How to lose the fear of being too late while on the road to self-improvement?

[Ambitious Player]

One of my main issues which has caused me to be an annoying user on this forum at times is this mentality I suffer from in which I feel like I am always late to the party. A little over a year ago I decided to actively improve my life by going out and talking to/approaching women, working out, keeping an eye on nutrition, and trying to plan things out. It has been a great experience for me because I used to be a very negative person when I first came here and have come a long way since then even though I feel that I have ways to go.

In the recent months I have noticed that I have had this fear of missing out which has gotten me down and actually made me come back to the forum to just talk to the users here about my problems. I saw the early years of college (which are supposed to be the best years in a person's life) slip away from me because:

1. I spent way more time online than in real life
2. I didn't take care of myself as much as I should have
3. I didn't take the action to actively improve my life
4. I whined about my issues rather than solving them
5. I messed up royally with girls that were interested in me because I was busy daydreaming about girls that were way out of my league

My situation right now is that I turned 21 almost a month ago but I am pretty much done with school because of AP credits I had coming in. Soon I am going to have to hit the "real world" which I have heard nothing but bad things about:

1. Bad male to female ratios in bars of big cities
2. Most attractive girls are married
3. Harder to make close friends
4. More stress and less time to enjoy life

I am let down by this because I feel that I have put in work to actually improve myself and work on my flaws which limited me in the past but it is too late now. That no matter what I do I have never have the same amount of fun in life that I would have had if I was the current version of me early in college. It depresses me a lot sometimes and the main thing is all of the horror stories I have heard about the real world.

What I really want is a circle of cool male friends that I am close with and a girlfriend that I am attracted to (and no she doesn't have to be some sorority barbie doll type) but I feel that here in the USA at least, that life is impossible to live after college. The reason I feel this way is because of all I have been told in real life and what I have read online.

So how do you lose this fear of being too late while on the road to self-improvement?

 

[Partizan]

You're 21 and feel life has passed you by? LOL.

 

[Ambitious Player]

You're 21 and feel life has passed you by? LOL.

Well that it how it seems to work in the USA these days and it is so sad too. After college life pretty much ends it seems. Everyone gets settled down, marries, and start to have kids. It is time to hit the "real world" as they say and to "grow up". Playtime is over they say.

 

[Partizan]

You are dead wrong my friend. I am in my late 30's, recently divorced, and "play time" is just beginning. In fact, I am doing better now with women then I ever did in my early 20's before I got married.

Don't get me wrong. There are definitely real world responsibilities like holding down a job and paying bills and all that.

But there are plenty of single women out there to game and have sex with. There is no shortage of single women. Trust me.

 

[Mike32ct]

You don't control the past. You control the present.

My best experiences with women were in my early to mid 30s. I never had the college experience with women. I was a commuter student who just went to class and came home.

Do the best with what you have in the present.

As much as I love dancing, I'm not thrilled about learning it at 38. I'd rather have started at 18 and had 20 years experience by now lol. But that didn't happen. I didn't know about it then nor I did I have the confidence to try. Instead, I only have two years because I started at 36.

But if I never started, how much experience would I have? ZERO.

I get your point that there are some things you simply can't try when you are older. I won't be at any frat parties or living at hostels with backpackers or sarging at the mall any time soon lol. That's fine and not on my list anyway.

But think in terms of what you can and want to do now or within the next few years.

 

[skinnyguy]

Dude relax. You have plenty of time to get puss.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

better starting at 21 then at 25, 26

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

Well that it how it seems to work in the USA these days and it is so sad too. After college life pretty much ends it seems. Everyone gets settled down, marries, and start to have kids. It is time to hit the "real world" as they say and to "grow up". Playtime is over they say.

Let's see who says that:
- "lower class" girls and guys - those who end up working on the construction site, being receptionists, etc. Things that do not require education; there was nothing to open perspectives and create ambition in their lives. Starting a family and settling for their current job is their biggest accomplishment. Boring. Next.
- nerdy and boring girls and guys - those unattractive, predictable people who lack the greater perspective on life. You won't see them doing the "risky", high reward things. Boring. Next.
- those who had "the fun of their lives" in those early years. OK, they've partied hard and *****d around having a blast as young'uns. Yes, we're jealous. However, "our time" comes after "their time". They will reminisce those years of being young as the best fun they've had, while we start having fun afterwards, without limitations such as an utter lack of money, and with greater perspectives. And the best part: we're having fun with the young chicks who are "having the time of their lives".

So, will you settle now just because some girls and guys (the loudest crowd) did it, or will you join us, the ambitious crowd, who are just starting going out, having fun, working out and looking good and just doing the crazy sh!t people are talking about?

But you know why some of us form the ambitious crowd?
It's because we're doing that sh!t others are too afraid or too lazy to do.
ME: I'm the guy who has approached that group of girls, I'm the guy who's taking sports on the next level by embracing risk, I'm the guy who's working out and looking like a stud, I'm the guy who's developing some style. I'm not the guy who thinks that his places needs vacuuming while watching TV, I'm not the guy who's skipping gym because it's 8:30 PM, I'm not the guy who turns off that "crazy" invitation to that "scary" event etc.

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

1. I won't be at any frat parties or 2.living at hostels with backpackers or 3. sarging at the mall any time soon lol. 4. That's fine and not on my list anyway.

4. Since you mentioned these, they are clearly on your mind. Why don't you accept it and maybe try to do them?

For example:
1. frat parties - fair enough. You (and me) missed on that one. "Heart-breaking". The best substitute is fvcking their girls (college girls). Lots of them.

2. living at hostels - assuming that at 38 you have some sort of financial situation, you can take a Friday off and spend 3 days backpacking and staying in hostels. It's not the same thing as if you did it at 20, but something good will come out of it. Sure, the first time will feel weird. The second time, as well. By the third time you're used to it and start having fun. It felt weird in the beginning for the 20 y.o., as well.

3. sarging at the mall - assuming that at 38 you have some sort of financial situation, you can travel to the next city and sarge at the mall - just to avoid embarrassment in your home town. Compared to the 20 y.o. who's doing ridiculous approaches and failing, you should be doing it with style. Is that a bad thing?

 

[Mike32ct]

I was joking. Please don't take any of those three items seriously .

Notwithstanding, I appreciate your point and your constructive optimism.

4. Since you mentioned these, they are clearly on your mind. Why don't you accept it and maybe try to do them?

For example:
1. frat parties - fair enough. You (and me) missed on that one. "Heart-breaking". The best substitute is fvcking their girls (college girls). Lots of them.

2. living at hostels - assuming that at 38 you have some sort of financial situation, you can take a Friday off and spend 3 days backpacking and staying in hostels. It's not the same thing as if you did it at 20, but something good will come out of it. Sure, the first time will feel weird. The second time, as well. By the third time you're used to it and start having fun. It felt weird in the beginning for the 20 y.o., as well.

3. sarging at the mall - assuming that at 38 you have some sort of financial situation, you can travel to the next city and sarge at the mall - just to avoid embarrassment in your home town. Compared to the 20 y.o. who's doing ridiculous approaches and failing, you should be doing it with style. Is that a bad thing?

 

[Ambitious Player]

Yes my attitude does suck pretty bad but it is better than it used to be before. A lot of it is due to having to constantly hear over and over again about how life ends after college. I notice that Europeans and Foreigners seem to enjoy life more after college and have more fun while us Americans have all of our fun in college and after that settle down.

Thanks for the uplifting posts guys. I came back to this forum because lately so much has gone on in my life that I have hardly had time to go out and have a social life. It isn't about the lays or anything, it is about the experience.

Being young, on your own, setting foot into the world, and making friends with those your age who have some common goals with you. All of this seems to become excessively difficult after college here in the US.

What I do know is this, I am a much happier person when I am not spending my life on internet forums. When I took the long break from posting here I was mostly happy before things started to fall apart in my life and I had so much piling on me. I can't continue to beat myself up like this because at this rate, not soon from now I will be crying about how I missed out on so much in my early 20s. All of this thinking, reading material such as blogs and such, hanging around negative people, and not doing enough has led me back to where I was when I first came here.

I know I will never live the lifestyle of a rich frat boy but if I continue to improve it will be better than the life I will be living.

SoSuave, thanks for everything. You guys have tried to help me but I have realized that my life is going to get better if I cutdown on my internet time such as posting on forums and reading PUA related blogs again. Whatever happens happens from this point on. If things improve dramatically I might come back here one day to share my story but for now I think it is best if I spent less time on forums.

 

[JoeMarron]

......hold the fvck up. You're only 21?!? Seriously?! Da fvck are you whining for?!?! All this time I was thinking you were at least, AT LEAST late 20's. You're right, you do need to spend less time on the internet because it has given you a horribly warped and twisted view of the world. You're a goddamn 21 year old. Your brain hasn't even matured all the way yet. You haven't even been able to legally drink for a year yet. You have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD to live the kind of life that you want to live. The world isn't going anywhere. The apocalypse isn't imminent. Chill out, focus on improving yourself and you will achieve the success that you desire. It makes absolutely no sense for a damn kid to be whining about life like he's a fvcking 80 year old on his death bed.

 

[3agle 3yes]

...for now I think it is best if I spent less time on forums.

I know you're still on forums and probably reading this, so:

Lack of control = fear, hopelessness, negativity, anxiety, generally lack of energy.

Control = Enthusiasm, expectation, positivity, energy, optimism.

I'm going to put it simply...you feel you don't have control over your life.

NO ONE can tell how to live your life, and no one knows it all...

Do what the f*ck you like with your life and make no apologies.

If you don't live life on your own term, you'll have to live on someone else's.

If nothing is happening, make something happen.

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

OP: I'm 26. I have a Master's. I hung out on campus longer than most. Being off campus was WAY better than being on campus at age 23-25.

By 22/23, you should be ready to get off campus.

Also, bars are not bad male:female ratio necessarily. In fact, I remember most house parties in college having wayyy worse ratios.

Take pride in advancing through life aggressively. That IS self-improvement. Take pride being the "cute", young 21 year old on the job force getting attention from older women who will range in age from 24-65. I love when a good-looking 40 year old woman checks me out at work. It's very gratifying.

I can honestly say I'm having more fun in life at 25-26, with a Masters, a good job, a nice car, a chill condo, etc. than I did in college. I had a ton of fun in college, but girls were immature (athletes ran through most of the good looking women), I was broke, and there was much more uncertainty in my life.

Embrace your position. Self-betterment is NOT just game with women. Self-betterment is a job, clothes, physique, style, hard skills, soft skills, mental clairvoyance, happiness/enjoying life, AND gaming women (not necessarily 20 year old floozies).

 

[TheSlasher]

OP, all these are on your perspective. If you think you are too late, then let yourself think think that you are too late. But then again, you aren't dead yet. Think about this moment once you're 64 and you haven't done anything. Feel ready to seize the day yet?

 

[Ambitious Player]

Eagles eyes: CORRECT!

Ebbs: Inspiring post man but for some reason I don't want to get into that demographic right now. Historically I have done well with girls in their mid 20s and ones past college. Slowly I have started to do better with college girls too but these are mostly girls who are GDIs and aren't concerned with status and such. For some reason I have this feeling in me to do well with the hottest girls in college but I sometimes feel like I am chasing something I will never have.

Like I have heard of bankers and well off guys who looked good and had game crash and burn with the hottest college girls because these girls have a very narrow minded view. They are so invested in the local world in which they would rather get with the Quarterback of their football team as opposed to someone like Ben Affleck and what is ****ed up is I actually think that is right.

The American College campus (I am talking major schools which have big sports programs) is one complicated place man, I mean really. I have chatted with some hot girls before and all that, even worked with them, but feel like the hot college girls (read: hot!) media portrays as being "slutty" are actually the toughest kinds of females in the world to get with because if you aren't a part of their circle I feel like you have no chance.

It has kinda hurt me to see that I was excluded from that crowd and will never get to be a part of that crowd because lets be real here, even though we all ***** about how bad college girls are, they are hot and everyone brags about being with one.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Eagles eyes: CORRECT!

Ebbs: Inspiring post man but for some reason I don't want to get into that demographic right now. Historically I have done well with girls in their mid 20s and ones past college. Slowly I have started to do better with college girls too but these are mostly girls who are GDIs and aren't concerned with status and such. For some reason I have this feeling in me to do well with the hottest girls in college but I sometimes feel like I am chasing something I will never have.

Like I have heard of bankers and well off guys who looked good and had game crash and burn with the hottest college girls because these girls have a very narrow minded view. They are so invested in the local world in which they would rather get with the Quarterback of their football team as opposed to someone like Ben Affleck and what is ****ed up is I actually think that is right.

The American College campus (I am talking major schools which have big sports programs) is one complicated place man, I mean really. I have chatted with some hot girls before and all that, even worked with them, but feel like the hot college girls (read: hot!) media portrays as being "slutty" are actually the toughest kinds of females in the world to get with because if you aren't a part of their circle I feel like you have no chance.

It has kinda hurt me to see that I was excluded from that crowd and will never get to be a part of that crowd because lets be real here, even though we all ***** about how bad college girls are, they are hot and everyone brags about being with one.

well OP you have slayed your share of hotties you say, that's an accomplishment