how to make it happen and blow her mind :)

[rubikon]

hey DJs, I've got a question here (a very simple one)

I already set up an encounter with this girl this week but I told her I will call her a day before to confirm it.

we met by chance last week in professional context but I took her out immediately to a pub for a pint, chit chat and so on... where I got from her some strong IOIs but I decided to play it cool, purposefully deflected it and save k-close for another time, lol - she will have to put an extra effort in order to get what she wants from me, ha ha.

anyway, long story short, after this coincidental meeting last week I got her twice on the phone, we definitely have attraction and comfort, she's eating it up...

now my question is this, when you're supposed to ring a girl up in order to confirm what we already set up, is there any "mass destruction weapon" it's good to keep in mind, just in case to avoid her flaking out or how to sort it out if she turns out to be a flake?

thank you for any advice you'll come up with

 

[Mr. Me]

Why do you have to confirm what's already been set up? If it's set, then it should be definite. You don't make "maybe" dates unless you want flaking to happen. When a girl asks you to confirm first, that's a flag she's going to flake.

 

[rubikon]

Why do you have to confirm what's already been set up? If it's set, then it should be definite. You don't make "maybe" dates unless you want flaking to happen. When a girl asks you to confirm first, that's a flag she's going to flake.

thx for your reply, Mr. Me

let me clarify it a bit..

it's not a date she knows I go to ice-skating every now and then and I suggested she could join me next time, to what she said yes. then I set the day and told her I will confirm it yet one day before. so if anything it's me who can change plans, lol. in this way I communicate to her that I give her an opportunity to enjoy my company but she's not the only thing or person in my life and I'm qualifying her.

hope you can understand better now

 

[j0n024]

IF she isnt the only thing in or person in your life why are you making a post about her? IF she wasnt as important as you say she is why make a post and why care if she shows up or not? IF you do decide to call her again and make plans why dont you tell her when to get there...that should qualify her, say the exact time you want her to be there and not a second later.

 

[rubikon]

I see it's not possible to get an advice here without being treated as a little kid.. why do you assume making a post about someone implies he or she is your god? this is VEEEERY logical, lol

anyway I like your tip, I mean when you stick to the point in the second part of your post

thanks, mate

 

[Mr. Me]

...but she's not the only thing or person in my life and I'm qualifying her.

Yeah, yeah, I get that...

Bottom line is that it's still a date. It's just the manner in which you set it up that you're describing. Let's be real.

She said "yes". It's a date. BUT then you told her you'd confirm it...

I set the day and told her I will confirm it yet one day before. so if anything it's me who can change plans

...and that's the message she gets when you tell a woman you'll confirm it. That if something better comes along, you're going to cancel out on her. "Confirm", like I mentioned earlier, is what women do when they look to flake, so that's what she'll understand you're saying in "Woman Speak".

You may not have intended it that way, but that's what women hear in those words.

Sending them that message that you may cancel can turn them off and make them flake.

According to your first post, you're looking to see what you can do to avoid flaking. But here you're actually contributing to the flake factor.

It's stronger to invite her along, set the date, time and place and then have no contact at all.

Flaking is handled when making the date, not afterwards. When you made the date, she said "yes"? Without any strings? Then she didn't give any signs that she might flake, so don't be giving her reasons to by insinuating that you might flake on her.

 

[DonGorgon]

She needs to be calling you to confirm....

 

[Dole]

She needs to be calling you to confirm....

Just collaborating on this. Let's say you setup a date with a girl, is it ok to tell her, you should call me a day before to confirm? That way your not calling her. Would she do it and would it work? Or are you giving power to her which is not a good thing.
(I don't take this approach of calling day before to confirm with girl's, but I am just wondering if I need to use it sometimes)

 

[DonGorgon]

Just collaborating on this. Let's say you setup a date with a girl, is it ok to tell her, you should call me a day before to confirm? That way your not calling her. Would she do it and would it work? Or are you giving power to her which is not a good thing.
(I don't take this approach of calling day before to confirm with girl's, but I am just wondering if I need to use it sometimes)

you would run a high risk of her flaking...

 

[rubikon]

ok, fellas, here's a kind of a pre-FR I've got.

it's yesterday evening, I finally call her - not only to confirm what was supposed to be confirmed but also to have a banter, at least it's my intention and I bump immediately into her answering machine. f*ck f*ck f*ck! or rather ...no f*ck, lol! well, what to do now, let me think... erase her number and next her immediately? call her again? only text her? well... after almost an hour, when it's getting a bit late, I decide to call her again, the last time. this time it looks like she's going to answer but again it's her answering machine I can only talk to. I certainly don't leave any message. well, that's not the first flake in the history of the universe. pity cause this way she will miss all the fun I can bring to her life. so, game's over. or is it?

10 minutes later, when I'm about to call some friend-girl of mine, my mobile is ringing. and guess what, it's the alleged flake! I answer and start busting her balls immediately. well, it turns out she actually wants to call off our meeting for some important reason (yeeeah, sure ). I kinda chuckle and tell her, well, your loss. and I'm like about finish our conversation... and in this moment she asks me what about another day, whether I'm free to go out with her...

I'll keep the rest of this conversation for myself. I perfectly understand her flake, it would have been to easy if she would have agreed just like that. so I see it as she fake-flaked, since she asked if I was free another day, right?

 

[ZenGodMod]

Your over analyzing!

What a mess, that was just sloppy! Her interest level is just....well... just not there!

Want to bet when the "another day" comes around she'll have another excuse?

Seriously, you shouldn't have called to confirm and even if she really had a legit reason to cancel, she would have called you just before the event and immediately offer her apologies, as well as a desperate demand for another date.
And if she doesn't ask for a second date or postponement, NEXT!

 

[rubikon]

so, just as a reminder: after the babe flaked out on me the first time we were supposed to meet, she counter-offered me for another day. this time I stayed cool, no calling, no bloody texting; she didn't try to get in touch with me either. so yesterday was the day D, I called her in the morning to set up the details for the evening, as we arranged before ...she's not answering... I'm not going to leave her any VM. after a couple of minutes I decide to text her - sthg funny, short and out of context. then I get her answer, there we go another txt to her, on a teasing note. finally I call her. she tries to thrust the venue upon me, but I'm not eating this crap up, I tell her where we will meet and she accepts. good girl

now, for the FR... I like being spontaneous and when I'm out all I care is to have fun and I want the girl to enjoy my company, so I won't write down any dialogues here because the core of the interaction is way beyond the verbal stuff. long story short, it's all about being unneady, speaking your mind, leading, teasing, misinterpreting, qualifiying... and not to mention having the right BL and voice tone, making strong EC. and, last but not least, KINOING! it's so simple

however, there was no K-close this time. actually we were in a public place, a bit crowdy. besides I don't consider it as some kind of race or other sport contest - I want her to work for kissing me! we met for the first time last week, I took her on an instant date and yesterday was only the second time I saw her, I need time to get to know her better either. btw, k-close or sex is not the ultimate goal I aim for. it will happen by itself. or not. whatever. getting back to the girl, I fancy her, she's definitely my type but I don't know yet if she's up to the snuff. that's about.

btw, I realized at the beggining of our encounter yesterday that I wouldn't say she was a stunning beauty. actually I'd rate her about 7,5. but what I really value in her (and generally in chicks) is the fun and communication skills she displays and reciprocates during the interaction. and it doesn't depend only on the fact whether a girl is into me and is responsive or not. some of them are just awkward at this game. so at the end of our date yesterday, when we built rapport, I was viewing her as much more pretty.

feel free to comment on the above. or not
regards to all, keep up DJing