how to next a girl at work?

[mr interesting]

OK so Ive been involved with this girl from my work for about 7 or 8 months now. (its weird we kiss and say we love each other but she doesnt wanna be "official") At first she really liked me, we hung out/texted all the time, had sex a few times, but now shes acting really cold and distant. At work she'll act friendly and what not, but i can see she doesn't really wanna kiss/hug me at times when before it was so natural. It just feels like i have to try really hard to talk or hang out with her, which she usually gives me some lame excuse as to why she can't. She used to tell me she loved me all the time, now when i say it she answers kinda reluctantly it seems.. She has also recently (in the past month or so) been giving me a type of "i dont give a f***" attitude which i dont like at all.

So i realized (after lurking the DJ forum for a while) that i dont need to put up with this. Like Pook said, Im a man. I want your guys' opinion on how to next this girl. I mean, alot of guys try to hit on her, and Im at work to witness all this :/ and i know i can get a little jelsous b/c we've been through so much.. But I know that im not happy talking to her anymore, and its best to move on.

So how should i do it? Should i officially tell her that we should just be friends? Or should i just act normal but pay her alot less attention? I dont wanna NC because we work together and come in contact alot.. What do you guys think??

 

[5string]

You don't need to do anything brother. She already dumped you.

 

[Igetit!]

OK so Ive been involved with this girl from my work for about 7 or 8 months now.

Well since you've been seeing her for the past 7 to 8 months,I guess it's a bit late for the "don't date on the job" speech. However,I think you may be starting to get a glimpse of why we say that now.

At first she really liked me, we hung out/texted all the time, had sex a few times, but now shes acting really cold and distant.

See the part in bold,the part where you say you were "hanging out and texting all the time"?


That's overkill dude. You spent too much time with her. You hung out and texted her all the time.....PLUS she had to see you at work as well.



It's hard to maintain any sort of challenge or mystery when you're in each other's face 24/7.

It just feels like i have to try really hard to talk or hang out with her

This shouldn't be.

If two people really like each other and care for each other,neither one of them should have to "try really hard" or struggle to see the other one.
You weren't "trying hard" to see her in the beginning Everything was natural and flowed easily from BOTH SIDES.




You screwed up by giving her too much attention. Don't know where her interest level is,that is if she still has any at all,but if she does,even if it's just a little,it may be possible to still salvage this,that is,unless she's done already found someone else.

So i realized (after lurking the DJ forum for a while) that i dont need to put up with this. Like Pook said, Im a man. I want your guys' opinion on how to next this girl. I mean, alot of guys try to hit on her, and Im at work to witness all this :/ and i know i can get a little jelsous b/c we've been through so much.. But I know that im not happy talking to her anymore, and its best to move on.

Well if you want to next her,then just cut off ALL of the romantic interest from your side. You don't have to "offically" make some declaration of independance,some statement of no longer wanting to dating the girl.



Just alter your behavior.....just like she did. You said that because of HER,you two were never "OFFICAL". Uhhh...well? If you two never became offical,then there's no need for an offical statement from you of ending things. Just move on.

So how should i do it?

Easy. Don't call her,text her,trying to hang out with or see her.
When you see her at work,you be polite and speak to her....just like you would to ANYBODY ELSE. Say "hey","what's up/going on"....just like you do to EVERYBODY ELSE. Don't go out of your way to speak to her,BUT don't go out of your way to ignore her either.



You know how you speak to your other co-workers for a second or two,then just move on? Do that with her...and above ALL ELSE...don't say anything about a date,don't say anything about you two hanging out or seeing each other,don't tell her you miss her,and DEFINATELY STOP TELLING HER THAT YOU LOVE HER.




Shut off ANYTHING sexual or romantic coming from you.


You know how when you go to a store and the person behind the counter goes,"Hello,how are you doing today"? Be like that. There's nothing sexual coming from them,they're just being polite. They're not mean,cold,angry or bitter. They're not ignoring you. They speak with a pleasant tone,but there's NO INTEREST in it whatsoever.


Be like that.




If you do all of this,eventually she'll "FEEL" the lack of interest coming from you,but she won't know why. She won't be able to accuse you of being angry or mad at her because you're not being cold or ignoring her,and you still speak to her just like you do to everybody else,but she'll "FEEL" that something is different. At that point,she may try to contact you,or get you to see her,but DON'T FALL FOR IT. Just keep doing what you're doing.





Of course all that is speculation,but it's happened MANY,MANY times before here on the forum. My advice is just to do all of the above,then if by some chance she does come at you seeking your attention,we can deal with that when the time comes.

 

[mr interesting]

thanks man, I'll do just that and see what happens. I just think its messed up how girls will be so in love with a you, and then when you gives in (loves her back), she just blows you off..