doing anything, than half your work is already done. As someone who was skinny and insecure originally, I transformed into shape and noticed the difference like night and day. It is a handicap if you are not quite as smooth as the guys who are good at talking.

2- status - this is where most people are simply lazy. They expect to have friends just to get out and meet women, and are not fun or interesting people. Big mistake. Its obvious when people are out just to leetch off other people and try to talk to girls. Don't be that guy. Make genuine friends, and have a fun time. This will boost your status, and once women can see that you actually have fun with other people, they will want to have fun with you. Just as it can be obvious to me when a dude is only out to get a gf than bounce, its even more obvious to women. You won't even be in the friend zone, you'll be in the ***** zone and be forced to help them with **** while fun guys like me have all the fun.

So stop focusing with the friends zone. Focus on yourself. If your out of shape change it. If you have no friends, get some friends. Be a sociable person not for that sake alone, but because its fun. This is the path to success, not affixing on a small thing like messaging girls on FB and hoping they will want to ride your pole. This won't happen. As soon as a nobody like you sends a girl a message, your already pursuing. Be pursued, not the pursuer. It will take time, it will take effort.

Get to work!

Actually when it comes to looks I think I am ok. I have had girls complementing me about my looks my whole life. I was younger I never took advantage of it because I was so insecure I refused to believe it, I always thought they were just being nice.

I don’t really need to workout more, I already workout four times a week I have always been athletic. My problem is 100% mental. I am usually stuck in the friend zone because it going sexual is a huge obstacle for me, I .think I have issues with making myself vulnerable.

I couldn't say that I never had success with women because that would imply that I actually tried, which I have never done !

Five months ago, I decided to approach girls on the street but I only approached three girls. The first one responded really well but after a while I had no idea where to go with it so I just left, the second one was totally into me but she was a bit too young for me, It didn’t go to well with the third one.
For some reason, instead of keeping on approaching women I reverted to my old habit of doing nothing but yesterday I decided to give it a shot again.

I went to a club and at first I couldn’t approach any woman but after a while, I realized that I had to act first and think after. I had no pickup line in my mind but I came up with a crappy one (at this point I don't care about being smooth) so I approached a group of girls, I told them this ridiculous line then we talked for 5-6min then they had to join another group of girls.

I obviously didn't go anywhere with them but what I noticed is that for years I have been anxious about approaching women because I was anticipating a fear that was never there in the first place.
I have noticed that every single time I have approached women, I have never felt any fear whatsoever while I was talking to them. I realized that I feared something that was never there.

I honestly believe I can get better at this, and at least try but the hardest part will be to commit myself to approach women regularly.

Ps : What is wrong with contacting in Facebook girls you have met in real life ? I mean next week I will meet with this girl that I like, I don’t expect much but that’s something.