How to make friends.

[RazorAzoth]

Since high school, I've chose not to have any friends because I was dealing with personal issues and just turned into a loner. So I pushed everyone away and just floated through life. It's a ****ed up sad story that I won't go into but I'm all the **** now and would really like to have some guy friends to hang out with.

I know it's retarded/sad/pathetic to ask something as simple as "how to make friends" but I've really lost touch with my old friends. And the ones I do see around, I really don't want to get involved with them because they hang with a crowd that I just don't want to be around. I don't know about anyone else, but I'd rather continue just being on my own instead of getting wrapped up with drugs and ****.

I know everyone will say "go join a club". That's easy to do, yes. No problem doing that. However, do guys really want to be friends with someone that doesn't have any friends? And the worst thing that can come up is the dreaded "so who do you hang out with?" question that I've encountered a few times at work.

There's quite a few clubs/sports off the top of my head I can think of joining, that's not an issue. It's just making the transition of making friends when you have no other friends. It's extremely difficult to do without looking like a weirdo or looking gay.

I was just wondering if anyone else went through this and actually made friends without having any existing friends. It's different if you move into a completely different city/town and have no friends, I live in the same area I've lived my whole life.

 

[hanson]

They don't care if you have no friends, find people who have your same interests (coworkers,people at the gym also), Iwill say this though, if someone invites you to do something, do it. I have ruined alot of possible friendships because i just didn't want to chill or kick it with them, i've noticed very rarely do they invite you again.

 

[Effington]

I don't think most people care how often you go out (or with who) or how many friends you have, it's more about how you carry yourself. When people ask you why you joined up some group, just tell them the truth with confidence. If you carry yourself well, you'll be fine.

I have a friend who always tries to mess with people, asking them outrageous questions, doing it in a suggestive matter like it's ok. I think she once asked if I'd ever fooled around with a guy, suggesting that a lot of guys do it, and when I said no, asked if I ever thought about it, suggesting everyone does. When I finally told her she was being crazy, she was like, yeah, I was just trying to see if you'd fess to it. I thought she was being serious at the time...she sold it well.

I was convinced to join a jogging/drinking club awhile back that is open to anyone, and found a lot of people just joined solo. I've had people say they just joined to be social, moved to a new city, friends moved away, blah blah blah, it doesn't really matter what they say. No one really cares who they hang out with on the side or why they joined.

 

[Miguel]

Well this is a very good question that no one on this sit seems to address well. I swear, I’ve seen it asked lots of times, and infact I even wanted to know for a while. To make friends, simply follow these guidelines:

1)-Be a nice guy. Sure you won’t attract women being nice, but people will like you. for example, if you have a car, drive people sometimes. Do something kind to people,(not needy mind you), on it’s base level it’s “hey like me cause I got benefits” But it can actually help. It also gives you the gift of COMMON GROUND.
2)-Smile. It shows your easy going.
3)-DON’T JUDGE. ACCEPT EVERYONE. If you can do this, people will respect you more.
4)-SPEAK UP. You won’t know whom you will like unless you try to voice something.
5)-TAKE RISKS. This is the biggie, occasionally do something new. You’ll never make ANY FRIENDS unless your willing to have none. That’s why joining a club is a great idea. Its like social practice in a sandbox, you can screw up without immediate repercussions.

Ideally, like I said, try to join something. High school is a great way to meet people, but only if you can avoid the cliques. Clubs on the other hand are usually much to small to have cliques or social groups. Typically you’ll find at least someone to relate to, make sure just to bail out when things begin looking bad. Also for this reason don’t go local for this.

To meet people outside of situations such as bars, just be friendly and confident.

TALK TO THEM LIKE YOU WOULD TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS. it's called roll taking, if you treat someone like a friend, they'll be a friend.



ALSO, if you have problems socializing with people because you feel awkward, here’s 2 exercises that if you complete 5 times a day for 30 days that will help A LOT.

1)walk up, and have short 1 minute conversations with random strangers. Nothing detailed, just hi, and something like nice day. Just to get used to people. NEXT when you become more confident work on making these conversations natural and easy going.
2)NEXT. Take out a local phone book, circle 150 random phone numbers and call five a day. Ask for a movie recommendation. If you can make this without making the person feel uncomfortable, you’ve passed. *

Hint: Try something like “hey, is Kate there? Oh? Wrong number? Well could you help me out with something I’m heading to the movies with friends and need a recommendation, any ideas”? If they ask why… use because. It’s a powerful word, any excuse regardless of how improbable it may be will usually get the other person talking. (example: Hey, I know this is a little strange, But because I’m in a hurry/because I’m bad at picking movies/because you sound like a cool guy…. BECAUSE)

*this comes originally from the style life challenge. It’s a great exercise.

 

[Kerpal]

How old are you? I'm 22 and I have had the exact same problem. It reminds me of the saying "it takes money to make money". If you don't have any, you're ****ed.

I moved to a new city so I kind of have an "excuse" to not know anyone. But even still, it's a problem because I'm lacking in social skills since I was such a loner for so long.

 

[Aragon034]

Join a social group of some kind.

My brother was the same way, maybe 2 friends in total. he works in IT so he doesn't make many connections like that. One day while looking for car parts online he finds a car forum, and lo and behold my brother is now a member of a mustang club and he goes out every friday and socializes with these people.

He's getting better but he still disapproves of me sweet talking my way into costco when he went in and left me outside with no membership card

So find a group of people who have the same likes as you, and work it from there.

 

[FloridaLurker]

I'm kind of in the same boat.. I got into the wrong crowd around 16-17 years old.. got a girlfriend and stopped hanging out with them because they were a bad influence and my gf had previously hooked up with them before I asked her out (which was while I was under the influence =/ but thats another story for another time heh)...

Anyways, I pretty much lost contact with all my friends good and bad for some reason.. Got into MMORPGs and that **** kills your social life, I'm sure that was a big part of it. Didn't pick up when they called, wasnt happy, didnt socialize or make new friends etc etc.. For 5 years straight.. I got mad anxiety trying to socialize after that. I broke up with my GF after those 5 years and now that I try to socialize, I find it extremely hard. Lets not even get started on talking to hot chicks ..

Anyways, I'm interested to see what other suggestions people have for this thread.. Just wanted to let you know youre not alone..

 

[gonnamakeit]

Somewhat same thing happened to me. I was very upset when the summer started because of this but I thought to myself that the only thing I could do was to improve myself so I worked on the djbc (week 2+3 I should have done more of it would be especially useful). And I have tried to do approaches of girls because that is the hardest thing to do and I thigure if I can do that makeing freinds or just talking to people will be easy.

Also join clubs like everyone else has said already which I am going to do also. Lifting weights and getting in shape will make you feel better and more confident I do it at home but you could join a gym I think that would be good since if you can't socialize with people because you are out of practice than you just continue your workout you won't be sitting there just feeling crappy.

One last thing go to places like hooters the girls are paid to talk/flirt with you so you have to socialize. I can not do it since I am to young but if I was old enough I would go to speed dating as often as possible since again just guranteed social interaction and maybe you'd get a few dates and could turn some of them into freinds and expand your social circle like that.

You guys are probably introverts like I have been/sort of am but make sure that you change that get used to eyes being on you and being the center of attention. Fake it till you make it sometimes does apply in school every single time in a class you could volunteer to do a presentation or read to the class I would always raise my hand and pretended to enjoy it I actually ended up the best at presenting in the class I and by the end actually sort of enjoyed it . I also whent on vacation since I would never see anyone again did ridiculouse crap in the middle of rest stops like ballet.

Try hypnosis seductiondatabase.com or bitseduce.com probably has alot that could help you.

Good luck guys I have done all of these things excpet clubs so hopefully the increased confidence/social skills from everything else will help me.

 

[gonnamakeit]

I forgot to add be careful with being nice like that guy said to do I tried that and got completly taken advantage of by people who didn't like me at all and made fun of me behind my back I would rather have no freinds than let that happen again.
But the thing that really does work is showing value you need to be brave like if your in a group and the guys are too nervouse to approach some girls to talk to with no hesistation the second they say something about a girl but don't want to approach them you have to do it it is much much easier than doing it alone and your instantly the group leader and they will love you for doing it even if you get rejected.
I started doing that even before I knew about this stuff if say people I was with forgot a homework assignment and the only girl in our class who was aroung was a super intimidating hb and they hesistated I would instantly do it. It works in all other situations two if your in a group of guys and you all see a group of girls be the first to walk over and say something. You can not even beleive how easy approaching girls is when you are with freinds or anyone you are leading.

Another thing is to think of takeing advantage of this if you can cold approach girls with not one freind in the world and no support at all imagine the core confidence you are building that is so much harder than doing it when you have even one freind that you can hang out with later and don't even talk about what it would be like if you have a wingman which almost all the other new guys do. Once you get that stuff it will seem like getting girls is a joke (at least that is what I am counting on)

 

[supam]

yo RazorAzoth,

Most people you meet would readily be want to be your friend.

Here is the deal, you need to find out if you have any baggage left if yes get rid of it. Take a personality disorder test . If you have one, outline symptoms, print them, and try to do things without that. Eventually you'll become free.

Now once you are free from any baggage left over from early days, either you're already free, or there is still some work to do. Once you are free, the KEY to getting friends is loving yourself.

There are many ways of explaining why this works so well, I like this one. Vibrations of love are infectious. The good carma you get from loving is delivered right back to you, and you get more opportunities to meet new people and make friends.

I don't know how you could get to love yourself and everything around you. For me it was finding the truth with what's going on in the world. I had to block the TV because TV is a hate machine, nothing good on TV anymore. Basically that + raggae music, good classic raggae, which teaches you to love yourself and all those around you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqYankgih54

Live your life as you'd want all people to live. Lead by example. That's love.

 

[RazorAzoth]

Wow, glad I'm not the only one.

 

[Axcell]

You have some really low self esteem and you need to improve on your inner game. Read some of Pook's materials. Also one question, have you read the DJ bible? Although it may not help you directly answer your question, it may help you when it comes to being the man that everybody wants to talk too, thus, you will have more friends...

 

[RazorAzoth]

Wow, finding clubs in the phone book is like finding a needle in a hay stack. It's all gun clubs.

 

[DonutMan]

Talk to people, about anything. People like to talk about themselves. If you have some conversational skills and can talk to people you should be able to make friends. Talk to anyone and everyone about anything that is relevant. You will at least make a lot acquaintances this way, and maybe some will turn into friends.

 

[DonutMan]

It helps if they are people you have some connection with, Ie. neighbors, co-workers, class mates, maybe someone you see a lot somewhere.

 

[DonJuan11]

Since high school, I've chose not to have any friends because I was dealing with personal issues and just turned into a loner. So I pushed everyone away and just floated through life. It's a ****ed up sad story that I won't go into but I'm all the **** now and would really like to have some guy friends to hang out with.

There's quite a few clubs/sports off the top of my head I can think of joining, that's not an issue. It's just making the transition of making friends when you have no other friends. It's extremely difficult to do without looking like a weirdo or looking gay.

Are you sure these "personal issues" won't come up again when you make new friends? You might push the new ones away too.

 

[RazorAzoth]

I'm having a hard time looking for good clubs to join. It's not like there's a directory of clubs in your area. I thought finding one would be the easy part, lol.

 

[CFERD]

I work by myself for the most part. Your question is not all that uncommon Raz. I does not get any easier as you get older. Joining a club is always the first suggestion given, followed by looking into a meetup.com in your area.
Maybe a continuing ed course a few nights a week will help you out.

 

[RazorAzoth]

Also one question, have you read the DJ bible? Although it may not help you directly answer your question, it may help you when it comes to being the man that everybody wants to talk too, thus, you will have more friends...

I just started it last night and almost 3/4 of the way through. It's incredible. As I was reading, stuff just started to click in my head and it all starts to make sense. Reading it has completely changed my outlook on girls and dating(for the better). I really don't understand why people waste their time reading books about elaborate methods and memorize material to try and get women when the 277 page DJ bible is really all you need to get laid.

However, while it does explain how to become a man that rules his own kingdom, guys don't give a **** about that. Girls will eat it up and love you for it. But guys? Not so much. If you have no friends and act like "The Great Catch", guys will think you're an arrogant ******* and call you on the fact that you have no friends.

 

[dre-22]

I had similar problems & only really had work collegues around for years. Of course, when the working week was over I had no-one.
The internal argument that I needed a life to get a life was self-perpetuating & destructive for a long time. I've only got past it by joining a club (archery), & through this I have slowly made a couple of friends, & made other good acquaintances there too.

On the back of this I'll join another club or two. I think it's beneficial to primarily target clubs that you think you'll meet your kind of people at, examples: Photography or art club for meeting quieter, studious people, soccer club for getting into a lively group fast, yoga club for meeting women!

Additionally I've taken up the guitar, which not only gives me something to talk about which interests just about everybody, but also allows me to chat with my tutor in a relaxed atmosphere, which is all good social practice.

Other tips that work for me:

I also got a couple of books from Amazon about social chit-chat. "How To Talk To Anyone" was particularly good. Generally though, try to get people to talk about themselves, which is everyone's favourite subject. Just don't come across as if you're analyzing them.

I go onto chat sites for practise. Most of the time I strike out because it's mostly guys looking to get laid, but I've got along ok with a few people that way.

Just starting at a club or two makes you interesting to women, because you're "a guy with plans".

I've lowered my expectations of people. Sooner or later they'll let me down, but in fairness I'll unintentionally do the same! Better to work on the long game & be forgiving than to nit-pick & take everything too personally.


Good luck.