How to let them pursue you

[ngdonjuan]

Two conflicting lines of advice.

Don't pursue, let them come to you.

Why it works: Elevates status, makes the girl feel it is her decision, etc...
Why it doesn't work: You may end up waiting a life time for a girl to come to you, many girls expect the guy to make a move, etc...

Be aggressive, persuade girls out bring them home, etc...

Why it works: Asserts male dominance, confidence, etc...
Why it doesn't work: Should never come on strong. Makes guy seem creepy, desperate, etc... Girl might worry if she goes back to the guys place he'll expect her to have sex or something shady...

So which is it?

 

[Purefilth]

both.
.learn to play buddy ge tout and practice, find the right balance (a balance which differs depending on who you're trying to game)
.

there are no set rules, it isnt black and white. Its a grey mist and you have a few guidelines through it. Other than that its trial and error to feel your way through.

 

[JoeMarron]

I agree with Purefilth. There's a time to pursue and a time to let them chase you. Ideally they should be doing most of the chasing though.

 

[VladPatton]

50% of each. Do, but don't over-do.

 

[Uncharted]

You have to let them know you are interested, but don't tell her that you "like her". You do this by asking her out. That is the only way to know for sure that she is interested. If she agrees she is interested, if not then she isn't and you find someone else.

That's the extent of your chasing. Then balance everything else out, and as VladPatton says, don't over-do it.

 

[ngdonjuan]

Yeah, I understand all this **** on paper and read up the whole DJ bible before the last girl and still got told in the end she only wanted to be friends the whole time. Again this girl looks like a model (Think Sharapova...).

I thought I was playing a hard game. First night we met, she insisted I sleep over, I did, but only on her couch, I truly wasn't interested in her at first (was thinking about someone else). I then waited a week and took her out to rather expensive dinner. We then met up with some of her friends (ok I f'ed up in not leading that part) but ultimately got her back to my place at the end of the night and persuaded her into bed and such. Fun night.

At that point I was pretty interested but worked to not let my emotions get a hold of me. I let her come to me but she became more and more resistive to any physical advances I would make even while sleeping together...

I know you should never date a girl more than once a week or she'll loose interest (I have no clue how people have relationships that last longer than a month or two), but I took it up a notch and would go 2 months with this one multiple times.

But it didn't work... And it must be me not her because I am almost 30 and never had an exclusive relationship with anyone. From 20-26 it wasn't an option as I was studying and working somewhere with no young women. I think that's where the damage was done. I know plenty of guys my age that have had 3+ long term relationships, I feel that's more the normal and I'm going to really focus on this to catch up... I ain't marrying the first girl that lasts...

I think the more women I date, the harder it gets... I've dated or hooked up with about 10 girls in the past two years and got LJBF from three. The rest never had a formal discussion of what was going on as they live too far away and I met them while traveling...

 

[ngdonjuan]

I say it's harder because the dating pool shrinks at 30 and I for obvious reasons am not compatible or attracted to someone with massive baggage or history.

The other option is to date younger, and have gone as young as 19, but I do get **** for that being creepy especially from my female friends. I also suspect a certain percentage of college girls won't consider me based on my age alone...

Those 22-24 seem to be a relatively happy middle ground... But I'm having a tough time finding those social circles.

 

[zekko]

I know you should never date a girl more than once a week or she'll loose interest (I have no clue how people have relationships that last longer than a month or two)

Once a week is a good rule of thumb. If she is interested, she'll ask to see you more. See, this is the sort of thing I was saying recently. When I was younger it was easy enough to get a lay, but it irritated me that they didn't want to stick around with me. Later, when my value went up, women not only wanted to fvck me, but also wanted to be with me long term. Which, to my mind, is the way it should be. If you're a desireable guy, they're going to want more from you than just a one night stand.

Of course, I know some guys actually don't want more than the one night stand, so they find it convenient when the girls don't want them. So good for them.

The other option is to date younger, and have gone as young as 19, but I do get **** for that being creepy especially from my female friends. I also suspect a certain percentage of college girls won't consider me based on my age alone...

Dude, dude, dude.... I'm 52 and I get offers from girls in their low 20s. Don't listen to what your "female friends" tell you. Chances are they are just jealous. And you are waaaaay too young to be concerned about your age.

There's a very good saying here: Make the girl find reasons to reject you, don't come up with them for her. If a random girl were to reject you because you're (gasp) 29, she's just doing you a favor by letting you know that she doesn't have the proper taste and discrimination to overlook such a minor detail and want you anyway.

Do what you can to improve and be the prize. If a girl wants me, I always take that as a sign that she is a sensible, smart girl (since I tend to attract nice girls anyway).

 

[ngdonjuan]

Thanks Zekko