How to make a girl submit who rejected you?

[MtmVaott]

Like Patrice O'neal once said; you feel like a bear surrounded by salmon dipped in honey but you CANNOT touch it.

I think OP has a living in a room situation, where yuy dont really get to pick who will be your neighbor.

Gentlemen, NEVER pursue women in these situations, unless she comes on to you STRONG.
- work, sport, home, social circle (sometimes), and probably a few I forget to mention. Be thankful OP wrote about this, and learn from this . You'll be a prisoner in your own home. Dont poopoo where you eat.

I don't want to go too much into the details about the exact circumstances, but yes, I couldn't take a pick who will move in.

 

[MtmVaott]

@PowerQuest , @Gamisch
About the friendzone: I don't have a sister, so I assume the favorable friendzone is looking like bantering around and minimum light conversation:

?

 

[MtmVaott]

I guess the end of story is she is respectful, I am not conversational, she isn't as well, I am not in the mood to tease her at all, it seems she would be receptive to teasing, she has put on parfume and went out, which means I am moving on.

I didn't write this in the OP, but I was already concentrating on myself and didn't want to get distracted by women for the next months.
There will be more situations like this, the universe likes to test me apparently. I would appreciate input how I can effectively friendzone women right off the bat.

 

[newdon1]

Use some strong pheromones with her.

What's that?

 

[corrector]

What's that?

What did you seen when you googled it?

Its something you spray, add drops on you that is supposed to alter the perception of your vibe and get women to respond better to your presence and in turn calm your nerves so you can be more yourself around them. I tried it in 2011 in earnest but dropped it totally after Dec 6, 2014 and currently have no interest in it. However, it comes like that duex ex machina in seduction where you cant figure out what is wrong and it makes it easier. The focus is mainly aura, vibe, charisma, sense of presence, or even giving a fake vibe that you are a successful playboy who gets lots of girls and its nothing to pick up another one, etc.... (couplins? Google that too).

 

[BeExcellent]

I thought I am not even angry.

Until I read again that you assumed I must be filled with rage. And yes, I am, this is what makes me so void of empathy.
Thing is, it's not even about this girl or situation, it's rage from the past, bottled up.

The rejection is similar to what caused my rage back then (as are the situations when I feel attacked by someone).

Advice from the old lady: Ok. This is the deeper shjt you gotta deal with. Why? Because if you don’t you are going to “go off” on someone for some minor infraction at some point and that is not good.

Look how triggered minor rejection has you. Who cares!

Understand something.

Not everyone is going to be interested in you. Ok. Fine. Pick someone who IS interested in you and drive on. If your ego is enraged by this then your sense of self worth is weak. No random chick defines your self worth unless you internalize that rejection and reject yourself.

Stop it.

You gotta see it like this:

Do you want ketchup on your fries?

Yes? No? Does it matter what you say to the drive through guy? Is he sad because you rejected (said no) to his offer of ketchup?

He could care less. Do the same with women. Some will say yes some will say no.

So what. None of that defines you. Let it go.

Get therapy for the deeper crap eating at you. No shame in getting your mind right & strong.

Seriously.

 

[MtmVaott]

Update:
@thermodynamic What you described came natural to me at some points. I didn't see the heavy test coming, I should have read your post again maybe, but @Gamisch was absolutely right about rejections being a blessing (I made another shot and she lost interest).
The shot I made was telling her I'm nervous around her, and she asked why, which threw me completely off balance. I just stood there, and slowly turned away in silence.
This girl is going for the top tier guys (and she can). I'm not one of those guys, and I don't want to be, because it's not who I am right now.
And I never will be, because if I would be as confident and self-secure as the top tier guys, it would be because of the journey I took, not because I was raised like that.
And if I would be a top tier guy, I would never be able to truly respect a partner who never did a similar journey like I am doing.
Her test made me realize that I don't want that girl.
So I am now trying to create tension, tease her if it feels right and I'm in the mood, practice my social skills, and maybe get her into bed eventually, but mainly because I can.

 

[thermodynamic]

Update:
@thermodynamic What you described came natural to me at some points. I didn't see the heavy test coming, I should have read your post again maybe, but @Gamisch was absolutely right about rejections being a blessing (I made another shot and she lost interest).
The shot I made was telling her I'm nervous around her, and she asked why, which threw me completely off balance. I just stood there, and slowly turned away in silence.
This girl is going for the top tier guys (and she can). I'm not one of those guys, and I don't want to be, because it's not who I am right now.
And I never will be, because if I would be as confident and self-secure as the top tier guys, it would be because of the journey I took, not because I was raised like that.
And if I would be a top tier guy, I would never be able to truly respect a partner who never did a similar journey like I am doing.
Her test made me realize that I don't want that girl.
So I am now trying to create tension, tease her if it feels right and I'm in the mood, practice my social skills, and maybe get her into bed eventually, but mainly because I can.

I don't know man, this whole post sounds pretty defeatist. Why would you tell her you are nervous around her, let alone you should not be nervous around her. She totally floored you man.

You have a ways to go. I would suggest let her go, accept you missed this one and just play it cool around her while making sure she does not take advantage of you (treat those like a test, don't get upset , just be firm). All girls want top tier guys, just like we want top tier girls. Doesn't mean you need to be perfect to get a girl.

 

[MtmVaott]

I don't know man, this whole post sounds pretty defeatist. Why would you tell her you are nervous around her, let alone you should not be nervous around her. She totally floored you man.

Yeah she did haha. But you know what? She could have reacted way more cooperative. Another women may have been just flattered, smiled and then asked the why. She even mocked me after I zoned out. Most women react empathetically.
I told her I'm nervous because it was true. It was a bold move, and that's what I appreciate about me. I didn't know how to dissolve the nervousness in another way. I know now that it was exactly what she asked me for: She is attractive and I want to fvck her. Nothing about who she is as person or whatever. I didn't admit this to myself until now.

You have a ways to go. I would suggest let her go, accept you missed this one and just play it cool around her while making sure she does not take advantage of you (treat those like a test, don't get upset , just be firm). All girls want top tier guys, just like we want top tier girls. Doesn't mean you need to be perfect to get a girl.

I can't change being attracted to her. I realized I am attracted to her body, not her as a human being. Both the girl and me weren't interested who the other person is. I have nothing to loose here if I remain respectful to myself. This is a good opportunity for me to practice my social skills. I will also keep in mind what you said about the moment when other guys appear.

 

[typical]

Yeah she did haha. But you know what? She could have reacted way more cooperative. Another women may have been just flattered, smiled and then asked the why. She even mocked me after I zoned out. Most women react empathetically.
I told her I'm nervous because it was true. It was a bold move, and that's what I appreciate about me. I didn't know how to dissolve the nervousness in another way. I know now that it was exactly what she asked me for: She is attractive and I want to fvck her. Nothing about who she is as person or whatever. I didn't admit this to myself until now.

I can't change being attracted to her. I realized I am attracted to her body, not her as a human being. Both the girl and me weren't interested who the other person is. I have nothing to loose here if I remain respectful to myself. This is a good opportunity for me to practice my social skills. I will also keep in mind what you said about the moment when other guys appear.

You need to STOP trying to sleep with this girl and go get some therapy my man. You've got a very beta defeated loser outlook on yourself and you have zero social skills. I.bet this girl is your average chick that's maybe semi decent looking.

Get some professional help and make some changes in your life to become a little "Lively". You sound like a depressed loser that gets mad because (mainly women) won't give you attention.

Don't become a weirdo with her and land yourself a restraining order or worse. Improve yourself and your life and get your own place without roommates. If that sounds too hard then the game isn't for you.

 

[thermodynamic]

Yeah she did haha. But you know what? She could have reacted way more cooperative. Another women may have been just flattered, smiled and then asked the why. She even mocked me after I zoned out. Most women react empathetically.

They probably do not. Women are harsh as **** with the guys they consider as an option. Take it a positive thing when they're harsh. They are testing you hard and its a good thing.

I told her I'm nervous because it was true. It was a bold move, and that's what I appreciate about me. I didn't know how to dissolve the nervousness in another way. I know now that it was exactly what she asked me for: She is attractive and I want to fvck her. Nothing about who she is as person or whatever. I didn't admit this to myself until now.

You shouldn't a told her that in person - "She is attractive and I want to fvck her." - just change the last phrase for something more mild but that communicates the same thing. Read Alan Roger Currie. Man is on point.

I can't change being attracted to her. I realized I am attracted to her body, not her as a human being. Both the girl and me weren't interested who the other person is.

This should make it even easier to move on.

 

[MtmVaott]

They probably do not. Women are harsh as **** with the guys they consider as an option. Take it a positive thing when they're harsh. They are testing you hard and its a good thing.


You shouldn't a told her that in person - "She is attractive and I want to fvck her." - just change the last phrase for something more mild but that communicates the same thing. Read Alan Roger Currie. Man is on point.


This should make it even easier to move on.

Yes you are right, the nervousness and fear is absolutely paralyzing me, I am completely off track around her. The situation is in a deadlock, I'm too afraid around her to move the situation in the bedroom, and she looses more and more respect now because I am not moving the situation to the bed, what she actually still wanted, even after my last post. There is nothing for me to gain with her, I need a less attractive, more relationship-orientated low-maintanence chick, so the chick should be an asset to my development and not a burden.

If anyone reads this post in the future: I made a big mistake: Both me and the girl the thread is about didn't say anything after my rejection except hi and bye. So far so good. But the day her sh1t test took place, I realized this girl is insecure, spoiled/arrogant and that she stalled for time when she was around me, however remaining silent.
I thought it's good to strike now. No no. Don't do this like me. I was right, she was still interested, but I ignored what EyeOnThePrize told me:
Wait for her to tease me and only start teasing myself, if I can. Meaning, no anxiety around her. Probably meeting other chicks. Maybe her having another dude. The future is unknown and scary, but it's better to bank on the future than on a 100% fail rate.
Dating should always be effortless, if not the future kind of relationship will be tainted or you get nexted.

 

[member160761]

Yes you are right, the nervousness and fear is absolutely paralyzing me, I am completely off track around her. The situation is in a deadlock, I'm too afraid around her to move the situation in the bedroom, and she looses more and more respect now because I am not moving the situation to the bed, what she actually still wanted, even after my last post.

Happens with me all the time. It is not even the bedroom part, but steering the conversation into a more personal, relaxed and sexual direction is what kills me on the inside. Unless a girl initiates sex or that kind of talk I cannot do it by myself. Many girls are attracted, but less than a fraction of a fraction will tolerate this kind of timidity.

 

[Suave88]

Hi guys,

I live in a shared apartment and we received a new flatmate.
Long story short: I want to concentrate on myself 100% right now, but with this new flatmate, there was an initial attraction with display of IOI's from both of us. However, I asked her out rather soon and got rejected.
As I work at home, it's important to me to be able to relax or concentrate, and I am sometimes going to be vulnerable, frustrated, feeling helpless or being hungry when I get out of my room.

The rejection hurts, but I am stable when I'm around her. I am still heavily (physically) attracted by her and I got feelings for her after seeing her the second time. I feel resentment and contempt for her right now, which makes staying stable easier.

My main goal here is to be able to work at home and not get bogged down by seeing her, until she will move out again in ~6 months.
If I'm honest my second secret goal is to get with her, since the physical attraction is never going to disappear and, to be honest, because of the feelings I catched. That type of girl pushes all of my buttons.

I know the resentment and contempt would naturally fade in about a month or two. So I'm worried goal 2 becomes more important to me than goal 1 on a non-mental level, causing me to slip and sabotage myself and manouver myself in the lower position.

Hence my question(s): How can I make her submit to me in the following 6 months, so I'm at least able to feel at ease in my own home?
And what actions can I expect from her? (I suspect she will regain interest and start pushing buttons to gain the upper hand)
And what would be needed to push the submission so far she would become a fvck buddy?

How soon did you ask her out and where did you ask her out? Did you get her number or just asked her out in person?

 

[nismo-4]

You don't. You move on. You bring bad babes in your flat and bang them out.

Case closed.

 

[BeExcellent]

Sigh. You are paralyzed with fear and over thinking. For that reason the situation is not salvageable.

Learn from it and move on.

 

[MtmVaott]

Sigh. You are paralyzed with fear and over thinking. For that reason the situation is not salvageable.

Learn from it and move on.

Yep. I realized today I am constantly thinking how others might perceive me. Therefore, I am not present in the situation. After the situation, I analyze it. How I was perceived. I didn't even notice it until today, it's scary.
Today I was very tired and low energy, so I could see me acting very insecure. Normally, I expend an enormous amount of mental energy to assess my behaviour and how I'm perceived and filter these thoughts out of my counsciousness again, and then I have enough energy left to act more secure.

How soon did you ask her out and where did you ask her out? Did you get her number or just asked her out in person?

The situation already changed, the girl is actually not a problem anymore. I'm not accepting being afraid of rejection, which makes my fear when I am around her stronger than it has to be.

Happens with me all the time. It is not even the bedroom part, but steering the conversation into a more personal, relaxed and sexual direction is what kills me on the inside. Unless a girl initiates sex or that kind of talk I cannot do it by myself. Many girls are attracted, but less than a fraction of a fraction will tolerate this kind of timidity.

I've seen your post in your thread. I am going through the same. I noticed it happens with everybody who is getting "too close" to me. As soon as I feel I could strengthen an emotional connection (attachment, bond, rapport) with something authentic I could say, I say something factual or make a joke. I'm afraid to let this connection become strong, and the stronger the connection, the more I am afraid to get rejected for expressing myself. Expressing myself includes telling what I want, don't want, personal opinions, or who I am as a person. Being angry or sexual falls right into expressing myself.
With self-accepting friends I sometimes let go and give them a genuine response, afterwards half certain what I just said was an insult or something.

By the way I am already in therapy. But my discussions here on SoSuave already helped me process stuff I never realized in years of therapy.

 

[member160761]

I say something factual or make a joke

That's what I do. Damn, either too rational or too funny to deflect any kind of intimacy.

By the way I am already in therapy. But my discussions here on SoSuave already helped me process stuff I never realized in years of therapy.

From my experience of finding a mentor or counselor, it was in vain. Therapist, pastor, priest, senior, nothing was told what I did not know. In my case a good friend who knows your demons, who keeps you accountable and that you don't go off the rails with your thoughts and actions, is what helped me, but even when one was missing, a total surrender of the ego to reach divine heights is what solved most and sometimes all problems. It is only spiritual laziness and arrogance that pulls me back to hell. All problems vanish: finances, women, friends and discipline just disappear, everything is in its proper order. A certain detachment from everything and surrender of your ego let's you accept and see things for what they are without identifying with anything but you.

And, most importantly, it is not your fault. Not as an excuse to act like an *******, but as a reminder not to beat yourself up, which creates most problems, starting in your imagination. It is not your fault. You happend to be at the wrong place at the wrong time and the way you acted, ingrained into yourself, was the best solution for an ongoing problem. It is not your fault.

 

[MtmVaott]

I misjudged the girl's intentions completely.
Not initiating conversations but expecting me to do it, not being interested in getting to know me, but telling me hi and bye, smiling, creating opportunities for me, becoming more insecure the more I become emotionally intimate, rewarding me for being authentic and sympathetic towards her, punishing me the second I turn the conversation factual with disinterest, not saving my phone number (messenger app shows default profile picture), rejecting me for suggesting clear dates (on daytime), though the chemistry is there.
I thought she was arrogant and thought I wasn't good enough for her "guy standards".
Another option: She has a boyfriend. If I ask her out, she doesn't decide between me or not me, she decides between betraying the guy who is waiting for her in her home city or not.
I don't know if this is true, but her behaviour starts to make a lot of sense now. I can also back it up by my experience from a girl I met before her with very similar personality, boyfriend situation as well and same confusing behaviour.

She has also proved to me I can trust her as long as I respect myself. I've been rejected a second time now, and seconds later I've built up the emotional intimicy as a reaction to the rejection and both me and her kind of synchronized in sympathy.
Genuine attraction is unalterable, this is an important lesson for me.
Contempt, disappointment and hurt can dampen it temporarily, and intimacy can increase it, but the baseline is always staying the same regardless of what I do or don't do.

I also see what seduction is actually about:
Making intimicy happen.

That's all. The amount of already given chemistry (possible intimicy) and attraction will determine how the beginning relation is going to be.

I also don't care about the outcome with this girl anymore. I know I want to be near her, and I know she feels the same for me. It is no more and no less than that.