Here's a post that I put on a RELATIONSHIP sosauve site.
Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 1:32 pm Post subject: The Dos and Don'ts in a LDR
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is what I learned about Long Distance Relationships from my own experiences and from others.
1. Make sure they are Mature and ready for a LTR/LDR. Nothing worse then being with someone far away and they are immature and indecisive.
2. If you don’t like being the backbone in the relationship then it’s probably not going to work out. It’s ten times worse and harder on the individual who is the backbone and glue of the relationship. Ex. You are the one always calling, setting up dates to meet, driving to that person, and problem solver. Over time it will get tiresome and frustrating and will in effect will lead to a break up
3. Have a job and car. These kinds of goes along with number two. If you are the only one that has a car then over time it’s going to get frustrating. Why?? Because that means you are the one that has to always go to where they live, and which also means you will always be setting up the dates.
4. Communication. You have to have it. Communication is defiantly a big thing especially in a LDR. Because that’s all you have to go on since you can’t be together. And don’t let things get boring and set routine. Spice it up. Become unpredictable when you call. And when you do, you can sometimes call to say what’s up?! Other times call just to say I miss you, or I love you, goodnight, tell a joke you just heard, whatever you want just spice it up. Oh and you don’t have to talk for hours in out. I find it best to save it for the next visit. It keeps those awkward silences away.
5. Cannot be a shy talker or just a shy person in general. A shy person will be frustrating towards you in a LDR. Why?? Because you will always have to think of something to talk about, always will lead the conversation, and if there is a problem in the relationship unaware to you it will never get brought up until that problem has escalated to a bigger one. Of course, all could have been avoided if that person wasn’t shy and said something earlier. However there are exceptions where it does work out when being in a LDR with a shy person.
6. LDR work best, when you had already been going out and that person or you just moved farther away. Unlike meting a person via, over the Internet.
Now before I get flamed up the ying yang let me explain. When you have a relationship goin on with someone in town or close by you, it is easier to continue it if someone had to move away. One reason is you have already seen how that person really is in person. You know how they act and how they do things in life. However that is not the case when meeting someone over the net. And relationships especially marriages fail because of this. Why? Because you can’t see them for whom they really are. And it’s not your fault, because every time you 2 meet you are raped up in just being together and it’s hard to see the whole picture and to see their flaws. Which in turns leads me to number seven…
7. Sacrifice. One of you will have to eventually make that sacrifice to move to where that person lives. This of course is after a being together for along time and both are ready to take it to the next step. Also this is definitely needed if you meet online or to some degree of that. You need to see the real person and you can’t do that by visiting that person once or twice a month. Uh uh, just ain’t goin to cut it.
8. Trust. You have to have trust. And this goes with any relationship but especially in a LDR. And its not going to be easy because there are going to be times where you feel almost lonely because that person isn’t there to be with you and that’s the time when temptation will arise. And you have to be strong and loyal. And communication plays a big roll here. So if you ever feel down like this or what not that is the time to call that person. Sometimes hearing that persons voice will make you feel better. Its weird but it does.
9. And finally Honesty. If you don’t feel like its working out you need to talk. Always be Honest and keep it real. If you don’t have any feelings for that person then don’t lead false hope. Telling that person you miss them and care for them but when off the phone you feel the opposite even telling your friends is wrong. And don’t drag the relationship on and on thinking maybe you will regain those feelings back. It’s not fair to you or to that other person. So be honest and tell them. Always honest in not only how you feel but with everything else.
